I went to a pentecostal seminary straight out of high school as a very naive, sheltered child with no life experience. Bible College was spiritually heavy and emotionally difficult. I experienced health issues because I wasn't eating or sleeping well. I felt constant fear of sin and hell and pressure to hold a perfect standard. I thought everything I was taught was correct, and that demons would take my mind over if I let myself doubt.
I couldn't show weakness for fear of being kicked out or letting "sin into the camp". I'm romantically attracted to both women and men. I felt every day that I was full of sin and dying, somehow just kept alive by god. Now I am home, and out of the school under the guise of not being able to pay for it. I'm working on deprogramming logical fallacies and self hatred out of myself, but its really hard. My mom cries every day about me leaving the faith, my sister is suicidal, and my dad is angry.
There's not a lot of older people I can talk to, because all of my mentors and supporters were religiously extreme. I don't get to leave the house often with covid. I could use a hug and someone to tell me that it gets better.