Margee

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Margee last won the day on November 18

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About Margee

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    'Madame Eve'

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    Learning how to be an ex-Christian and be comfortable with it!
    This is my 'Please Forgive Me' letter - It is my testimony and I hope it helps someone....You'll have to copy and paste.

    http://www.ex-christian.net/topic/44259-please-forgive-me/
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    Hi! I've come to you for a little help. I was a 'Fundi' for 30 years. I took the bible literally. The more I studied, the more questions I had. I became known as the 'pastors worst nightmare'. I asked too many questions. They (the church) continued to tell me just to have faith. It's been 3 years since I've gone to church. Nobody knows how I feel. How do you tell your friends and family that you don't believe anymore?

    It's been a long time coming. It all started when I read Charles Templeton's book,''Farewell To God-My Reasons For Rejecting Christianity''.(He was Billy Grahams dearest friend) His book answered just about every question that I ever asked when I belonged to the church, but they would not answer because they couldn't. I even went as far as having 3 phone conversations with Charles before he died and he sent me his autographed book.

    I have bargained, begged, cried, screamed and 'prayed' for God to give me the 'sign' that 'he' exists and it has not happened. I have prayed to 'him' in agony I've said to 'him', 'Don't you see, you're ready to lose me, don't you care'? I have gone as far as leaving letters to 'him' under my pillow (to reveal himself to me in a dream) so 'he' could see how sincere I am! How's that for being crazy?

    Sincere is what I have been! And I'm darn angry now!

    I started to study websites like 'evil bible.com' and 'Why God won't heal amputees?' I have dabbled with the law of attraction, psychics, astrology, energy fields, and every new age 'thing' a person could try to find a faith that might be more reliable than the christian god.

    If I ever even dreamt that I would be writing this letter.... The girl who studied her bible for years - I would have told you that the devil had complete control of me! I tried and tried and tried to make sense of this for all these years. I have heard horror stories of 'suffering' even within our own community of the church (let alone the whole world) and I always asked this God ; ''Why-Why-Why, can't you do something?? Can you not see what's happening down here? Can't you see how cruel nature can be? Don't you see what all these 'Holy Books' are doing to people down here? Can't you see the rapes, murders - the insanity of it all?''

    How does one deal with the pain of no God? My search is almost over - but - what now? So I don't believe in God anymore.... What now? How does one deal with this? I've read that some of you are 'free'. I don't feel that way. No afterlife - no seeing my only sister who died 13 years ago - no seeing mom or dad? No reward for trying to be so good all these years? How does one deal with this 'Dark Night of The Soul''?

