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jdog

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Everything posted by jdog

  1. Responding to original post. I agree. As a Christian I had good and bad happen. As a non Christian I've had good and bad happen. There's been no increase in negative things or disasters in the past few years. In fact I have had some really nice things happen. And I am happier. Just feel so free now. the difference is back then when a crisis Arose I would pray and if things turned out it would be "praise the Lord". If things didn't turn out then it was "god's will" Now I take the rough with the smooth and see it all as part of the cycle of life. Shit happens whether we believe in God or not. About tattoos. I like tattoos if they are good ones. And have no judgement towards those who have them. There's some awesome people out there with tattoos. I watch the tattoo tv shows. There are some amazing artists out there. I got a small tattoo years ago. I don't particularly like it now. It wasn't done very well. Luckily it's in an unseen area. And it's not too much of an issue. I will not get another tattoo as my tastes change from season to season. Lol. I'm afraid I will probably regret whatever I get 5 years from now. also getting a tattoo hurts! Lol.
  2. You aren't going to hell my friend. It doesn't exist. Those encounters we may have with people we knew from church can be awkward and may rattle us. It has happened a couple of times with me but not in a very long while now thank goodness. But They would pry and ask questions and they ALWAYS said that they were praying for me. After seeing them it did seem to rattle me for a while after. I would worry and second guess. And even felt guilty. And Those What ifs Pop up. And I still get like that on occasion but it's short lived and I remind myself of reality and reason and I'm ok again. When I initially left the church and stopped being a Christian (6 years ago) and I was going through that difficult time of realizing it is all a lie. Many of you know how sad and awful that is. One friend I had at the time said I was under attack from satan and he was deceiving me. I told her to stop it and that it was not true. She was so scared for me. Her fear was very evident. I didn't remain friends with her, she was just too much. These people are so afraid and they want to make us afraid too. It's pretty cruel really.
  3. Hugs for you Margee. what a tough thing to be facing. so sorry. Will be thinking of you.
  4. That's amazing. I'm happy they are helping you. Since you posted about chia seeds. I Bought a jar of them and I add them to plain yoghurt. I have been eating them nearly every day. Those are some tiny seeds. Get stuck in my teeth. I have been doing better emotionally the past few months. I think the summer months I do better but I still have a level of depression and anxiety is difficult. I'm Not sure If I can contribute my latest improvement to the chia seeds or not. However I have been going out more and I even joined meet up groups. I haven't done group social stuff in years. It's been years since going out for a drink with a group of friends. And considering I've been quite reclusive for a long time these recent outings for me is a big change. I haven't done social stuff in a very long time. Anxiety and depression have been much of the reason. I also suffer chronic pain due to RA, OA and fibromyalgia, I'm also naturally an introverted person and so the combination of my personality and then physical and mental health issues has been very difficult for me. And though I'm mostly an introvert I do like some kind of social life too but I've been at home a lot and avoiding social situations over the past few years. I've Mainly seen my husband and son, grandson. I have tried SSRI's in the past and they have helped to some degree but side effects and how they make me feel are too negative. I do not feel myself when on those drugs. I become numb and not able to access my creative side. And there's physical side effects too. So The last couple years I've been off all regular anti depressant and tried to do my own self help. Exercise, getting outside into garden, sunlight. Improve diet. I've been maintaining enough to function but it's still being challenging. And I only take an anti anxiety on an as needed basis. But like I said the past few weeks I have noticed an improvement. So whether it is a chia seed miracle or not I'll certainly keep eating them as they are a super food and I need more omega 3 in my diet. Got to increase my good cholesterol level, my number was slightly lower than it ought to be. I add flax seed to food too and I add hemp oil to my salads. Hemp oil is another good source of omega 3. ***I feel for everyone here who has depression. I've struggled with a combo of anxiety and depression for years. Since being young. I didn't get diagnosed until I was in my 40's. I've always thought it's how everyone else is. And I've been the biggest actor ever! I can smile and make people laugh, people in the past have commented that I seem a happy person. Oh how little do they know that when I go home and close that door behind me I'm feeling sad, depressed and have wanted to die. And an emotional wreck. I have thought of suicide a thousand of times. I've planned it and played how I would do it in my head. I know suicide ideology is common. I Even attempted it many years ago. I've just wanted the pain to go. And I have mentioned depression to people before but I don't think they quite believe me or realize the intensity I feel it. I seem to feel everything. I am a sensitive and emotional type person. They say things like that I've got so much, nice husband,kids, home etc. and they just make suggestions like exercise, get out, etc. I'm originally from the UK. And family members say "chin up" Get your act together sort of comments and count your blessings it's hard to explain that it goes beyond the physical or circumstances. It's something deep within. Can't explain it. You can't just think happy thoughts and it goes away. It is something in the brain. So I don't tell people. I have just put on a mask and faked my way through life much of the time. It's been tiring. Anyhow I'm glad that I can share I'm not in that darkness right now and things are going better. And even with finances and family worries I'm doing fine. That's pretty good. yeah? Hugs to everyone here. Especially you brother Jeff. You are Always an inspiration and offer such good encouragement.
