Save Me Jeebus From Your Followers!

[The Sage Nabooru]

Picking up a newspaper in my town (Fenton, MO - actually about 45 minutes to half an hour outside of St. Louis, unfortunately) is like picking up a grainy, blurred copy of The Fundamentalist Christian's Guide to Reconstructionist Hate. One local asshole, Bob Rodgers, regularly writes in about the evils of liberalism and letting gay people live, the sad state society is in now that we don't reguarly beat our children, and how the country is going to hell by letting brown people mate and by not posting the Ten Commandments in every classroom. Of course these are the answers because he knows everything and nobody can deny it. Even though he pisses me off to a degree that would force the Dalai Lama to brute violence, I've given up writing letters in. I've had more substantial and rewarding arguments with inanimate objects. Probably due to the inanimate objects having a higher intellectual level and thus giving a deeper meaning. Perhaps I should ask my dodgy CD player to write in the letters for me.

 

In yesterday's paper, the wandering photographer (the guy who wanders around asking various local hicks their opinions and snapping their pictures) asked what people would do if they were president for a day. A PUBLIC SCHOOL TEACHER said, "I'd bring prayer back into the classroom." This is why I don't have children - I don't want that kind of person teaching them.

 

Every week there's a long column/article by some Christian fundie pseudo-spiritual nut with more hairspray than Debbie Harry on the cover of The Hunter. It's always the same drippy aimless crap, like "When you have obstacles, they could really be blessings from God" in the same strong degree of vagueness, like a fundie fortune cookie. "When we have problems it's good to get inspiration from God by reading our Bibles and praying". She's even written a book on how to be a brainless blithering sappy twat who says the same inane thing over and over without changing a beat. "Your life sucks, but it doesn't REALLY suck, it's God's way of saying 'I love you so by making your life suck I'm bringing you closer to me.'" There, I just summed up every article she's ever written.

 

Of course, I could just stop reading the paper, which is what I've already done. Occasionally some individual will write in and NOT have the opinion that Bush and Robertson are the sacred vessels of the Christian-American state, and sometimes I find myself urged to peek in the paper, just to see if this has happened and know that I can smile to myself with the knowledge that there is, in fact, at least one healthy, well-adjusted person in this town. But even though I peek every once in a while, those letters just don't come in anymore. I guess every other frustrated liberal is of like thinking of myself - "Why bother anymore?"

 

Sweet Jeebus, how I'd love to get into the city and be surrounded by live-and-let-live Bosnian Muslims and Jews, observant yet peaceful and un-bothersome (and deep blue) Catholics, and sincere (as opposed to trendy) Buddhists. To be able to walk to my car after work and NOT find some lengthy discourse on my descent to hell and sole means of Christian salvation trapped underneath my wiper blade. To not get dirty looks at work for wearing a Buddhist/Hindu pendant and not a stylized rendition of an ancient Roman torture device.

 

Ah, I just have to keep saving money, keep hoping, keep hoping.......

[Padreko]

Picking up a newspaper in my town (Fenton, MO - actually about 45 minutes to half an hour outside of St. Louis, unfortunately) is like picking up a grainy, blurred copy of The Fundamentalist Christian's Guide to Reconstructionist Hate. One local asshole, Bob Rodgers, regularly writes in about the evils of liberalism and letting gay people live, the sad state society is in now that we don't reguarly beat our children, and how the country is going to hell by letting brown people mate and by not posting the Ten Commandments in every classroom. Of course these are the answers because he knows everything and nobody can deny it. Even though he pisses me off to a degree that would force the Dalai Lama to brute violence, I've given up writing letters in. I've had more substantial and rewarding arguments with inanimate objects. Probably due to the inanimate objects having a higher intellectual level and thus giving a deeper meaning. Perhaps I should ask my dodgy CD player to write in the letters for me.

 

In yesterday's paper, the wandering photographer (the guy who wanders around asking various local hicks their opinions and snapping their pictures) asked what people would do if they were president for a day. A PUBLIC SCHOOL TEACHER said, "I'd bring prayer back into the classroom." This is why I don't have children - I don't want that kind of person teaching them.

