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About oladotun

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  • Birthday 10/14/1971

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    Tennis, reading, music, movies, writing.
  • More About Me
    I am 35 years old, and I am trying to make sense of the damage that "Christianity" has done to my mind. Where is the "love" that Christian talk about so much?

    I love to read, write, watch movies and listen to music.

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    gods are the destruction of mankind
  1. First of all, let me express my condolences for what your wife went through with her former husband that killed himself. I can only imagine what she is going through. When I was 8 years old, my mother killed herself, and even though I am 37 years old today, I am still dealing with that tragic event. My mother was in a very turbulent and violent relationship with my dad, and I prayed so many nights for God to help her or save her, she ended up dying by suicide anyway. I gave my life to Christ when I was 15, believing that God would fill that void and deliver me from the depression that I struggled with. People told me that if I truly has faith in God and believed in Jesus, He would deliver me. When the miracle did not happen, I started to wonder what I was doing wrong. I prayed, fasted, tithed, studied my Bible regularly, worked in lay ministry and tried my best to abstain from "worldly music and movies". Nothing helped, but of course, I ended up feeling even more guilty because the implication wa always, "if you have faith, God will deliver you!" I finally got to a place where I was tired of the mind games and the self-flaggelation. I still seek therapy and am on anti-depressants, but I am learning to leave the religious strife behind...
  2. This is a great testimony, one that I can definitely relate to. I don't know how many times I confessed Jesus and rededicated my life to him to try and rid myself of all my carnal and sinful ways, only to be rudely dissapointed when it did not work. Of course, devout Christians will argue that I either did not have enough faith, or did not obey God enough, but therein lies the hellish experience, NEVER being able to get it right. And if you are a perfectionist like me, nothing wears the soul down more than this...
  3. What is so sad, is that most fundamentalists cannot even see the damage that their religion is doing to them and others...
  4. I can definitely relate to the guilt and shame part. The very thing that is supposed to bring "joy that surpasses all understanding" was actually making my mental state worse, because it is an endless pursuit of perfection that never ends (even though most fundamentalists say that no one is perfect and don't expect perfection, that is not what is inferred in their preaching). It just got to a point where I could not take it anymore. I noticed that the more religious a person was, the less I wanted to be around them because the harder they were to stand because of endless legalism and judgmentalism....and when I started becoming as judgmental, I knew I had to stop...
  5. There was always one thing that attracted me to Christianity when I was young - the notion that God was loving and would forgive me and accept me just as I am. I came to realize over time, however, that this "god" is really an illusion, one concocted up by Christians to win followers. I know for a fact now that even if God exists, he is nothing like the ogre that has been created by religion. This is how I got there: I have gotten to the point where Christianity does not do it for me anymore. Yes, sometimes, I still go to church with family members because I don't want them to think that I am crazy or something, but to be honest with you, whenever I hear preachers now, I can't help but think, most of this shit is nonsense and manipulative. I can relate very much to people like Carlton Pearson, a former fundie minister who had a crisis of faith himself, before he embraced a Gospel of inslusion (Universal savlation) and as kicked out of his church denomination. I had to be totally honest with myself in admitting that not only was Christianity doing harm to my mental psyche, I was actually on the verge of insanity and suicide. For too long now, I have tried to appease this god, this god that we are told on one hand is a god of grace, rich in mercy and forgiveness, but then requires an endless sacrifice of obedience that can never be attained (anyone who thinks so has obviously not read the Bible). My main frustration stems from the fact that I have battled clinical depression and an addiction to sex for most of adult life. Of course, it does not take a rocket scientist to realize what the Bible says about sex, sexually immorailty is one of the most preached against sins, and purity is a must. I have struggled in this area, especially since the main outlet of my addiction has been looking at porn. I got rid of my regular internet service, got appropriate filters, got rid of any innapropriate mags, movies or the like that could trigger my addiction, prayed, fasted and did my best to live by the Spirit and not the flesh, but none of this brought any lasting freedom. To make matters worse, the underlying depression that feeds this addiction loos large like an elephant in the room. I have focued and meditated tirelessly on verses in te Bible that talk about the joy we have in Christ, but this lasting joy has elduded me. I would have taken my own life by now, but I know that suicide is seen as the unforgivable sin, and sends you straight to hell – or so they say – I learned this after my mother died by suicide when she was 35, and the church had a very mute reaction to her actions, so much so that the shame led us to not talk about her death in my home until I became an adult (I was 8 when she died). So here you have this God who does not answer my prayers for internal relief and yet whom I am supposed to simply have faith in even when my life Is a living hell. I have gotten tired of the front, the hypocrisy and the endless demands that fundie Christianity puts on the soul. Christianity preaches unconditional love and grace in theory to attract followers, but denies it in practice with an endless demand of rules that can never be followed. It is a form of madness if you ask me….
