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Margee last won the day on September 13

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About Margee

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    Learning how to be an ex-Christian and be comfortable with it!
    This is my 'Please Forgive Me' letter - It is my testimony and I hope it helps someone....You'll have to copy and paste.

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    Hi! I've come to you for a little help. I was a 'Fundi' for 30 years. I took the bible literally. The more I studied, the more questions I had. I became known as the 'pastors worst nightmare'. I asked too many questions. They (the church) continued to tell me just to have faith. It's been 3 years since I've gone to church. Nobody knows how I feel. How do you tell your friends and family that you don't believe anymore?

    It's been a long time coming. It all started when I read Charles Templeton's book,''Farewell To God-My Reasons For Rejecting Christianity''.(He was Billy Grahams dearest friend) His book answered just about every question that I ever asked when I belonged to the church, but they would not answer because they couldn't. I even went as far as having 3 phone conversations with Charles before he died and he sent me his autographed book.

    I have bargained, begged, cried, screamed and 'prayed' for God to give me the 'sign' that 'he' exists and it has not happened. I have prayed to 'him' in agony I've said to 'him', 'Don't you see, you're ready to lose me, don't you care'? I have gone as far as leaving letters to 'him' under my pillow (to reveal himself to me in a dream) so 'he' could see how sincere I am! How's that for being crazy?

    Sincere is what I have been! And I'm darn angry now!

    I started to study websites like 'evil bible.com' and 'Why God won't heal amputees?' I have dabbled with the law of attraction, psychics, astrology, energy fields, and every new age 'thing' a person could try to find a faith that might be more reliable than the christian god.

    If I ever even dreamt that I would be writing this letter.... The girl who studied her bible for years - I would have told you that the devil had complete control of me! I tried and tried and tried to make sense of this for all these years. I have heard horror stories of 'suffering' even within our own community of the church (let alone the whole world) and I always asked this God ; ''Why-Why-Why, can't you do something?? Can you not see what's happening down here? Can't you see how cruel nature can be? Don't you see what all these 'Holy Books' are doing to people down here? Can't you see the rapes, murders - the insanity of it all?''

    How does one deal with the pain of no God? My search is almost over - but - what now? So I don't believe in God anymore.... What now? How does one deal with this? I've read that some of you are 'free'. I don't feel that way. No afterlife - no seeing my only sister who died 13 years ago - no seeing mom or dad? No reward for trying to be so good all these years? How does one deal with this 'Dark Night of The Soul''?

    Thank you so much. Sincerely, Margee

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?

