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Margee last won the day on January 30

Margee had the most liked content!

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4,166 Damn!


About Margee

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    'Madame Eve'

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    Learning how to be an ex-Christian and be comfortable with it!
    This is my 'Please Forgive Me' letter - It is my testimony and I hope it helps someone....You'll have to copy and paste.
  • More About Me
    Hi! I've come to you for a little help. I was a 'Fundi' for 30 years. I took the bible literally. The more I studied, the more questions I had. I became known as the 'pastors worst nightmare'. I asked too many questions. They (the church) continued to tell me just to have faith. It's been 3 years since I've gone to church. Nobody knows how I feel. How do you tell your friends and family that you don't believe anymore?

    It's been a long time coming. It all started when I read Charles Templeton's book,''Farewell To God-My Reasons For Rejecting Christianity''.(He was Billy Grahams dearest friend) His book answered just about every question that I ever asked when I belonged to the church, but they would not answer because they couldn't. I even went as far as having 3 phone conversations with Charles before he died and he sent me his autographed book.

    I have bargained, begged, cried, screamed and 'prayed' for God to give me the 'sign' that 'he' exists and it has not happened. I have prayed to 'him' in agony I've said to 'him', 'Don't you see, you're ready to lose me, don't you care'? I have gone as far as leaving letters to 'him' under my pillow (to reveal himself to me in a dream) so 'he' could see how sincere I am! How's that for being crazy?

    Sincere is what I have been! And I'm darn angry now!

    I started to study websites like 'evil' and 'Why God won't heal amputees?' I have dabbled with the law of attraction, psychics, astrology, energy fields, and every new age 'thing' a person could try to find a faith that might be more reliable than the christian god.

    If I ever even dreamt that I would be writing this letter.... The girl who studied her bible for years - I would have told you that the devil had complete control of me! I tried and tried and tried to make sense of this for all these years. I have heard horror stories of 'suffering' even within our own community of the church (let alone the whole world) and I always asked this God ; ''Why-Why-Why, can't you do something?? Can you not see what's happening down here? Can't you see how cruel nature can be? Don't you see what all these 'Holy Books' are doing to people down here? Can't you see the rapes, murders - the insanity of it all?''

    How does one deal with the pain of no God? My search is almost over - but - what now? So I don't believe in God anymore.... What now? How does one deal with this? I've read that some of you are 'free'. I don't feel that way. No afterlife - no seeing my only sister who died 13 years ago - no seeing mom or dad? No reward for trying to be so good all these years? How does one deal with this 'Dark Night of The Soul''?

    Thank you so much. Sincerely, Margee

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?

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  1. Margee

    The universe may be conscious.

    Indeed it does. So let's start with a living being that isn't human. How does a bee get to be queen? Does this bee have some sort of evolved brain as opposed to all the other bees? And does she know she's the queen?
  2. Margee

    The universe may be conscious.

    So nice to sit here and read after a busy summer. I love this thread. I've watched the documentaries. And the greatest joy I would experience in my older years is to find out just how special we humans are with our brains. I do feel at this stage that the whole universe seems to be conscious. Whether that is just a big jumbled mess that seems to be able to bring about and create a life here on earth or whether it is from some higher consciousness, I don't know. Could it be so simple (as this video below says) that every living creature on this earth has some form of consciousness....even to the insects who run mostly on instinct?? Is 'instinct' a form of being conscious to the ant or the frog or the bee? Most living things build their version of houses, protect their loved ones, give birth the same way, we all eat, drink, pee and poop? (even the insects) Maybe, we evolved our brains for survival and somehow humans eventually seemed to invent language as a form of communicating ideas? Our 'grunts' turned into enough words to form a whole dictionary. It is pretty smart. Maybe humans just developed a much more complex brain so we could build and build and build to the point of return and become our own destruction? Maybe, it's as simple as evolution? I don't want to be a 'Debbie Downer' here because I would love nothing more than to find out 'something special and magical' is running this show and we are all part of a big game. I love magic and I love the study of consciousness. But maybe it is just all about evolution? Listen to this guy's simple answers. Tell me what you think. ((hugs)) to all of you
  3. Margee

    I believe in Jesus again

    Dudie, I have blasphemed in the most despicable way. I once asked Satan to take over because god didn't seem to be working out for me. I thought maybe Satan could work miracles for me. I am so doomed.
  4. Margee