  6. Please know that you are not alone. THere are so many of us out there like this and my process started in a very similar way. Eventually, I found the courage to just be myself and simply state that I did not believe like they did anymore without being disrespetful of their faith, but this was VERY hard for me, especially since I knew some people would now deam me a hell-bound heretic. I just could no longer take the lies and hypocrisy anymore. My whole existance as a Xtian was a lie that I could no lobger sustain..
  7. These three paragraphs explain perfectly my problem with religion and specifically Christianity. There is so much emphasis on the Bible being the infallible word of God, and yet theologians in the church disagree on some of the most basic tenets. take Salvation for instance and the question of if you eternally secure in Christ? some say yes, others say no, others say it depends on if you keep obeying the book (which is a contradiction in of itself because we are told that we are all sinners and fall short of of God's glory). While one can easily argue that religion has had a positive impact on society, I am not one who argues otherwise, one can also easily see the damage that religion has done - the brainwashing, the fear and guilt, the lack of honesty about issues we struggle with, wars (crusades, inquisitions, conflicts over issues such as slavery and segregation form varying interpretations of the Bible etc). So the positive cancels out the negative. Christians would say, well at least if we are right about Christ, we go to heaven and you miss out, so you better give it a try, but this is a lame way of justifying the psychological damage that religion does to the human mind. It is the ultimate form of mind control, becuase if I can get you to believe that if you don't do what I say, you wil go to hell, I can get you to do practically anything. But what really did it for me was that even though I respect and still believe in the person called Jesus, I rarely saw any of his compassion in grace in the churches that I was a memeber of. I saw grace only to the degree that I obeyed the endless rules and regulations. And worst of all, because I am a recovering sex addict, I could never have any peace and always felt like I was hell bound, even after all the praying, tithing, confessing, fasting, speaking in tongue, deliverance services etc that were all supposed to help me be free!! Religion does more psychological damage than we could ever imagine.
  8. I haven't been to church because I got tired of hearing the gospel of prosperity (which I think is one of the worst messages to come out of christianity). I also hate it when christians cherry pick sins. Very few christians appear to acknowlege gluttony. I could not agree with you more. I ws discussing this with a friend of mine who is still mired in that stuff because he is in ministry, and he told me that if Xians condemned gluttony as much as they did other sins like homosexuality and sexual immorality, almost the entire church would be convicted.. Cherry-picking sins is one of the churches biggest offenses and I totally agree with you about the properity thing. I used to sacrifice some of my bills just to give a big tithe and offering thinking that the big windfall was on the way..It never came, meanwhile my pastor was living the good life....
  9. I understand where you are, it usually takes time to break free from the chains of religion...
  10. When I was 16 years old, I “accepted Jesus as my Lord and saviorâ€. I truly believed that the madness that was my life would begin to cease, because I had been sold the illusion that “Jesus was the answer†to my every problem: From my growing addiction to porn, to my struggle with clinical depression and the endless questions that I had about my mother’s suicide, I somehow believed that immersing myself in Christianity would solve my problems. By the time I got into my mid –20s, after some years of backsliding, I was totally into it, from Bible study, speaking in tongues, serving in ministry, tithing, refraining from sinful behavior, abstaining from sex/porn/events that could tempt me sexually, I was on “fire for Godâ€, but still no internal peace, no lasting serenity. Then the disillusionment began. I am at the point where the only word that I can use to describe my feelings for Christianity is “disdainâ€. About 16 months ago, I stopped going to church altogether. Here are some of the reasons why: 1. The church talks a lot about God’s grace and love, but after being part of the institution for so long, I have realized that there is just as much “love†in church as there is in a bar or nightclub; it is all an illusion. You are “loved†just as long as you adhere to the church doctrine, theological belief system and oh, by the way abstain from the “big sinsâ€, sexual immorality being high on the list. 2. I realized the meaning of the saying “hypocrisy enables people to keep their values.†I found that church reeked of inauthenticity, and got sick and tired of hearing sweet sounding and simplistic testimonies over again. You know the ones like, “I was once a sinner, I found Jesus, and now I don’t struggle with ______________(insert big name sin here) anymore.†When I got to know people better, I realized that they were either lying or they had simply swapped sins or addictions. 3. Church has become a corporation very similar to corporate America. The product is “Jesusâ€, the pastor is the CEO, the tithing members are shareholders, and the blessings or prosperity or church growth is the dividend. There is practically nothing different between today’s mega-churches and for-profit corporations, the only difference is that one purports to be “non-profit†because it is there to make your spiritual life better when it is actually using fear (of hell) as the primary tool to get you to obey and get in line. 4. I simply got tired of the implied assumption that if you live by “Christian principlesâ€, your life will be an oasis on earth and if you don’t find this joy from the “Christian life†it is because YOU have either not repented of some sin or are not faithful in your obedience. 5. The merging of Christianity and politics. Each election cycle, we would get these fliers in church that come from groups like the Christian Coalition that imply that if you vote for a Democrat, you are voting for a flaming liberal who hates America, hates the troops, kills babies by abortion and wants to marry off homosexuals. 6. Christians cherry pick sins in the Bible to criticize opponents, while ignoring sins that they themselves struggle with. Certain sins are on the repulsive list, like sexual immorality (especially homosexuality) and abortion, but then they totally ignore Bible verses that point to sins like gluttony (a big problem, especially here in the South), lust, pride, unforgiveness, jealousy, hatred (which is equaled to murder in the Bible) etc. 7. I was simply worn out from trying to adhere to all the principles; I had to come to the harsh conclusion that the very thing that was supposed to make my life better was making me more miserable. The illusion that one is completely immoral if one does not embrace contemporary Christianity is totally untrue. What made you stop going to church?
