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Kelli

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About Kelli

  • Rank
    Apostate
  • Birthday 03/08/1971

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  • More About Me
    Born again from age 15 to age 33. I've seen and heard it all and will never go back to fundamentalist Christianity, though I am still a theist of sorts.

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    **** I have left XC, permanently. My time here has run its course. I have asked that my mod privileges be removed. If you wish to stay in contact with me, use the Yahoo IM address or the email link listed in this profile. I have turned off PM's because I don't want to have to come back here to read them. ****

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Jesus? Hell no
  1. Lookin' good, Kelli!

  2. Are you trying to say that I'm disrespectful? Seriously, that's about how I handled my parents latest reaction to my coming out as trans... They seriously disrespected me so I didn't feel the need to be nice about how I felt about that. Yeah, if your parents come pounding your door in, all hotheaded and demanding answers, I think a good "fuck off" and door slam is more than justified. That's just me. Maybe the shock value will snap them back into reality and they'll realize you're not their little pawn anymore.
  3. Hey Dawson. I think what you're going through is completely normal. "What now" is that you will slowly recover from your exposure to Christian brainwashing. It takes a lot of time. It took me literally years. If you want to include the time I started to question and become a more liberal Christian, more than 10 years. Christianity does a great job of building up fear in you. That fear is used to manipulate you to do and think things that aren't logically rational. It will take time and reconditioning to shed that fear. I too did many self-destructive things due to Christian influence. The biggest being getting married very young and having a lot of kids. Then there was giving up or turning down certain jobs. And not being true to myself and denying the fact that I am transgendered. The list goes on and on and on... You don't really get it until you mentally step away from it enough to realize that it's a big cruel joke and the joke's on you. This is exactly the reason why xtians still steeped in the brainwashing dogma have a hard time understanding why we are angry. Many of us got into xtianity in the first place because we were at an emotionally vulnerable and fragile point in our lives and we sought something to "fix us." Then we realize that that the euphoric feeling xtianity gave us was just an aspirin and what we really needed was chemotherapy... Give yourself time. And allow yourself to be angry if you need to be. This is the best place to do it. Much better to vent your anger here than in a church with a semi-automatic... Kel
  4. I'd ask who else was already in there first. If he answers any one of the following: Jerry Falwell, Rex Humbard, D. James Kennedy, or Hitler to name a few, I'm gonna tell him just to send me to that other place...
  5. That was really sweet of you Taph. Thank you!

    Hugs,

    Kel

  6. I really like this new picture. I think it shows a lot of your fun personality. You are looking pretty and I love the hair.

