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Margee

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Margee last won the day on June 25

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About Margee

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    'Madame Eve'

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    Female
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    Learning how to be an ex-Christian and be comfortable with it!
    This is my 'Please Forgive Me' letter - It is my testimony and I hope it helps someone....You'll have to copy and paste.

    http://www.ex-christian.net/topic/44259-please-forgive-me/
  • More About Me
    Hi! I've come to you for a little help. I was a 'Fundi' for 30 years. I took the bible literally. The more I studied, the more questions I had. I became known as the 'pastors worst nightmare'. I asked too many questions. They (the church) continued to tell me just to have faith. It's been 3 years since I've gone to church. Nobody knows how I feel. How do you tell your friends and family that you don't believe anymore?

    It's been a long time coming. It all started when I read Charles Templeton's book,''Farewell To God-My Reasons For Rejecting Christianity''.(He was Billy Grahams dearest friend) His book answered just about every question that I ever asked when I belonged to the church, but they would not answer because they couldn't. I even went as far as having 3 phone conversations with Charles before he died and he sent me his autographed book.

    I have bargained, begged, cried, screamed and 'prayed' for God to give me the 'sign' that 'he' exists and it has not happened. I have prayed to 'him' in agony I've said to 'him', 'Don't you see, you're ready to lose me, don't you care'? I have gone as far as leaving letters to 'him' under my pillow (to reveal himself to me in a dream) so 'he' could see how sincere I am! How's that for being crazy?

    Sincere is what I have been! And I'm darn angry now!

    I started to study websites like 'evil bible.com' and 'Why God won't heal amputees?' I have dabbled with the law of attraction, psychics, astrology, energy fields, and every new age 'thing' a person could try to find a faith that might be more reliable than the christian god.

    If I ever even dreamt that I would be writing this letter.... The girl who studied her bible for years - I would have told you that the devil had complete control of me! I tried and tried and tried to make sense of this for all these years. I have heard horror stories of 'suffering' even within our own community of the church (let alone the whole world) and I always asked this God ; ''Why-Why-Why, can't you do something?? Can you not see what's happening down here? Can't you see how cruel nature can be? Don't you see what all these 'Holy Books' are doing to people down here? Can't you see the rapes, murders - the insanity of it all?''

    How does one deal with the pain of no God? My search is almost over - but - what now? So I don't believe in God anymore.... What now? How does one deal with this? I've read that some of you are 'free'. I don't feel that way. No afterlife - no seeing my only sister who died 13 years ago - no seeing mom or dad? No reward for trying to be so good all these years? How does one deal with this 'Dark Night of The Soul''?