  11. Yes those contradictions are many..in the so-called innerant word of "god"...I got tired of the lies and the tyranny also.
  12. It's true. Even my brother expresses relief at "letting go of God". I wasn't sure if it was his true feelings or PTSD (he was a marine with 2 tours in Iraq). But, he has recently passed all of his psych evaluations so he must be sincere about a lack of belief. Good for your brother. This is a common sentiment from those who have seen the horrors of war, I even read an article about it in a popular news magazine recently.
  13. It is interesting, because it seems like there are more and more black people out there who have "lost their salvation" but are scared to admit it publicly because of the stigma attached to being an atheist or agnostic...
  14. Hello Lemon, Your story is very interesting and one that I can relate to on so many levels, even though the particulars of my case may be a little different. I am a 35 year old black man who has become totally dissilusioned with religion (yes, including Christianity - even though I know Christians love to say "Christianity is not a religion, it is a relationship" but most of them say this to sound cute by trying to exclude themselves from being perpetrators of bondage which they are.) Before I continue, let me recommend a book called "Unchristian" by David Kinnaman. It may not change your mind about "god" but it will help you see that you are not alone in your feelings. The bottom line for me also came because I realzied that practically everything I had done as a saved, born-again, spirit-filled believer was motivated by fear . Fear fo hell, fear of falling out of favor with God, fear of losing blessings, fear of displeasing the church leadership and being called a heretic..fear, fear, fear. I started to question some of the wildly held beliefs that Christians hold to (like the question of why God allows suffering, if it is because of sin, then why did he let Job suffer? So don't give me that crap about all suffering is because of some hidden sin, because Job was supposed to be the most righteous man on earth)..I realized that Christians for the most part do not like to be challenged and when you point out contradictions in the Bible that don't make sense, they call you a heretic. Here I was at this church being counselled for my depression by a "minister" who admitted to me that he was gay (even though he was married) and still struggled with his sexuality (and his wife had no clue) but he had the audacity to get mad at me and "break off fellowship" with me because I told him that his explanation for what I should do in an oppressive job was ludicrous. He had told me that I should simply "thank God, because there are other people out there without jobs." I had just gotten this job, and the working conditions and bosses there were terrible, cussing out employees, making people work obsence hours even in over 100 degree heat. I told this minister who was giving me this advice that I know understood why people leave the church, hypocrirsy is one thing (living the life of a "straight man when you are actually gay and married and haven't even told your wife") but when Christians add this burden to people's already complicated lives, they do the people whom they are tryingto serve no justice at all. I asked him, "if a woman who had been praying for a husband for years finally got married only to realize that the man she married was a wife-beater, would you tell her to simly "thank God for her husband" because so many women out there aren't married?" When I told him this, he got mad, refused to talk to me anymore, and told me in an email that I was rude and taking his words out of context. I told him that I knew the real reason why he was mad was because I had exposed him for the phony person that he was - leading a minintry in church when he knew he was leading a lie as a closet gay man who was trying to act straight. And I asked him, if it is not a big deal, your gayness, why haven't you told your wife, but instead chosen to tell another man who is coming to you for help. He had no answer, but instead said that I was being rude..so he had to break off fellowship with me. Fundamentalistic Christianity is one of the biggest scams on out planet. It uses fear as its main tool. We get people scared that if they don't tithe, they will not be blessed, so they bring their money in droves. We make them scared that if they don't obey out rules (based upon the denominations interpratation of the Bible) they will go to hell, so they needlessly try and obey ..it goes on and on.. I have not gone to church in several months now. I have no desire to be there, because I don't have time for the pretense. Christians don't want the truth, they want what tickles their ears and their carnal desires..
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