I forgot about my post. I'm still here at the moment; I do know about the history of Xianity and origins of hell, but my mind is such that there's always that space that gives credence to things, that says maybe this can be true somehow. It's irrational, but powerful enough to spook me.
What's selfish is anyone who would demand someone else continue to suffer just so they can be spared a little soul-searching. But I don't have to worry about any of that anyway; I don't have "loved ones," I have a few relatives, one who owes me a G.
My problem is a medical condition that doesn't respond to therapy or medicine. I've lost my job and will be homeless soon. Three years of exhaustion, with no hope of remedy. I'm not some teenager kvetching over a girlfriend or school. I am sick constantly and soon will know poverty and homelessness. Quality of life matters; mere existence is not a virtue.
I don't care if it bother others; it won't anyway. The would probably be some who would say, "I wish he would have called me," but people always say that when someone they know offs himself. People find it disturbing when another dies at his own hand. It's a judgement on life itself, and causes people to wonder if living is all that good, and what misery they might be in one day themselves. People don't really care, they just want to virtue-signal to others that they do. I had a friend that offed himself in 2011. When I found out the reason why, the lack of hope he had, I had to agree that he had no other choice. Sometimes it is the only choice. I would doubt anyone here would have an objection to someone icing themselves because of chronic pain. Well, some other conditions are chronic too.
My medical condition can't be helped by a psych. In fact, I can say with absolute certainty, that if I wasn't laid out everyday with exhaustion, I would be remarkably undepressed. It's not in my head (except the fear of hell part).
I need to convince myself that this is true to the extent that I harbor no doubts about it. Then I can have peace.
I've been to doctors, tried devices, pills, potions, suggestions, etc., to no avail. I've got to go. I'm pushing 50, no money, no job, and a chronic illness that doesn't respond to therapy. And I've come across a lot of people with the same ailment that also complain of lack of relief. Some things are just hopeless, its a brute fact.
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