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About ZenPaladin

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  • Gender
  • Location
    California, USA
  • Interests
    Eastern spirituality, martial arts, reading, comics, movies, anime, history
  • More About Me
    Aspie(on the spectrum), a nerd and proud of it

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Agnostic/Zen Buddhist

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  1. I know. I went through high school with various acquaintances but no real friends and only did anything with anyone outside of school a small handful in all those 4 years. Being on the spectrum can suck.
  2. I actually have been to therapy before, and getting friends is definitely on my to-do list. I also am not ashamed of my nerdy interests really
  3. Good points, and to your last one about trust, I had to learn that the hard way:https://www.ex-christian.net/topic/82904-my-former-christian-friend-used-me-manipulated-me-and-turned-to-be-a-true-predator/
  4. As time goes on, the scars from things that have gone on in my life have become more apparent, especially since I better understand or remember things I lost track of. And even with my EMT program having a bit over two weeks left(I'd then have to do the national test), this sends me into a slump that kills motivation which doesn't help studying. During my time in middle school, my Dad aside from the constant fighting and arguing with my mom, made several remarks about me not being the son he wanted. He had at times tried to get me into basketball(he was a star player in high schoo
  5. I see your point. But at this stage, this isn't about forgiveness because I'm just emotionally worn out. These are the years in which I'm supposed to enjoy being young while also having independence, but still taking care of business in terms of my educational, financial and career prospects. I'd rather much do that than keep waiting for them to get their shit together.
  6. My family has been for years VERY dysfunctional. I mean, I have other relatives with their own issues but my nuclear family(sister, mom and dad) definitely have been fucked up for awhile. Even before me and my sister were born, my folks were very argumentative, and my father even was escorted by security out of the ICU when I was born a premie, since he was apparently being argumentative and even aggressive with my mother after she had me. Also, he shoved her over a couch when she was pregnant with my sister, and they definitely had other arguments up to when I was 6 years old. Then of course
  7. Thanks and you're right, sometimes I guess I just feel down. Plus I gotta say I like the way you type your responses lol.
  8. The things is, I'm currently in one of those moods where I feel pretty shitty, and even angry. Not just at myself, but at my parents given the years of dysfunction and fighting. And always reading about the ''be happy with yourself first stuff'' regarding dating makes it worst, since it seems so arbitrary and I'll never reach that point, so I might just be alone forever. Hell, my whole problem is that I'm lonely period.
  9. I'm thinking your right, but it can be hard. Sometimes I either have a doubt of feeling depressed(not clinical, but feeling down) or even feeling anger, at my self or even coming close to falling into the mindset of feeling the world's against me. I know it's not healthy, but I'm feeling it now as I type this...
  10. Guys, I will tell you that having Asperger's sucks. Despite what TV and movies might show, being on the spectrum does not automatically make you have savant skills on a certain subject or just extremely smart. Aside from not being the best in middle school going onwards, I was very socially awkward with little to no understanding of boundaries, getting too attached to people, and doing Legos and sword fights with other kids in middle school which my dad called me out for. Speaking of which, it also wasn't the best home environment since it was the same time of my parents having major fights an
  11. In middle school my only real friend was someone I met in my neighborhood, and youth group was ok, but the neighborhood friend would go on to use and manipulate me and years later molest my sister, and high school was still pretty awkward and lonely for me. I'm glad it was better for you though, I definitely would have looked for a few close and genuine friends over and popularity and shallw friendships. So many of the people who were seemingly close with one another straight up stopped contact after graduation.
  12. Ah I understand. But I have a sister 3 years younger than me, and she's had some...incidents
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