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Seekingwhatisnext

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Seekingwhatisnext last won the day on March 18

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About Seekingwhatisnext

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    Questioner

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  • Interests
    Travel
  • More About Me
    I’m in my early 40s and leaving my life of growing up in a Bible Church (and being the pastors wife)

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    No

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  1. I’m going to go to church. My husband and mom and In laws have started going to a new church. I don’t usually go, but I went for Christmas Eve and I’ll go again for Easter. I actually enjoy church, the singing and social aspect. I have absolutely no belief at all and I think that’s what makes me ok with church. If I was still in doubt about god then it would be difficult, but being a firm atheist, I separate religious belief from church attendance. Heck I still listen to hymns in my car sometimes. I enjoys parts of “religion” while having absolutely no belief in anything. A friend recently men
  2. This is what I have found among some believers. I think they understand doubting, but they cannot understand rejecting god. If I say I’m struggling with my faith they are so very helpful and loving and kind. If I say I fully understand the god of the Bible and yet I do not believe in him then that is not in line with how they see god and they must defend their god and in the process I become the evil one who rejects such a great gift from a wonderful god. Thankfully that reaction has been limited. I have been met with far more people who do continue to be loving and kind and accept me no matt
  3. Interesting topic...Growing up I always thought the worst things you could do were drink, smoke, so drugs and the absolute worst of all was have sex before you were married. In my mind premarital sex was up there with murder and armed robbery. Now that seems so ridiculous to me. I wonder at what the hyper focus on sex was about. My family was fairly “normal” I was taught that pre marital sex was wrong and I fully bought into that belief, but I was allowed to date and my family wasn’t super strict on dress or things like that. I look at some of the families where the entire focus is on purity a
  4. I’m hesitant to write this portion. I’ve lived in the fishbowl of being the pastors wife for so many years and it is ingrained in me to always worry what others will think and to always be a good example. I worry what if someone who knows me, someone from my church were to come to this site and find my story. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to get out from under this weight of others opinions. My husband still desires to fill in for pulpit supply at churches and so I can’t run away from Christianity in a blaze of glory with a giant F you. I must watch myself. Also as I said in a response my
  5. It was absolutely terrifying during those 30 years I believed I was going to hell. I would have nightmares where I was about to die (car going over a cliff or someone breaking in my house with a gun pointed at me) in each nightmare my only thought was that this was it, I was about to be in hell and on fire forever. I would wake up terrified. I’ll post a follow up of how things played out, coming out as an atheist, leaving our church and my friends/families reactions.
  6. It has been extremely difficult, I’ll write a follow up about the process of leaving.
  7. Thank you! Yes, over the past few years I’ve come to realize how absurd the entire premise is. Even in his own book god is the ultimate bad guy, the evil puppet master villain. I see the bible completely differently now. I can’t believe how blind I was to it before. The stories, especially in the Old Testament, are so awful, I truly can’t believe we let children read it! I can see now why they only chose certain stories to make flannel graphs about in Sunday school. There is some sick stuff in there. I keep these things to myself though. Even though we have left the church almost my entir
  8. Yesterday I made an introduction, so I guess today I’ll share my long walk away from Christianity. I grew up going to a Bible Church, it was all I had ever known. When I was about 5/6 I got “saved” by this I mean it was explained to our children’s church class that those who believe in Jesus will go to a wonderful place with streets of gold and mansions when we die and those who don’t believe will go to a place of eternal fire and pain and suffering. There wasn’t much of a choice involved, what young child would choose the place of pain over being rich? The entire “decision” was based on app
  9. Thanks for the welcome, I appreciate it! It’s been a rough few years and even tougher last few months but as my name says I’m currently seeking what comes next. I’ve never really made decisions in life, I just always did what came next. I never went through the typical teen/early 20s phase of questioning and figuring out who I am. Because of my fear of my doubts I just doubled down on being a Christian. And given that I married at 20 and my husband was devout in his beliefs it was easy to transition from a kid in my parents Christian home to a wife in my own Christian home. Now I am thinking
  10. I’ve been reading on here on and off for the past 5 years or so. I finally joined so I guess I’ll introduce myself and try to keep it short so it doesn’t turn into my ex testimony. I’m in my early 40s. I grew up going to a Bible Church, which is where I met my husband as a teenager. He went to Bible college, we married and he became the pastor of that same church we grew up in. We had a couple of kids who are in their late teens now. I had always had doubts since childhood, I never told anyone. Instead of following those doubts, I tried to silence them. I knew that doubts equaled hell so I t
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