Thanks for your comments
interestingly I still feel that a lot of what Christianity says makes sense. For example, I don’t believe it teaches an eternal conscious torment view of Hell, nor do I believe it even attempted to teach about science. I just realised that I don’t actually truly believe it, even if it makes sense to me. That is likely to be an interesting part of this process as I look back over time.
I recall discussing my changing view of Hell with my dad and cheerily saying I don’t believe in eternal conscious torment, but that it is really the death penalty. I said this with no hint of concern for him, just a happy assertion of what I now think the text says. That was a big catalyst for change for me… if I really believe in it, then how could I not feel a joy of concern about it.
Hugo Mercier’s book on gullibility also was a key factor - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Not-Born-Yesterday-Hugo-Mercier/dp/0691178704/ref=nodl_
it highlighted different levels of belief, and showed that what we claim to believe is often not accompanied by a deep down commitment to that belief. He gave examples of people who feel that a business is supporting atrocities and just leaving a bad trip-advisor review. Rather than actually going out and making change, people just say they believe something and leave it there. That was basically me in a nutshell
I expect plenty of cognitive dissonance going forward, and intend to keep reading on Christianity.
The tragedy aspect is something I have been acutely aware of being a possibility. I have asked those I have told to keep it private, and was largely absent from church for quite some time before this.