Okay, so I was born and raised in the Bible Belt of the United States. I was brought up in a deeply fundamentalist conservative christian home which was absolutely miserable for me. The church that my family are members of is the Church of Christ. Based on what I've learned so far, I know that at least one of the churches we were members of was without a doubt a cult. If the rest of the churches we attended weren't a cult, I would say that they definitely had many characteristics of a cult. But I've since realized that most denominations, not just the Church of Christ, in my of the country lean more toward a cult because of the culture here. My strict religious upbringing along with things that I was taught in school turned me toward atheism at a very young age and I never told anyone that I was an atheist all these years. But here a few years ago I was starting to question things and I was getting to where I was no longer agreeing with or believing more and more things that both atheists and scientists were saying although I still agree with atheists on some things and I think that atheists do have really good points that need to addressed by the christian world. In my search for answers, I came across a quote from I believe it was Gandhi that said something like it wasn't Christ that he had a problem with, it was his followers. The more I thought about that statement, the more it seemed to make sense and so that's when I started to think that maybe I was wrong about Christianity. I guess it was about 2 years ago that I became a christian. Now, I'm not so sure about that decision. My faith in Christianity has almost completely collapsed although I haven't renounced it just yet. Many things that I was taught by the church were very unhealthy and they ended up doing a lot damage to me. When I reflect on and study this issue, I've come to realize that many of the churches teachings is why I rebelled and did a lot of the bad things that I did. It's also the reason why I had and still have health problems that have resulted from religious trauma syndrome. I'm afraid that at some point It's looking like I may have to get on medication just to be able to cope. I can't really talk to any one around here about this. The more I read about the history of the bible, the church, Christianity, and religion in general I'm just not sure what to believe anymore. I've been reading a lot of deconversion testimonies lately and some of them are nearly word for word my life story. I'm not only psychologically exhausted but I'm physically exhausted from this as well. My whole experience has been based on nothing but fear ever since I was little. Honestly, I want relief and I just don't know where to even begin. I can probably go into greater detail on things but I'm trying not to make a book out of one blog post because I would say that this is just a basic overview of my experience and what I'm going through.