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Margee

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Margee last won the day on October 17

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About Margee

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    Moderator for Testimonials and Ex-Christian Life

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    Female
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    Learning how to be an ex-Christian and be comfortable with it!
    This is my 'Please Forgive Me' letter - It is my testimony and I hope it helps someone....You'll have to copy and paste.

    http://www.ex-christian.net/topic/44259-please-forgive-me/
  • More About Me
    Hi! I've come to you for a little help. I was a 'Fundi' for 30 years. I took the bible literally. The more I studied, the more questions I had. I became known as the 'pastors worst nightmare'. I asked too many questions. They (the church) continued to tell me just to have faith. It's been 3 years since I've gone to church. Nobody knows how I feel. How do you tell your friends and family that you don't believe anymore?

    It's been a long time coming. It all started when I read Charles Templeton's book,''Farewell To God-My Reasons For Rejecting Christianity''.(He was Billy Grahams dearest friend) His book answered just about every question that I ever asked when I belonged to the church, but they would not answer because they couldn't. I even went as far as having 3 phone conversations with Charles before he died and he sent me his autographed book.

    I have bargained, begged, cried, screamed and 'prayed' for God to give me the 'sign' that 'he' exists and it has not happened. I have prayed to 'him' in agony I've said to 'him', 'Don't you see, you're ready to lose me, don't you care'? I have gone as far as leaving letters to 'him' under my pillow (to reveal himself to me in a dream) so 'he' could see how sincere I am! How's that for being crazy?

    Sincere is what I have been! And I'm darn angry now!

    I started to study websites like 'evil bible.com' and 'Why God won't heal amputees?' I have dabbled with the law of attraction, psychics, astrology, energy fields, and every new age 'thing' a person could try to find a faith that might be more reliable than the christian god.

    If I ever even dreamt that I would be writing this letter.... The girl who studied her bible for years - I would have told you that the devil had complete control of me! I tried and tried and tried to make sense of this for all these years. I have heard horror stories of 'suffering' even within our own community of the church (let alone the whole world) and I always asked this God ; ''Why-Why-Why, can't you do something?? Can you not see what's happening down here? Can't you see how cruel nature can be? Don't you see what all these 'Holy Books' are doing to people down here? Can't you see the rapes, murders - the insanity of it all?''

    How does one deal with the pain of no God? My search is almost over - but - what now? So I don't believe in God anymore.... What now? How does one deal with this? I've read that some of you are 'free'. I don't feel that way. No afterlife - no seeing my only sister who died 13 years ago - no seeing mom or dad? No reward for trying to be so good all these years? How does one deal with this 'Dark Night of The Soul''?

