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gypsy79

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About gypsy79

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    United States
  • Interests
    reading, traveling, improving
  • More About Me
    Atheist

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Any Unicorns? Any Fairies?

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  1. Scifi, hugs to you. I haven't been through exactly what you are going through, but I have been through something similar with alcohol, and it was very difficult. I'm not going to go into detail here about what worked for me because everyone's journey is different and I don't want to give bad advice, but I will say that I started out by coming clean with my spouse (the only person I lived with at the time) and asking him to hold me accountable. Looking back, one thing I wish I'd done is find a good therapist who is focused on solutions, tell him or her the truth, and ask for accountability that way as well.
  2. "The only people who are mad at you for speaking the truth are those people who are living a lie. Keep speaking the truth."
  3. Thank you all. I really appreciate your responses, and you have provided some wise insights. I have a lot to think about.
  4. True. Your point is well taken about the strain if they find out I'm lying. I am pretty sure they will ask. They are already starting to hint around about their concern.
  5. Sure. It depends on the situation. It's your life so you know the risks and the costs. If you think playing along is the best strategy then go for it. I presume from your OP that you don't live with your parents and only have occasional contact. I also take it that there is no risk of them discovering the truth on their own. Just play the role when they are around. Correct, I have not lived with my parents for quite a long time, and we do not live very close to each other. We do talk frequently, though, so I suppose the risk is that they will see through me.
  6. That is an interesting idea. Perhaps I could start there and just see how it goes (also with a Plan B ready in case it doesn't go well).
  7. Lilith, you make a lot of good points about lying making it so much harder in the future if they find out. I don't live very close to them, so don't have to worry about drop-ins, but if they suspected I might be lying, they are the types to ask how the sermon was this morning or what we are learning in Sunday School. I don't think they choose to believe any more than I choose not to believe (it's more that they just do, and I just don't?), but yeah, it's not my fault that they do or that I don't. Ugh! I keep holding out hope that they will deconvert randomly and on their own. Probably not gonna happen, huh?
  8. Thank you, amateur. They are not elderly, but with their behavior recently, I am starting to wonder if they are having health problems that they are not telling me about. Then again, it could just be that a preacher or someone got them "fired up". Maybe I should launch a preemptive strike and start asking them awkward questions about their health. Regardless of how I decide to proceed with them, I think your advice for dealing with the elderly is spot on. Great idea to turn it back around to a conversation about them and their memories. I did something similar with my grandparents, but your approach is better thought out than mine was. Oh my, this is going to be a tough decision.
  9. Hi guys, it's been a long time since I've been on...just dealing with life in general and having moved on from the anger and learning phases of deconversion to not caring so much. Lately, though, I'm realizing I need some advice: As my parents get older, they are becoming more and more fundamentalist and evangelical Christian. They always have been, but are sort of "renewing" their passion (if that is even possible...I already thought they were pretty passionate). They are very worried lately about the fate of the United States and everyone's souls, and I have noticed that they are starting to have tearful conversations with everyone about these issues, and they are even going so far as to ask friends and family members if they're sure they're saved. Of course, it's never done in an easy-to-manage way...it's always putting people on the spot and sobbing and holding their hands and looking meaningfully into their eyes, etc. I know it will happen to me at some point, so want to be prepared. They do not know I have deconverted for myriad reasons that I can't go into here if I would like to remain anonymous, but suffice it to say that there is enough heartbreak in their lives that I cannot stand to be the reason for more of it. So far, I have not had to lie since they have not point blank asked me, but I simply do not know what to do if I am asked in the future. Realizing the advice will probably be that I should come clean, please let me have it. This just absolutely kills me because I love them dearly and they love me so much. They truly believe all of this stuff with every fiber of their being, and it is absolutely going to destroy them to think that I am doomed to literal and eternal burning in hell. If it was just me causing heartbreak for them, we might be able to surmount it, but I will be just another in a long line of horrible situations they have had to endure over the past decade. Does anyone think lying is sometimes the right way to go?
  10. Mom, I love you dearly, but please stop buying me clothes: (1) I'm an adult, (2) I can afford my own clothes, and (3) I do not understand why you always buy me the wrong size when I have repeatedly told you what size I wear. It's starting to seem like you're doing it on purpose.

    1. blackpudd1n

      blackpudd1n

      Oh, I feel you! Except I get it from an aunt as well as my biological mother. Aussie sizes are a little different to American sizes, but I'm an Aussie size 10, and my aunt is forever giving me size 14 clothes. My mother goes all the way up to size 18 with her gifts. I sometimes wonder if they're trying to give me a complex.

    2. blackpudd1n

      blackpudd1n

      Oh, and does your mother always buy stuff you wouldn't wear anyway like mine does? I honestly don't know why, if they wanted to give me clothes so badly, they didn't just send me a gift card. At least then I could get something I like, that actually fitted, that I would actually wear.

    3. gypsy79

      gypsy79

      Yes, that is exactly what my Mom does! She buys clothes that are too big, and she gets them from the store where she shops, apparently forgetting that I am 20-something years younger than her. :-) I don't wear tight clothing, so it's not like she's trying to make me dress modestly or something. She is simply convinced that I am bigger than I really am.

  11. I completely agree, so I usually vote Independent instead of R or D (and will do so in this election). Depends on the individual who is running and for what office. Re: this particular election, the deficit has gotten so out of control that I think some people are simply voting for the person who they think will only take it to 105% of GDP instead of the person who they think will take it to 110% of GDP. Making up the percentages, obviously, but you get the point.
  12. inmyunbelief, my husband also went through a period where he got more religious when I deconverted. Before, he hardly ever went to church even though he is a Christian, but as soon as I told him I was an atheist, he started attending church again and even bought a new Bible. That went on for about a year, and then one day it stopped. I’m not sure what’s going on in his head since I don’t think he’d tell me even if he was having doubts. For him, it works best when we simply don’t talk about it. He knows where I stand, but he was defensive when I first deconverted. Now that I’ve stopped yakking about it all the time, he is no longer defensive and is back to his normal self. Like you, I am also in the closet. Have been for years. Only my husband and new friends know. I live a few towns away from family and old church friends, so they don’t know I don’t go to church. I don’t lie about it or keep up an act; I just don’t mention it, and I go silent when other people start talking about the tribulation and the antichrist and shit like that. Being in the closet used to make me anxious and depressed, but it doesn’t bother me anymore. The longer I am an atheist, the less I think or worry about religion or what I used to believe. I never thought the day would come, but honestly, I just don’t care about it anymore. Used to come here all the time to interact with others in my boat, but now I go long stretches where I don’t even think about it. Not sure if this helps, but I thought we had enough in common that I should share that with you. Best wishes to you.
  13. I used to test ISTJ, but now I test INTJ. Have heard it's not supposed to change, but it did. Oddly, it changed after deconversion. Not sure if that's a coincidence or if there is something more to it.
  14. I got rid of all my Bibles except for one. It is the one I used during my deconversion process, and it has notes all over the margins. Quite a few "WTF"s and other assorted vulgarities mixed in with scholarly observations.
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