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Crazycatlady

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Everything posted by Crazycatlady

  1. I usually reply that I've been better and get a sympathetic look in response.
  2. I have a nursing job lined up in Fort Wayne, IN starting in either May or June (depending on when I can take my licensure exam), so most of my unoccupied time is spent packing. My cat is intimidated by the whole packing process, but delighted at the number of boxes availible to play in. I am still working though (as a nursing assistant) four days a week, so I don't have that much free time.
  3. I found comfort in the Satanic Temple's response to Coronavirus. I can't find it right now (it was published shortly before March 16th if anyone's google-fu is stronger than mine). The closest I can find is this summary. They basically acknowledged that we're all going through a very hard time right now and we can expect it to be traumatic. What we need to do though is practice social distancing and staying at home while we wait for a vaccine to be developed. I take a lot of comfort in the fact that the world's top scientists are working on a vaccine. We just need to slow the transmission until they can develop it. (I'm going to keep looking for that press release now). Edit: found it in my email trash folder (and restored so I can find it again later):
  4. I hope I'd be brave enough to rebel. More likely, I'd just try to keep my head down and avoid attracting attention to myself.
  5. The highest court in Australia has just released Cardinal Pell because there was insufficient evidence to prove that he sexually abused those kids. It's kinda hard to have proof when one of the key witnesses died as an indirect result of his abuse though. I was abused by a priest as a child, and this has reopened old wounds (not completely afresh but enough to bother me).
  6. I was raised very strictly Roman Catholic. Today is Ash Wednesday, and I made a point of eating something with meat in it as an act of rebellion, something I plan to continue doing each Friday during Lent. I'd love to get to the point where I just don't care and don't notice whether I eat meat that day or not. Apparently that isn't going to happen this year though. Can anyone else relate?
  7. For the past five years, I've been living in Missoula, MT which has an active secular society. Before that I lived in Las Cruces, NM where the Unitarian Universalist church is basically an atheist club. I was just offered a job in the operating room in Fargo that will start as soon as I graduate and pass my boards. I can't find an atheist group there: the Red River Freethinkers used to meet regularly, but it looks like they stopped a couple years ago. Moving to a new place is intimidating, and I'm try to identify as many social supports as possible before I get there (this would be so much easier if I were still Catholic). If any non-religious folks are in the area, I would love to hear from you.
  8. It's supposed to be 1000 words spoken in tongues, maybe...?
  9. is trying to protect her steak from the cats.

  10. how do I change my username?

  11. Welcome, we'll try to help you in any way you can. I want to reassure you that almost all of us have been through what you are experiencing now. It will get better. Just try to relax, breathe. I wish I could remember exactly how I got over my fear. I think it was mostly just time. I stopped praying, stopped attending mass, and no disasters occurred. Reading about other religions and the history of christianity (and how it adopted from many other religions) also helped. I've been out for over two years, and I sometimes still get scared. That's how christianity operates unfortunately -- it exploits our fears.
  12. Ameen, that is absolutely adorable about Aria. I wish I could say Zorro had been that cute, but he didn't see her photo (and I'm pretty sure he's gay). You can count me as another Kirk-hater. I think I must have had really good luck with internet boards. The only problem I've ever had was losing interest on one or two. I think that ex-x is, like Earth, mostly harmless.
  13. Wow, your Catholic childhood sounds very much like mine: father stricter catholic (Mom's a believer), begging for faith at around age 10/11, getting into charismatic stuff at high school age, etc. I feel like I can understand where you're coming from on a lot of things and look forward to getting to know you better. Course, I'm 21 years younger, so there's a lot that I won't be able to relate to at all. Welcome and enjoy ex-christian (which I always think of as "ex-x," surely I'm not the only one?).
  14. Their grief?! What about your grief? That is such an absolutely horrible thing for your father to say. *hugs*
  15. I remember awhile after I had deconverted, a friend (who was fortunate to grow up with atheist/non-religious parents) asked me if I had told my parents yet. I said I hadn’t, and he frowned at me. I was just trying to come up with an appropriate response when another friend (who went through a similar deconversion experience), said “No, remember, her parents actually love her.” I nodded and the one friend looked at us like we were crazy. It does sound crazy, doesn’t it? Being American (with European roots), I don’t have the same family dynamics as you do. However, my parents have a great deal of control over me. I didn’t really realize how much control until I was 19 years old, living at college miles away, and called to ask if I could go camping with my friends that weekend. They told me I couldn’t. I did…and then spent the next few weeks worrying that they would find out and were going to call and let me know how angry they were (didn’t happen – thank goodness). I’m 20 now and still firmly under my parents’ yoke, though slightly less so (with the help of an university shrink – I don’t what I’ll do when my free sessions run out). I wish you the best of luck. Overcoming the traditions of Chinese society as well as Christian doctrine must be extremely difficult. I wish I could advise you, but you’re further along on this deconversion and “outness” business than I.