    Thank you so much. Sincerely, Margee

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
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  1. Myrkhoos, From my own experience, you may be looking for that safe place again. Finding out that Christianity may be a lie is the same thing as finding out that your spouse cheated on you or somebody died and you have a hard time accepting the facts. For instance many people will stay in an abusive relationship because of the fear of moving into another area of their life which is the unknown. It is extremely scary for many people to have to start all over again and go in another direction of their life. So many times it is easier to stay in a situation where things are known, even though they may not be good for that person, they still want to stay and remain in a "safe" area. Even though it is not a safe area to be in, the brain will convince you that it is so. It is a known fact in Neuroscience that the brain does not like change, that is why any habit or brainwashing of any kind is so hard to break. At the very end of me leaving the church for the very last time, I had found a church that their Doctrine was all about Grace and was probably the easiest Church to belong to because this Doctrine accepted the whole entire world as being saved under Jesus blood. These people basically do not even believe in hell. But the confusion still remained in me because the Bible clearly stated that they were saved and unsaved people. You could try joining one of these types of churches but if you are anything like me you will still be confused at the whole Doctrine. I personally had to continue going until I could not go any longer and knew that I needed help in finding out the truth about Christianity and the doctrine that came from the Bible. My uncle belongs to a church for many years now and doesn't even believe in God. He goes because he loves the music and the community of the church. You could even try that for a while and see how it goes. In the meantime you must realize that you are probably grieving something that you have believed in for a long time. It took me a long time to finally let go and realize that the Bible was a man written book. I have been posting here for 10 years and sometimes it still hurts that I believed what the church told me. Keep coming back here. Keep posting all your questions. Continue to read and investigate Christianity. We are all here for you. Big hug for you today.
  2. @DanForsman, thanks for posting this. I'm gonna watch it right now!!
  3. Welcome to Ex-c Nuck. So glad you found us. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You will get a lot from Ex-c. These guys saved my sanity when I first joined here. Most of us can totally relate to how you are feeling right now going through the shock of finding out that what you have believed in for so many years was a complete lie. It can be quite traumatizing to a lot of people. It was for me.I can't believe now (after almost 10 years here) that I even fell for it. But I was young and naive and I was 'prime' bait coming out of an alcoholic family to want the 'special' love of god. So I accepted jesus at 20 because the pastor told me that I was going to be a 'chosen one' for god. We all get sucked in somehow. Some are born into the cult here and their stories are fantastic to read. I'm not a bible debater here at all. We got tons of those wonderful scholars here. They know the bible inside and out. Better than the christian apologetics and debaters! I just keep things real simple. For instance, when I was just newly converted, I studied the book of genesis and it didn't make sense to me. I went to the pastor and asked him one time, ''Pastor, was it only Adam and Eve and the talking serpent in the garden that day?'' He said, ''Yes, my dear''. And I repeated it again. ''Are you absolutely sure pastor? Just Adam and Eve and the talking serpent (and god up in the clouds of course)?''. He repeated, ''yes'' again. I then asked him, ''if it is true what you are saying, who was the 'stenographer' who stood out the gates and wrote the account down?'' His jawed dropped and he told me in a cute, little manner that I was the pastor's worst nightmare. He then told me that the author was unknown and that I had to stop questioning and doubting and just live by faith in Jesus and ''gods word''. So I continued in the church for another 30 years until I was suspecting certain things were very wrong and I came back to that innocent question I asked him many years ago. This started my hunt into finding other people who might be able to help me with my doubts and the ''angels'' led me to Ex-c! Lol (just joking but somehow, I found this site that night) Once I found out that the book of genesis was man written many years later, the whole bible fell apart for me. We were not born sinners, therefore we had no need for a 'human blood sacrifice'' (who was jesus of course) and we didn't need to be saved after all. My point here is, you will get the complicated biblical stuff worked out. The bible scholars will help you with all that and then you will get some of the simplest explanations like mine and the pieces of the puzzle on the bible will all come together for you. And it takes time. Took me a long time. So take your time. Breathe and relax. Post and read a lot. You're in a good family here. Happy journey. Not easy..... but worth it. (hug)
  4. Welcome to Ex-c Luke. Glad you are here with us and hope you will share lots more with us! Sounds like you got the intellect we need to hear from! Don't you be shy!! Lol Seriously, welcome!
  5. @Myrkhoos........This.^ When I joined this site I was exactly the same way. Full of rage. Full of grief. And I cried a lot. As soon as the shock wore off (and it took awhile) that I had been told a lie about the bible being a 'literal' book, I slowly became 'free' from the grips of having to please 'the gods' and all the people. I still like people to care and I am still a caring person....but if you don't like me...Oh well.....it won't end my world. It takes time. Start small. Start saying, ''no thanks' to something small. Then do it again. It starts to get easier. If you get rejected, just feel that feeling. You won't die. You will become truly free if you get to the point that you don't give a 'rats ass' if people approve of you or not. It will happen for you . Keep posting.
  6. I still love magic. I like to pretend I am writing my own life story now and am watching it unfold and it does seem like synchronicities keep happening...... It's fun!
  7. Margee

    Hello all!

