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Margee last won the day on May 9

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About Margee

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    Learning how to be an ex-Christian and be comfortable with it!
    This is my 'Please Forgive Me' letter - It is my testimony and I hope it helps someone....You'll have to copy and paste.

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    Hi! I've come to you for a little help. I was a 'Fundi' for 30 years. I took the bible literally. The more I studied, the more questions I had. I became known as the 'pastors worst nightmare'. I asked too many questions. They (the church) continued to tell me just to have faith. It's been 3 years since I've gone to church. Nobody knows how I feel. How do you tell your friends and family that you don't believe anymore?

    It's been a long time coming. It all started when I read Charles Templeton's book,''Farewell To God-My Reasons For Rejecting Christianity''.(He was Billy Grahams dearest friend) His book answered just about every question that I ever asked when I belonged to the church, but they would not answer because they couldn't. I even went as far as having 3 phone conversations with Charles before he died and he sent me his autographed book.

    I have bargained, begged, cried, screamed and 'prayed' for God to give me the 'sign' that 'he' exists and it has not happened. I have prayed to 'him' in agony I've said to 'him', 'Don't you see, you're ready to lose me, don't you care'? I have gone as far as leaving letters to 'him' under my pillow (to reveal himself to me in a dream) so 'he' could see how sincere I am! How's that for being crazy?

    Sincere is what I have been! And I'm darn angry now!

    I started to study websites like 'evil bible.com' and 'Why God won't heal amputees?' I have dabbled with the law of attraction, psychics, astrology, energy fields, and every new age 'thing' a person could try to find a faith that might be more reliable than the christian god.

    If I ever even dreamt that I would be writing this letter.... The girl who studied her bible for years - I would have told you that the devil had complete control of me! I tried and tried and tried to make sense of this for all these years. I have heard horror stories of 'suffering' even within our own community of the church (let alone the whole world) and I always asked this God ; ''Why-Why-Why, can't you do something?? Can you not see what's happening down here? Can't you see how cruel nature can be? Don't you see what all these 'Holy Books' are doing to people down here? Can't you see the rapes, murders - the insanity of it all?''

    How does one deal with the pain of no God? My search is almost over - but - what now? So I don't believe in God anymore.... What now? How does one deal with this? I've read that some of you are 'free'. I don't feel that way. No afterlife - no seeing my only sister who died 13 years ago - no seeing mom or dad? No reward for trying to be so good all these years? How does one deal with this 'Dark Night of The Soul''?

