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Margee

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Margee last won the day on October 17

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About Margee

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    Moderator for Testimonials and Ex-Christian Life

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Interests
    Learning how to be an ex-Christian and be comfortable with it!
    This is my 'Please Forgive Me' letter - It is my testimony and I hope it helps someone....You'll have to copy and paste.

    http://www.ex-christian.net/topic/44259-please-forgive-me/
  • More About Me
    Hi! I've come to you for a little help. I was a 'Fundi' for 30 years. I took the bible literally. The more I studied, the more questions I had. I became known as the 'pastors worst nightmare'. I asked too many questions. They (the church) continued to tell me just to have faith. It's been 3 years since I've gone to church. Nobody knows how I feel. How do you tell your friends and family that you don't believe anymore?

    It's been a long time coming. It all started when I read Charles Templeton's book,''Farewell To God-My Reasons For Rejecting Christianity''.(He was Billy Grahams dearest friend) His book answered just about every question that I ever asked when I belonged to the church, but they would not answer because they couldn't. I even went as far as having 3 phone conversations with Charles before he died and he sent me his autographed book.

    I have bargained, begged, cried, screamed and 'prayed' for God to give me the 'sign' that 'he' exists and it has not happened. I have prayed to 'him' in agony I've said to 'him', 'Don't you see, you're ready to lose me, don't you care'? I have gone as far as leaving letters to 'him' under my pillow (to reveal himself to me in a dream) so 'he' could see how sincere I am! How's that for being crazy?

    Sincere is what I have been! And I'm darn angry now!

    I started to study websites like 'evil bible.com' and 'Why God won't heal amputees?' I have dabbled with the law of attraction, psychics, astrology, energy fields, and every new age 'thing' a person could try to find a faith that might be more reliable than the christian god.

    If I ever even dreamt that I would be writing this letter.... The girl who studied her bible for years - I would have told you that the devil had complete control of me! I tried and tried and tried to make sense of this for all these years. I have heard horror stories of 'suffering' even within our own community of the church (let alone the whole world) and I always asked this God ; ''Why-Why-Why, can't you do something?? Can you not see what's happening down here? Can't you see how cruel nature can be? Don't you see what all these 'Holy Books' are doing to people down here? Can't you see the rapes, murders - the insanity of it all?''

    How does one deal with the pain of no God? My search is almost over - but - what now? So I don't believe in God anymore.... What now? How does one deal with this? I've read that some of you are 'free'. I don't feel that way. No afterlife - no seeing my only sister who died 13 years ago - no seeing mom or dad? No reward for trying to be so good all these years? How does one deal with this 'Dark Night of The Soul''?