  16. Reading those emails from your mother made me almost start crying. How hard that must be! I hope that you and your husband will be able to find new friends, or that your old ones will remember what it really means to be a friend. I think it is very brave of you and your husband to write to your families explaining your experience (I refuse to call decoversion a "decision" because that implies choice). I might copy that idea in a few years (when I no longer depend on my parents to fund my education). I am awed at your sister's bravery in telling your parents while still living in their house. I hope everything goes okay for her. Surely it is child abuse to kick out a teenager. You truly have a talent for writing. Good luck and welcome.
  17. You wrote "Understanding Asexuality from the Outside?" I remember reading that a while ago and thinking that it was well-written. I don't think there are any active asexuality threads (there are a few dead ones somewhere on the sex&xtainity board). I've frankly given up on my parents ever understanding asexuality. My mom seems to just dislike labeling (perfectly understandable, but labels do have a purpose), and my dad just scoffs if anytime I indicate a lack of interest in sex. Oh well, fortunately, it's okay for women to be single now (though I would like an introverted, asexual boyfriend/husband). Aria is beautiful. My beloved kitty is named Zorro. He's the black and white one (you can also see his mask in the second pic). We live in a studio apartment and go for regular runs which he surprisingly enjoys/puts up with.
  18. Ameen, welcome to the boards (sorry for the delayed reply -- I haven't been on much since mid-December). Crazy christain missionaries/evangelists come to my university campus rather frequently. I greatly enjoy asking (with true concern in my voice) them if it's okay that I'm asexual. There seems to be about a 50/50 split between those who tell me I am closer to god and the ideal human (blah!), and those who tell me I am bound for hell because I "refuse to accept god's beautiful gift of sexuality." While still Catholic, I thought I was supposed to become a nun. I'm glad I got over that. I liked your article about HOCD and realized that I probably have that (I do have other forms of OCD -- mostly to do with locks and symmetry, formerly involving corporal mortification). I suppose it doesn't help much that many of my (well meaning) friends and both of my parents tell me not to worry, I'll develop sexual interest eventually. Anyway, I should bring this up with my therapist instead of babbling on in someone else's thread. I really must watch Star Trek someday. It sounds like it's right up my ally. Now, to find the time for that.
  19. I am Abortion-Man! I'll bring out the kid in you.
  20. Firstly, I would like to clarify my level of "outness." I'm currently attending New Mexico State University in Las Cruces, New Mexico. The whole region is very (hispanic) Roman Catholic, but atheists are pretty much accepted (especially on campus). I'm not out to my (RCC) parents or any other member of my family yet, but am to all of my friends. If religion comes up, I might identify myself as "not religious." But if it is at all possible that the person may meet a member of my family, I make sure s/he knows that I'm not out to them. I'm fairly reserved in general, so I haven't told that many people. I still run into people who recognize me from Newman Center and are obviously under the impression that I still go there. To one of those people (who invited me to a rosary service for...something), I said "Oh, I'm not Catholic." I think she concluded that she must have mistaken me for someone else. Fine by me. For Easter, we generally go somewhere (usually a small beach) in Mexico. Having the mass in a different language makes it interesting. I compare and contrast it to masses I've attended in other parts of the world. I get meaning from visiting my family, remembering Christmases past, and our family traditions (going to Old Town, pilling Dad with presents to sort them out, drinking hot cider, and reading The Tailor of Gloucester on Christmas Eve, eating oven pancakes on Christmas morn, playing only with our new toys on Christmas, etc.) I suppose if my sister comes across this site, I've just outed myself. Of course, there's mass, but it's not too bad for me. I've turned it into a "how much sound can I block out?" type of exercise. I also love to sing. One tradition I have cut is pre-Christmas confession and purification. Actually, I de-converted around Christmas time. I just I realized that I'm listening to a Christmas Carols CD while typing this. Let me pause for just a minute to sing along with "O Holy Night." (I love that song -- it fits my range perfectly!). Okay, back to answering the questions... If someone else "outs" me, I tend to ask that person why it was any of his/her business to do so (but I do this for other subjects). As mentioned, I'm kind of reserved. Hell is scary, and religious highs are kind of nice. (Though I can get the same feeling by staring at a shiny object -- much healthier, in my opinion). I'm afraid I can't give any advice to give as I have no children. Though, I was 16 a few years ago, so what would I have wanted to hear? I'm not sure. I suppose something candid and not overly emotional. Perhaps more of a "I don't want to keep secrets from you, so..." I'm not sure that was very helpful. Good luck. Well, most of the people I first outed myself to were