    Thank you so much. Sincerely, Margee

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  • Still have any Gods? If so, who or what?
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  1. My god Insightful, I was going to mention this book of the bible to you and then I read this!! Lol By the way, so sorry you are going through a hard time right now. It's funny I never bring up the bible at all anymore but I wanted to tell you that my absolute favorite book in the bible and the one that always made most sense to me was the book of Ecclesiastes. I thought King Solomon might have been a cool guy to know. This 'wisdom' he seemed to understand when it came to wine, woman and song and how it could all turn 'mundane' and wasn't all it was cracked up to be, was such an interesting fact in that book. (and he had lots of money) He states in that book, if you read and studied it like I did that he was quite bored after a few 'rounds of everything'. (I studied and taught this book in church for awhile at woman's breakfasts) He said basically that life just goes around in circles. Same ole'- same ole. And he mentions 'toil' and he said that was drag also. He then states that after all this wine, woman and song, along with hard responsibility.....you end up dying with no teeth, no sexual appetites, body withering away, etc. I actually found the book realistic and funny at the same time. Lol I bring this up in my post because I have found that it is soooo important not to stay in a rut. You are running on a 'program'. You are doing the same thing everyday, run by your brain being on auto pilot. We get up, go to the toilet, brush teeth, have coffee, eat breakfast, then get ready for the same mundane day. I do not do this anymore. I 'switch it up'. It's important to do something different everyday. Have something to look forward to every night if you can....even if it's a good movie. Life is so full of responsibility and it can get totally exhausting...that is why it's important to 'switch it up' daily. Even if that means taking another route to work or brushing your teeth with your other hand!! Anything to break up the routine.. It's a really good way to cope if you are suffering a bit of depression. And I have also found that anything new and exciting can turn to boredom if you start doing it everyday. (like exercise...that's why it becomes boring to me when i do it everyday.... so now I do it 3 times a week and I do it when spontaneously instead of having the schedule) This method is why I 'switch it up' now and try to think of something to do different (even if that means cleaning out a closet or your shed) that will bring you a feeling of pride. Get out of the routine. Most of the time what we want can be right in front of our faces. That is if you are fortunate to have a roof over your head and you are able to make your payments every month. Some people do not have a thing. That's why I have become extremely grateful for what I have instead of what I don't have. Just writing out my thought to you today. I also remember even being bored having to go to church every Sunday and Wednesday night seeing the same ole' people and hearing the same ole' things. So go try something different today! And have fun doing it!! Big (hug)
  2. Thanks for the good laugh this morning older! Glad you had a relatively good time!!
  3. Happy Thanksgiving to all my wonderful American friends! Eat hearty and remember to stay grateful today for what you have! Enjoy everyone! (hugs)
  4. Hi Bird28! Wecome back! Good to see you..... although I'm so sorry you are going through a hard time right now. I understand you want to keep peace in your home. But at what price? You can't be who you really are? Thank goodness he is only a casual christian. Does he know the whole bible or just the part that says if you believe in jesus you will go to heaven and if you don't, you'll go to hell? Because if that's all he knows, I would let his comments run like water off a ducks back. Sometimes we have to choose our battles in a relationship. Or I would start to joke about it. I'd tell him how lucky he is to go to heaven. Or you can tell him the truth about who you are. If you don't mind answering (and you don't have to) how strong is the marriage? This is an important factor. Do you mostly enjoy a good companionship with him? Hun, I personally believe (just my opinion) that the more we get real about who we are, the more ''un-bi-polar'' we become in our moods. Even if you have the diagnosis of bi-polar, taking back your power will help so much. I have wasted a lot of years being resentful for different things that have happened to me in my life (And I even caused some of those situations) and I have learned that it is literally the biggest waste of time. You will become bitter and unhappy. (I did) Don't do this to yourself. You are the only one who holds the key to your life. You are the only one who can put that key in the door and step into something new. Don't let fear and resentment from your past stop you anymore. If you didn't get one job, try another and another until you get hired. You have to put the work in. Stay here for awhile and read and post! You will get so many good answers from the board.They will give you their opinions about the situations you are in. You will find out how many others have dealt with things in life and something might help you. So keep us posted on how you are doing! The very best to you. (hug)
  5. Good to see you also @Ro-bear! Stay for awhile! We miss you! Good luck with the surgery! (hug)
  6. You're home honey. Pull up a chair and stay for awhile. You will never be alone on this site. Good to have you! Looking forward to hearing more from you! Welcome to Ex-c!
  7. Um, that baby statue is quite ugly. Wonder what Phil Collins would say about this??
  8. It's so good to hear this news SB!! Good for you! And so nice to see you again! I know how hard you have struggled. Keep on going my friend!!
  9. Welcome to ex-c faithevoloved. So glad you joined us. Your question is not an unusual one when we first land up on this board. I asked the same question myself. I have been searching for 10 years for 'something' that makes sense to me. One month I am an atheist and the next month I am agnostic. I think i have dabbled in just about everything trying to find something to have 'faith' in again. But yet, that 'faith' that I am trying to find has got to make sense to me.... so I find an interesting 'spiritual' path and then my same questions of 'suffering' come into play and i can't seem to follow it. No one, so far has been able to answer this question of suffering for me. Except the atheists of course because it's so simple to them and it's just all part of evolution. And when I am in my atheist frame of mind, I totally,100% agree with them...that suffering is here and it is normal in the course of things in evolution. For instance car accidents, sickness and horrible deaths, animals eating animals alive, rapes, murder, war, torture, people starving to death and on and on. Humans are just more evolved than animals and can be horrible to each other. You get the picture. Well this is what I can never get past so I completely agree with my atheists friends when I'm so angry that these actually happen. I just went through hell on earth in the month of October. I lost 3 people whom I loved very much. One was a girlfriend who died of a very rare disease where her body turned to stone and then one week later, someone I knew for many, many years ( she was a mentor to me) died also. Once week later, my girlfriends husband (who died) committed suicide because he literally could not bare his wife's death. We had traveled with these people for quite a few years. We were devastated and still are. Then I learned my son could die at any time. (I cannot go into those details) This was even more stress then I care to mention. So if you are going to look for a god or to the 'Universe', you must find one and you will have to agree, 'it', he/she' does not take a personal interest in us.( I am back in my atheist mood right now but I still look all the time for something to hold on to.) But again, I ask why would any loving 'entity' allow his children to suffer on earth so much? I tell you some of my personal story because I am mostly anonymous on this board. I continue to send foolish memes and happy smiles on Facebook. Nobody on Facebook even knows my friend committed suicide. Nobody knows the depression i have been through. I do not mean to dis-in-heart you, but to search honestly, you are going to have to ask why suffering exists or you will be disappointed. I still stick to positive affirmations because they help me so much. I might start searching again in awhile because I stay open to anything that might make sense to me. I once was filled with faith in a loving, caring god and there are definitively aspects of that which i miss dearly. I did not mean to get into talking about me, I was just trying to show you some of the stuff (and the day-to-day suffering) that humans have to go through. I understand completely why you want 'something'. But even If you come to like the topic of reincarnation like I did, you will have to ask the hard question of why you would choose to be burned alive at the stake or be tortured to death in a past life?? These are things that you will have to face. I'm sorry if I was a bit too graphic (I'm normally not because I hate any kind of suffering) but if we are to follow a path, we have to ask these questions. Right now, I just try to be as loving and kind to everyone that I can. I have to be satisfied with the unknown. . Don't be afraid to come here and ask all these questions. I drove the board crazy when i first arrived here and they did everything in their power to help me. I wouldn't have made it without Ex-c. The very best to you in your journey and I truly hope you find something that will give you peace......
  10. Welcome to Ex-c Mark! So glad you found us. We here at Ex totally understand why you are here! Keep posting and read all you can. Looking forward to hearing more from you! Big (hug)
  11. Margee