    I believe in Jesus again

    You are a 'Bad to the Bone' man. Do you understand what that means? You probably cannot get into heaven with this type of lustful personality!!! You must repent in the name of jesus to be free of this sin!!! What does it mean to be bad to the bone? The phrase ''bad to the bone'' comes from, and was popularized by, the 1982 blues-rock song of that same name by George Thorogood and the Destroyers. Throughout the lyrics, Thorogood's speaker brags of his ability to charm women, memorably stuttering the song's signature phrase as “b-b-b-bad to the bone.” I dedicate this sinful song to you today to remind you that it's not good to be 'bad to the bone'! I also want you saved from the wrath of god so we can walk those golden streets together some day.....
  5. Margee

    Recurring fears

    Honey, this is your mind playing fear games with you. I have had some wonderful things happen to me since I joined this site and not so wonderful. This is the normal human trip in life. When I was 'serving' the lord, I had so many horrible things happen in a period of 11 years that I was diagnosed with Complex-ptsd because I did not have time to get over one thing (grieve) before another horrible thing would happen. And this is when I WAS serving the lord?????? If you get sick or something, it is because your body got sick. Period! (so take care of yourself!!) Why would we have fear towards a god who would put us under so much fear and stress and punishment simply because we asked hard questions about his invisibility??? It does not make sense at all. I asked god to kill me. He didn't. Go be happy tonight. ((hug))
  6. Margee

    Recurring fears

    Kat, I'm going to bring this letter to my grave that I wrote to god back in 2011. I've got it printed off and have told one of my friends to put it in my coffin with me. Not joking.... Print it off yourself hon. If there is a god and he is 'love', he surely will understand our questions. Big ((hug))
  7. Margee

    I believe in Jesus again

    I think I would like to walk down those streets of gold also so I'm going to give my life back and attend church 5 days a week also. I know that I have committed the worst sin of all ..known as 'blasphemy' against the holy spirit but I know if I beg the good lord long enough, he will forgive me and call me his child again. So here I go....''Please take me back Jesus and forgive me for my past sins of belonging to Ex-c. I was wrong and I want to sing your praises for the rest of my life and all through eternity. Amen.'' Praise God. Thank you Jesus. Blessed be the holy mother of Mary. The virgin mother who got pregnant by the holy spirit and bore her child for us. I now feel the feel the spirit of god rising up in me........ I'll never be the same...I am born again. Miracles are being created just for me, even as we speak..
  8. I really enjoyed that documentary. In my older years, this is all new to me because when I was busy serving the invisible god my whole life, I was taught that any type of evolution was wrong and of the devil and it came from 'Man's' intellect (which of course was not of god). I can't give any opinions. I just enjoy all the different theories and discoveries. I'm going to watch the one Josh put up tomorrow night! And I love reading all the comments! (hugs) to you all.
  9. Margee

    I can't take no more!!

    Welcome, Noah! So glad you found us! Thanks so much for sharing some of your thoughts. These are the thoughts that brought most of us here also so you are not alone. Looking forward to hearing more from you!
  10. Margee

    Hurricanes bearing down on USA east coast

    Several members are within these areas. Please stay safe...all of you.... and do exactly what they say. This is very big and bloody scary. Love and ((hugs)) to you all!
  11. Margee

    One step at a time

    Welcome, Rangi! So glad you found us. Thanks for sharing your story. You're home, honey. It's all going to be OK. Keep reading. Keep posting. We know exactly what you are going through! Looking forward to hearing more from you. ((hug))
  12. can I get the sex password please? it's kind of the reason I accidentally stumbled on this site. thank you.

    1. Margee


      Sent it to you!

  13. Margee


    Ag.... Throughout my whole life, I have had hundreds of times when my "people pleasing niceness" has backfired on me and they didn't like me anyway, for one reason or another. I was always petrified of rejection. When you get rid of that fear, you will be able to be who you really are and still be nice but not give a fuck if they like you back or not. Write her and say hi and thanks for thinking of me but I'm just not interested. Do it once honey and let your freedom begin!! Good luck and keep us posted on how it goes. *(hug)
  14. Margee

    Samuel from SoCal

    Welcome Samuel! You're home. So glad you found us. Looking forward to hearing more from you. Take your time. Don't try to hurry. It takes time for the brain to unwind from all the cognitive dissonance of being brainwashed and now trying to form your very own opinions. It takes a few bumpy roads to go over first. It's kinda like grief. You're going to be OK. The gang here got your back. I could not have done it without these beautiful people. You got this! (hug)