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AyahuascaPhoenix

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AyahuascaPhoenix last won the day on February 7

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About AyahuascaPhoenix

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  • Gender
    Male
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    Michigan
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    video games, music, nature, plant medicine. shamanism Ayahuasca ceremonies
  • More About Me
    Just some Jackass

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Nature

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  1. Welcome freedwoman! This is a wondeful place for those who are truly free from the shackles of the church, Glad to have you here!
  2. Reset.me has alot of excellent articles, Not just about Aya but others as well, The podcasts are especially informative. https://reset.me/ https://reset.me/podcast/ Kahpi.net is another good source. https://kahpi.net/ayahuasca/ Here's a documentary https://vimeo.com/117538404 This article compares Aya to Iboga, Another plant medicine in the same category. https://www.aubreymarcus.com/blogs/aubrey-marcus/ayahuasca-vs-iboga And here's an interesting little story I found. https://medium.com/@ignaciolirio/my-first-date-with-my-new-best-friend-ayahuasca-d611cf204321 Hope you can get the info you're looking for out of those. Oh and I found this too, A website about recovering from religion, It looks promising. https://www.recoveringfromreligion.org/#rfr-welcome In the meantime, There are some things you can do that might help you relax, Such as yoga meditation, And deep breathing excercises. Chamomile tea can help knock the edge off anxiety, It's not a cure by any means but it may be useful. I've also heard that St John's Wort works well for depression and anxiety, It's a natural herb that you should be able to find in most health food stores. A healthy diet with plenty of fresh air and excercise can do wonders for your mood aswell. Therapy didn't do much for me, But for some it can be very helpful. No matter what you do, Always remember that there is hope and things will get better. Best wishes
  3. I can say from firsthand expirience that weed is most definatley superior to any of that shit from big pharma. My doctors tried me on a whole slew of meds and all they did was make my anxiety worse. But as Wertbag said legality is an issue in many locations, Although CBD oil is much more widely available as long as it contains no THC, As THC is the pyschoative compound that gives cannabis it's high. CBD is non psychoative and only gives a relaxing calming effect, And is therefore legal in many areas where THC is not. Of course I would recomend Ayahuasca as it is by far the best medicine for depression and anxiety, But It's not something you can take on your own, And going to a retreat center is expensive. Yeah I know i'm a goddamn hippy druggie, But I've found what works and I really hate to see somone else get caught in the prescription medication trap.
  4. So sorry you feel this way, I know things look bleak at the moment, But remember that in time it will get much better. As the old saying goes, Time heals all wounds. Always remember that you are NOT going to hell, Hell is only a work of fiction. A little bit of wisdom I have learned is that the brain is a liar but the body is always truthful. Your brain is telling you the lies that your desires are wrong and sinful, Because it is still running on the old bible program that was installed in it. However your body knows better since it can't be programmed in that way. It's time to unninstal that old program that no longer servers you, I am confident that you can do it! Remember we're always here for you!
  5. I can attest to this. I feel much more connected with nature and I am able to appreciate it better than before. I also have a new outlook on life. Now that I realize this is the only life there is, I am determined to make good use of it, Instead of just waiting to die so I can get to the afterlife.
  6. Welcome Acrobatic Detective! Glad to have you here! I was a Lutheran, Which is about the closest to the Catholic tradition among the protestants. Sounds like you came to some of the same conclusions I did, It's so much better to be free now isn't it?
  7. Hi Derek! Thanks for the welcome, it's great to be here! Ayahuasca is an ancient plant medicine from the amazon, It's a hallucinogen somewhat like Peyote and Psilocybin mushrooms, But is very different and much more powerful. I posted about my expirience with it in this thread. There's also this video which explains it all very well, Hope you enjoy
  8. Thank you Margie! (hug) I'll try hard to not accept the guilt from now on, And i'll try not to be too vocal for the time being, Even though I really feel the urge to let everyone know. So I talked to him on the phone again last night, And he asked if I was still visting that ex-christian website, To which I answer yes. He then comes up with some batshit crazy conspiracy theory about how ex-christian must be some evil plot by the Russians to lead America's youth astray. I would have laughed at him if he hadn't been so pissed. And then he kept going off about moral values and how we need religion to tell us right from wrong. To which I tried explaining to him that I don't need to believe in a book of fairytales to know right from wrong. He then said something that suprised me, He said well, Maybe it is all a fairytale, But we still need the faith and morals. Hmmm progress perhaps?
