Disgruntled

Hello again! I deeply appreciate everyone who has taken the time to reply to my post! I am feeling foolish because i cannot figure out how to "like" a post... or "react". If someone would please tell me how to "like" replies, I would appreciate it! These responses have given me comfort and perspective and I hope to respond to each one eventually.

Anyone else dealing with this? I see the need for a Savior, but there are aspects of Christianity that really make me feel sick... Tonight I am grappling with the notion that I do not "deserve" love from the Creator. Did Jesus say that? The story of Jesus really touches me, and always has since I was a child, but the religion built around Jesus seems to be missing a lot of critical information!!! I am mostly unnerved by being told that I am essentially worthless and "deserve to be damned". It seems like Christianity encourages double-mindedness, for instance: I am not supposed to value this life, I am supposed to dislike all "things of the flesh", but I am also supposed to praise God for his "perfect" Creation... I am supposed to "submit meekly to God"... what does this even mean? According to the latest sermon I made myself listen to, I have to shun the things I want and do what God wants me to do instead...What does this mean, i ask again? I want to have a productive, healthy life...is it wrong to want to accomplish things? Is it wrong to want to be healthy and active? I have been very unwell for a long time and it seems I am expected to embrace suffering and be thankful for it, according to Christian thought... I am turning into a mental patient!!! If the Bible just said, "You are being tested, this is just a test", it would be understandable. But...I know Jesus represents goodness... I've seen evidence of this. But something is SO WRONG with the picture. Any thoughts about this are appreciated.