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Everything posted by Fweethawt

  1. A chicken and a horse were playing together in a barnyard. Suddenly the horse falls into a pit. He yells to the chicken, "Go get the farmer, save me, save me!" The chicken goes looking for the farmer but can't find him. So he gets the farmer's BMW and drives it over to the mud pit, lassos the horse, ties it to the car and pulls him out. The horse says,"Thank you, I owe you my life." A couple days later they're playing again and this time the chicken falls into the pit and calls to the horse, "Help me Help me! Go get the farmer!" The horse looks everywhere, but he can"t find the farmer, and he then says to the chicken, "Its, OK, I think I can get you out on my own." The horse stretches across the mud pit and tells the chicken, "Grab onto my dick." The chicken grabs on, the horse stretches back, thus, horse saves the chicken's life. Moral of the story: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks."
  2. A religious man is on the roof of his house during a huge flood. The water levels are rising, and he is fervently praying to God that someone might rescue him. A boat goes by in the distance, but the people on board can't hear his cries for help over the rushing wind and rain. The man continues praying, and he begins to recite Psalm 23. Suddenly, one of his house's load bearing walls crumbles and is swept away by the torrent. The roof begins to tilt and collapse, sending the man tumbling down into the water. He arrives at the gates of heaven with broken faith. He says to St. Peter, "I thought God would grant me a miracle, and I have been let down. I have lived a good life. I went to church every Sunday, I paid my tithe, and I even donated extra money to charity. Why did God not hear my cries for help?” St. Peter responds “Because fuck you.”
  3. Has anyone seen this series yet? I haven't. But after watching this video below, I'm definitely going to give it a shot.
  4. This is what happens now that they let women drive in Saudi Arabia. https://reddit.app.link/QfAiodiLFQ
  5. Right after takeoff, a pilot comes on the microphone to welcome his passengers. “Thank you for flying with us. The weather is....” Then he suddenly starts screaming while still on the mic, “OH MY GOD! IT IS BURNING!!, IT IS BURNING!” Then silence... A few seconds later, he comes back on and says, “I’m terribly sorry about what happened. I spilled some scorching hot coffee on my lap...you should see my pants!!” A voice from the back of the plane yelled, “Why don’t you come here and see ours?”
  6. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Duh!
  7. A picture speaks a thousand words...
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