  9. I second this! I just renounced my faith last month, And the feeling of freedom and liberation that followed was incredible. I see life in a new perspective now , So much more free and wonderful than before. I think it would be incredibly libertating for you as well BarnOwl, Once you shed those beliefs and all the guilt and shame that goes with them, You will realize that there is NOTHING wrong with you, And you can be anything you want to be. And we're all here for you each step of the way. Also greetings to a fellow Michigan native.
  10. So Sunday I told my dad about my de-conversion and he took it rather harshly. First he asked me why. So I told him about all the doubts i've always had, The new research I had been doing, and all the contradictory bullshit in the bible. To no avail. I then asked him how a loving god could ever send his people to hell for any reason, Let alone such a stupid one as not believing in him. Then he tells me nobody sends you anywhere, You make the choice. So I tell him that's blackmail and give him this example. So if I put a gun to your head and say give me all your money and you refuse, Then it isn't my fault I shot you, It was your choice. You could have given me your money and lived but you chose not to. He dissmissed this entirley He then said I can see why you would choose this path seeing as how you weren't brought up properly. So now he's blaming himself for not indoctrinating me enough. I told him mom did a fine job of that on her own, And it worked for a time, But now I have seen through all those lies. He then told me I was being driven away from god by the temtations of the devil. I told him there is no god or devil it's all a bullshit fairytale. He just couldn't accept it. At the end he told me I would return to the faith. I told him don't count on it. So the next day I call him and he says he didn't sleep very well and his blood pressure is through the roof. He tried to blame it on everything else, The food he ate, The beer he drank, All the other stress he has been under lately. I told him he's just lying to both of us, And we both know it was the bombshell I dropped on him. So now I feel guilty about giving him all that grief, But it had to be done. I can't lie about who I am. I dread the thought of telling the rest of my family, But everyone will have to know eventually.
  11. It was out of pure desperation for me, I never thought of it as heresey, But then I guess I've always been a heretic anyway, Because i've always liked violent videogames and heavy metal music, Always looked at porn too. Over these last 5 years my depression anxiety and OCD sypmtoms were getting severe, So I first went the traditional route, By going to a physchiatrist and getting prescribed anti deppressants. he tried a bunch of them, Prozac Zoloft Luvox Lexapro Abilify Anafranil, Etc. None of them put a dent in my condition. I prayed too and that obviously did nothing., I watched a segment on 60 minutes about how Psilocybin can treat anxiety, So I got myself some shrooms and took a few trips. The trips were fun but I didn't get any real lasting benefits from them. I also got a medical marijuana card and started taking edibles, They were very helpuful, But again it was only temporary. ectr My Physchiatrist then told me about this new procedure called Cyberknife, It's a radiosurgery where a laser is used to destroy a small part of the Amygdala in the brain which then brings relief. It sounded scary but I was desperate, So I contacted Stanford University in California, went there to have the operation. When I got there they told me I didn't meet the criteria for it, Because I hadn't done everything else in their protocol iin order to qualify. So they had the idea to try Ketamine infusions at a clinic, So I did that, It was a very nice relaxing expirience, But again the effects didn't last. Then they decided to try TMS [Transcranial Magnetic Stimmulation] which is basically an electromagnetic helmet. It did absoloutley nothing. So I returned home feeling even worse than before. It was exaclty one year ago at this time that I was admitted to the pysch ward of my local hospital for suicidal intentions. And when I got out I felt even worse, I wanted to swallow my entire bottle of Prozac and wash it down with a fifth of Scotch in the hopes it would kill me, And I almost did it, But somehow I found the strength to keep going, And i'm glad I did. That's when I decided to try Ayahuasca and IT WORKED! I've done a complete 180 in my life thanks to Aya, And I no longer suffer from those symptoms. So if I seem too overzealous about it that's why, It saved my life, And is now my passion. I like to sum it up this way. I trusted in science, It failed. I trusted in religion, It failed. I turned to something completley outside the norm, And it suceeded! So there you have it. Sorry for the long rant.
  12. Thanks! Don't be nervous, It's a wonderful expirience. Just remember not to fight it because that will make it worse, Just go in with an open mind and be ready to accept whatever happens. I talked to a few people in the Aya community, And they said that worshipping Aya as a goddess is not such a good idea, But the way I see it is i'm just going to have fun with it and not take it too seriously, After all what's the harm? Plus it could be funny to freak people out when they ask me what I believe. Thanks for the reassurance Weezer, I think she may just have som serious doubts too, Though i'm sure i'll never convince her to leave.
