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My mom passed Sept 16th. This just happens to be the same day as a junior high schoolmates birthday, one I have celebrated for many years now, we just got back in touch on Facebook a few months before. Unlike my friend who I had lost contact with for many years, I had either seen my mom or spoken to her every day for the past 30 years. While she was diagnosed with cancer, moved to a facility and then shortly after that, moved to an hospice, this enabled me to break the habit of calling everyday. Her death was a blow to me. She was really "gone". I faced it head on and that is when realized that I was "no longer a christian". I was grievously aware of the void of spiritual talk and banter with others and I scrutinized every unction toward prayer. I felt alone. Really alone. I couldn't talk about this with either my brother or sister or dad. I removed myself from them and even found it difficult to make the courtesy calls to family and friends of her passing. Even though there is a void of sorts by the lack of the christian lifestyle, I know that I have adapted to losing her, adjusting through my deconversion and progressing in my new life. It's amazing how much progress we can make personally when we have just a few thoughtful supportive and respectful "friends" around us at times like these. I think of the forums and here at Exchristian.net where I have felt acceptance that enabled me to work through the issues rather than deny them as I did when I was a christian. Loss really affects our lives. I will never be the same. Even though my mom died at the age of 87, we had all expected her to live well into her nineties. I just wasn't ready to let her go but I had to do it anyway. BTW; isn't she beautiful...