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Margee last won the day on November 15

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4,241 Damn!


About Margee

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    'Madame Eve'

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    Learning how to be an ex-Christian and be comfortable with it!
    This is my 'Please Forgive Me' letter - It is my testimony and I hope it helps someone....You'll have to copy and paste.
  • More About Me
    Hi! I've come to you for a little help. I was a 'Fundi' for 30 years. I took the bible literally. The more I studied, the more questions I had. I became known as the 'pastors worst nightmare'. I asked too many questions. They (the church) continued to tell me just to have faith. It's been 3 years since I've gone to church. Nobody knows how I feel. How do you tell your friends and family that you don't believe anymore?

    It's been a long time coming. It all started when I read Charles Templeton's book,''Farewell To God-My Reasons For Rejecting Christianity''.(He was Billy Grahams dearest friend) His book answered just about every question that I ever asked when I belonged to the church, but they would not answer because they couldn't. I even went as far as having 3 phone conversations with Charles before he died and he sent me his autographed book.

    I have bargained, begged, cried, screamed and 'prayed' for God to give me the 'sign' that 'he' exists and it has not happened. I have prayed to 'him' in agony I've said to 'him', 'Don't you see, you're ready to lose me, don't you care'? I have gone as far as leaving letters to 'him' under my pillow (to reveal himself to me in a dream) so 'he' could see how sincere I am! How's that for being crazy?

    Sincere is what I have been! And I'm darn angry now!

    I started to study websites like 'evil' and 'Why God won't heal amputees?' I have dabbled with the law of attraction, psychics, astrology, energy fields, and every new age 'thing' a person could try to find a faith that might be more reliable than the christian god.

    If I ever even dreamt that I would be writing this letter.... The girl who studied her bible for years - I would have told you that the devil had complete control of me! I tried and tried and tried to make sense of this for all these years. I have heard horror stories of 'suffering' even within our own community of the church (let alone the whole world) and I always asked this God ; ''Why-Why-Why, can't you do something?? Can you not see what's happening down here? Can't you see how cruel nature can be? Don't you see what all these 'Holy Books' are doing to people down here? Can't you see the rapes, murders - the insanity of it all?''

    How does one deal with the pain of no God? My search is almost over - but - what now? So I don't believe in God anymore.... What now? How does one deal with this? I've read that some of you are 'free'. I don't feel that way. No afterlife - no seeing my only sister who died 13 years ago - no seeing mom or dad? No reward for trying to be so good all these years? How does one deal with this 'Dark Night of The Soul''?

    Thank you so much. Sincerely, Margee

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?

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  1. Margee

    Love Y'all

    Best to you End. Come back and visit!! (hug)
  2. As much as I despise religion, I understand a lot more now why people literally refuse to look at any evidence that there might not be any god who has some sort of plan for one's life. We just lost a little girl in our community who was 4 years old. She let go of her mom's hand during a Santa Claus parade and ran over to the float, then fell under it and was run over by it and killed. It caused trauma for a lot of people who witnessed it, including the mom and dad. The hundreds of comments show me why people cannot or will not give up the belief. Everyone is reassuring the mother and father that she is now one of gods' angels and they will meet again someday. And I suppose that this would be one of the top reasons for people to continue believing. It is their only reasoning for why there is so much suffering on this earth. My heart breaks for anyone on this earth who suffers so I find it really hard to talk people out of the belief. I know it brings comfort to a certain degree. So most believers wouldn't even watch this because they would not want to know (or learn) of any kind of this information..
  3. One of the biggest revelations I had during my deconversion was the fact that some humans are born without a conscience. They weave their web for the innocent fly. They are a menace to society. Pity for the one that happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. These poor, dear innocent darlings. Just horrible. And they could be your next door neighbor. I hope he gets the death sentence. A little too late I guess, but regardless....he takes up space.
  4. Margee

    Dealing with uncertainty

    Kat, It has taken me a decade to trust my own thinking. The thing that I struggled with the most (and still do) is how we are so out-numbered by christians. We are still such a minority and the name of ``atheist`` doesn't often go too well. Just the other day I had a conversation with what some would call a regular christian. She is not even a born again. But she wanted me to believe in jesus again. Now, I have belonged to Ex-c for quite some time now and by the time she got through with me, my head was spinning. I tried to talk about the silly book of Genesis to her and she would have no part in it. It is the worst crazy making conversations which make you doubt your own thinking. The thing is, I know it is not true anymore, even when I didn`t seem to have the ability to present a half-decent case. This is one of the reasons that Ex-c is still my home. When the christians make me crazy, I just check in here, read a little bit and I`m reassured that I`m saner than how I feel! For some of us, it takes a long time to get through deconversion but no matter how long, this site (and all the wonderful members) will help you to learn how to believe in yourself again. Big (hug)
  5. ( Giggle) It's too late B.O. I'm too old now. All Burnedout and cranky like you....
  6. Well, hang around with us for a while and see how you do. There are hundreds of testimonies to read. You will be able to understand that you are not alone. But we here at Ex-c can only share with you our own experiences. Christianity can really screw some people up (did me!) and we here on the board can't help some people who have real bad problems because we are not therapists. That's why we always recommend for anyone to see if they can't find a good therapist to talk to. Try looking up Marlene Winelle. She is a therapist and has some courses online that are very helpful when people are deconverting. There are stages that most of us go through. Anger is one of them. She can help guide you. Very worth looking into. But we can make suggestions for you. So keep posting all your worries and concerns. The gang here are so very helpful. (hug)
  7. Welcome Questioningone. Glad that you found Ex-c. I think you'll find that you are not alone in how you feel. There's a great gang here that knows how you feel. Stay awhile and make some friends! Keep reading and posting. One nice thing about being on this forum is you can be yourself. You don't have to live up to any expectations as you did in the church or with god. So let it hang out! Someone is always here to help you. Get a really good therapist to help you through some of the tough issues (not a christian one!!) and post on this board all you want. It's a nice little home here at Ex-c. Hang in there. The anger will get better over time. Take your time. Just know that we understand the isolation of being a non-believer. Keep posting hon. ((hug))
  8. Margee