    Delusion

    Lol Yeah, this came through my timeline also and one of the first thoughts I had about this picture was, ....''Why are there gravestones in heaven?'' And another horrible thought was that one of them, just moments before reaching heaven probably died in a horrible, painful car crash or something like suffering for years from cancer. God never seemed to be able to let humans (that he designed) die in their sleep peacefully. Most deaths are terrible. You would think he would make an easier way to make the death transition? Another one of his fuck -ups.
  12. Welcome to ex-c WWOAC. So glad you found us! To answer you question, ''did anyone have anxiety''? Oh yes. This is the site that helped me out of the muck.They pretty much saved my sanity! I hate to keep posting my own testimonial but sometimes it's just easier for people and newcomers to see what others have gone through when they arrived here. This was almost 10 years ago. So here is my, ''Please Forgive Me'' letter to god. I want it to go in my urn when I die because if there is a loving christian god, I want him to read it and maybe have mercy on me. Lol Big (hug) honey. Go easy on yourself. Time will show you. Keep reading and keep posting.
  13. dobo, Thank you for sharing some of your life story. And welcome to Ex-c. One thing I have learned in my life is that most people I talk to have regrets. Some people don't and they are really lucky. Most of us humans make mistakes. I've made major mistakes in my life that I will regret forever. But I accept the regret. I own it. I own all my regrets. Some of these people that I have hurt, I have been able to make amends to and some not. I think we all do the best we can while we are growing up and it's only after the fact of doing something that one thinks, 'oops', I shouldn't have done that. This is how we learn hun. This is something you can learn to let go of. You know you are sorry. You have grown from the experience. Some people won't accept your sincere apology and that is what you have to accept. I think you can make this a real good life lesson and try to let go of all the negativity around it. Go and continue to treat others as you would want to be treated. And as you grow up even more, always think, think, think when you are doing something or making a decision. There will always be consequences, good or bad from your decisions. So be careful. Try to go to bed at night knowing that you have not hurt anyone that day. Someday, you may have an opportunity to make amends but for now, I would look at this as a human fuck up (because humans do fuck up!) and try to feel some peace in your life. You have learned a hard lesson. Just don't be hard on yourself anymore. You have punished yourself enough. Peace. And a hug (hug)
  14. Welcome to Ex-c Makawe. Glad you are here with us! We were always taught that blasphemy of the holy spirit was when you made fun of god in any way, shape or form. I used to panic if I laughed at someone's joke about heaven, hell or something... thinking I may have mocked god. But the worst blasphemy was when you accepted christ and then rejected him. This would be also rejecting the father and the holy spirit. And you are so right....these man written ''scriptures'' have made so many lives miserable, including mine. Keep posting!
  15. Funny, I thought that there were quite few explanations to what the soul could possibly be in the article I posted. Right down to our 'soul' being energy and ''energy can't be destroyed''.
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