  7. Hi Jean, As others have said, the feelings you have are completely normal. I think you'll find a lot of people here with whom you can identify. Welcome to XC. Relax and stay awhile.
  8. upstarter, I'm so glad you decided to post your eximony. You are very articulate and you're right, your story has much value. I can relate to a lot of what you said. Much of my exit from xtianity was similar to yours, though I must admit I am bitter about a few things, as you know. Thank you for posting it!
  9. {{{{ PoeticLicence }}}} I'm so sorry hon. I know how hard and lonely it can be when you become an ex-Christian. When I first began falling away, my ex did not follow immediately but continued going to the abusive church we were in at the time. It was hard, and in some ways being an XC four years later is just as hard. So I feel for you and just wish I could give you a real hug instead of these impersonal cyberhugs! I know what you mean about being comforted by xtian music. Believe it or not, more than four years down this road, I still find myself listening to it. Christian music was all I knew for over 20 years. I listened to Christian music even before I was "saved." I sang it, I wrote it, and it was by far the best part of church on Sunday. Christian music comforted me when I went through my first divorce. When I wrote it, the lyrics were very honest and very emotional. I definitely don't enjoy it anywhere near as much anymore. For the most part I have replaced it and the songs I still do enjoy have very little, if any, references to Jesus and salvation, and definitely no references to being depraved, going to hell, etc. Those just turn me right off. Admittedly, that doesn't leave much. But I have found new loves in music, like my celtic music and some alternative rock. I definitely like music that's more emotional, which is difficult to find outside the Christian arena, at least in the style I like. I have taken a great liking to Celtic Woman, Nickel Creek (their song Doubting Thomas is my favorite!), Avril Levigne, Enya, Katie Melua, and pretty much any celtic artist who will sing in Gaelic, because it's a smooth, hauntingly beautiful and sexy language, LOL. Lots more but at 3 AM I can't think of them all. As far as praying is concerned, I still pray occasionally but it is usually to "if there is someone out there listening to me..." and definitely not to Jesus. Pretty much I think praying is just my way of thinking out, dealing with and working out my own issues. When I finally realized that there probably isn't a big magic being out there who "loved me so much" it was a bit empty and depressing at first, but time heals all and I don't feel bad about that anymore. Hang in there sweetie! It will get better. And we're here to listen and give cyberhugs whenever you need them. You're not alone, and remembering that is half the battle. Love n hugs, ~Kelli
  10. {{{Freethinker}}} If your parents are hard-core fundies, then chances are no matter what you do, no matter how perfect and good you try to present yourself, it won't matter. The only thing fundies care about is whether you're "in the Club" or not and if you don't believe anymore, you're not in the Club. I also would suggest not trying to act like something you're not. Christianity is a charade. I spent nearly 20 years putting on the goody goody happy face of Christianity. Don't perpetuate the charade. One of the phrases that used to really bother me as a Christian; be true to yourself. How important and liberating I have found that saying really is. And yes, I was very critical of others for a long time after leaving xtianity. It comes from years of being trained to take note of other people's flaws instead of trying to find the good in people. You'll come through it. If you yourself are bothered by your critical outlook, then you're already well on your way to fixing it. Bottom line is, don't be afraid to just be you. It's really OK.
  11. Kelli

    Halloween2006kids.jpg

    Rowww! Wanna fuck?
  12. "I shall leave this site and convert myself back to Christianity. Today is a sad day indeed and a loss to everyone who cared about my situation."

    BOO FUCKING HOO!

    Sorry, but I don't believe an ounce of your bullshit.

  13. Hey baby! Glad you finally made it...

    Love ya!

  14. CelloHottie, er Babe, I mean Chick... I read this *very* early this morning and really didn't think I'd reply to it. I'm new to this particular site, but then again you are too. Anyway, your story is incredible, and I just sat here at my computer here in my studio and thought to myself, "Wow!" I've had similar experiences with church folks, and in fact it was an experience similar to yours that was the "last straw" for me and my wife to finally dump christianity. Three years ago in October I was diagnosed with a relatively rare disease that affects the heart. To make a long story short, it makes the heart much less efficient than a normal person's and can progress right into heart failure. I had already been feeling completely like shit for months, then I wind up in the CCCU and am told that if I don't take a bunch of medication, I would likely be dead in six months. At age 32, I thought my life was over. Did the church care? Nope. We lived two blocks from the church. We could throw a stone at it. My wife and family was still attending at that point, but I had left some months earlier for various reasons, not the least of which was some very serious corruption. My wife asked them to, but no one ever darkened our door to visit me in the months I was laid up. Apparently, people who are "apostate" aren't worthy of anything, not even a well-wish, a visit when they are sick, and probably not even a prayer. Basically I was told that I was sick because of sin. It's been a three year battle of doctors, medications, living on Social Services for a time, but as of two months ago my doctors told me I was "a miracle." My heart is nearly completely healed. Do I attribute that to God? Not biblegod, I can tell you that. You sound like a wonderful person who has been dealt some really, really heavy stuff in life. Your situation is not because of sin or anything like that. It is what it is, as you said. Funny, I like to use that phrase too. I can't even begin to imagine what you have gone through and continue to go through. All I can do is reach through my keyboard and give you a big bear hug and send the most positive thoughts your way. Hang in there hon, and hold tight to the people in your life that love you.
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