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defygravity

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About defygravity

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    Doubter
  • Birthday 08/17/1971

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  • Location
    Seoul, South Korea

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    I still believe in God, just not in religion.
  1. Hi and welcome! For some of us it takes a long time of struggling before we finally say oK that's it, it isn't working, I am done! It was that way with me. My faith was on rocky ground when my dad became sick and it really became unstable after he died in 2002 and how my mom acted towards it. I grew up in a very fundy home. It wasn't until in the last year that I verbally said it that I was not a Christian. I had to hear myself say it and it was the most free I ever felt! So my journey started 9 years ago really. I tried and tried to be a good Christian for a few years after my dad died but I was only fooling myself. I just turned 38 and I am just tired of wasting my time with this religion crap. What is amazing is when I finally "let go" things changed for me. I got a great job over the summer with a huge government contracting firm and I am back in college going for my BS in Aviation Maintenance. I love aviation and being a woman I get the raised eyebrows and the "Oh really" comments, LOL! It's such a male dominated field. So far I have all A's and I have never been a straight A student EVER so this is just incredible for me. I am sure my mom would say it was God's will.
  2. Hi and welcome! I remember all those evangelicals being busted. Don't forget Robert Tilton! He probably wasn't as mainstream as the others. My family had known him and I was even on one of the televised sermon's from his church in Dallas when I was like 8. He was accused of... money laundering? Well accused of pretty much of stealing money from viewers. Nice to see you on the bright side.
  3. :welcome: I can relate some but your deconversion went faster than mine! It took me a few years actually. It started with a traumatic event then I just slowly backed away. For me it was really hard to give up on something I grew up in, believed whole heatedly and FEARED. I think fear was the biggest deal but after finding that the "Greatest Story Ever Sold" is really a copy of past divine figures, well that was the finally. Talk about being pissed at myself for being duped. I still think there is a higher being, though, just not like s/he is described in the Bible.
  4. Yeah Texas is great! No my name is a reference (probably not a good one) to The Matrix. I had the choice of the red pill (I can continue to buy into organized religion and Christianity) or the blue pill (I wake up from the "Matrix" and I'm free). I come from a somewhat military family. My aunt did 2 tours in Korea (Air Force), father and grandfather served in Vietnam, and my uncle was an MP for 20 years. Oh ok, I have seen the Matirx years ago but didn't pay too much attention to it, LOL! Makes sense, though. I read the book Brave New World in high school (back in the ... ahem... 80's) and LOVED it. They took a little pill called Soma and if I remember correctly it was blue... I haven't read the book in a while. It was the way to keep the civilized people in line. My dad was in the Army years before I was born. My brother is currently Air Force, I am a Navy veteran and my husband is active duty Navy. His dad was a Marine, went to Vietnam and almost lost his legs due to someone in his group hitting a trip wire, blew him back a few yards and he did lose part of his hand, though. His uncle was a Marine, too and went to Vietnam but he made it out ok. So pretty big military family here. I wouldn't mind if my boys decided to go the same route, preferably the Navy... I am biased.
  5. Welcome! I am from Texas, too! I grew up near Ft. Worth but I am in Korea now, dh is in the Navy. I loved Religulous! I think my husband got a bigger kick out of it, though. He's more agnostic and I still believe in a higher power, just not in organized or any other religion. So your username... does it refer to Brave New World...?
  6. Hi and welcome! Our answer to the "Any Gods" question is very similar. I am not atheist, I still believe there is a God/higher entity/consciousness but not in religion! I feel religion is a totally man made phenomenon, only created to keep the mostly illiterate people of the past inline. I also think religion was a way people tried to explain natural phenomenon or hallucinations when they were drunk, high, etc. I don't think I can't not believe there is something bigger than me around but isn't personally involved with us here on earth. I feel that I am more spiritual, some would say New Thought but New Thought has a lot of things that even I am skeptic about but hey I think we have the free will to believe or not believe in whatever we want as long as we are not fooling people in the process or leading them on like religion does. I don't believe in Heaven or Hell anymore but I do believe in an afterlife but what it is I don't know.
  7. Thanks for the warm welcome! No, I have yet to share these things with my family. Thankfully I didn't have to go through this completely alone, as my husband shared in my new found knowledge and has grown along with me. We're both pretty much on the same page although he leans more toward a creator of some sort and I lean more toward atheism. I may be able to tell my family someday, but if we ever told his mother it would probably kill her. Mine would definitely be disappointed with me--they never understood my wanting to learn the roots of Christianity and that alone became a big source of friction between me and my mom--but I think eventually they would accept it. I want to tell them...I just don't know how. That is very much like my husband and I except I lean towards a higher entity/creator and he leans towards atheism. I haven't told my mom, she'd flip and I am 37 yrs old! I may tell her one day but for now I just want to keep the peace because I know she will NOT RELENT to having my soul saved. I may never tell her. Who knows. I go home this summer for a visit and we'll see how long I can tolerate being in her home. I am in Korea, BTW, my husband is military. Welcome tot he group!!
