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Dreamer

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Dreamer last won the day on August 5

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About Dreamer

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  • Interests
    art, painting, film, sculpting, wood-burning, calligraphy, sketching, etching
  • More About Me
    I grew up in a baptist Christian household with a Chaplain in the military as a father. My independence and time in college has helped me recognize what an abusive household I grew up in.

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
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  1. I sometimes find myself doing a similar thing by starting to pray, but then stopping and remembering that it won’t do anything. I never had much faith in prayer when I was a Christian. I know it definitely won’t do anything for me now. But somehow, just the program of praying seems to be something I unconsciously use as an answer. Because I’ve been taught all my life by Christians that prayer is the answer to everything. I guess it’s like loosing a ritual that you knew was pointless in the first place, but you miss the familiarity.
  2. Kenny’s story is a sad one. I can’t understand why Christians don’t see a story like that and not realize their prejudices are to blame. And it happens over and over again. Do they not know the stories? Would they even care? How do they think such prejudice is love? If Christians had their way, everyone would be a carbon copy of their version of the “perfect Christian.” Why fight so hard to be something you’re not? Why go through life constantly striving to be something supposedly “greater” than a human being? Why deny and attempt to control thoughts and feelings that aren’t conscious choices to begin with?
  3. That was really great read! I have actually never heard of him, mainly because I never actually did much Christian reading (I guess I never really did enjoy the faith.) But it is really cool to see someone leave the faith and make a humble post about it that assures all sides that he means no harm to anyone in particular. It's courageous to see someone own their decisions like that and also admit to the wrongdoings of the past and apologize for them. I, too, feel guilt for all of the things I believed and judged because of my former blind faith. There's hope to live life now with an open mind and open heart towards people of all backgrounds and beliefs. It's great to see that we're not alone in the relief from leaving the faith.
  4. With my sibling, Blue, and my recent rejections to the faith there has been a lot of tension in the house. Although we have not outright claimed our lack of faith, our parents seem to suspect something is different for the both of us, but they can't seem to pin down what it is. Apparently, I have a better poker face than I thought and am very good at lying in a manner that diverts attention to the real problem?? Anyway, whenever our parents leave the house, Blue and I are able to have our own discussions about the abuse we are facing and the religious trauma that we have experienced. A lot of these discussions have a lot of screaming into the empty house about how much we hate our lives and our parents and their beliefs. Whenever our parents go to bed, we are able to stay up and share encouragement with one another through this terrible oppression. We have a lot of panic attacks and sessions of just plain crying that go unseen by our parents. If anyone is going through the same thing right now, I would love to hear your story and how you are coping. Maybe there are others who have gone through this that have any means that they are able to share that helped them conceal their true thoughts and beliefs from their religious relatives. Maybe if there's a forum or site or book that explains ways to act like a Christian that aren't actually detrimental to one's own mental health? Going to church just induces panic attacks now because my father can preach from the pulpit with his sermon directly aimed at making me feel guilt. Another thing I was wondering, has anyone left religion to get mental help and found themselves suffering from a lot of mental illnesses? If so, have you been able to silence the voice of religion telling you that you're blowing everything out of proportion? I've also noticed that all of the division in the house has caused the family dog a lot of distress. I've read that dogs are able to detect depression and anxiety. The family dog has become a little detached from my mother and more attached to my sibling and I. Our dog will almost only eat meals now if we convince her to and sit with her. Has anyone gone on to get emotional support animals or service dogs? Are they available for people suffering from this kind of emotional abuse?
  5. So true. It turns my brain to mush whenever I try to challenge their beliefs or views, let alone bring up another alternative belief or view. I suspect most religions were created by power-hungry people that desired to gain control and popularity. Which has lead to the passing down of the idea that religion sits someone on a throne where they are given the liberty to judge others and be blameless for whatever they say or do. I really do appreciate being able to hear from others on this website too. I think it provides a healthier outlook of the future. This site helps many of us realize that we're not the only ones who are experiencing this type of abuse.
  6. Glad to hear that you're free from the guilt-tripping and manipulation. Ever since going to college, I've had one too many conversations with my mother that are quite similar. I suppose they always want to check in and make sure that we're still following their beliefs. As part of their religion, they've failed if their children stray from the faith. At least, that's how my parents view parental guidance and teaching children in accordance to religion. I would love to hear other people's thoughts on Christian parenting and what they've experienced.
  7. It is great to see an encouraging post such as this. I am very new to the site and being an ex-Christian. I think testimonies such as this give a lot of encouragement to those of us who are just starting the recovery cycle!
  8. I think your song was really beautiful! I hope there are more to come. It would be really amazing to see more artists raise awareness about religious and spiritual abuse.
  9. That's one of the things I love about art! It really does keep these images in the forefront of our mind and ensure that they get addressed. I'm thinking of putting a lot of my own experiences into my art as well.
  10. I'm really glad that Blue has been able to get support on this website. Those sites you recommended look really great for learning more and gaining support! I also wanted to add on a side note that I'm sorry about what happened to your first testimony. I'm glad that you were able to repost it! I hope that you have as much support as you have shown us!