    Thank you so much. Sincerely, Margee

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  1. I sure hope I did not offend you SeaJay. I guess when you mentioned that you were worrying about Islam being true, you might want a much nicer version of Christianity. What is it about Islam that you think it could be true?
  2. Hi SeaJay, good to hear from you. I totally understand the dilemma, the anxiety and the false doctrine of hell that they preach to scare the shit out of people and keep us under control so we'll keep their churches going.. You hint at a strong need to belong and believe in 'something'. I think a lot of humans have this in common. ''No man is an island'' they say. We need each other for survival. I think some people must have a 'higher power' of some sort or they literally couldn't make it on this earth. They would give up. Sometimes therapy and antidepressants don't work for the trauma of what religion can do to you. (Although I would always promote getting a good therapist.) Maybe these things can work to a certain degree but I had a very hard time with the topic of hell and nothing made me feel better. I constantly thought, ''what if they're wrong?'' Sometimes we just need to feel safe. That's why I am going to post this. I wonder if you have ever listened to the ''Gospel of Peace/Gospel of Grace before? It's quite fascinating concept. If I need to relieve my fear of hell when it comes back to torture me (which it still does to this day) I listen to a man named Mike Williams. If I was ever going to go back to church and listen to another opinion of the bible it would be, ''The Gospel of Inclusion''. Thousands of pastors are preaching this new ''good news'' now and it is not the hard core shit we got thrown at us and brainwashed with.. The message of ''the gospel of grace'' is that Christianity is an embarrassment to what Jesus did for us on the cross. According to this message, Jesus died for the whole world. Sometimes the doctrine of Hell is so ingrained in people that there doesn't seem to be a way out of it's fear. It can ruin one's life. I am not trying to promote another Christian doctrine, I am showing you that millions of others follow this 'Good News'' as they call it. When the image of hell starts to enter my mind, I can listen to a podcast of this ''gospel of grace'' and get truly comforted. Everyone has to do what they have to do to bring themselves some peace of mind. Maybe it might help you to know that not everyone in the world preaches the literal version of the bible. When nothing else works for me, I can listen to one of Pastor Mike's podcasts and I become comforted because what he says makes much more sense to me. I was truly 'blessed' to have met Pastor Mike Williams while I lived in British Columbia 25 years ago. I spent 5 days with him at his seminars. The rooms were packed for those 5 days with many other Christians looking for a different message and I was one of them. I was aghast at how many people were packed in that hall. I wasn't the only born again Christian who wanted to hear this message of 'grace'. This was around the time... and was the beginning of my doubting of the bible. I had so many questions about Christianity and it's doctrine. I ended up having a few private talks with him that calmed my breaking heart. I never thought I was good enough for the church and always thought that I would go to hell because I couldn't seem to abide to the rules of this very legalistic church that I belonged to. I was always 'sinning' one way or the other. The city that I lived in then was called ''The Born Again Capitol of Canada''. Everyone was 'Born Again' in this city!! It was filled with legalist churches of every brand. The Born Again churches actually put up signs that if you attended this pastors seminars, you were not welcome back into their church. Being the rebel that I am, I had to go and see what they were afraid of. What was he preaching they scared them?? Maybe someone was going to tell me that the doubts I had about certain things could be true? Mike knew every high flutin', famous pastor from all over the world and had been a Born Again pastor for many years and I wanted to hear what he had to say.. (his story is unbelievable of how he left the whole lot of them behind!) He is now considered a blasphemous pastor because he teaches the gospel of inclusion. Now thousands more have joined him in this new 'Gospel of Grace'. According to Mike, we are all saved on Exc . It goes further than that. The whole damn world is saved because of Jesus. Period. Even though it is another version of reading the bible, it is an interesting one to me (even today) and a completely kind, loving one at that. Here is a 3 hour long podcast on how he views hell. It's very comforting (even if none of it is true, it's another way of looking at the bible and this terrible topic of hell) It may help you to know that many people look at the scriptures today ''in context'' (when, where, timeline of when the books were written...this is what they look at) and not like the legalistic churches where everything they preach today is cherry picked. This is not to confuse you with another doctrine but it may bring you some peace. But If I was going to follow Christianity today, this is the teachings I would follow. If you choose to listen to it, I hope it brings you comfort about Hell. He has a lot to say about it. It's long. 3 hours. If you need something to hang on about Jesus, get brainwashed by this. Jesus is not judging you one bit according to this new gospel. Not. One. Bit. This gospel of grace makes your heart sing, not be afraid. Just press the download button and hear what he has to say. It's called ''The Irrelevancy of Hell.'' Comfort to your heart my friend. https://gospelrevolution.com/product/the-irrelevancy-of-hell/
