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Galien

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Galien last won the day on July 5 2013

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About Galien

  • Birthday November 28

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    Female
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    Australia
  • Interests
    Surviving
  • More About Me
    Nerd

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Love

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  1. When were christians EVER honest?
  2. Mericans, always need a war on something. I find the whole halloween thing completely ridiculous, but then I feel the same way about all our commercially driven celebration days.
  3. I was a traumatised child with overblown empathy. Jesus was my hero, and I wanted to love everyone just like him. I also felt personally responsible for his crucifixion. God was the kind loving parent I never had in real life. I was like a sheep to the slaughter.
  4. I am SO bad at accepting things I cannot change

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. bfuddled

      bfuddled

      I hear ya. Sorry you're dealing with crappy people *hugs*

    3. milesaway

      milesaway

      same here. i've had it up to here with one-sided relationships. :(

    4. Margee

      Margee

      'Acceptance' is the impotant key to accepting things that one cannot change. It's not an easy job...

  5. No mate I don't believe that for a minute, I think it is a silly made up concept. I avoid assholes like the plague, and I don't abuse people with power. I see what is there, in plain sight.
  6. When I was a kid I liked the song JOY JOY this must surely mean, jesus first and yourself last and others in between. That resonated with my natural propensity for looking after people, so I learned early to care deeply about everyone's needs. To me this has been the focus of my life, the way I thought we were meant to live to make the world a better place for all of us. During my time as a christian I was often puzzled by people not reciprocating that. I have spent a lot of my life crying because I think deep in my heart I knew the truth but just did not want to face it in all its glory. I thought there was something deeply wrong with christians, but now I realise it is everyone, and it is considered "normal" behaviour. Over the past few years since deconversion I keep running into the same problem, me being happy to care about how I treat other people, but them not paying much attention when I need something from them. I am a fixer, and if there is an issue I like to drag it out and discuss it with the other person, so we can fix it. What I often get though is, well, nothing. People are not interested in fixing problems if it requires effort on their part. I am very concerned with what I can do to make them feel loved or needed or wanted, but they are not on the same page as me. Because that attitude is so foreign to me, it causes me a LOT of cognitive dissonance. I just don't get what it is not to care. I want to find solutions for everything, even if that involves me giving, because that is what I do. I have come to realise though that I am not even on the radar for other people. I completely underestimated how concerned people are with their own inner lives, and how completely unconcerned they are with the inner lives of others. I can beg, plead, cry, ask nicely, get angry, do everything I know to try and get them to listen and care about certain things, but they just......don't. I don't even know what that shit is, but I know it makes me so angry I could punch people. I am a giver in a world of takers, but am I just meant to lie down and take it? I don't want to anymore. The only thing I can do to avoid punching people is just to accept they don't give a shit, and that irks the fuck out of me after everything I am prepared to do for them. I don't think there is any solution for this. I want them to care, but I cannot make them. Why are their wants and needs so important to me, but mine so unimportant to them?
  7. Some of us have early experiences with men being pigs, and no one really comes along to change our mind. All feminists have different reason for thinking what they do. Mine have to do with watching the behaviour of men for over 50 years. I see a lot of selfishness, ego and immaturity, and the women left behind to clean up the mess. For me, most men never actually grow up and realise the world doesn't revolve around them. I need to be with a man who is grown up enough to realise that is not the case. Lucky for me I am.
  8. Galien

    Angry

    Just went to see my therapist. I have had such a long history of not getting my needs met. Seems every time in my life I have mentioned them to people, the people go away, so I just let things slide when I should not. My mother taught me I was not allowed to have needs, every time I tried to get them met I would be punished by her emotional withdrawal or her violence, or her getting angry at me because I had them in the first place. My ex husband used to do the same thing to me, the cult, the church, even my own daughter. I told my daughter that her abandonment of me had utterly destoyed me as a person. No response. I keep hoping that things will get better, that my needs will be acknowledged and I will be heard. Sadly though, I don't mention them when I should and I build up resentment that the person doesn't care about me, at the same time I build up fear because I know when I mention them, the person will be angry with me. Seems like I cannot win sometimes.
  9. Galien

    Angry

    For just one year of my life, just one, I would like it if there was nothing to be angry about. That is yet to happen. No liars, no emotional. retards, no bludgers, no people where I have to carry the whole load for the relationship, no fairweather friends, no people who havent dealt with their own emotional issues. I'm just so fucking tired of having to beg people for the things I need. I want my life to be more than just working and my heart hurting and washing sox.
  10. For me, the best thing to do was walk away from all of it. Obsessing over it just made me crazier and crazier, and I had to set a boundary for myself. This shit owned my whole mind for four decades, all it ever did was keep me in a loop of fear and uncertainty. Now when people ask me questions about it, I always say I just don't care.
  11. University is a business like any other. It is held up in high school as a big deal, but like most things in life, when you get to experience them you realise they aren't that much of a big deal after all.
  12. Galien, you've been de-converted for quite a while haven't you? Yes, it started in about 2007 I think then just took on a life of its own. An estrangement with my kid over the past 12 months has made everything worse. It is like both of my main foundations in life have fallen apart. I am lucky I have a kind, loving partner, but not even that is holding me together this time. I guess its just too much to lose.
  13. Too much pain for some people, RIP Ben.
  14. I feel the same way, kind of like an orange with all the juice sucked out of it. After losing christianity I still had my family, then my kid stopped talking to me. I feel like everything that has kept me alive is gone. I'm like a shadow these days, I feel like I might blow away in the wind.
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