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Margee last won the day on April 12

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3,350 Damn!


About Margee

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    'Madame Eve'

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    Learning how to be an ex-Christian and be comfortable with it!
    This is my 'Please Forgive Me' letter - It is my testimony and I hope it helps someone....You'll have to copy and paste.
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    Hi! I've come to you for a little help. I was a 'Fundi' for 30 years. I took the bible literally. The more I studied, the more questions I had. I became known as the 'pastors worst nightmare'. I asked too many questions. They (the church) continued to tell me just to have faith. It's been 3 years since I've gone to church. Nobody knows how I feel. How do you tell your friends and family that you don't believe anymore?

    It's been a long time coming. It all started when I read Charles Templeton's book,''Farewell To God-My Reasons For Rejecting Christianity''.(He was Billy Grahams dearest friend) His book answered just about every question that I ever asked when I belonged to the church, but they would not answer because they couldn't. I even went as far as having 3 phone conversations with Charles before he died and he sent me his autographed book.

    I have bargained, begged, cried, screamed and 'prayed' for God to give me the 'sign' that 'he' exists and it has not happened. I have prayed to 'him' in agony I've said to 'him', 'Don't you see, you're ready to lose me, don't you care'? I have gone as far as leaving letters to 'him' under my pillow (to reveal himself to me in a dream) so 'he' could see how sincere I am! How's that for being crazy?

    Sincere is what I have been! And I'm darn angry now!

    I started to study websites like 'evil' and 'Why God won't heal amputees?' I have dabbled with the law of attraction, psychics, astrology, energy fields, and every new age 'thing' a person could try to find a faith that might be more reliable than the christian god.

    If I ever even dreamt that I would be writing this letter.... The girl who studied her bible for years - I would have told you that the devil had complete control of me! I tried and tried and tried to make sense of this for all these years. I have heard horror stories of 'suffering' even within our own community of the church (let alone the whole world) and I always asked this God ; ''Why-Why-Why, can't you do something?? Can you not see what's happening down here? Can't you see how cruel nature can be? Don't you see what all these 'Holy Books' are doing to people down here? Can't you see the rapes, murders - the insanity of it all?''

    How does one deal with the pain of no God? My search is almost over - but - what now? So I don't believe in God anymore.... What now? How does one deal with this? I've read that some of you are 'free'. I don't feel that way. No afterlife - no seeing my only sister who died 13 years ago - no seeing mom or dad? No reward for trying to be so good all these years? How does one deal with this 'Dark Night of The Soul''?

    Thank you so much. Sincerely, Margee

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?

