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XtianChris

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About XtianChris

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    Thinker
  • Birthday 09/11/1978

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    http://www.ex-christian.net/index.php?act=module&module=blog&req=showblog&blogid=96
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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Emphatically, no
  1. ag_NO_stic has so many good things to say, especially the bit about giving it time. It's easy to be impatient. Taking the path toward separation is a viable option, but make no mistake about it, it's the impatient, easy path. It's tough to endure day by day without seeing significant results, but sometimes that's a better path. As much as I hated my time in the Army, it taught me to persevere, and through perseverance I've seen my life change for the better. I also speak from experience in a divided marriage, having lost my belief 11 years ago, but still married to a Christian woman. I can tell you that I'm glad I stuck with her. She brings out the best in me, and I love and respect her more today than at any point in the past, including the years we were both Christians. She is an amazing woman with so many good qualities that I don't have. I'm not a terrible person, but I'm certainly not the friendliest. I intentionally drive people away and end relationships when it's clear that the other person is not ever going to change, so I'm lucky that my wife didn't allow me to drive her away. I will never believe the lies again. I can't, in the same way I can never believe in Santa again. But she holds her belief. I'm not sure why her core belief endures. I have one guess, but I might be wrong. Regardless, that's not the point. Over time, her perspective has changed, and some of the non-core beliefs have started to drop off. I take this as an encouraging sign that some day she may completely let go of the lies, but I'm no longer expecting her to. She is amazing despite her belief, and if part of what makes her amazing is her belief, then I'd rather have the whole package than have nothing at all. I'll also echo part of ag_NO_stic's response from a male's perspective. I was a liar. I deliberately misled my wife about my beliefs. I had a big hole to dig out of, and I'm still working on it today. You have a similar hole to dig out of, having misled your wife, so I can tell you that being completely open and honest from this point forward is crucial. It'll be tough for you to have conversations about the things you've doubted, but if she's a good person then she'll respect you for sharing the things you struggled with openly and honestly. It'll also benefit you to be extremely humble. And I mean extremely. Don't believe that you and your priorities are more important than your wife. Commit to showing her that she is your highest priority in life, unless of course, she isn't - in which case you should be honest with yourself and with her. If she is your highest priority, then let her know that, in actions as well as words. I can't tell you how to do this, because that's something you need to discover for yourself. But when you do, as long as it's genuine, you'll have a whole new perspective on your situation. And again, I need to reiterate how wise ag_NO_stic's entire response is. I can pretty much guarantee that her advice will lead you to a good place, so long as your wife is also committed to making it work. Lastly, welcome to the site. My first post was very similar to yours. I stuck around for a few months and gained a lot of useful knowledge (and vented a lot of frustration I couldn't vent anywhere else). This place was very helpful to me during the most difficult time in my life.
  2. There's a few threads that have dealt with this topic: http://www.ex-christian.net/index.php?showtopic=5883 http://www.ex-christian.net/index.php?showtopic=7139 http://www.ex-christian.net/index.php?showtopic=8550 http://www.ex-christian.net/index.php?showtopic=9501 There may be others, but I found these by searching for the phrase "last straw". There's another more recent one that I know I'm missing, but I couldn't find it. Also, here's a thread about how others have found new meaning for their lives: http://www.ex-christian.net/index.php?showtopic=16499
  3. Congratulations! Good to have ya!
  4. Hmm, that's queer. I'm not a subscriber, but the section shows up for me.
  5. Q. What makes less noise than a plastic orchestra? A. A rubber band. (got that off a laffy taffy wrapper one day )
  6. Now what's ironic is, I hadn't heard anyone use the term "double-entendre" in a while and couldn't remember what it was, so when I looked it up on Answers.com, this is what it says: "The noun double entendre has one meaning"
  7. Just viewed it. I did laugh, but I would have to admit that I felt a little dirty for doing so.
  8. I was born into a Christian family and am 28 years old now. I can't remember when or if I made a decision to be a Christian, but I was baptized around the age of 7. I remember also making conscious, although ill-informed, choices to live for God just prior to the baptism. I never really belonged to a demon nation per se, but held beliefs closely related to Baptists with a little bit of Mormon mixed in as a kid, and as an adult added Charismatic and Apostolic beliefs in. Just about every church I attended considered themselves non-denominational.
