This is my first post. I really appreciate everyone in this forum for their honesty and thoughtfulness.
In a nutshell: I am questioning everything I have believed, but mostly I think coming to terms with everything I already knew or suspected all along.
As background information: I haven't just played church. I have taken it as truth and truly believed it almost my entire life. In fact, I am currently leading the two small groups/meetings in my church that have to most life in them. It's complicated to say the least
I'm not an artistic person by nature...mostly left brained...but here's an unfinished poem that wrote itself in a few minutes:
Through smoke and mirrors and rope a dope
I doubled down till I was broke
My willing mind would not retreat
I could not see my own deceit
Kept in check by analogies
From me to them and back to me
And metaphors that seemed to fit
And accolades from wit to wit
All that was good was counted for
All that was not was just ignored
But not from lies or ill intent
Just an effort to pay the rent
On what we all believed to be
The truth of what we could not see
When all we knew never revealed
itself to me, the deal was sealed
I am shipwrecked as they would say
Because I chose to walk away