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Phanta last won the day on October 5 2010

Phanta had the most liked content!

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About Phanta

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    Wherever I am!
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    Growing calmer and wiser. Living, laughing, loving.

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Can't Know
  1. The bird fights its way out of the egg. The egg is the world. Who would be born first must destroy a world. The bird flies to God. That God's name is Abraxas. - Max Demian

  2. Freudian slip or art? Been wondering if you meant "bide my time" or if you are a poet.
  3. Welcome, Kameron! Sounds like you are walking some fine lines with confidence and determination. I wish you continued strength and courage! Phanta
  4. I don't enter churches often, but when I do, there is inevitably a statement that is sexist, heterosexist, or nasty toward non-believers. It makes me sick. I also enjoyed my time in unprogrammed Quaker services. Lots of progressive thinking and struggling openly as a community with biblical texts. Welcome!
  5. Hey. It sounds like you have a lot of stress hitting you from different directions. No wonder you are struggling! If you do have PTSD (not sure if that was hyperbole or not), is your therapist a trauma specialist? Does the idea of talking to her make you feel guarded, or open? You went out of your way to note that your therapist is a Christian, insinuating that is causing some trouble for you. Is that triggering for you? Your level of trust and comfort with a therapist is a big key in recovery. It makes sense to give yourself the best shot you can. In your shoes, I would find a therapist--at least for now-- whose personal perspectives around spirituality are not triggering. Also, it is ok to chose to avoid church buildings right now if they are stressors for you. Be kind to yourself. Chronic pain can multiply burdens. Keep trying new treatments, ideas, and healers (doctors, chiropractors, naturopaths, therapists). I have healed all sorts of stuff no single healer could figure out. I healed through sheer bull-headed, persistent going to everyone available, compiling their collective knowledge, and BAM turning the ailment around by putting their correct insights together and discarding the rest. Find good people who you are not in love with and spend time with them. Let them feed your spirit and character rather than those jokers who tear you down for losing a game. Ok, that's a lot of advice. If you hang with it and keep trying DIFFERENT stuff, throwing out the bad and keeping the good, things will get better. Trust, trust, trust. People are resilient. Keep trying things. Different things. If you lose time, write down things you have tried and put the list where you will always be able to find it (write that instruction on the list). Note how each thing worked. You will get there! Wishing you peace. Phanta
  6. Curious about what my critical-eyed friends at Ex-C are thinking about the new Pope, who keeps saying such nice things. Hope you are all well.

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. ExCBooster


      Saying such nice things, but what are they still doing? Yeah. Words are cheap.

    3. Galien


      I'm waiting for someone to off him


    4. milesaway


      It's only an attempt at saving face and staying relevant in the modern world. Nothing will ever change with them, they won't let it. At the end of the day, he's no different from every other careless church leader and batshit fundy within that nasty organization.

  7. This verse from Proverbs speaks to how training, or one might say "brainwashing," is most effective on children. And this is what happened to you when you were confronted with the orthodox training of your childhood. It's not easy getting past it, but you can do it. I was about to write something similar. I left the church when I was a teen, after growing up in it. I thought I was immune to the early indoctrination, and for many years, I was fine. Then circumstances sent my head spinning similarly to what you describe, and I came here. I finally decided that, if it was all true, I was clearly irreparably rebellious and a hopeless case and I was going to suffer forever and ever for it. And if it's not true, then I am doing a pretty good job at life my own way. I was shocked at how deep the indoctrination went, and I attended liberal churches until junior high. Sometimes it can be overcome, but I think I just have to live with my situation. I can't seem to knock the early training completely, so I just accept the crap in my brain. Now I'm less stressed, but sad about the whole situation. Sometimes that's how it goes. Phanta
  8. Try "Let Your Life Speak" I think he's talking about an integrated self. differentiated and undivided. "You need only claim the events of your life to make yourself yours." (F.S. Maxwell)-- I think?

  9. I like the tone of his work. Not sure what to make of his assertion that we have potential for wholeness...still learning what he means by that.

  10. How do you like the old Quaker?

  11. A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life

  12. What are you reading by Parker Palmer?

  13. had a fantastic Japanese dinner prepared by a friend of a friend visiting from Japan. Eclectic company and delicious food! We even did a tea ceremony. :)

    1. ireckinso


      mmmm...authentic Japanese....nom, nom, nom!

    2. Tabula Rasa

      Tabula Rasa

      I'm jealous! I've got a feeling that what I've heard about chinese food over here(is that's its americanized) may hold true for a lot of the Japanese restaurants. I'd love to have some authentic chinese or japanese food.

    3. Petunia


      That sounds really neat.

  14. Summer is a great time of year to change eating habits...delicious veggies out there atm!

    1. asanerman


      What of Parker Palmer are you reading?

  15. 1984 had a big impact on me as well at about that age. Also Brave New World, We, Anthem and other dystopic novels. Great stuff for jump-starting the anti-authoritarian mindset in young people. Welcome! Phanta
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