    god speaks...or does he.

    Right on TS! Good for you! I needed to hear this tonight! And these posts will help PurpleLilac to know she is not alone. My fears pretty much immobilized me for the past few years. I never talk about this on Ex-c cause I'm a moderator, right? Aren't I supposed to have all my shit together after 9 years on this board? Lol The hell with that anymore. I need you guys as much as you need me. Still to this day. My excursions outside of my house are mostly in a 5-mile range. 1.doing errands, 2. going to the campground in the summer and 3. maybe a trip once a year where I drug myself to get on an airplane. I pretty much became damn agoraphobic. Now I am fighting back. I am always trying to protect my death now and it has stopped me from living a full life. And I am older now so I worry about it even more. I actually went to a crowded dance hall 2 weeks ago and had a relatively good time. Only once did the thought that some maniac was there and was going to pull out a gun and have a shooting rampage in our own city. (See, I always thought that god would protect me from this kind of stuff??) I had to leave and walk outside for a minute to gather my thoughts. I decided that if that were to happen, I would die happy dancing out in my city again! I am going to do this. I'm gonna fight my fears. I only gotta die once, right? This is where I always tell people that deconversion can take a while for some of us. It's not as simple as saying we just don't believe christinity is true. It goes waaaaaay past that for some of us. Everything changed for me when I stopped believing. And I am still working on this brainwashing that I got indoctrinated with 40 years ago. So I always understand people like you and many more of us on this site with these same fears of, ''what now?'' when we stop believing. Big (hugs) to all of you.
  9. Margee

    god speaks...or does he.

    PL, I think this was the hardest issue for me also. I was in and out of Pentecostalism for 30 years so it's a hit in the gut when you realize that you and your loved one's survival depends on the luck of the draw. I am terrified of flying (and many other things because I suffer from anxiety) and the one thing that used to console me was to pray the whole flight away.......even though I knew that planes went down with christians on board. But I guess I must have felt special that god would protect me somehow. I have to drug myself to take a flight now. lol When my sister died many years ago, I had a whole entire town doing the 'chain' prayer. Didn't work. She still died. So now, I have had to teach myself about the reality of life and it hasn't been easy for me cause I am such a worry wort. I have to 'let go' of all my loved ones now and hope that they are practicing their survival skills to the best of their ability when out on the highways, etc. Somedays are easier than others but it's getting better over time. Keeping busy doing lots of things helps me a lot. Have some fun, honey. Do lots of fun things. ''The only breathe that you can be assured of is the one you are breathing right now'' so go have fun! Big (hug) cause I know it's not easy.
  10. Margee

    How did you choose your nickname?

    For a long, long time I thought your board name was, 'SkipNCrunch'.....Lol
  11. I am so sorry you are going through this Someone123. Heartbreak hurts so bad. Personally, I think it's worse than losing someone to death. Unfortunately, she has been brainwashed. And you cannot fix it. Only she can open her eyes someday and see what all this has done to her. And that may or may not ever happen. So you have to move on as hard as it hurts. My husband many years ago lost me to religion and I was with him for 17 years. During that time, I waited and waited and waited for him to get ''saved'' and it did not happen so I left the relationship in hopes of god choosing a good christian man for me (throwing up in my mouth as I write this) and I have had to pay for that mistake right to this very day. He could not stop me no matter how he tried. I was too brainwashed. I hope by telling you a little of my personal life, it might help you. Move on sweetie. Make a new life with someone you share a lot in common with. You need to have lots of common interests with your spouse or girlfriend. Relationships are hard enough without having to battle about religious doctrine. You would end up hating each other. I wish you the best. You're going to be fine. (hug)
  12. If you are struggling, this video is excellent and well worth the watch. Hope it helps somebody. (hug) P.S. Check out the responses from the christians after you watch this youtube. Christians cannot or will not watch this with an open mind because they do not want to know.
  13. Thumb, you still believe that the account of Genesis is true? Your answer will mean everything to me.