Well I have been here for a little over 3 months now and I finally feel as if I am ready to tell my story.......
I was brought up in a Christian home my mom a Missionary kid and my father striving to get his doctorate in theology (he did finally get in the early 90's). I got started off young I remember being 2 or 3 when my Great-grandmother died I started to ask questions and all. I became a Christian shortly there after.
We moved in 1986 in to a bigger house in a nicer area I started school (A Christian School) and made my way through the first grade then my parents decided they could not afford to send my siblings and me to a Private school and the next year I was in public school. All this time my family and I are going to church Sunday Morning and Wednesday night like all good Christians do.
Some time I think in 2nd 3rd grade I was molested (repeatedly) by a neighbor and it took some 2 years for my parents to find out. When all came to light my parents I guess you could say kinda took a hands off approach to parenting me (worst fucking mistake they ever made I am still pissed to this day about that). However, Religion became more and more forceful (it was almost we had to keep goin for atonement for the sin of being defiled) I remember Sunday mornings where my older brother and my father would have shouting matches about going to church (I myself wondering at the time like what kind of person wouldn't want to go to church?).
More time passed.... I would say I was probably in 6th grade I just couldn't take anymore and I snapped one day Got expelled from school and tried to commit suicide, instead I was committed (I was diagnosed with ADD and Chronic Depression). I found myself at that point questioning all I was brought up to believe God, Jesus, Morals, Church... Everything. My older brother talked me down from that thinking and life went on.
Fast forward to high school at this point I was really in to church on the worship team and involved where ever I could be. I started to notice something the youth leader would only ever cover 2-4 books of the NT and I called him on this asking why he ignored the rest of the holy book and he flat out denies this (at this point I had know the guy for about 8-10 years) my questioning gets me kicked off the worship team and shunned in the youth group I was part of the black sheep in the group the ones who smoked did drugs and such.
So keeping with my parents forceful hand when it came to Christianity I was still having to go to church every Sunday and Wednesday not wanting to be there thinking to myself these Christians are Fucking fake they don't practice what they preach and they are just ass holes to boot.
Senior year of high school: I meet this incredible woman who is in college and we start dating soon after we start to have sex (me being the 17 year old virgin). Well like all good things me finally getting laid does not stay secret for long (no I didn't tell anyone) My older Brother figured it out he says just by the way we interacted with each other. Well by and by (via a threat from my older Brother "either you tell them you are having sex or I will") my parents were bound to find out that I was having sex with my girl friend. I propose to her on 4-3-00 (I am not even 18 yet but I am sure I wanna marry this girl) a week later the shit hits the fan and my parents find out we are having sex. soon there after I graduate High School and on that day my parents kick me out because I am having sex with my wife to be (of course they at this point don't know that she is my wife to be).
Ivy and I are reduced to living in my van for the summer (yeah Parental love can you feel it) we are both working 12 hours a day and sleeping in the van. The summer fly’s by and she goes back to College and I finally find a place. One week later (9-1-00) Ivy and I get married, and magically my parents waltz back in to my life with open arms (WTF?).
Ivy and I are going about our lives and find out she is pregnant. We have the child (12-3-01) she is perfect (I truly understood what love was that day). So life went on.
One day my older bother gives me a call (the same one who talked me back in to Christianity years earlier) and told me that he has left Christianity because of these reasons. I am just like WHAT THE FUCKKKK??? Wait a minute, hold on, HUH? He says "Yeah I am done with Christianity I declare myself Agnostic." I didn't know how to take it, my brother, one of the few people who I knew to be self taught in many areas of Christianity that few dare tread, one of the most devout Christians I know. At that point it was just a matter of time for me I knew this the second he told me.
My brother starts putting all this stuff he is reading under my nose (mostly stuff from the sec web) and I am reading, and reading , the more I read the more I think...... now at this point I am not willing to let God go so I proclaim that I am an Agnostic. Ivy at this time is fine where she is with her Theist viewpoint. I am reading and reading and at this point I am finally ready to say that "There is NO GOD!" (I was able to over come the fear of being struck down for saying it).
5-25-05 One the advice of my brother I join Ex-C and here I am today (08-29-05) I would say that I have never been as happy and satisfied with my life as I am today.
Well this is my story thus far and I know that it is far from over. I know that I have left out a lot but this is as much as I can recall off the top of my head. I very ashamed of my pitiful wasted life and the lies I was fed as a child. I am tired of having to run about in secret fearing what people may think because I am in fact and Atheist.