    Thank you so much. Sincerely, Margee

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Non-Believer

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  1. I have to say that Penny was one of the nicest believers I have seen in a while. ......However, she asked me to delete her membership and said this to me: ''I think everyone treated me very well here. I feel kind of ashamed that I could not debate better, but like I told him, (and the board) I am neither an apologist nor a theologian. Debating is not my strong suit, and my beliefs are evolving.'' She came on here for one reason only and that was to satisfy a friendship. She is not going to budge in her beliefs, nor is he. I told her to go meet a nice believer. The 'yokes' don't work. Well....that was fun.........
  2. Hun, I'm so sorry you are facing some triggers. They will come and go. It gets a bit better with time. I'm at least 10 years into it and I can still get triggered. Right now, when I'm out in a store shopping and I hear songs like, ''Away in The Manger'' I can literally start crying. I calmly make my way to the washroom so no one will know about my sadness. Even the new worldviews that are discussed here on Ex-c can trigger me because in many ways I still think a lot like a christian would and can barely accept what some people believe now as a non-beliver. But I must keep open-minded, so I go away for awhile and think about it. I find ''new worldviews'' sometimes hard to accept. For instance, let me give you an example. I still don't know what I believe about abortion??? I can see 2 sides of that issue but I still don't know how I really feel? See what I mean? There's more to deconversion than just letting go of old beliefs. It forming new worldviews. That's hard to do when you've been indoctrinated by the church with only following ''gods ways''.. So old stuff and new stuff can still trigger me. You are so not alone! Keep posting sweetheart! Big ((hug))
  3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zez288nd054&list=RDzez288nd054&t=1
  4. I kinda' thought that's what you were going to say. Add another 'magical' character to blame. I was really hoping you might come up with something better......
  5. I always adored magical things. I have a huge imagination. I loved believing in all happy endings. Tell me how you feel about all of the terrible sufferings on earth? How do you explain rape, child abuse, men and woman abuse, murder, torture, sickness, cancer, fires on earth, earthquakes, tsunamis and the list of a million other horrible things? Why does your god not help these situations.? I probably already know what kind of answer you are going to give me....but tell me your version anyway, please?
  6. I'm afraid that I am one that needs evidence now my dear. I don't even try to deconvert people because I know myself what 'belief' was like. It gave me hope. So I know that hope is a wonderful thing and it's the only way for some to even be able to make it here on earth. I talk to my friends all the time about this. They tell me they couldn't make it without a belief in god. My hope now is in truth. As hard as it is, I prefer to believe in things that are proved. I've seen religions and the different beliefs on this earth fuck this whole world up. I'm too old now to believe in the fairytales....... Reality has answered all my questions about life. The invisible god never did that for me...
  7. I just threw this book in the garbage a couple of months ago Vigile. I can be honest with you. I sat on the side of my bed and read through it for a while wanting so much for it to make some sense to me. If it wasn't for Ex-c, I would be one that could get sucked back in... but as I keep saying, I know too much now.
  8. This. ^ I completely understand this. Facing the cold, hard facts of life was the single hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. Depression is why most people hang on, no matter what the holy books say. Dealing with depression all by yourself without the hope in god helping you is extremely hard. Believing gives one last chance at 'hoping' for better outcomes on earth and for oneself. The last ''anti-depressant pill'' (book) I read was by Bishop Carlton Pearson, ''The Gospel of Inclusion''. This book was my last hope. He was a hard-core evangelist and dropped out because he hated the actual bible, couldn't preach it anymore and 'cherry picked' a whole bunch of verses trying to make sense of the bible. It's a wonderful concept, probably the 'happiest outcome' for all the people of the earth. But I knew too much already so I could not make the book and what he was saying into my heart. He just glossed over all the hard stuff (horrors of the bible) I have learned here on Ex-c. But this book will help to save you if you are suffering from depression and want to hold on to the concept of Jesus. I have become an x-christian who understands why people have to hang on to their beliefs. I wish I could put those 'horses blinders' back on, but I can't go back.
  9. Because he/she gets to escape the terrifying doctrine, myth and belief in hellfire that each and every one of us had to break free from. She gets to believe in the magical sky god that is 'all love'' and will protect and love her through all the disappointments of life. She gets to pray and believe that those prayers are heard by an invisible power that will change things through those prayers. Because she gets to believe in a glorious afterlife where she will meet all her loved ones and spend eternity dancing and singing and praising god. She/he gets to believe that the christian ''Santa'' is directing her life and will show her the right paths to take in life. Because it helps her to get out of bed every morning and have hope that all will go well because magical god will provide the strength to get through life's trials. She gets to hold on to this fairytale. And it helps to keep her happy. Because facing the cold, hard facts of the reality of life is too hard for most people. It's a survival mechanism..... Doesn't matter if it's true or not....
  10. We're All Broken, We're All Fragile, and We're All a Statistic