    Welcome to Ex-c WillT. Looking forward to hearing more of your story!
  8. @LogicalFallacy So sorry, I missed this hon. Just pinned it for you!
  9. Hang in there, sweetheart. Take a deep breath. A lot of us when we arrived here at Ex-c were so confused, we didn't know which way to turn. You have been through a lot. You need time to sort things out. If I were you (while I was in the hospital) I would read as much on this site in the ''Testimonies'' and ''Ex-Christian life'' as you can and you will soon see how many of us have handled the different traumas and problems in our lives. And you will also see the problems with our believing christian family and friends and how we are handling it. You need to see that you are not alone. Just read and don't try to figure it all out right now. All you need to do right now is let the hospital stabilize you. Then you can begin to sort things out when you are feeling better. Don't try to 'fix' anything right now. Don't try to convince anyone right now of why you have become a non-believer. Come back here when you get out and post, post, post all your feelings and fears. Most of us can relate. You are not alone. Get healthy for your son. Get healthy for you. Non-believers are a minority and we are generally out-numbered by believers everywhere. So don't fret. You are not alone in this!! The number of non-believers is growing every day. New members arrive here all the time in such confusion. ( I was one of them) So don't try to convince anyone of anything. (unless you can find a non-believer therapist in the hospital) Stay as calm as you can and come back here and we might be able to help you sort things out. Don't even try to convince your husband of anything right now. Breathe honey. Losing your faith is like a death. It was for me also. You are grieving many things right now. You are grieving the loss of your god and that can be scary. I couldn't imagine what life would be without a god?? I had to go through a huge grieving period before I could get my head together completely. I personally made many mistakes when I was a christian and I had to grieve all of that also. But I stayed with this site for several years now... and now religion has lost its power over me and I live a functional life. More functional than I have ever been in my life. And I have forgiven myself for all the mistakes I made during the time I was a christian. Some struggle for a while and some come through it fairly easy. You keep reading. Stay away from anything that will confuse you more. We here at Ex-c understand most of what you are going through. So hang tight and get better. Rest your weary mind for a while. I give you the biggest hug in the world today. ((hug)) P.S...... and yes....you may curse all you want!!
  10. I just moved this to ''General Christian Theological Issues'' because it is a wonderful topic for all ex-christians. Carry on.... And Welcome to Ex-c adelena4luv! So happy to have you here with us!
  11. Here, this will make you want to throw up. Once upon a time, When I belonged to the church, I thought this was 'cute'........
  12. R.C. Let them have it. Just try to breathe at this point. Just stay calm. Put earplugs in. Put on your phony smile and shake a few hands. You'll look mature. Go somewhere later (come here and rant your guts out) and scream. You can't change them. These services are all the same. In a few days, it will all be over with and you won't have to listen the bullshit any longer and you'll have presented yourself like the fine man you are... Sometimes hun, silence is golden. You can do this. You got this. We're here for you. ((hug))
  13. Welcome hyperion! I also smelled something fishy from my first meeting...the night I got saved. I knew in my heart that I was getting into something that wasn't me. But it was so fun? The music was intoxicating. The people swayed back and forth. They clapped their hands and danced all around the church. It looked so real. It sounded so real. They were so sincere. How could 1,500 in that church be wrong?? And then they told me (after I got saved that night) that god had 'special' plans for my life. What? Me? I'm in!! Didn't matter anymore if that uncomfortable feeling was there. I put it on the shelf and became a religious zealot until, many years later, when my logical brain started to kick in, I took the uncomfortable feelings and started to investigate the whole thing. I was one that always easily got sucked in when I was young. (not now/god forbid) I really started to pay attention.... and ask too many questions..... and became the pastors worst nightmare... until 30 years later..I knew in my heart I got hooked in a cult. And deep, deep down.... always questioning the bible.....probably from day one. But as I said, there was a huge period of many years where I truly asked the lord into my life at least 100 times because I never felt like I did it right the first time!!!
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