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  1. This is an old blog but has got some pretty good discussion on it. I notice a bit of new discussion on it tonight. https://blogs.agu.org/landslideblog/2013/12/13/canary-islands-tsunami/?fbclid=IwAR2gYkAaIEm8NURaxFxOxR4BOnwaVU-sH3emPTpS-HTx6ILkYOdB7VcSYPE Good night my friends. Sweet dreams..........
  2. I saw this today while surfing about the volcano. Josh, how credible do you think this guy is? He shoots off a lot about Revelation in the bible.
  3. I've been watching this for days. We're right in line for it if it blows and causes a tsunami. I already have my place to escape. Its one hour from my place. Goodbye to all. Remember that I loved you. Seriously, this is very interesting. I've been following natural disasters for awhile now. I am fascinated with all of it (nature) but of course, I hate it and feel very sad when people die such horrible deaths. This will be interesting to see how this volcano behaves in the next few weeks, months.
  4. I really love/hate this thread. But I am so glad you started this topic. Thank you because I really needed to talk about this getter older. Personally, I hate it and it has caused me a lot of grief in the last couple of years. It is a blessing and a curse to make it to 67 without dying in a plane crash, car accident, sickness like so many others. My own sister left the earth at 40 with a brain aneurism which I have really never recovered from. I just live with it. She was my twin flame...my Chinese twin. We were 11 months apart. There has been an emptiness in my heart for 25 years now. But I have also been lucky enough to have friends that made me laugh throughout the years... including this site which I constantly posted on for many years. I was a 'youngin' when I joined this site. Lol Many people die so young, so I am always grateful no matter what I have had to deal with. But I truly hate getting old, even though I am truly grateful to have made it this far. It's a rock and a hard place to be in. As most older people would say, it is not fun to watch when your friends die or get sick. It's heartbreaking. I've had a few losses in the last few years. So a new kind of 'stress' enters this stage as you get older. Just when you think all is going well, one of your friends is being tested for leukemia. (happening right now) Or you have to watch your girls' marriage go down the drain before it hits it's 5th anniversary and her 14 year old (my grandson) has already been going missing in the last 2 years and is now addicted to pills and alcohol at 16 years old (now) and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Even after we have tried EVERYTHING. Yeah, there are some new stresses at this stage of life and if you don't put on your invisible boxing gloves to fight back and keep surviving, you would jump off a bridge. You need to be real fucking strong and if your not, you might lose your mind. Do I want to live to see my grandson kill himself? No thank you. I'm not sure my invisible boxing gloves would get me through that pain. My own demise was caused by heavy smoking and being around too much aerosol cans of hairspray for the last 48 years. So sucks to be me. I remember begging god to take away the desire to smoke from me. Ya'd think he would do that for one of his children, eh? Anyway, I walk everyday as far as I can and do a lot of deep breathing exercises to help me keep moving. The chronic pain started about 9-10 years ago when I was rear-ended twice within 3 years. I do everything I can to manage that pain. Somedays I wanna give up and most days I put on my invisible boxing gloves and kick it in the ass. I get real mad and I won't allow the pain to rule over my life. I know this post is long. I wasn't going to write it (and i almost deleted it) but this is my support group and sometimes I really have no one to talk to because people will say, 'this wrinkle is for this reason' and 'this wrinkle is for that reason'. Fuck that. Wrinkles are caused by stress and getting old. I hate the wrinkles. I've decided that I am going to my grave with my blue eye shadow and bright pink lipstick on no matter how ugly this wrinkled face gets. I almost lost my house during the pandemic. They say no stress when you get older??? Yeah, right. You think the bank helped me? Nope. i took in boarders. Blood, sweat, tears and inconvenience. That's how we made it. So you better save a shitload of money and make sure you got lots if you ever want to retire. And make sure you got a lot of hobbies and money to do them because retirement is not all what it's cracked up to be. Unless you have enough money to fly around the world and do whatever you want, you'll be sitting around wondering what to do next. Just like the Professor has said of the new hobby he has taken up. Excellent Professor! You have encouraged me. As for my friend florduh, he's not allowed to leave. I have cast my magic spell of healing over him and whatever the fuck is going on, I command in the name of Ex-c for him to be healed. Nope, florduh can't go nowhere. I won't have it. OK. I have rambled on enough. Put on those invisible boxing gloves because life is bittersweet and you need to stay as strong as you can to make it through of of it. Never give up. I plan on going out with the biggest fight of my life. Hang out with supportive people and make friends with people who make you laugh. There is laughter in between some of the horrible stressors we have to go through in life so always take advantage to laugh and have a good time. The main message I want to portray is for you to continue to be strong mentally because life is very hard at times. Love you all. You are my people. And I am grateful for 11 years that I can come to this site and get shit out of me that I can't anywhere else. Thank you for that. Love from old and grumpy Margee.......