    How utterly sad. How heartbreaking this is. So tragic. This story of Scott is the epitome of a human brain that had snapped and only saw hopelessness in those last days. Death would become the only way out of the pain. He had no hope left and he didn't want his wife to have any either. For whatever reason, maybe his hopelessness and depression had caused her to want to begin another life and he wasn't going to let her. Maybe she just wanted to move on because the relationship wasn't working? But whatever, his sick brain said 'no' to her. So he took her to. Heartbreak can cause its' own mental breakdowns. How sick was his mind that he would leave behind his three dear, innocent children without their mom and dad? I personally believe that mental illness is caused to a huge degree by the world itself. If you do not have a strong fighting spirit, you will not make it on this earth. You will become a victim of life itself. Because of mankind's strong instinct to survive, the world of humans has caused complete chaos from the very beginning. The tribes wanted their power and it all started there. Their beliefs, their ways...and if you don't agree with them you could become their victim because you don't fight against the 'so-called' one in power. They will try to take you down. And they will if you let them. You are the 'sane' one but the world makes you mental if you are not strong enough. Scott was probably at one time a very sane man. We are like innocent butterflies flying above the light until it burns us. And burns us more. And then burns us more again until the spirit to fight back leaves you... and you are now 'mental'. The stresses of life can make you mental if you are not strong. Sometimes, the cold, hard facts of life are not easy to deal with. The environment in which we live has lied to us on every level about the way life really is. We are just human machines programmed by society and our environments. Most people had a lot of hope when they were younger. Our parents, teachers, governments, clergy fed us their own version of lies.....lies that had been passed down to them. The world lied to us about what being in the military 'service' was really about.They made war look like a game of winning. They lied to us about money and debt because if we knew all the truth, we would never use a credit card again. That's how they keep us trapped. They lied to us about body image and how we are supposed to look. We were not allowed to use our own mind and be different than the 'clan'. They didn't teach us in school that someday our loved ones would die and how to deal with that because most of us were taught that god's ways are mysterious and that we just had to accept that this is the way life is. (besides, they told us we would meet them all in heaven someday) We don't even get to grieve properly because of that stupid belief. We live in self-criticism because of our failures and some of those failures were lies to begin with... the lies of what is success looks like in life. So humans become depressed.....and get tagged with a mental disorder. It's some of the reasons we eat junk, spend money we don't have, gamble, drink, smoke, toke, take pills, drug, sex... and whatever other distraction you can think of to heal the pain you feel inside and make you feel good again. I didn't understand my fathers' alcoholism until he got so drunk one night and told us some of his horror stories about the war. My father turned to alcohol to deal with the things he saw. All for the cause of fighting for your country. What did this man Scott see when he was a soldier? How hard was it when he found out that god was a lie? That he was on his own to survive? We do not know the false mask he was wearing for his public. Obviously, his brain had turned to mush. He didn't have any fight left in him. And his sick brain didn't want his wife to survive either. Now his 3 children will be infected with mental disorders for the rest of their lives. Can anyone else see that it is getting worse as we evolve? We are victims of this world unless we know how to fight. And you must be one hell of a good fighter in order to make it in this world. The only way to change this world is by starting to change who we are and growing out of the beliefs that the world have shoved down our throats and try to help others see this truth. As I have said before....unfortunately, people do not want the truth. This story is so incredibly sad. R.I.P. And may those dear children get the proper help they need to help them deal with this tragedy.
  11. @NowWhat said. Hang in there sweetie. Deconverting was a mind fuck for me also. You're going to be OK in time. Keep posting and reading. Your brain is all confused with cognitive dissonance. As you read and post, your brain will start to think more linear thoughts again.. There won't be so many confusing thoughts. Read this that I wrote 7 years ago. I didn't care if I ever woke up in the morning, I was so depressed. You are not alone hun. Deconverting is not fun for many people. We're here for you. Big (hug)
  12. #Metoo

    But yet you can laugh at other people jokes as long as it's not your child?
  13. #Metoo

    Wow. This is the best you can say? The best explanation? Wow. What a bunch of word salad.
  14. #Metoo

    Good enough. But you didn't molest her.
  15. #Metoo

    But these jokes you find funny have been created for laughter at a child innocent expense? You say nobody was 'hurt' with the actual joke but the joke wouldn't be there in the first place if it weren't for someone getting desperately hurt and in many cases, dying.