  11. It is scary to think about what religious people can get away with by using their beliefs and religion as an excuse. I am surprised to hear that your relative is getting a divorce since some religions are against divorce. During one of my mother's lectures about the bible, I asked her what the bible said on rape and abuse in a marriage because earlier she had talked about how divorce is sinful and wrong. She hesitated when I asked that question. I knew the answer. Women are supposed to be subject to their husbands. Divorce is wrong in the bible. And divorce isn't an option in any manner. However, she said that she personally thinks that I should protect myself and get out of a relationship like that. But then she went back to saying that I wouldn't be in a situation like that anyway with a Christian man. All of the conditions and the contradictions make my head spin. My mother hesitated because she knew that her faith doesn't protect her children. Her faith doesn't protect women. Her faith doesn't care about women. Her faith allows for the victim blaming that we see today about rape and sexual assault. Her faith allows for my father to touch me inappropriately in front of her and she can't say a damn thing. Yet, somehow she still doesn't see any of it as wrong. Beats me. I think they're all lost.
  12. You may be right about the church and military believing our testimonies of abuse. I was planning on visiting a medical professional and unofficially asking about a "hypothetical situation" pertaining to the sexual, mental, and religious abuse that we have been suffering. Hopefully, they will give me answers about what would happen if I were to officially report the abuse and then I can work from there? It's funny you mention the trade-off. Blue and I have been doing just that lately. In order to stay home from a bible study (when we were both feeling ill and couldn't walk), Blue had to agree to go to all church functions without complaint from then on. It was a terribly unfair trade-off in my opinion, especially since neither of us were well enough to go anyways. However, since when have Christian parents been reasonable with skipping on church events? I have also had to make my own sacrifices. In order to get the loan and one-bedroom apartment, I had to lie that I was willing to break up with my current non-Christian boyfriend and that I would never have him over without other company. My parents also mentioned sending with me a security camera that they bought which they already have access too. So basically spying on me. Hopefully, they do not remember to send that with me or I will just have to pretend to lose it or break it when I get back to school.
  13. I agree with a lot of the good advice above. I believe actively deconverting others would make us just like the people that formerly put us in the position of forced conversion. As much as I would love to stay connected with a few of my family members (definitely not my parents though), I would rather maintain a strained relationship with a family member than abuse them the same as has been done to me. I also wanted to comment about how Wheezer stated "my mother cried and said, 'how could you do this to us?'" I've noticed how that question is a staple of Christian parents everywhere. My parents play the victim in every conversation as well. I suppose when believers get that far down the road, there is no reasoning with them because they will take everything personally and think that everything is an attack on their beliefs and faith.
  14. I recognize you from commenting on Hole in My Heart's post and I do not appreciate your philosophical and egotistical manner of replying to others. Since you cannot possibly experience my experiences and do not know the full story, do not tell me how I feel or don't feel. Do not tell me that I have not researched enough. Do not come onto my thread and act like you have more knowledge and experience than I do and know better. I am sick of hearing from people that go around belittling others because they think they know better than everyone else. How dare you tell me that I have a habit of overblowing my issues. I have every right to my feelings and thoughts. I have every right to suspect that I have developed mental illnesses and issues because of my abuse. Are you a mental health practitioner? Have you met me? Were you there when I had panic attacks this week? I have not just simply self-diagnosed. If you had read my previous comment, I said that "we also suspect." SUSPECT. I did NOT state that I am sure of any of these mental illnesses. I simply researched. Yes, I researched. I read. I related to the symptoms, but have never claimed that I have those mental illnesses. I could never claim a mental illness without being diagnosed because I would be taking away from others that have truly been diagnosed. From the test, I received very troubling results and then researched the suspected diagnosis. So you see, I HAVE RESEARCHED. I have also researched religious trauma syndrome and read up on it quite a bit. I have read up on spiritual abuse as well. I do not take any of these things lightly. I take my mental health very seriously because no one else will. I plan on bringing all of my suspicions and research to my doctor. I plan on asking help from a licensed practitioner who will give me a real diagnosis and real treatment and real evidence that my mental issues EXIST. I understand that mind control is real. I know for a fact that my parents have been practicing it on @Blue and I for years. That does not make me any less intelligent or equipped to understand how to research and help understand what is happening to me. Being under the influence of victim-blaming, guilt-tripping, and mind control does not make me so insolent as to need someone to explain to me that my anxiety is just fear or that I'm blowing the situation out of proportion, or that it is all just trauma. Your diagnosis is not welcome here. And for the record, do NOT post on Blue's testimony ANYTHING about their sexual identity or gender identity. Do NOT go on there and tell Blue that non-binary is not a thing. That is MY SIBLING that you will be belittling and I will NOT have it. I did NOT appreciate reading how you treated Hole in My Heart. If you have such limited views of identity, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. Because that close-mindedness is not welcome here.
  15. I am Blue's sister. Our father will probably have another duty station to report to next summer, which will be another year for Blue to endure at home. I will be going off to college and do not plan on coming back to the island. I will do my best to support Blue in any way that I can and definitely will be checking up as much as I can. Both Blue and I have been reading a lot of the reactions and advice to our stories and noticed a trend with the mention of reporting the abuse. The past two weeks have been extremely abusive and exhausting, which has caused us to seriously consider getting help by reporting the abuse to our doctor or a child protective services. Do you know anything about the process or where to research the process?
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