  5. Copd will take me out for sure. And I can hardly make it through a day because the chronic pain in my whole body wears me down so bad. I doubt it if I will even make it to 70 and I'm almost 67 now. And absolutely not one person in my family including my husband knows how everyday I have to force myself to get out of bed and try to breathe, have a good attitude and put a smile on my face. Not even my best friends know. Nobody gets to see my suffering. Some days are better than others. There are some days I can barely breathe and I know my time is probably coming. I want to give as much kindness as I can to everyone for the remainder of whatever time I have left. I like florduh's explanation the best. Quote: '' As I said in SeaJay's thread, I see two possibilities: 1) Die and just cease to exist and there is no one around to realize it, no problem. 2) We are an expression of All That Is and the real us can never die. Again, no problem.'' Being agnostic I will want to take my, ''Please Forgive Me'' letter to the grave with me in case I do happen to meet Jesus. Hopefully he will understand where my doubting comes from. I'm ready to go anytime. I personally don't want to leave the earth but sometimes in old age, it is a blessing to get out of the body. I have accepted this. So smile, pass around the jokes, watch funny TV, don't pay too much attention to the horrible news and be kind to everyone if you can. And go eat cake and ice cream. ((hugs)) to each and everyone of you today.
  6. Josh I think you would love listening to Zach Bush, M.D. He studies evolution, the microbiome, bacteria, soil and all the different viruses in the human species.. (without any political gains) And he's not anti-mask, anti vaccine but what he says makes so much sense to me. And no, I do not trust every medical doctors opinion. I like to listen to those who study evolution and this guy does. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
  7. Lex darlin'. Hairdresser here of 47 years. Let me tell you a story hun. When I started to come out and share who I really was with a lot of my clientele, they ALL slowly left me. I did a huge portion of the woman from a 1500 seater church so it was a big church. Half my clientele gone.... just because I was questioning god. I knew they were thinking in their hearts, 'What in the heck will we talk to Margee about now when bible talk is all you do when two Christians get together.? Because of our Christian relationship and we all went to the same church, I got to have 'bible study' every day of the week so I was fully brainwashed. Lol I really tried hard to get on to new topics for awhile, like weather, diets, shopping, family....but there was always that piece missing that Margee was questioning the bible. The pastors wife actually stuck it out with me for quite some time (I think she kept praying for me) but eventually she make it clear to me that I was choosing to go to hell. I had enough of her at this point and pretty much told her that our relationship wasn't going to work anymore and we both cried our hearts out and she left my clientele (after 25-30 years of being 'friends' and doing her hair) and that was that. I've never seen her since and once considered her to be my 'spiritual' best friend for many years. I tell you this little story because you seem to like this hairdresser and I know that finding a hairdresser that you like is so important to a woman. BUT.... if you feel one bit awkward in her chair, find someone else. If she is a hardcore Christian, she will try to convert you back to Christianity or you might actually be treated differently like you already mentioned. You really find out who your friends are in these situations hun. So be glad about that. Keep us posted and best of luck to you. (hug)
  8. Just by coincidence I came across this today and found it pretty interesting. So did many others as I read down through the comments on the video. Here's a quote from something he said, "If sleep is just death being shy, then waking up is just atoms being miraculous"
  9. I think the best any of us can do is to live each moment as if it could be our last. I remember a client of mine saying, ''The only breath you can depend on is the one you are breathing right now''. I have never forgotten that. I would say that most humans are afraid of the way they will go. Being dead is not the issue. It's how we will go. That's the fear we must conquer. Of course I have the same anxiety as most others. So on my fighting days, I boot the fear in the arse. I have dabbled in Stoicism and it teaches you to accept your own death. We will have to say goodbye to everything and we can even pre-grieve this (and they suggest even having a good cry over it) which I have done. They even get you to picture your own funeral. I take time to smell the roses now. So go today and keep fighting that anxiety and enjoy all your jogs. And take in all the sights while your at it. Tell the anxiety to fuck off when it hits you. When I use my 'strong' language, it helps my brain listen to me better. Lol (hug)
  10. I sure hope I did not offend you SeaJay. I guess when you mentioned that you were worrying about Islam being true, you might want a much nicer version of Christianity. What is it about Islam that you think it could be true?
  11. Hi SeaJay, good to hear from you. I totally understand the dilemma, the anxiety and the false doctrine of hell that they preach to scare the shit out of people and keep us under control so we'll keep their churches going.. You hint at a strong need to belong and believe in 'something'. I think a lot of humans have this in common. ''No man is an island'' they say. We need each other for survival. I think some people must have a 'higher power' of some sort or they literally couldn't make it on this earth. They would give up. Sometimes therapy and antidepressants don't work for the trauma of what religion can do to you. (Although I would always promote getting a good therapist.) Maybe these things can work to a certain degree but I had a very hard time with the topic of hell and nothing made me feel better. I constantly thought, ''what if they're wrong?'' Sometimes we just need to feel safe. That's why I am going to post this. I wonder if you have ever listened to the ''Gospel of Peace/Gospel of Grace before? It's quite fascinating concept. If I need to relieve my fear of hell when it comes back to torture me (which it still does to this day) I listen to a man named Mike Williams. If I was ever going to go back to church and listen to another opinion of the bible it would be, ''The Gospel