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indigo87

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About indigo87

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Lansing Mi
  • Interests
    Poetry spirituality art the outdoors exploring places
  • More About Me
    I grew up in a Conservative Christian family.

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Pagan

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  1. I needed to talk to someone didn't know where to go where anyone understands any of this that is why I published this it feels like it's kind of been bothering me a lot recently.
  2. Thank you it is getting better for me as a person. I may never fully know what happened to me I was so young like only about 3 years old. My partner has been a support sometimes she had something happen to her but it was her family. It also had to do with religion. Her birth parents thought they would get favor with the devil or something by abusing her sexually. They went to a regular church. I don't fully know what this was about. She had some similar issues to me personally. My dad was a pastor. He probably kind of just wanted to let it go thought oh nothing could have happened cause he was a priest of another church. I seriously wanted to go vandalize that church sometime (the one where that priest was from it is not in my city more than two hours away from me) and write Pedophiles over some stuff. What is really really disturbing to me is I did a search of that church on Google and the first thing that pops up are a bunch of images of children under there profile it's kind of creepy most churches don't do that. I think it's still Going on. I don't think that priest believed in the religion he was just using it as a way to be close to children. He was so arrogant he would walk up to children playing outside and try to lure them to go with him but he was a priest so no one believed anything. He never went to jail as far as I know.
  3. Later on this messed me up too with years of alcohol abuse, and using pills then heroin and crack for awhile. I am not really on drugs as of right now but I feel like all this stuff has held me back from enjoying life. I am 33 really haven't done a lot with my life.
  4. I grew up in a home where my dad was a pastor of the united methodist Church (stating this so you can understand back ground of the kind of beliefs I grew up in better) Ok so my parents really were not mean to me or abusing me or anything and tried to be nice when I was really young a priest of another church was doing baby sitting I don't even fully remember everything just that he would walk up to all sorts of kids and try to lure them somewhere. I do clearly remember one time he had me and several children in the basement of a house across the street from the church. He put us in this playpen everyone was crying and really scared he would take turns sexually forcing himself on us. It seems like my parents had taken a trip somewhere. Really have no clue where the other kids were from I think no one was supposed to be there and my parents didn't know I was there. I consistently told them I was in this house and something bad happened they didn't believe me for awhile. So all this stopped when my parents had not left yet he had me outside in the back yard with my pants pulled down. My parents asked what he was doing. He said oh he's just checking out my genitals to compare sizes it's an innocent game boys play. My dad believed him but didn't allow him to come back. They still don't really even know anything happened to me. After that I kind of became angry at them. I did end up burning down the house at about age 8 or 9 (this happened earlier than that) cause I "didn't want to do homework" my mom thinks I was possessed by the spirit of God and an angel and was directed to do so because she prayed and asked for help cleaning the basement. She was like praise God for this. And she has a cross from the fire to this day on the fridge where the soot didn't go onto it she thinks it's a sign of God's love. Unrelated to this story and me altogether as I was not even there is years later she prayed for help in cleaning out the car and the thing caught on fire soon after in the middle of the road starting by an electrical spark under her passenger seat. She was like Praise Jesus again. Well anyways so I have always been really angry at my family and felt victimized by the fact I still have to deal with xtianity. You can imagine how this went as a teen the police were even called to the home several times. So how do I get over all this stuff. I feel victimized by it cause pastor and priest is basically the same thing I feel like my past or family has corrupted me in some way. This does not even touch on the stuff with my partner who seems to not want to take a side in this war and that frustrates me cause I want to be free of all this. I feel like their trying to introduce her to xtianity was an act of war against me as a person and in the military there are soldiers civilians and enemy combatants they have become an enemy combatant your job is to back up your side and protect civilians and take out enemy soldiers. In this case more on a psychological and spiritual aspect but I am giving you the example so I can show you how I feel. At least this is how I feel. Any advice on any of this. Or is my future hopeless and dreary constantly worrying about all this stuff and being miserable.
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