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  1. Josh...I LOVE this sad analogy. It was their choice to ski this dangerous mountain. Very sad....but their choice.
  2. It was your 'kick in the ass' posts that helped me soooooo much, you'll never know. (hug) from the 'love-bug'...Lmao!
  3. I have found for me that guilt is quite a good thing. I look at the 'feeling' and ask myself if it is valid? Guilt reminds me that I might have hurt someone with the way I have spoken or acted. That's when I change my behavior to try to become a better person. You have done nothing wrong just because you don't believe the same things as your in-laws. Shame is when we hold on to the fact that we aren't good enough. Well, guess what? Humans aren't good all the time. We blow it. We make mistakes. We screw up. We fuck up somewhere just about every day. We don't share the same beliefs. So do not allow yourself to hold on to the shame because it's a totally useless emotion. Be yourself!! This is where your in-laws come in and you feeling like a piece of shit for something they believe and you don't. That's not your fault. You are allowed to be different and they should not be allowed to hold that over your head. You cannot change them. You can only change yourself and only you have the ability to change how they make you feel. Some may feel that I am a phony person. In a way, I am....but I like getting along with people. I do not like confrontation at all. (I am a natural born people pleaser myself) But now I have the ability to smile and say hello and in my mind say 'fuck you' at the same time! Lol ( One lesson I have learned in my life is that if you yourself don't really like someone, most of the time, they don't like you either.) But we can still be kind and that's what I try to do. Even at family gatherings, I have the ability to be nice to family members and I know deep inside, we really don't like each other a lot. And that's OK. Allow that elephant to be in the room. It will only be for a short time. Just time enough to get along with each other and then when they leave, you can have a nice feeling that you really tried. It's the best you can do. We all have different personalities and beliefs and sometimes, personalities clash. You can't make someone like you. Even if you believed in their religion, there would be something else you would do to try to do to be accepted by your in-laws. That's the people pleaser in you. You'll waste your whole life trying to get everyone's approval. Only you and your husband can set the new boundaries of how you will allow anyone to act or treat you in your home. Talk this over with your husband. I have lost friends over some of the new rules I have for myself now. And then again, I have gained great respect from others and those are the people I like having in my life. It normally goes one way or the other when you clearly tell someone how you want to be treated. Just last week I had to tell one of my friends who is a bit of a bully and quite aggressive of something I couldn't accept. She wasn't happy with my assertiveness but she will respect me or go away. I'll leave that up to her because as I said, I am the one who looks after me now and I refuse to be bullied by anyone. It's not easy being assertive (when you're a softie) but each time you take care of yourself by speaking up (in a loving tone) it gets easier. Do not put off being happy, even for the smallest thing. This is a daily challenge for most of us because we want everything to be perfect and it never will be. Something or someone will always be there to try and screw up your happiness. This is why you can never depend on people (anyone) to make you happy. I hope by sharing some of my own struggles, this might help you in some small way. Take control and make your life what you want. It is not your job to try and change anyone. You can always offer support but you cannot make someone change. It's a huge lesson in life. I have someone extremely close in my life right now who is practically killing himself and I cannot rescue him. I offered all the support in the world but he refused so there is nothing I can do now. I hope so much you and your husband can reach a decision on how you are going to work this out with his parents. Stick to your guns, honey. If they leave and cannot accept you guys, there is nothing you can do. One thing that always helps me with my christian family and friends is to remember how brainwashed I was. This helps me to be a bit compassionate when dealing with them. I wish you the very best. Keep us posted on how it's going. More hugs........Hundreds of them!
  4. I'm here sweetie but I can't stay right now because I have a very important appointment to go to. I will be back later. I have a few things to add to what everyone else is saying. I am so sorry for what you have to go through with the in-laws right now. So for now, let's all have a group hug and I'll get back to you later. My heart just breaks for what some of us have to go through when we lose our faith in the christian god. You're going to make it through this honey. I'll be back. florduh always said this to me after I wrote an upsetting post, ''Now, go do something fun for yourself today.'' And I did. So go now and do something that makes you happy. We got your back hon. Thank you all for the compliments about the 'hugs' but I tell you the truth...I could not have made it through this horrible bullshit of losing my faith if it had not been the love I received from all of you at Ex-c. Love to all of you today. ((hughughughughughughughughughug))
  5. When I read the story back in the day... when I was all by myself, I remember thinking that god himself was the tyrant who separated all the peoples on the earth and that's why we have never had peace on earth. But at church, it was preached that it was about the people and their rebellion.....
  6. I tried so hard not to be judgemental. I always prayed silently for them to become saved. It was really weird at our Pentecostal church because sometimes they preached about being non-judgemental and other times they made fun of the different peoples and other religions. I remember like it was yesterday when the pastor came out on the big platform and everyone was cheering and raising their hands as the emotions got higher and higher and he screamed at the top of his voice, ''Aren't you glad you're not a Catholic this morning?'' and the people just roared and jumped all around. I looked at my best friend (who got me involved in the first place) and told her that the statement, 'creeped me out'' and I wanted to leave. But of course, I didn't because I was already hooked on the emotional types of services they had. It was my drug. I knew all kinds of Catholic friends that went to church 6 days a week...not 3!!!! God, that had to mean something eh? But Pentecostals believed that the Catholic church was the anti-christ.
  7. I find this so exciting! I can't wait to learn more!!
  8. Welcome to Ex-c Megastu60! Thanks for sharing some of your story. I'm so sorry you had to endure that abuse. I was around the same, young, naive age when I got saved and my church was almost identical to yours. Hardcore. And it can really screw you up. I'm glad you came to know the truth and to totally accept yourself for who you are!! Looking forward to hearing more from you! Thanks!
  9. Trump Tower in heaven? The tower (like babel) that separates all languages and peoples. It will still be filled with hate...... Let them have their tower and live happily ever after......
  10. I don't know one damn thing about the cosmos (except for it real big) so I can't be of help. But I love this topic and I'd like to follow it to see what some of the members who know about this big universe out there. I always kinda wished there were others out there. You know...the smarter aliens than us? Lol I hate the fact that we're alone if that's true! I don't know why though?? I just wish someone could tell us 100% why we are here on this earth. I would love to learn this before I die. I'm a girl that hates', 'not knowing'. I've tried to just accept...but I really want to know!!! Let's see what the others' say?
  11. Margee


    Hi Jerry. Glad to have you here at Ex-c. Thanks for sharing some of your story. It is hard when living with believers. Lots of members on this site can relate and can probably help you with that. Looking forward to hearing more from you!
  12. Wow. This is quite arrogant, don't ya think? Aren't you so lucky to be so highly intelligent? A gift from your god probably? Yep. These are the kind of people I stay a mile away from.
  13. I have learned in life that when someone talks in 'circles' it's better just to walk away. I call it 'word salad'. Narcissists normally do this. It's useless. I've had to let go of friends in real life cause they talk in circles and ALWAYS have to be right. It's crazy-making. Meh. Waste of time.
  14. Myrkhoos, welcome to Ex-c. Good to have you here! If you want to debate topics, there are other sections on Ex-c for you to do that. So feel free! But this section is for testimonies of christians to tell their story and for us to encourage. This section is not for debating theological points. So keep posting all your points of view.... just in the other sections! Thanks my friend! And Welcome to Ex-c DevilsCanaBoy! Good to have you here at Ex-c with us! Thanks for sharing!
  15. Welcome Lefty! Thanks so much for sharing your story with us. You are certainly not alone on this site! We totally get it. Glad to have you here at Ex-c! Looking forward to reading more of your posts!