  9. Yes, for me the happiness has returned. The loneliness and feeling of being lost haven't gone away, but they have quieted down. It's still early for me, since I've only been out for 5 months, but I only foresee it improving from here. There are still ups and downs, but as for myself I can say that (all except for the first few weeks) the emotional roller-coaster is less extreme than when I was a Christian. I feel more at peace now than ever, mostly because I know that I'm in control and responsible for my life rather than a god who can "teach me lessons" whenever and however he wants. P.S. On the note of happiness, I must point out that I am now free to enjoy "wicked" things that appealed to me as a Christian such as secular music, nude art, and funny pictures of horny confused little monkeys mounting unsuspecting little kittens. I no longer feel that there's some mystical evil presence that's going to take over me for enjoying them, so in a way I'm happier than I ever was.
  10. Beautiful words, fallenleaf. You brought a smile to my face and tears to my eyes at the same time. Now that I think about it, expecting to see your loved ones in heaven when you die actually has at least 2 negative effects: 1) It can be easier to take loved ones for granted in this life. A year ago while I was still a Christian I completely cut off my relationship with my parents, and even worse I thought I was doing exactly what Christ wanted me to do. They and I both went on believing that everything would be made right later in heaven. Such a waste of time. They're still Christians and they don't yet know that I'm an atheist. Some day soon I will attempt to restore my relationship with them, and will also make it clear that it was Christianity that caused the division between us. 2) As a Christian when I thought about my loved ones in heaven, I wanted to pass from this life just so I could be with them. Life here and now had little meaning to me, just a speck in infinity that I had to wait to pass until the real life started. Such a waste of time, just waiting around to die. I now have a desire to improve my own quality of life, and then to go further by improving the quality of life for others. Soor, You talk about being alone in the universe. I completely understand. I had felt for the past few years that God was my "real" father, especially as my relationship with my parents began to fade. I talked to God all the time and sometimes felt like I could feel his love, or that he had given me wisdom or knowledge as I prayed. When reality set in that God doesn't exist, I felt like I lost the closest relationship I had ever had. I was devastated. However, a couple weeks later when I stopped and thought about what that relationship really was, I saw that it was a relationship with myself. I guess you could say that I'm my own best friend. I still talk out loud when I'm all alone. It helps me think. It also gives me a chance to look for things to love in myself and gives me peace. I might just be a little loopy, but hey, it works for me. As I get further and further away from religion and think more and more for myself, I see more and more reasons to live. I was very depressed at first when I didn't know how things would turn out. I remember driving down the road, looking around at all the other people driving and walking through the city, and asking myself "What do all these people have to live for? I know there's a certain percentage that doesn't believe in God, so what keeps them from driving over a cliff?" I couldn't answer that question, so I decided to look for answers. I've found some answers already, but know that I'll find more as I continue on this journey. What I've found out so far is that life is beautiful. There is beauty all around us and knowing that we're a part of nature makes me appreciate it more. I'm not an alien in this world, I'm a part of it. I'm going to make the most of my life. [And now for the awkward part. I never know how to conclude since I can't say "I pray that you'll be filled with peace, blah, blah, blah". Somehow, "I hope" or "I wish you the best" don't even seem worth saying. This is the best I've come up with so far:] Congratulations on becoming more of a freethinker. Reading your testimony, I can see that you're well on your way to living a better, more meaningful life.
  11. How do you know policemen are strong? Because they can hold up traffic.
  12. Congrats on being brave enough to leave your unhealthy Christian relationships. It is tough. Very tough. Welcome to the group. I'm sure you'll find plenty of online friends here. If you happen to live in the Northwest (US) I could be a live, in-person friend too, since I also have to build up my social network.
  13. Hello, n00b ex here. I liked some of your earlier posts that I've just read in the FAQs. Just noticed your name and wondered if you ever make it over to GameKnot.com to play chess. Look me up if you would like someone to play against. Same name as here: computerguycj.

  14. Welcome and best wishes to you in your new life. It sounds like you're off to a promising start.
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