  8. That is an aspiring life story. I was one of those kids who tried to please my parents by doing all the required crap. But it never really took. I tried for years and years, I even made up stories to make my mom happy. The things some kids will do sometimes to get a parents approval. One year at a vacation Bible camp, I went to be "healed a freed" from that evil rock music and lied to my mom that I saw a demon jump out me. My mom still doesn't know that I left the religion when I was 30, after my dad died. It really changed me. Way more to the story but I don't want to thread jack! Welcome to the group!
  9. Hi Eris, as a fellow artist I hope you can get to the school you want to go to and have the means to do it. May I ask why your family is so against it? Are they afraid of you going to San Francisco? I can only imagine what they think of San Francisco so it sure doesn't surprise me if that is their reason. Do they think art is a waste of time? I am sorry you are having to deal with this. I never went to art school, art was just a hobby when I was younger but without sounding too boastful I was a very good artist. I have been going through a major dry spell, it's been nearly a decade since I really produced anything new. I joined the military to get away but that was in 1994, not much was going on then but being in the Navy was great, I had fun, I made lots of friends, I met my husband. My life changed for the better. Maybe it can be something to look into, the new G.I. Bill is so much better now, pays more, it evens pays for housing while you go to school. I am not trying to sell this just saying there are choices out there for you that you may not have considered. But like I said, I hope you can go to the school of your choice. good luck with whatever you decide to do.
  10. Hi Vyckie! I can understand that fear you're talking about. I went through it and well I am kind of still going through it but everyday I feel more free when I tell myself that Christianity is just a human made phenomena. My change began with my dad's death in 2002. It's been a long journey and I am now in my late 30's and feel pretty good. However, I haven't told my fundamentalist mom. Someday it will come. I almost blurted out on the phone with her that I don't go to church because I hate it. I guess it's that kid in me not wanting to disappoint a parent even though I am a mom myself. I know my mom suspects something though because I am never enthusiastic when she talks about how good God is and how he's taken care of her. Well my dad planned pretty well to make sure she was taken care of before he died, not God. Anyway, I am off to red your blog!
  11. Hello and welcome, Thomas! I am an American in Korea so I am on the same side of the world as you! The main religions here are Buddhism and Christianity. Lots of Catholic churches here. I haven't been on much but I am trying to come here more often. Hopefully you will be too. It's great to meet people from all over the world.
  12. Hahaha, I so remember those days. I went to a private Christian school and we had Bible class everyday then we would have assembly or as they called it "fellowship" on Fridays and they would bring in supposed experts on this backwards masking crap! I was in junior high when that all started, so roughly 13-14 years old. I remember being told that ACDC meant Against Christ Devils Children. I bought it, too. I believed it all and was scared but I just couldn't stop listening to Duran Duran, LOL! So I did it in secret. Now I let my kids listen to mostly whatever they want. Oh you want that Outcast CD, sure why not! It was funny going into Best Buy, me being a thirty-something white, suburban, minivan driving mom buying my son an Outcast CD. Welcome to the group. I only have 2 boys but I still had that van! It was quite roomy!
  13. I am sure my mom would, too and I think if she found out my SIL is a Wiccan she might have a heart attack. To her Wiccan=evil witches who are devil worshipers. My SIL is far from that. My mom is 62 and fighting cancer. So far she is clear but it hasn't even been a year since her surgery and chemo treatments. So it scares me that she will go sooner than later because I already lost my dad to cancer in 2002. I love my mom, I just don't agree with her beliefs anymore but just feel it's easier to put up a front for her sake.
  14. I can certainly relate to the people pleasing and being a phony. However, I do believe in God, just not in a religious sense anymore. I guess my beliefs can be called deist. Welcome to the site! My mom has no idea I have rejected Christianity and it will stay that way for awhile. My close friends and my brother and SIL all know. My brother is on the same mindset as me and my SIL is Wiccan so I can be myself with them plus my husband was never a Christian to begin with, his belief aligns with agnosticism but he's never said he was one. As far as my mom goes, it's nice that we are a military family and we live overseas and she is in Texas. She is a formidable woman so it's just easier for me to let her believe what she wants and me play along. I hate it and I am sure one day I will "come out" but for now it will just stay that way.
  15. I was never a PK but I certainly can understand where you came from and how you feel. I feel better knowing I am not the only one converting later in life, I am 37 years old. I sometimes wish I had done this sooner but hey better later than never!! I, too have been doing my own research. I read the Gnostic Gospels by Elaine Pagels... a bit boring but I learned a few things. I am reading the Gospel of Judas right now and I plan on reading the Nag Hammadi... it may take me awhile to get through that one, LOL! I also have been scouring the Bible looking for all these inconsistencies. I mean the "Greatest Story Ever Told" is not very consistent between Matthew and Luke. In Matthew Jesus and his family fled to Egypt but when Herod died, Jesus and his parents went back to Galilee but in Luke, they never left and Herod had John the Baptist beheaded... I mean how can he do that if he died when Jesus as well as John the Baptist were kids??? John was roughly a year older than Jesus and he baptized Jesus when he was presumably a young adult. Also in Matthew there is no mention of Jesus being born in a stable in fact Matthew 2:11 states the Magi came to a house to see the Christ child... not a stable. So, this is fun and maddening.
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