my atheist friends. One of them (let's call him had gone through the exact same experience (RCC and all) just a few years before, so he was a huge comfort. I remember I had decided to not tell my parents, at least not yet. I knew that was my decision, but I still felt slightly uncomfortable about it. So I emailed B, telling him of my de-conversion and asking if he thought I should tell my parents or not. I knew that he was still in the closet to his parents, so I knew that he would advise against saying anything. He did, and I felt so much better. Telling my atheist friends was liberating. Telling my Catholic friends was a bit different, though. Luckily, my closest friend's father was atheist (as were many of her friends -- we were in the same group so to speak). It took awhile for her to accept that I actually had left and wasn't coming back. I sent an email to my choir director explaining that I wouldn't be back. I threw in a comment that in the past, when I backed off a bit from the church, my faith ended up being stronger (perfectly true, but in that case there always some faith left). I asked him to not mention my reason to the rest of the choir. He replied that it must have been difficult for me to deal with all the doubts and that I would always be welcomed back warmly. So true, so true. This website is one of the greatest comforts I currently have. I'm going to miss you all over xmass break. I hope my responses helped you some, and I look forward to reading your story. And you take care of yourself, too. CCL.
  21. Thank you for your replies, everyone. This is a very hard subject for me to discuss. In fact, only two ("IRL") people know about this: my therapist and my best friend/roommate. I am in counseling and on medication a few mental health problems. Since starting medication, I haven't actually harmed myself -- not even with my fingernails. Right now, I'm working with my counselor to re-adjust my thinking. For example, locking my keys in the car is a pain in the butt and a huge hassle for my sister; but it just means that I need to pay more attention when I lock the car door, and that I should apologize to my sister, pay for her taxi, and be willing to come with keys when she does the same thing. For the record, that was the most ridiculous example that I could come up with (we've each done that once). Unfortunately, just because I don't taking out on myself physically doesn't mean that I'm not punishing myself, something I'm working on as well.
  22. I remember clearly the first time I saw the word "mortification." It was in my Children's Book of Saints. From that book, I learned that most Saints practiced mortification to atone for their sins, and for the sins of others. I learned that mortification must be done privately, and without complaint. If anyone else knew that one was practicing mortification, then the whole action was null. I actually started corporal mortification (I started simple: scratching, biting, pinching, and whatnot) before I even went to my first confession -- so technically before I reached the age of reason. As I got older, my mortification became more intense -- I would cut myself (but only where my swimsuit would cover -- no one's supposed to know) and then clean out the cuts throughly. This resulted in more pain and reduced scarring. What a wonderful way to kill two birds with one stone, right? Finally, about two years ago, I allowed myself to consciously admit to myself all the doubts and disbelief that I had hitherto buried deep within my sub-consciousness and then ignored (More details here). A few weeks after de-converting, I had a brief relapse. I resolved to go to confession that Friday, and that I needed mortification for apostasy. I purified myself by cutting a huge gash in my left breast. Not until the next day, when I was cleaning the blood out of my wash cloth, did I realize how completely and utterly stupid that was. On the plus side, I haven't relapsed into faith self-harm again. But I still have a huge scar (and several smaller ones) from a religion I no longer believe. A reminder of how brainwashed I was. A relic of a childhood of (self)-abuse. Who wants a girlfriend covered in scars? I suspect that in another year or so, my large scar will heal. It was 5 by 1.25 inches two years ago, and is now 1.5 by 0.25 inches. But even after that one heals, the scars inside will remain. The guilt I feel when I do something wrong, when I make a mistake, even and honest mistake remains. The impulse to dig my nails into my skin immediately as a form of punishment remains. (By the way, thank you Mom for spanking me even until age 20. It sure did teach me that corporal punishment is always the most appropriate one). There, now I've written it, and I suppose I'd better hit "submit" before I change my mind again.
  23. What your wife did shocks me. I truly wish that I could help you.
  24. That sounds like depression. Are you in a position of being able to see a therapist?
  25. Gypsy, No one in my family knows about my deconversion. My sister might suspect. We make a point of not asking if the other has been to church. I think she's attending the baptist church (which would break my mother's catholic heart). Most of my close friends know. I don't know if I will ever "come out" to my parents. I plan to move to Germany, and they will stay in the States. They seem to be quite happy with their religion and church. Welcome to the forums.
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