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Vomit Comet

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Vomit Comet last won the day on February 13 2011

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Think not? Hope not?

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  1. My 2 cents. I would hope she fully understands the world she's stepping into, as well as just how far she's expected to step into it. American fundyism, as simple and dumb as it may seem on the surface, is actually as complicated and mysterious as any other sect you can think of. In other words, outsiders only see the tip of the iceberg. If she doesn't have significant awareness of what's going on, she might be in for a gradual rude awakening in the coming years, so to speak.
  2. Oh God, I know EXACTLY what you mean! Vineyard seemed to produce most of these. "An intoxicating fragrance / I breathe you into me." Like it's some kind of fucking fart fetish!?
  3. I dunno, if you do that they might be encouraged by their 'success' to print more of it than they would have.
  4. Years ago I tried finding "the woman that God has for me" on eharmony.com. Gaaakkk!!!! One thing I've learned: Christians marry young, partly out of expectation and partly because like everyone else they want to fuck. As for those not married by age 24, there just might be a reason for that. Hey, I include myself in that, I definitely didn't have my (emotional and mental) shit together at the time. Now if you think that's scary, check out your typical "f2f" Christian singles group at your local congregation.
  5. So did I. Is there any way we can take it back?
  6. Oh God, I took a public speaking class way back in junior college. This one guy did that exact thing, and even led a salvation prayer at the end, asking everyone to bow their heads and close their eyes. I was definitely still a fundie then, and the guy was a buddy of mine, but I couldn't help but cringe and squirm the whole time. Gahhh!!! He was one of those hyper-extrovert types who could witness at the drop of a hat to just about anybody, but I bet he was praying and praying about it for weeks prior, probably bringing it up at prayer meetings, etc.
  7. Junior high was the worst. I think they should abolish it. Fold the 7th graders into elementary school and fold the 8th graders into high school.
  8. I once saw a cartoon (printed, not animated) where a Klansman, pointy-hat and all, was standing before the pearly gates. And St. Peter was a black man. The Kluxer's thought bubble said "oh, shit." Well, if I found myself standing before St. Peter, I'd ask him the following: "are the fundies right or are the liberals right?" If the latter, I would do a Snoopy-style happy dance. I imagine the liberal Christian heaven as being along the lines of a Scandinavian daycare center for dead people, or along the lines of some 1960s 'ashram' full of white bourgeoisie and minus the good drugs and easy poon-tang. Not my personal idea of heaven, but still a damn sight better than roasting in blue flames for all eternity while giant hookworms eat their way up my asshole. If the former was the case, that the fundies were right all along, I'd be well and truly fucked. From all that I was ever taught about the Lord and His Awesome Majesty, I wouldn't even get the chance to mouth off before He pulled the lever. I'd be too busy shitting my pants while groveling before the throne in absolute terror. Face it, if that shit's for real, you're all going to find yourselves in that position, whether you're a clever, snarky atheist or a hippy dippy liberal Christian. You will hysterically offer to suck his dick and lick his balls for 100,000 years and you'll fucking mean it, and He'll just smite you the fuck down, you little worm. "Why ought I grant thee the privilege of servicing My Rod and Staff when I can simply createth 75 young Naomi Campbell clones for that very task with but a snap of Mine Fingers?" That's just how awesome and mighty and scary the fundie God is.
  9. After I deconverted I went on an "extreme metal" binge. All the most fucked up, satan worshipping, church burning, baby eating shit that I had been absolutely avoiding for 13 long years, everything from Cannibal Corpse, Celtic Frost, and Deicide to Burzum, Mayhem, and Emperor. It made me laugh my ass off. Satan and his demons, who had been my personal sworn enemies as a bat-shit Pentecostal, the nearly omnipresent and entirely malevolent entities that I conducted spiritual warfare against on a daily basis, were now as ridiculous and fictional as the zombies and demons in the Evil Dead movies. It was so cathartic. These days I'm big into vintage satan rock from back in the late 60s and early 70s, such as Coven, Black Widow, and Lucifer's Friend. Norweigan black metal might have all that screeching and bloodletting, with non-stop blastbeats throughout every 7 minute song, but none of that is as evil sounding as the hippie flute in a fucked up minor key.
  10. Who the fuck's even out of bed before noon on a Sunday? Maybe it's because I don't have kids yet.... Here in Italy, 16 year olds can buy hard liquor. Of course, most the stores are closed on Sundays, or if they're open, they'll close by noon. If you thought America was the land of contradictions....
  11. I was slaved at the age of 15, so I missed out on the joys of being raised in a Christian household. I don't know if it was better or worse, because I wasted my teens and most of my twenties on that shit, along with some of my mental health and various indicators of well-adjustedness. At least I only had to worry about my brother and my old friends when I deconverted.
  12. No, they just tell you to not do drugs, not have sex, etc. But they do invite you to a "bigger, better" event later that night at the local mega-church. They came to my high school back in '96, I believe it was.
  13. I've lost fucking count of the times that they would trot out some former ultra bad-ass to tell all us youngsters how the Lord had turned him into a man of God. I guess at the white churches over in Flyover Country they'd get ex One Percenter bikers, ex ABers, ex Nazis, etc. Out in California where I was we got ex gangstas, ex Mexican Mafia, guys like that. One example comes to mind was Art Blajos, who apparently was a high-up prison assassin for the Mexican Mafia, and there he was... Man of God with Victory Outreach or Teen Challenge (I forget which). Man, I used to jizz my pants whenever I heard such testimonies from such former super mega bad-asses. A combination of vicariousness, titillation, and of "wow, the Lord truly saves!" Fuck, one time they even brought in an ex NSA spook. Though he was only mentioning some incident from his time there [redacted] in order to illustrate some prophecy he was spouting, rather than as a testimony. Anybody know what I mean?
  14. I know what you mean. Several times, some preacher or another 'prophesied' over me, telling me and everyone else I was going to do some special shit for the Lord. I was always being told about what 'gifts' I had. And now... here I am in the real world. But I'm still special like that. Y'all just don't know it yet.
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