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About Clearview

  • Rank
    Soft, yet firm
  • Birthday 02/25/1976

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  • Interests
    I like ponies.
  • More About Me
    I don't have an oven.

Previous Fields

  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
  1. Another thing about Catholics... You must become on in order to marry one in the Church. Marrying outside of the Church isn't considered a real marriage by Catholics, something I'm sure her family will frown upon at the very least.
  2. A week after their marriage, the redneck newlyweds, Ed and Arlene, paid a visit to their doctor. "You ain't gonna believe this, Doc," said the husband. "My thingy's turnin' blue." "That's pretty unusual," said the doctor. "Let me examine you." The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, the redneck's "thingy" really was blue. The doctor turns to the wife, "Are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed for you?" "Yep, shore am," she replied brightly. And what kind of jelly are you using with it?" "Grape."
  3. I'm not obsessed. I like that fact that I've been freed from religion and I don't feel inclined to read about it as I did when I first deconverted. Yet, I still come here. I don't know why. Something to do? I like reading the opinions of other people who are like me in that they've escaped the mind control that affects the vast majority of the population. And even though I'm inclined to never think about religion again, I realize that I must remind myself just how damaging it really is. That reminds me how important it is to have at least some knowledge as to why christianity/religion is false and that I should pipe up in real life in order to let people know that rejection of religion is not rejection of being a decent human.
  4. "Hello, is this the Sheriff's office?" "Yes." "I'm calling to report about my neighbor Virgil Smith. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!" "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave. The phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here is Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep." "Happy Birthday, buddy!"
  5. A biker stopped by the local Harley shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home. While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. I would walk you home but I can't carry this lot." The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm, and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Why, thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he said, "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time." The little old lady looked him over cautiously. Then said, "I am a lonely old lady without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?" The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chicken's, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" The lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket and I'll hold the chickens."
  6. A woman walks into a bar and orders a double entendre. So the bartender gives it to her.
  7. My thoughts exactly. And welcome 6/me. I floated in limbo for 10 years just as you did before I thought things through, figured things out, and walked away for good.
  8. Clearview

    These people suck

    Or, they SHOULDN'T HAVE A JOB. Since when is computer literacy not a required skill? Kicking some of these people in the face would certainly be more satisfying, though... I suppose I should feel guilty now, because after working on a database project with our off-site programmer (my boss's brother), I was cc'd on an email to my boss that said I have (among other things,) a "rapport with the people". Wow, I must be hiding my true feelings well! But then again, this guy refuses to speak with anyone other than IT and me. He knows how it is, and he can get away with it because he's 1) the owners' brother 2) old and really crotchety and 3) rich.
  9. Bob goes to confession. "Bless me Father, he said, for I have sinned." The priest asked, "What did you do, my son?" "I lusted," Bob replied. "Tell me about it," the priest said. Bob then related his story. "Father, I am a deliveryman for Fed Ex. Yesterday I was making a delivery in the affluent section of the city. When I rang the bell, the door opened and there stood the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She had long blonde hair and eyes like emeralds. She was dressed in a sheer dressing gown that showed her perfect figure. And, she asked if I would like to come in." "And, what did you do, my son?" asked the priest. "Father, I did not go in the house but I lusted. Oh, how I lusted," replied Bob. "Your sin has been forgiven," replied the priest. "You will get your reward in heaven, my son." "A reward, father? What do you think my reward might be?" Bob asked. The priest replied, "I think a bale of hay would be appropriate, you jackass."
  10. A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing." The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?" To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check. "There's no charge," he says. "No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says. "Honestly, ma'am," the mortician says, "it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice. So I just switched the heads."
  11. Clearview

    Chicken Wing

    Fwee, The drumstick-looking thing IS part of the wing. You are not a clueless idiot, I am. But now that I know better, I can walk tall in the knowledge that the ding of the wing is known in chicken circles as the "drumette".
  12. My $.02 is to go out and do something interesting/become someone interesting before you meet that person you are going to spend the rest of your life with. Do it now while you have the freedom, and you just might discover more things about yourself that will be important to know when it comes to having a relationship. If I had been married at 22, I surely would be wanting to put a bullet through my brain by now. I'm the same person I always was, but I know myself much better and no longer make the choices I made then. Another thing about settling down before you have experienced adult life is that your experience gets filtered by another person's wants/needs/desires. You could wake up 10 years later and realized your life was half-lived, half-fulfilled.
  13. Clearview

    Bad Fish

    I suppose I'm more concerned with not appearing to be a bitch than I am with getting my point across clearly. I don't know where the middle ground is.
  14. Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield. "Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Marilyn. "What shall we do?" "Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination,"says Sister Helen. Sister Marilyn switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts. "Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican,"says Sister Helen. Sister Marilyn turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "Now what?" shouts Sister Marilyn. "Show him your cross," says Sister Helen. "Now you're talking," says Sister Marilyn. She opens the window and shouts, "Get the fuck off the car!"
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