    Thank you so much. Sincerely, Margee

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
    Non-Believer

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  1. I agree completely. For instance I have read articles that plants and trees do not have a 'brain' as such.. but get their signals from the roots of the earth, so the earth itself is acting as 'the brain'. If it's got a brain and blood you can be sure that there is a consciousness within.. but to different degrees. Everything is made up of the elements of the stars. Most of the elements that everything is made from, (blood and rock) comes from the evolution of billions of years of stars living and dying and passing the elements for life on to everything including the earth itself. The elements are alive. So is the earth itself conscious because the earth itself is made up from dying stars? Some say yes. I also find this topic fascinating. And no, for those who are looking for hard core evidence, you won't find it because the study of consciousnesses will go on for a long, long time. It is a completely complex topic and study. Lots of things including science are still speculations until they are 100% proven and that hasn't happened yet.
  2. So, I think I have been quite nuts my whole life but never diagnosed. I think sentences should begin with 'well'. Well, I was thinking, Well, the situation is not good, Well, maybe we should go to the movies., etc....... All the newscasters start just about every answer that the interviewer asks them by saying, ''so''. I do not know why this bugs me? I'm going to go and find me a good psychiatrist!! So, I'm just in a silly mood today..... .
  3. Of course they do!! It even says so in the bible. ''Even the rocks will cry out''!! Rocks are just slowed down molecules into a total solid state so they're really stuck. Although I swear the rock outside my house told me to fuck off the other day when I walked past it. And I danced naked past my plants today and they laughed at me by wilting!! OK. Just trying' to be funny here today....... You gotta believe in panpsychism ("mind is everywhere") https://boingboing.net/2017/08/23/everything-even-a-rock-has-s.html
  4. So, I find that everyone starts their sentences off with, ''So''........ and it drives me nuts!
  5. I think politics is in the same, ''sham category'' as Religion. It's all bogus, fraudulent and misleading. People are frustrated and tired of all the promises only to see a few ever taken care of. I don't really believe most of the ''higher uppers'' in politics really give a damn about the low to middle class people. I had a best friend who is now an upper class person (and quite rich I might add) because her husband is very involved and high up in politics. You would never think she was once my best friend she's such a snob. Canada is no different with low voters..People have lost hope. We have the same fights here in Canada as the Us and anywhere else in the world. At least the U.S. is so much more fun to watch... as much as I feel terrible about what is happening to the U.S and it's people and I do think they better get out and vote to get the poisonous, traitor who is their president out of office.. Our Canadian politics are totally boring except when our Prime Minister dresses up in his many costumes. He likes to fit in with everyone. Lol But after the votes are in, we don't get a say on anything anymore. They make the decisions once they are in and we are left to like it or lump it once they change their minds about an issue being the ''big head guy'' now. We've almost become a communist country with so many god-damned rules at what you can do and what you can't do, it's not freedom. Yeah, we are allowed to open our own business and many others things that give people the illusion that people are 'free'... but we are not. They say we have free healthcare? Nope. We pay lot's of taxes to go along with the 'free' health care. The cost of living is through the elfin' roof here. Most people I know are struggling to make ends meet and both partners have jobs. People are discouraged and that why the numbers of voters is way down. I think politics and having these fantastic, intelligent leaders (you know...we humans must be governed!) is a laugh. It is a hoax and part of the '' keep you under control system.'' Most politicians eventually turn somewhat corrupt once they learn how the system works.. I guess you can see I am discouraged? I think I am just going to vote for the most handsome one running..or maybe the prettiest woman. Or not vote at all. Don't get me totally wrong. I am very grateful for the things I have and I understand that I am very lucky person to be born in a relatively, sane part of the earth. Pessimist..... over and out..... Lol
  6. Welcome to Ex-c Kde. Thanks you so much for sharing this story and for your honesty. Fuego said it right...that religion is a mind fuck. I related so much to your story and I would like you to read my testimony when I first arrived here at Ex-c. I was also suicidal but just did not have to guts to end my life. But I wished every night that I would die in my sleep. I am so incredibly sorry for all the pain you have been through. I was in so much pain. I didn't know where to turn and then I found this website by searching for anything that could tell me if christianity was a big lie. My head spun around for a long time. Stay here with us and we can help you through this. You are not crazy. You are very self aware that something wasn't right about the bible and christianity. Try not to be afraid. You are about to embark on a new journey that will open your eyes. You will probably cry, scream and go through many emotions as the truth of what you believed will be disclosed by many here. You are going to grieve. Your head will spin. But you are not alone. Keep reading, keep posting. Someone is always here for you. We totally understand what you are going through. Breathe honey and feel safe. You are not going to hell. There is no hell. It will take some time to understand all of it but if you stay with us, you'll eventually get it. A month after I arrived here, here is the letter I wrote to god. I hope it shows you that you are not alone with all your questions. Feel peace tonight. I'm so glad you are here with us. Big (hug)
