Eugene39

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Eugene39 last won the day on April 26 2012

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About Eugene39

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  • Birthday June 27

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  1. Eugene39

    Addiction is the topic: Twelve-Step Programs.

    My wife is in recovery for alcohol addiction, and was very put off by the 12 step mentality. So she went looking online and found smartrecovery.org (SMART = Self Management and Recovery Training) which is evidence based (rational emotive behavior therapy) and far more empowering than 12 step programs. It is not dogmatic at all, and takes into account the fact that each person is a unique individual and has the power of choice. It has really helped her and given her practical tools to get sober and get her life back on track. You may want to check it out and see if there's anything there that can help you.
  2. Hi Heimer and welcome to Ex-C. I can certainly relate to the fear of hell and am also glad to be over that phase of leaving faith. Just re-reading what you've written, it appears that you are on the way to a healthier you. Recognizing that there are problems is a big step forward. It's good that you are seeking professional help. These things weren't broken overnight and they won't be fixed overnight. A book that was a great help to me when I left about 8 years ago was "Leaving the Fold" by Marlene Winell. There are three sections to the book: sorting it out, healing, and growth. There are used copies available on Amazon for around $20. Looking forward to seeing you around on the forums.
  3. Hi TrueArrow. I gather that the common ground that you and your wife had originally was that you were both praying to find a spouse. Were there other areas of common ground?
  4. Eugene39

    How Do I respond to Christian Friend?

    Unless it's absolutely necessary, I don't know that I would respond. Neither of you are going to change your minds by talking about it. And it appears that she is expecting you to "run away". It's difficult losing your friends. Unfortunately, it's just part of the fallout, and I too wish that it wasn't that way.
  5. Good topic! Ditto for a lot of the Christianity stuff mentioned here. As far as something not related to Christianity, astro-meterology would be high on the list.
  6. Eugene39

    Married to a Christian

    Hi ludicrouSpeed. First, welcome to Ex-C. Yes, you have found yourself in a bit of a predicament. I like the idea of marriage counseling, and for me, counseling helped me sort out that there wasn't any future in my marriage. Should your marriage end, it certainly isn't the end of the world. I'm glad that my first marriage ended. It ending meant the end of a whole lot of stress! I will second what mymistake said about not having any children with things being as uncertain as they are for you. Children take up tons of time and energy and if a couple isn't careful, they can drift apart even if they have a good marriage. Adding children to an already shaky marriage is just not a good idea. Best wishes as you navigate through this difficult time for you.
  7. Eugene39

    Old Christian books

    Most went in the trash. There were a couple of books that I was able to sell to a used book store. But I've kept a couple of Bibles, especially the one that helped me deconvert, for sentimental value, I guess.
  8. Eugene39

    Amended

    If I understand your question correctly, it would be far easier for the "fairly indoctrinated Christian with non-Christian parents in a country where Christianity is a minority" to leave Christianity than it has been for many of us here in the United States. As far as what religion this person is interested in converting to, there's not enough information given to hazard a guess.
  9. The disbelief came first. Then I left church for a couple of months, but went again for little while, simply because it was what the family had been used to. That didn't last long because I was having to go to my "happy place" all the time. Come to think of it, that was 7 years ago!
  10. Eugene39

    Dating

    Your question totally resonated with me. I am incredibly lucky that I got to date and am now married to an ex-Christian from this board. We don't discuss the aftermath of leaving Christianity as much as we used to, but it is the best thing ever to have someone in my life that totally understands and she has been through a lot of the same crap as me. In both our cases, leaving Christianity has defined how our families and most of our former friends treat us. Obviously, you can't custom order a partner from the universe (although I feel like that's what happened to me), but it sounds like having an understanding partner is important to you. I'm glad that you recognize that, and am hopeful for you that you will be able to find someone in the future perfect for you.
  11. Hi, TinMan. I was raised in very conservative Holiness churches, and much to my parent's dismay, the last church I was in was a Wesleyan church, which was far too liberal for their liking. As you surmised, the thinking is completely black and white. You can lose your salvation at any point by sinning. If you've ever read Pilgrim's Progress, towards the very end of the book, Christian sees a path that goes to hell from the gates of heaven. All you have to do is sin, and if you die before getting right with God, you will not go to heaven. At my mother's very last service that she attended before passing away from cancer, she went forward to the altar to make sure that there was nothing between her and her Savior. As mentioned in a previous comment, sin becomes defined as things that you do wrong that you are aware that you were doing wrong when you did it. And yes, there are people who believe that they have gone years without sinning. I heard a woman testify during a camp meeting service that she had not sinned in 50 years. There is a high priority placed on standards. We did not have television growing up, and the only thing we were allowed to listen to on the radio was the news, Paul Harvey, and classical music. What was called Christian music of today was wrong because it contains the "devil's beat" in it. Dress standards are huge! A man's hair must be short and never follow the fashions. A woman's hair must never be cut, and put in a bun on her head once she gets into her teenage years. My parents kept me away as best they could from some of the kids in our Christian school because they were worldly and wore short sleeves. No jewelry on anyone - even wedding rings are wrong. I could go on, but you probably get the point. The doctrine of sanctification or second blessing is where they derive the idea of living without sinning. A person gets saved, but it is imperative that they soon go on and get sanctified. See Matthew 12: 45, Luke 11:26, 2 Peter 2:20, and Hebrews 12:14. Some of the stricter preachers seemed to believe that while justification was obviously a good step, I often wondered as a kid if I wasn't sanctified whether or not I would go to heaven. I find it interesting that you lumped Pentecostals in with the Holiness group. The group that I was raised in would never believe that a Pentecostal was a Christian, and that speaking in unknown tongues was a sign of demon possession! They base this on the "fact" that others were able to understand their language. Fortunately, I thought my way out of this several years ago and don't even think much about it anymore. So it was interesting in some weird way to reminisce back to the old days.
  12. Eugene39

    Did Anyone Else Attend a Private Christian School?

    I was in Christian school for all my school years except three years when I was home-schooled. Most of my memories of school are pretty good. I don't recall any abuse. Other than some Bible classes, creationist teachings, and chapel, the curriculum was alright although most of it was from A Beka Books which is all Christian perspective.
  13. Eugene39

    Finding life purpose is hard!

    I no longer believe that there is meaning to life. Some may have found what they believe to be a life purpose, but to me, that's somewhat debatable. I see it that now I can and do give love and companionship to my wife. I am a little spoke in the wheel at my job, so that is meaningful to me and to them. If there's some way that you can help others less fortunate than you, then that gives some meaning to both you and them. Doing hobbies and other fun things with or without others can make life more enjoyable. As Ecclesiastes points out, death comes to us all and life is a heavy burden, so the best we can do is participate in enjoyable things for the time we are here.
  14. Eugene39

    Awkward moment: Grace in a restaurant

    It seems a bit weird to me that the guy would want to hold your fingers while praying. And yeah, I would have been so caught off guard that my response would have probably been the same as yours was. Going forward though, is it possible to not ever eat with him again?
  15. If I hadn't read the Bible completely through, I might still be a Christian.