  5. Orbit That's great you've created a new social life for yourself and you find meditation helpful. I find meditation, enjoying nature, music are all ways to feel "something" healing, nurturing inner self. I really don't miss any of the church stuff at all now. But I certainly missed things for a while there the first couple of years or so. It does take time to reevaluate one's life and to find self again. And breaking the habit of prayer took some time. And even now on rare occasion I feel that want to pray but then it feels silly and pointless. I think I get like that when some crisis arises and I know I have no control over certain situations and that "give it up to god" Mentality resurfaces. But it's a short lived emotional slip up and I turn my mind to reality and refocus to find solutions and accept whatever it is. And I remind myself that Prayer changes nothing. And no body is listening to me. It's just a self soothing comfort thing. For anyone who misses the social side of things I will suggest. "meetup" website online and you may find groups in your area who share your interests. I've joined a couple of them in my area. I've been quite reclusive the past few years not going out much due to physical and mental health reasons. And I'm actually an introvert too. But I have been doing better health wise, and have wanted to make some changes. And though I'm an introvert I still want to be social at times and would like some friends. And So I found that "Meetup" is a great way to find new people. It's been really nice and refreshing to be around people who just want fun and can talk about things without mentioning god, Jesus, church, prayer, religion. I've been to a few social meet ups now and not one person has mentioned any of those things. Fantastic! There's even a free thinkers group through "meetup" but That's too far for me to drive. But It's good that there's groups like that out there.
  6. When I was a believer the OSAS teaching made me feel secure about my eternal future. And I really wanted to believe that it was true. Not all Christians believe OSAS and say it's a false teaching. BUT now. It bothers me. It has crossed my mind over the past few years since I deconverted in '08. What if it is all true and I am really "saved" and the OSAS doctrine is true. I would have to live for eternity in heaven with bible God and with Jesus. It actually scares me. Sometimes I wonder if we have been duped by an evil mastermind. That we were tricked into believing salvation was necessary to be saved from a horrible demise but really it is a way to recruit servants for god in the after life. And that it is no paradise but more like "hell" So what we thought was good is actually bad. And I've forever sealed my fate by being "saved". I have been doing well with my deconversion overall. Have been happier living life but on occasion I just get panicky and anxious about things. And I have irrational thoughts. One thought is I have made a mistake for deconverting because bible god really is true and OSAS is false OR That I made a mistake for falling for the BS in the first place and getting "saved" and OSAS is true so consequently I'm doomed to live forever serving and worshiping god in heaven after I die.
  7. Your post is so good to read. Love to hear the positives of deconverting. Congrats. I've been out since 2008.
  8. It shows how far I've come. I see Christianity as the "dark side" now. I saw the title and thought someone had reconverted. Phew, I'm so glad that's not the case. That's great to hear you've broken free and are ready to live your life the way you want. Enjoy.
  9. Hi Zuker, It's not often i post but i read people's stories and my heart breaks for some people struggling with things. This stuff can certain screw up the mind and cause utter confusion. I think it's best to take a step back. And not immerse yourself so much into it. It surely can make one crazy. I am with Margee and the Florduh quote. Get outside and commune with nature. Stop and smell the roses so to speak. Simplify life a little more. Play more. I know with OCD you can exchange one obsession with another. Maybe get hooked on another hobby. Something less confusing and harmful. Something creative like art or music. I hope you find a way to have some peace. Good luck.