  3. So this just came through my timeline on a mind-body group I follow. I also believe in keeping emotions in check. That's why I follow some of these groups. They help me to stay grounded to a certain degree. I responded '' So this would mean it's very important to keep the cells of the body as healthy as we can?'' (by the way, I already know how important this is Lol) So the 'mind-body' has also got to do with the cells of the body. Duh. If the cells have gone wrong, then disease can take over and show you that not everyone can heal themselves as when the cancer cell grows or any of the other fatal diagnosis. This would include babies and animals who are born with 'cell weaknesses'.
  4. I also will wait for the believer who can explain this. I have asked this question over and over again in some of the new age /mind-body groups I have belonged to. I can never get a straight answer. Ever. As a matter of fact, they don't like me to ask these hard questions. They say... ''It's part of the plan, learning lessons, past lives, blah, blah, blah''. I am always disappointed in those answers. The only conclusion that I can conjure up is that the brain must grow and develop to a level of consciousness that a young one would understand that he has the ability to heal his body. But by that time, he could be dead. So that doesn't make sense either. It's seems the mind-body connection is for adults only. I'll wait for the person that can come along and explain this simple, yet difficult question.
  5. Re-Create YourselfDo not accept the roles that society foists on you. Re-create yourself by forging a new identity, one that commands attention and never bores the audience. Be the master of your own image rather than letting others define if for you. Incorporate dramatic devices into your public gestures and actions – your power will be enhanced and your character will seem larger than life.”― Robert Greene, The 48 Laws of Power
  6. This ^^^^^ In so many situations.....
  7. Robert G. Ingersoll In nature there are neither rewards nor punishments; there are consequences. Give to every human being every right that you claim for yourself. The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart. Happiness is the only good. The time to be happy is now. The place to be happy is here. The way to be happy is to make others so. Anger is a wind which blows out the lamp of the mind. In the night of death, hope sees a star, and listening love can hear the rustle of a wing. Hope is the only bee that makes honey without flowers. An honest God is the noblest work of man. What light is to the eyes - what air is to the lungs - what love is to the heart, liberty is to the soul of man. Religion can never reform mankind because religion is slavery.
  8. A universal symbol.........
  9. Quote: Agnostic...... Due to the limited capability to understand the incomprehensible, being skeptical seems to be the natural way to approach reality.'' Your post is so interesting. Thank you so much for taking the time to write that all out. It so reminds me of my posts when I joined here many years ago. My head spun for wanting answers.....I drove Ex-c crazy. Lol ''Somebody, tell me what the fuck is up? Who do I believe? Who am I?'' ''Is Christianity true or not''? When the new agers say you can live in a different dimension, I lived there for 5-8 good years. I felt as if I had left my body and someone else stepped in but I didn't know who? After questioning the fuck out of everything I could watch read and post here, I was able to finally breathe at some point, throw my hands up and surrender to the fact that, ''I just don't know''. I love being here in this head space because I don't have to fight with anyone, try to be right, prove anything, etc.... I am who I am and I still don't know who that is! I have a dark side and a good side and now a very inquisitive side. And I love to laugh. It's seems staying agnostic is the best option for me. I don't really even care to label myself but that word is a better match for my personality. If someone's asks me who was behind the Big Bang, I say, 'I don't know'. Sometimes I even say, 'I don't understand'. It's a beautiful surrender for me. So, If I feel like studying witchcraft for an evening to see if anything makes sense, I do it. I laugh, I giggle, I say what a bunch of crap but I'm always open. If I feel like watching a documentary on evolution, I watch it. I love to read history. I love to learn from everything and I won't apologize to anyone for that. It's who I am. I listen to philosophers and I learn and stay open. But I also love to listen to astrologers. Lol I'm just so open to everything. It's all for my entertainment. I live to learn. But I don't look for anyone to convince me of anything anymore. I simply can now say, ''this is interesting'' and listen to everyone's point of view. At the end of the day, I take the good things that I learn and try to be a better person and I throw out anything that doesn't resonate with my personality.. I wish you much joy in your journey! Don't stress out. It will all come over time. Have fun with it all! Big (hug)
  10. Welcome B. Glad you are here! We get it. We totally understand. You are home. Looking forward to hearing more from you! (hug)
  11. The doctrine of christianity was one of the reasons I left my teenage sweetheart who I was married to for 17 years..... because he was so angry with me getting involved with this church and they convinced me though the sermons that I could possibly be 'unequally yoked' with the wrong person. Absolutely the worst mistake I ever made in my life and right to this day, almost 35 years later, I am still paying for this horrible decision. I've already been to hell in this life. Besides being indoctrinated that I could go to hell (and there's STILL a bit of fear in me) There ya go hon, that was just the start of some of the trauma I would go through over the next 35 years. Glad you're here with us. (hug)
  12. So glad that you are doing OK S.B. Keep going. You got this!
  13. Damn tootin' Brother and most of them are smarter than men so don't be actin' all cool around here...... Get your shit together and start acting like your god would want you too. Man up. You're 'brilliance' looks stupid. (hug)
  14. Ya got a way's to go sweetie....... I gotcha beat cause my god is a god of love and hugs......so I'm closer than you.... Love and hugs to all of you .....
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