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Kdeaustin last won the day on January 2 2020

Kdeaustin had the most liked content!

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About Kdeaustin

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    I am in the process of de converting (I hope) but living right smack in the Bible Belt and need support!

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?

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  1. I wanted to check in with everyone. It’s been a while since I’ve been on here and interacted. I know it sounds weird, but since I was in such a dark place when I first visited here, it’s kind of triggering to come back to this website right now. For some reason it makes me anxious. But I wanted to let you all know I am doing better. You all gave me the hope and encouragement I needed to even start questioning everything. So I just wanted to say thanks!!! I am doing better but still struggling. I think that’s expected. It will definitely be a process I see. But I hope to feel okay enough in the
  2. Also another thing that I have been struggling with about all these people who have died and went to "hell." Which has made me stop and say what if....Well if the Bible is true, no one is in hell right now. Everyone is asleep until judgement day. Satan and his demons are apparently on the earth. But no souls are being tormented in hell right now because according to the scripture, no one will rise until judgement day, so that means no one is in heaven right now too. I would think. Just based on scripture. (Again saying if the Bible is true)
  3. Yeah a rational mind can think that way, but alas, my mind is not rational right now. Another thing I don't understand... people argue that if we sin against God, it is an infinite sin against an infinite God so we must pay the penalty for that. However, those who are "washed in the blood" continue to sin their entire lives. I mean no one can go an entire day and not "sin." So how are their "sins" really being atoned for. I know the answer is Jesus covers their sins. But then they get a free pass. Where as they still sinned... against an infinite God... Also Jesus just
  4. That makes sense to me! If God is real, why couldn't he just let us love him freely. Get to know him first. Show himself to us. Give us a hug and say "i'm so happy I created you", without the fear of hell. I mean I still can't get the whole scare you into a relationship. To me its like if I would have forced my husband to marry me by gunpoint. He wouldn't have really wanted to marry me or be with me, he would've felt forced. But if God would just let us know Him first. I'm sure everyone would fall in love with him, if he is all love. And people say look at the trees they are so beautiful and t
  5. Where does he mention it at?? I haven't found it! Which is bringing me peace. Really the whole movement of Christianity was taught by Paul. And the only first hand accounts of anything we have (even though some were not in fact written by him and are just copies, but nonetheless). Paul teaches that he has shared all of "God's counsel." I don't see where he once warned of hell. He just talked about how the penalty of sin was death, but did not mention hell.. to my knowledge, which I could be wrong. But I don't see where he mentions eternal hell. I actually don't see eternal hell anywhere in the
  6. It’s crazy because I always just assumed growing up that people thought it was as weird as I did... but alas, people genuinely feel thankful. I never felt that. Also when people would say “Hallelujah He is risen.” I legitimately never understood. Like not being rude or mean. I literally did not understand because I would say... well are you surprised? He’s God? Like I never understood the beating death thing. I’m like... of course He beat death... hes God. He invented death. I DONT GET IT. I don’t get how people see things any differently. I don’t get it. Honestly the whole situation to me is
  7. I may have already asked this but I was just wondering like what was the final straw that broke the camels back with you all losing your faith? Like if you had to pick one core piece of evidence? I keep trying to rationalize with my self. But I’m so conditioned to think of bible verses like Gods ways are higher than our ways or like I’m storing up wrath or those that are perishing the gospel is foolish to them. I have watched videos on hell. And I feel like if Christianity is true then hell is either annihilation or universalism. But eternal torment has also been hea
  8. I want to reply to everyone. But I don’t know how.... do I have to quote everyone or is there a way to simply reply to a post??? Also, I contacted Aaron Ra lol, and he said he would be happy to video chat with me and discuss some of my hang ups which I thought was really cool. I also chatted with the couple who runs the voices of deconversion podcast and they were really nice and super helpful!!! I video chatted them and it was helpful to get out everything I was feeling to people who had walked the walk. These are the thoughts that I am kinda at now: it
  9. Yeah I’m hoping I like this secular counselor I’ve contacted. It’s hard because my husband isn’t really an intellectual thinker. I mean he’s smart but he just doesn’t think like I do. He’s a diesel mechanic. He can fix and build anything. And he’s really smart at that kind of stuff. And a really genuinely kind person. But as far as the questions and stuff I have he doesn’t think the way I do. He also doesn’t understand my anxiety because he’s never struggled with it. He tries to understand, but I know he doesn’t. He tells me he wishes he could trade places with me, but he still doesn’t underst
  10. Sorry that was probably confusing. He has been waking right beside me through this. Doing everything he can. He’s cried with me and held me why I’m crying. He’s the absolute best thing that’s ever happened to me. I just feel like I can’t fully enjoy him or fully be his wife right now. I feel like I’m there with him, but not really there with him. Since this is consuming me.
  11. I miss my job so much. I miss my husband. I miss being happy. I miss my life.
  12. Yeah trust me I don’t understand. I don’t understand any of it. And what I’m going through now is mental torture so I can’t reconcile that with any loving God. I just don’t know how to get over this fear. Especially because it’s just so hard not knowing. have all of y’all studied hell? If y’all had to conclude what it would be based on your studies do you think the Bible tends to go more with ETC, universalism, or annihilation. Just wondering. I wish I could just hang out with all of yall at one time. Maybe one of y’all could knock me out and wipe my memory clean of all thi
  13. annihlation is definitely more welcoming than eternal hell. But I agree it doesn’t make sense to me either. I am reading Bart Ehrmans book on how Jesus became God. The one thing I have trouble letting go of is all the times Jesus is reported to have shown himself to people. How did you all reconcile that? I can possibly get down with hallucinations for the disciples but Paul never met Jesus. That’s what gets me. BUT on the other hand, he never doubts that it’s Jesus. But all the other disciples doubt that it’s actually Jesus. It even says Jesus spent 40 days with them to give them many proofs.
  14. sorry I’m still learning how to reply to everyone.. it’s confusing. So I will just reply here to everyone or try to... @Weezer I used the recovering from religion to contact a secular therapist near me. Hopefully they contact me back soon. Thank you for the resource. @Joshpantera I’m not sure. It just seems like people have these real experiences. I obviously can’t know for sure. But for instance my friends mom is a devout Christian and told me she saw an angel once. And my mom told me about a time she had a really bad sore throat and prayed and it immediately went away. I obviously can’t expl
  15. Yeah I definitely understand what you are saying. I also realized if that was from God that’s pretty cryptic when He has the capacity to just come speak to me. I shouldn’t have to decipher codes.
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