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BarnOwl

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BarnOwl last won the day on February 6 2020

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About BarnOwl

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Michigan, US
  • Interests
    Reading, Video Games, Computer Programming, Deep Discussions
  • More About Me
    I have been a Christian my entire life. However, I am turning 24 in a few months and am just now realizing how much of the past 10 years I spent hiding I was gay in order to fit the box of my religion. I am now in a limbo state, unsure of what I want or what I believe.

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    I honestly don’t know right now

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  1. Hello again! Last time I posted here was for a "5 month update" thread when I was going through some stuff mentally trying to wrap my head around such a drastic change in theology. Now, here I am 4 months later (so 9 months total), happily an atheist (or at least a skeptical agnostic, depending on the day) and finding comfort in that. I find moments where I consider the existence of a god, but no longer the Christian god and no longer do I feel the need to consider what "it" may think about my life. It's taken me a while, but I'm finally at a point where I can process things withou
  2. Thank you so much for sharing that. I was already aware of most the content she covered in that video and I felt like my walk matched up a lot with her’s. However, it was extremely therapeutic to be able to essentially go through my entire walk away from my faith with her. After the video finished, surprisingly the first thing I wanted to do was pray though. I have been afraid of prayer for weeks because I was scared that it would entice me to return to my faith. However, her talking about how she prayed after she first realized there was no God, and hearing her experience made me
  3. Thank you, everyone. The hardest part is the constant self-doubt. I felt the best when I was reading Leaving the Fold and The God Delusion. Almost like by reading those materials, I was challenging my mind to think critically and it was so much easier to reject the emotional crap that keeps trying to rule my thoughts. I ordered a few books yesterday to read that can continue that process of challenging my preconceptions about Christianity. I have been seeing a secular therapist, and it has helped a ton when I go. I honestly need to see them more often than I do, though.
  4. Hearing these conversations is weird from my point of view. I was raised very fundamentalist Christian. When I say very, I mean that even kissing before engagement would be frowned upon, and was even encouraged to be left until the wedding day. Holding hands and hugging were things you could start when dating, but only side hugs until engagement! For me, I decided it was easiest to just ignore the desire to have any relationship. This was also largely due to my decision to hide being gay. Thus, 24 years old now and I’ve never dated anyone. I’m just now starting to try to date, and
  5. I knew that any journey away from my faith would be tough, but I didn’t expect it to have this strong of a hold on me. I am at this point where some days I feel confident in my choice to walk away from my faith and to choose to be my true self. These days are the best days, I feel like I can do anything and can take on the world. Other days, I have serious doubts. What if I’m walking away out of anger or because I am “giving into the flesh?” What if I’m just allowing the ignorance of the Church to push me away from God when he actually is there, just the Church is broke
  6. Thank you! I understand the arguments people make for a Christian case for homosexuality. However, after reading multiple books and spending weeks researching the material, I still find that the Bible doesn’t allow for homosexuality. One of the reasons why I also may be closed off to that idea is also because if we are just simply reading the scriptures “incorrectly” then God allowed homosexuals to be pointlessly persecuted by his own church for the past century. For me, I fee like it puts me between a rock and a hard place. On one hand, I can’t bring myself to accept t
  7. I’m not even sure how to stop believing if I wanted to. It doesn’t seem like something I could just turn off. Despite everything, I still feel a lot of connection with my faith. And hello, as well How are you enjoying this week of Michigan weather? lol
  8. I did some research on the Jewish beliefs, that was an interesting read to see how much the Jewish faith has started to accept homosexuality. I could choose to believe in God and believe that God is ok with homosexuality. But I guess I just feel so exhausted, rejected and neglected by my religion that I don’t want to keep making excuses for it the rest of my life. The 6 scriptures on homosexuality are only a small part of the issues I’ve come to have with Bible, although they’re the ones that have caused me personally the most hurt. A very interesting read, as
  9. Thanks! I’m truly looking forward to it.
  10. Thank you. It took me a while to work through your testimony, but it was worth it. I identified with your testimony in so many ways that it will definitely be something that I come back to and read again as I work through things myself. I’m just so glad that this isn’t something that I have to go through alone. I’ve been doing it alone since I was 14 just handling the idea of being gay and the thought of having to go through losing my faith alone was terrifying. I’ve thankfully not been a suicidal thinker, but I can attest that the idea of doing this alone as well almost didn’t see
  11. Exactly. That’s not a life I would want to live, constantly trying to justify my interpretation of scripture to others and to myself. I want my life to make sense in some way, and as you said, being an openly gay Christian is way more complicated than just being a Christian. As for your comments on the afterlife. One pattern I’m finding in Christianity is that the real reason for belief isn’t evidence or experience. It’s this idea that the more we devote our earthly lives to God, the more rewarded we are in Heaven. Then, every question or doubt you have in response is e
  12. Learning that just because I make mistakes doesn’t make me morally wrong at the core is one of the most liberating ideas I’ve read yet on here. I’ve always felt that everyone was good at heart and just made bad decisions because we’re not perfect, and we’re learning as a species. I’ve been avidly reading material on here these past few days and it’s been very thought provoking and forced me to really critically think on things I believe. Lol, there is only logic, not special logic. Something that made me both laugh and also helped me realize a few things myself. Thanks
  13. As somebody later replied in this thread, the mental gymnastics that requires made me realize that I may as well leave the faith anyways if I choose to follow that path. Trust me, I’ve done months of research to see if there was any chance that the scriptures could be safely reinterpreted to allow for homosexuality, but I found they just don’t. If I’m going to be a Christian, then I’m not going to be one that picks and chooses which parts I want to live by. Writing that though makes me realize how ridiculous all of it sounds though. “Safely reinterpreting...” We shouldn’t have to i
  14. Moving at my own pace can be a little challenging for me, lol. As I said in my previous post, I have a hard time pacing myself and ensuring I’m really taking things in rather than overwhelming myself. I really need that, some time alone to just think. I’m thinking about planning a day like that this week sometime, not sure when yet though. It’s just been a really stressful and exhausting time for me, and I think some time doing something by myself is needed. Also I love that quote, so thank you for sharing it. If it matters, I forgive you for posting it again for
  15. Thank you for the welcome! I’ve been reading a bit, but I’m kind of overwhelmed with the amount of information available. I have to keep reminding myself that I spent 23 years indoctrinating myself into Christianity, I can’t expect to learn all of this overnight. Thank you for this. Those experiences are definitely one of the hard things for me to dismiss. I’ve been asking God for help and answers for over a year now, only recently realizing that there might not be anyone there to answer. I have read and had similar issues with the Bible in the pa
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