  10. When I get in situations where people are talking about a topic I have no clue about it is a bit awkward I know but it's just the way it is sometimes. We can't know every topic people discuss. And it really is ok to just listen and not feel the pressure to have to say something. And it really is ok to say you don't know something or that you aren't familiar with what ever they are discussing. They probably don't know things that you know. You've got plenty to contribute as you are knowledgable on certain topics they probably have no clue about. It works both ways. Be ok with who you are. That comes with confidence. I'm still working on it myself. I've Always been not the most socially adept person and I'm introverted too. I understand it's finding the right kind of person to share similar interests as yourself. It's not always easy and I think this is a common thing many people deal with. Not just ex c's. Are there any "meet up" groups in your area. It's online. You sign up and it will list groups in your area that share the same interests as yourself. I use to go to one in my area and it was on Growing and using herbs for health and healing. I actually like that kind of thing myself. natural lifestyle. I hug trees sometimes and love nature. even way before going all Christian like I did It's Always been difficult to "fit in" with people. Felt like on the outside looking in. And even as a Christian. It was so awkward for me at times. Anxiety! So anyway You never know there maybe closet herbalists in your area that you don't know about. So check on "meet up" Any health food stores in your area? Always a good place to get talking with people about natural and health stuff. Yoga studios too. Continue to Explore new things. Music, art, science, whatever you are drawn to and hopefully you'll find your kind of people and conversation will be easier. I think as time goes on you will lose the Christian baggage and you'll be more confident in being who you are. No pressure.
  11. To answer the title Horny Bored Relieve anxiety/tension Want to get to sleep Feels good
  12. If this is real I would seriously pay to have one put up in my city. I live in a bible belt and would get sued about ever 20 seconds for this but it would be so worth it just to see how many people would get angry and if they found out who did it how many so called christians would send me death threats. It is/was real. last year. It was in San Diego. San Diego Coalition of Reason and other atheist groups paid $4,000. To have the bill board put up for 4 weeks. I would love to see that billboard around here.
  13. Some YT comments say it was an Arab Airline. Makes a difference I suppose.
  14. Getting rid of the dead stuff allows room for something new to grow.
  15. I was a kid taught a little bit about the bible and I went to church but I Wasn't from a religious family. And for many years I didn't follow any of it. It wasn't until my adult years did I really dive into being a Christian and I got "saved ". And the reason for that is A mix of things but Mostly Love and I felt I needed forgiveness. I felt guilty and ashamed for things and believed I needed to be forgiven and cleansed. I really did feel that conviction and surrendered. I really fell for Jesus. I felt he was the real deal and that's what I was missing in my life and he was there with open arms to love and accept me. I was vulnerable and emotional and really wanted love and acceptance.
  16. 4 I think. A couple of NIV's, KJV, devotional. Had many Christian books. I have throw them all away other than one leather bound NIV. That's in a closet somewhere.
  17. Fabulous photos. I love this kind of Art work. I would like to get a better camera so I can do this kind of photography myself. I am always taking pictures of nature and doing close ups of flowers and insects but not like these. The details of the natural world around us is quite breath taking and you've captured it so beautifully with your camera.
  18. Those are lovely. I really like the intricate patterns and the black and white contrast. The wood frame sets it off well. looks good. I have to admit I've never heard of Zentangle or zentangling before. I had to look it up. Very cool. I think I will give it a try myself. I like to find ways to calm my mind and I enjoy art and appreciate all the different forms it comes in. I do coloring sometimes. I like coloring mandalas. The round Zentangle design you did is like a mandala. Thanks for sharing.
  19. That's where I am and I highly recommend it. I feel really good about it. I don't feel that I am selfish because I'm doing something just for my simple enjoyment whereas before everything had to be linked to god in some way and I questioned so much of what I did. Always making sure I was glorifying god or praising him and thanking him for every thing. And doing for him. I found it hard to just sit and enjoy a lot of the time. Now I do it all the time and I have no qualms about it. . It's awesome. I loved the sunset picture you posted. Beautiful.