of Inclusion''. Thousands of pastors are preaching this new ''good news'' now and it is not the hard core shit we got thrown at us and brainwashed with.. The message of ''the gospel of grace'' is that Christianity is an embarrassment to what Jesus did for us on the cross. According to this message, Jesus died for the whole world. Sometimes the doctrine of Hell is so ingrained in people that there doesn't seem to be a way out of it's fear. It can ruin one's life. I am not trying to promote another Christian doctrine, I am showing you that millions of others follow this 'Good News'' as they call it. When the image of hell starts to enter my mind, I can listen to a podcast of this ''gospel of grace'' and get truly comforted. Everyone has to do what they have to do to bring themselves some peace of mind. Maybe it might help you to know that not everyone in the world preaches the literal version of the bible. When nothing else works for me, I can listen to one of Pastor Mike's podcasts and I become comforted because what he says makes much more sense to me. I was truly 'blessed' to have met Pastor Mike Williams while I lived in British Columbia 25 years ago. I spent 5 days with him at his seminars. The rooms were packed for those 5 days with many other Christians looking for a different message and I was one of them. I was aghast at how many people were packed in that hall. I wasn't the only born again Christian who wanted to hear this message of 'grace'. This was around the time... and was the beginning of my doubting of the bible. I had so many questions about Christianity and it's doctrine. I ended up having a few private talks with him that calmed my breaking heart. I never thought I was good enough for the church and always thought that I would go to hell because I couldn't seem to abide to the rules of this very legalistic church that I belonged to. I was always 'sinning' one way or the other. The city that I lived in then was called ''The Born Again Capitol of Canada''. Everyone was 'Born Again' in this city!! It was filled with legalist churches of every brand. The Born Again churches actually put up signs that if you attended this pastors seminars, you were not welcome back into their church. Being the rebel that I am, I had to go and see what they were afraid of. What was he preaching they scared them?? Maybe someone was going to tell me that the doubts I had about certain things could be true? Mike knew every high flutin', famous pastor from all over the world and had been a Born Again pastor for many years and I wanted to hear what he had to say.. (his story is unbelievable of how he left the whole lot of them behind!) He is now considered a blasphemous pastor because he teaches the gospel of inclusion. Now thousands more have joined him in this new 'Gospel of Grace'. According to Mike, we are all saved on Exc . It goes further than that. The whole damn world is saved because of Jesus. Period. Even though it is another version of reading the bible, it is an interesting one to me (even today) and a completely kind, loving one at that. Here is a 3 hour long podcast on how he views hell. It's very comforting (even if none of it is true, it's another way of looking at the bible and this terrible topic of hell) It may help you to know that many people look at the scriptures today ''in context'' (when, where, timeline of when the books were written...this is what they look at) and not like the legalistic churches where everything they preach today is cherry picked. This is not to confuse you with another doctrine but it may bring you some peace. But If I was going to follow Christianity today, this is the teachings I would follow. If you choose to listen to it, I hope it brings you comfort about Hell. He has a lot to say about it. It's long. 3 hours. If you need something to hang on about Jesus, get brainwashed by this. Jesus is not judging you one bit according to this new gospel. Not. One. Bit. This gospel of grace makes your heart sing, not be afraid. Just press the download button and hear what he has to say. It's called ''The Irrelevancy of Hell.'' Comfort to your heart my friend. https://gospelrevolution.com/product/the-irrelevancy-of-hell/
  12. So this just came through my timeline on a mind-body group I follow. I also believe in keeping emotions in check. That's why I follow some of these groups. They help me to stay grounded to a certain degree. I responded '' So this would mean it's very important to keep the cells of the body as healthy as we can?'' (by the way, I already know how important this is Lol) So the 'mind-body' has also got to do with the cells of the body. Duh. If the cells have gone wrong, then disease can take over and show you that not everyone can heal themselves as when the cancer cell grows or any of the other fatal diagnosis. This would include babies and animals who are born with 'cell weaknesses'.
  13. I also will wait for the believer who can explain this. I have asked this question over and over again in some of the new age /mind-body groups I have belonged to. I can never get a straight answer. Ever. As a matter of fact, they don't like me to ask these hard questions. They say... ''It's part of the plan, learning lessons, past lives, blah, blah, blah''. I am always disappointed in those answers. The only conclusion that I can conjure up is that the brain must grow and develop to a level of consciousness that a young one would understand that he has the ability to heal his body. But by that time, he could be dead. So that doesn't make sense either. It's seems the mind-body connection is for adults only. I'll wait for the person that can come along and explain this simple, yet difficult question.
  14. Re-Create YourselfDo not accept the roles that society foists on you. Re-create yourself by forging a new identity, one that commands attention and never bores the audience. Be the master of your own image rather than letting others define if for you. Incorporate dramatic devices into your public gestures and actions – your power will be enhanced and your character will seem larger than life.”― Robert Greene, The 48 Laws of Power
  15. This ^^^^^ In so many situations.....
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