  7. Everything in the 'second hand market' around here are advertising the article to be ''Gently Used'' and it makes me crazzzzzzzy! Gently used sofa, gently used microwave, gently used car, gently used clothing,, gently used lamps, gently used laptop... and on and on and on. It's all ''Gently Used''. If I was single right now and made an ad up on a dating service I would have to say, ''64 year old lady, Gently Used''.......
  8. Welcome Walter! So glad to have you here with us! Thanks so much for sharing your story. I related to so much of it. Most of us can here at Ex-c so we truly understand. Looking forward to hearing more from you!!
  9. I love a little 'spiritual woo-woo' in my life. It helps to keep me positive in this shitty world. (that the christian god invented and fucked up in a big way) Two of my favourite friends are dying right now so I get to pretend that they might be my angels when they die. And maybe they'll guide me on earth. Cool eh? But guess what Clay, my friend? I admit that I have absolutely no evidence for any of the woo-woo 'spiritual stuff' I like. I just like to play a game with myself called, ''Let's play pretend''. Helps me get through life. Some of our 'hard core atheists' don't need any of it and they're as happy as a clam and I love them all.. Their rational thinking helped me get rid of the toxic 'holy word' (which we both know was written by 'plain ordinary men from ancient days.). They understand me and know that I had a very hard time letting go of the ridiculousness of gods', ''so called'' written word that might send me to hell to burn for all eternity if I didn't do things 'his'way.. So they allow me have a bit of fun woo-woo cause they know it helps me. You and I both also know that the bible is just another form of woo-woo. But your woo-woo likes to control everything and everybody so they don't go to hell. That's what the church is really afraid of. So are you. None of my 'fun woo-woo stuff' has a hell to go to. So I'll take my form of woo-woo any day over yours, my friend. Love to you all tonight including you Clay!. Back to edit. This was my 8,000 post. This is a sign of good luck!!!!! Yay me!
  10. This documentary always helped me to understand the earth (and what looks like an apocalypse) for probably billions of years. And of course humans are screwing it up even more. We, the 'entitled species'...... Lol
  11. One of the platitudes we were brainwashed with is that ''Satan comes as an angel to light to deceive the faithful.'' Every now and again ( yes, it still happens to me after all this time) I wonder if I am 'deceived' and yet, as soon as my rational brain kicks in, I ask why god would even allow that to happen to one of his own children!!?? That's like allowing an angry wolf to attack your own child??? Grrrrrrr
  12. I've put this article up off and on for years. There is some fantastic information. It's long but worth the read. (hug) https://www.orange-papers.org/orange-deprogram.html
  13. I told you guys this story a long time ago. This is how I got rid of them and all their junk mail that used to constantly come to my house. I'm embarrassed to tell you guys that I loved watching Benny Hinn in my christian days. Yes...I laid my hands on the T.V. set.... So this one day I received another letter asking for money. They were asking anyone that could possibly send a "seed" of $100 that they were guaranteeing in prayer that you would receive it back 10 fold. I sat down and wrote the saddest story of my own financial situation and ask them that if they would send me $1,000, that would come back to THEM tenfold and they would be quite rich from helping one of God's children who was going "under" at that time because of a divorce. I included all of the sad story in my letter. I signed it, gave my address, included my phone number and I never heard from them ever again! Sad story. You can't make this shit up. Bunch of elfin' con artists.
  14. Myrkhoos, From my own experience, you may be looking for that safe place again. Finding out that Christianity may be a lie is the same thing as finding out that your spouse cheated on you or somebody died and you have a hard time accepting the facts. For instance many people will stay in an abusive relationship because of the fear of moving into another area of their life which is the unknown. It is extremely scary for many people to have to start all over again and go in another direction of their life. So many times it is easier to stay in a situation where things are known, even though they may not be good for that person, they still want to stay and remain in a "safe" area. Even though it is not a safe area to be in, the brain will convince you that it is so. It is a known fact in Neuroscience that the brain does not like change, that is why any habit or brainwashing of any kind is so hard to break. At the very end of me leaving the church for the very last time, I had found a church that their Doctrine was all about Grace and was probably the easiest Church to belong to because this Doctrine accepted the whole entire world as being saved under Jesus blood. These people basically do not even believe in hell. But the confusion still remained in me because the Bible clearly stated that they were saved and unsaved people. You could try joining one of these types of churches but if you are anything like me you will still be confused at the whole Doctrine. I personally had to continue going until I could not go any longer and knew that I needed help in finding out the truth about Christianity and the doctrine that came from the Bible. My uncle belongs to a church for many years now and doesn't even believe in God. He goes because he loves the music and the community of the church. You could even try that for a while and see how it goes. In the meantime you must realize that you are probably grieving something that you have believed in for a long time. It took me a long time to finally let go and realize that the Bible was a man written book. I have been posting here for 10 years and sometimes it still hurts that I believed what the church told me. Keep coming back here. Keep posting all your questions. Continue to read and investigate Christianity. We are all here for you. Big hug for you today.
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