  20. Really good exercise. I like what you did there. It reads just like an abusive relationship when you read what you laid out there. An abusive person tells the girlfriend or spouse that they are useless and worthless and selfish and are nothing without them. After years of abuse they find the strength to leave the relationship But they still struggle and believe those messages they were told repeatedly and so they seek help and therapy and they begin to learn to replace the negative messages with positive self talk and become stronger and more confident within themselves. I know someone who went through that. And I myself didn't have the most nurturing of parents and there was abuse and I have had to work on positive self talk. We get told wrong things, negative things when growing up and it can stick for a long time. And then add Christian crap to it too. A recipe for low self esteem and no confidence. It takes time to retrain the brain and build up confidence. Don't they say it takes 10 positive comments to negate 1 negative. I don't know how true that is. it's common that we may dwell on that 1 bad comment someone said and forget about all the nice things other people said. Anyway keep up the good work. You are doing great. it's going to get better.
  21. I think once you find some alternative phrases it will become more natural. I think the phrases others have suggested already are good. I use them myself. I'm sorry to hear that I hope things improve I'll keep you in my thoughts or I'll be thinking of you. I'm here if you need me.
  22. That's a funny parody. The Tims one is hilarious. The ab rocker did it for me.
  23. Do you have a pet, animal friend? I cry and talk to my dog. I've also talked out aloud to myself not really aiming my words TO any body or any being but just getting it out of me. I don't think you can do meditation "wrong". Even Five minutes can be beneficial. Doesn't have to be long sessions though the more one practices the more beneficial it is. Sit somewhere in a position you feel the most comfortable. Traditionally on the floor with legs crossed is ok but not everyone is physically able to do that so you modify things to suit your self. Whatever works for you. That's how I approach it. Allow thoughts to come and go, just let them float on by, don't analyze why or what you are thinking, no chastising self. focus on breathing. You'll have clear spots where no particular thought is there, that's good you want more of that clearing, A thought might pop into your head, and that is ok, just let it go and focus back to your breathing, You can Look and focus on an object if you want, candle flame, cloud, tree etc You can listen to a sound. Or you can repeat a sound or a positive word or phrase to your self if that helps. There's different ways to meditate. I find sitting in the grass and watching a tree and listening to the wind is meditation. I've sat in my parked car in the rain and listened to and watched rain drops going down the windshield, It's a form of meditation to me. There's also YouTube videos you can get ideas from. There's plenty of info out there about meditation. Anyway, good luck. I hope you get the job offer.
  24. Big hugs to you brother Jeff. You have been through so much. I'm so glad you are here sharing your story and freedom with us. I have seen your re-conversion posts here in the past and the struggles you've had and I knew it was linked to the bi polar and I have felt so badly for the torment you've suffered. And I am really glad you are doing well now. Free from all of that. The main thing is that you are out now. You were young and vulnerable when you got hooked on Jebus. We were all duped. None of us knew any better. it's important to mourn those years that you had lost but not to hang on to it. Gotta let it go. It's kinda like an innocent prisoner who has done time in prison then gets out. He's glad he's free and has processed the anger of losing his freedom long ago but is still sad when he reflects upon how many years of his life he has lost but he aims to let the past go and is determined to live the remainder of his free life to the fullest You are free my brother. Enjoy!
  25. I was a pain in the rear to my sons and husband. Man I cringe at how preachy and christiany I got. I also sent letters of my news but always threw in there evangelical crap and tracts to family members who live far away. Ugh. Awful to even think of. I was very judgy of other religions and beliefs. Other Christian denominations. Judgy of celebrities, musicians. People in the media. Thought and said they were all going to hell. I feel really badly about this elderly gentleman who was a new friend to me and my husband. He was a widow for several years and he finally met a woman again who he wanted to marry and she moved in with him. I told him it was wrong of them to "shack up" before marriage and other such nonsense. Lol This guy was 70. What a fuckin idiot I was. Looking back on that I think wtf was I thinking. He actually stopped talking to me. I don't blame him. I did apologize to those I have been able to. Family and friends. The elderly gentleman we lost touch so I was never able to apologize for my ridiculous comments and attitude. Everyone else I was able to say sorry to are thankful that I'm no longer like that and have been forgiving about how I was. Things are good now. I am glad I'm out of it.
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