What's messed up is that God is up there apparently punishing you, but you don't really know that for sure. Is it just coincidence or is it really because you doubted his existence? What kind of messed up father is that? What dad punishes his child but doesn't clearly tell them why? Just makes them sit in the dark, their mind in torment making guesses as to why they're being punished.
That just doesn't make sense coming from a supposedly loving God. If God is going to punish you for something, he needs to get off his ass, come down, and make it crystal clear what he's doing and why he's doin