  13. I just posted it in the Secular Spirituality via pyschedelics thread. Sorry it took me so long but I had to think long and hard about how I was going to say it. Check it out I hope you like it!
  14. I suppose this is a good place to add my story, So here I go. My last Ayahuasca ceremony back in October was the most profound and deeply healing expirience I ever had, I've suffered from deppression anxiety and OCD my entire life, as well as alot of hate and anger issues and suicidal thoughts. Aya completley wiped those clean, I felt as if the old me had died and I was reborn. My brain felt squeaky clean and refreshed, I was able to think far more clearly and deeply, I even felt smarter too. I was filled with a sense of happieness peace and love and an innser sense of calm that had eluded me all my life. Everyone else at the ceremony also had an amazing life changing expirience and the desire to make real changes in their live. There was an alcoholic who said he didn't want to drink anymore, And an Iraq war vet with severe PTSD who had given up on life Who now had a completley new outlook and desire to live! For me it was all about thinking, I didn't see any visions but many others did. It is said by many that Ayahuasca is a plant spirit, A divine female being. And a few people at our ceremony even communicated with her directly. I didn't, I was one of the very few Christians there so i'm thinking that was a block keeping me from fully connecting with her, However that is no longer the case, And I can't wait untill my next ceremony to see what a difference that makes! When I returned home all of my friends and family were shocked at the changes they saw in me, I was a completley new man. I went to church the week after I got back and they were also shocked at the changes, I told a few of them what I had done, But they dismmissed it as just being god's work. It was then that I started feeling very disconnected with these people and disillusioned with the whole church and what they were preaching. So I started thinking why am I going here? Why do I believe in a god that I cannot see or hear when I could belive in this divine goddes that ACTUALLY SAVED MY LIFE? So that's when I decided to stop going to church and stop reading the bible, And I grew more and more distant from the faith. And guess what? It felt SO GOOD and natural. A few weeks later I had a dream where I was visited by a woman who told me that the medicine loves you, You're on the right path, Keep up the good work. This past month I started becoming very bothered about all of the hypocrisy in christianity, So I looked online for articles about this, I then came across stories of people who had left the faith and I became more and more interested. I read about a man who had been a pastor for 25 years and then left to become an atheist, He mentioned Ex-christian as the main source for his inspiration, So I came here and read a bunch of testimonials and arguements against the bible and how the whole damn thing just doesn't make any sense, Feelings that I had harbored deep inside for years but never felt I was able to accept, Until now. It was then that I decided it's time to leave this bullshit behind, So I did. And it felt amazing! The feeling I got from renouncing the faith was incredible, I would say atleast half as good as I felt after the Ayahuasca ceremony, which was completley unexpected. My mom took notice and was supprised, She asked me why are you so happy and upbeat? Are you stoned? I said no mom, I can tell you why but you're not going to like it. I won't like it? She asked. So I told her, I renounced my faith and she was shocked, WAIT YOU DID WHAT? After her intial shock she calmed down and seemed to take it better than I expected, She seems to be ok with it, But I know deep down it's killing her. She's the only family member I have told, But I told most of my friends and the support I got from them was overwhelming. Except for a few believers that were dissapointed, But the ratio of 25 positive reactions to 3 negative ones ain't too bad I figure. This one guy tried to reel me back in with something called the book of Enoch, Saying that it proved some of the stories from the bible. I told him politley but sternly NO, I just escaped from that prison and I am not about to lock myself back up. He then backed down and said that he hoped my decision brought me the peace and happiness I was looking for. It sure as hell did! I really want to tell the rest of my family but I understand the dangers of doing so, I see being an Ex-christian as a badge of honor, But i know they won't see it that way. Well anyway there's my story, I hope you liked it. If you want to write me off as a rambling lunatic pushing hallucinogens on people that's fine. But I know what worked for me when everything else failed. If any of you are interested in drinking Ayahuasca please feel free to contact me I will be glad to offer any advice or answer any questions you may have. I think it would incredibly useful for anyone struggling with the de-conversion process, Aswell as anyone with trauma or emotional issues, Or anyone who just wants to find out who they truly are. Thanks for taking the time to read this.
  15. I'm unable to post in that section. Do I need to be granted permission? Thanks.
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