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L.B. last won the day on January 4 2017

L.B. had the most liked content!

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About L.B.

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    music, old arcade and video games and self-realization (not necessarily in that order).
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    The Buddha tells us that in the infinity beyond all the nothings is the emptiness of the eternal five: Sight, Smell, Hearing, Taste and Feeling. The five flavors dull all the tastes, the five tones deafen every ear, the five colors, they all blind the eye, yet they do not pass. All things come to us. Without wisdom, no gain, yet gain must end. All men/women will be one; only then will you find true peace, and happiness too. It is invisible, inaudible and quite infinite. Do you all hear the sound of bells? We hear nothing it is just a sound.

    "The Person for whom there are no expectations, concerning either this world or the world beyond, that one I call superior." - Siddhartha Gautama Buddha

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    The Karma Chameleon

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  1. Because it's all made up. There is no spirit, holy or otherwise, in people. Ages ago, our genetic ancestors started eating plants that had psychotropic effects, thus changing their brain chemistry and creating within us the capacity for abstraction and imagination. Ever since, mankind has done amazingly creative things with imagination, and has also been fooled into believing that there "must be" forces beyond us that make everything possible. It's ironic, but on the journey to expanded consciousness, we sidetracked and started believing there's
  2. Discovering that I was living a lie, both the lie I was told about religion and the lie I told myself (that I belonged there), coincided with, and actually forced, the revelation of ugly truths about me, and the desperate things I did to feel sane while trapped in religion. I may very well have lost my marriage and my family for good, but even if I could have them back instantly, in trade for believing the lie of religion again, I'd never make the trade. Let whatever in your life get torn down, destroyed, irredeemably taken away - don't risk your sanity, your health, yo
  3. Thank you all for your kind words. Yeah, so, the rental-car thing fell through. Long story. I am in for a long period of uncertainties and loneliness. I burned a lot of bridges over time, as the fake xtian life I tried to live was hollow enough that I made few friends, but was believable enough that my downfall has been a scandal that made people want to shovel dirt on my grave. I'll update when there's anything remotely forward about my progress.
  4. She's divorcing me. I was supposed to stay at my parents' house tonight, but my father owns guns. A friend - her pastor, ironically, who is a legit friend to me - is putting me in a hotel room tonight, and taking me to where I can rent a car for work tomorrow. I still have no place to live.
  5. Update: My situation went from devastatingly bad to unbelievably worse. I'm out of our home with two changes of clothes and my immediate personal belongings.
  6. No, I just mean things like whether or not either of us finds ourselves in a new situation... perhaps discovering a new friendship/relationship that is opening doors and encouraging growth... Maybe her god wants her to be settled in her religion and free of my wickedness. Maybe I just want her settled, in a stable home, so I can go be the man I need to be without a huge emotional collapse and more hurt feelings than are necessary.
  7. I blame myself for being a chickenshit for so long. I always knew I was choosing a bullshit story and a false, hollow, undeserved reputation as a good Christian man - all so we could get and stay emotionally and psychologically stuck for more than half our lives.
  8. I want to thank everybody for your encouraging words. I knew this would be a place where I can tell this story and find not only acceptance, but honest feedback. As to the question of whether I feel like my marriage is over, I'm not sure. I still feel like no matter how I feel about her as a woman, as a mother to my children, as a wife, the issue is that as a fellow human being, she is choosing to live her life based on the illusion that she, and I, are fundamentally flawed in and of ourselves. As far as I can see, it doesn't make any difference how much we compromised on her havin
  9. Hey everyone, Since the last time I shared my back story in detail was probably years ago, I suppose a little summary is in order before I share what went on today. I'm in my mid-forties, adopted, raised in a fundamentalist Christian household. I got in a lot of trouble as a kid, did very poorly in school, and was never very good at typical good Christian Behavior. As a young adult, I moved out of my parents home and began to pursue a career as a songwriter and professional musician. I spent a couple of years actually paying the rent and feeding myself playi
  10. If I play the game, I waste my life in service to a lie. If I tell the truth I kiss the world I've known till now goodbye. A weak and fragile peace A ceasefire, a detente, a lull in war. My one question is: Is there an outcome here that I want more?
  11. Our 24-year-old car's transmission died today. My wife was working, and a co-worker offered to give us a ride home. When my wife said it was a good thing her co-worker was there to drive us, and how convenient it was that they lived near us, the co-worker said: "God totally made it so that we could find out how close we live to each other!" She then proceeded to tell a story about how her father was trying to sell their house, but had no takers. Neighbors were unchurched people, uninterested in religion. The neighbor man was supposedly into "satanic-ness" (h
  12. I posted this in another thread, but it bears sharing here: I just returned from an 8-day stay in the hospital after having a toe amputated. I'm more than ready for some Christard "healer" to pray to their god and ask him to restore my lost toe. I'll wait.
  13. Oh, yeah? I just got out of the hospital after having a toe amputated. Tell whatever magical healer people you know to come find me on here and schedule a healing. I'll wait.
  14. I suppose I could say I'm sorry you were disappointed with your experience here, but that would be insincere of me. This is a forum where people visit and post for a lot of different reasons. I, for one, desperately needed this place when I was actively involved in ministry and only just beginning to crawl out from under the mess I had gotten myself into. I also really needed this place when I needed to be pissed at the church and religion in general and needed a safe place to be able to vent, growl, etc, as necessary without fear that I was not conforming to "rules"
  15. @Lerk Their god "fixed the stars in the firmament", literally, according to their writings, hanging the stars in the sky like decorations. The heavens, after all, were a solid, physical barrier between the earth and the waters that rained from the sky - if there is no water coming down right now, it must be because the god has closed the magic door that allows the waters to flow from above the heavens. The materialistic and dualistic worldview of these primitive people is astounding. Flesh bad, spirit good - but the spirit world, or 'heaven', is just a perfected earth t
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