 

Every week there's a long column/article by some Christian fundie pseudo-spiritual nut with more hairspray than Debbie Harry on the cover of The Hunter. It's always the same drippy aimless crap, like "When you have obstacles, they could really be blessings from God" in the same strong degree of vagueness, like a fundie fortune cookie. "When we have problems it's good to get inspiration from God by reading our Bibles and praying". She's even written a book on how to be a brainless blithering sappy twat who says the same inane thing over and over without changing a beat. "Your life sucks, but it doesn't REALLY suck, it's God's way of saying 'I love you so by making your life suck I'm bringing you closer to me.'" There, I just summed up every article she's ever written.

 

Of course, I could just stop reading the paper, which is what I've already done. Occasionally some individual will write in and NOT have the opinion that Bush and Robertson are the sacred vessels of the Christian-American state, and sometimes I find myself urged to peek in the paper, just to see if this has happened and know that I can smile to myself with the knowledge that there is, in fact, at least one healthy, well-adjusted person in this town. But even though I peek every once in a while, those letters just don't come in anymore. I guess every other frustrated liberal is of like thinking of myself - "Why bother anymore?"

 

Sweet Jeebus, how I'd love to get into the city and be surrounded by live-and-let-live Bosnian Muslims and Jews, observant yet peaceful and un-bothersome (and deep blue) Catholics, and sincere (as opposed to trendy) Buddhists. To be able to walk to my car after work and NOT find some lengthy discourse on my descent to hell and sole means of Christian salvation trapped underneath my wiper blade. To not get dirty looks at work for wearing a Buddhist/Hindu pendant and not a stylized rendition of an ancient Roman torture device.

 

Ah, I just have to keep saving money, keep hoping, keep hoping.......

 

They are allowed to emblazon that sort of trash into your newspaper? I'm so sorry that you have to endure such idiocy. I never read the newspaper myself (just books and the internet for me). That one comment was pretty racist too, I can't understand why that would be put in print.

[Lycorth]

I dunno, Sage - I'd rather get Xian propaganda thrown at me than possibly get shot at or mugged when I walk to my car. And living in the city, heck, that's everyday. Plus rude assholes who think they shit marbles because they live in the city and drive like they're intentionally trying to kill you. Plus pollution, garbage, endless grey concrete artificiality - can we trade places?

 

I'm sure it sucks, though, to have to put up with rude stares and whatnot. People who treat you like shit just because of a religious difference can really ruin a person's day. I can say those are pluses to living in certain urban locales - most people just don't give a shit about your religion.

 

Problem is, plenty of city people don't give a shit about you period. Myself, I can't wait to get out into the rural parts and piss off fundies with my Mjolnir amulet and my Pagan ceremonies in the yard and my homeschooled Heathen brats. Unless/until they start shooting at me, it'll be fun - and if they do start shooting, I'll know how to deal with 'em

 

Count your blessings, Sage - it could be far worse.

[The Sage Nabooru]

I dunno, Sage - I'd rather get Xian propaganda thrown at me than possibly get shot at or mugged when I walk to my car. And living in the city, heck, that's everyday. Plus rude assholes who think they shit marbles because they live in the city and drive like they're intentionally trying to kill you. Plus pollution, garbage, endless grey concrete artificiality - can we trade places?

 

Hehhehheh....Sorry, but I kinda have to chuckle to myself. No offense.

 

You see, people often assume that out in rural areas, crime is low and the people are at least kind, if not intelligent. Not true in the least. Our little county manufactures more meth than any other in the nation, the burglary rate is impressive, and there are enough drunken perverts transporting themselves from strip club to sleazy strip club every night to make the streets fairly dangerous.

 

And the people. Don't get me started on the people. Every asshole out here is a self-righteous motherfucker, which comes in three varieties: self-satisfied and self-worshipping old fart fundy who believes it is his inalienable right as a man of God to treat others like shit and take his place at Jesus's right hand by providing stuck-up rudeness to every non-Christian or person under 50 he meets, especially store clerks and waiters and others who obviously don't have inherent worth; soccer moms living in new plastic-housing developments with unbelievably bratty and spoiled, never-disciplined children who expect the world to not only cater to their snotty whims but those of their vile offspring as well; and disgusting, hardcore-Republican rednecks who believe driving laws are merely restrictions on proving their manhood on the road and that their rights include drinking themselves stupid and fondling random shopgirls while spitting on the sidewalk with deadly aim right between someone's feet just to laugh at the sight of that person jumping.

 

To me, the rural/suburban image popularly peddled to city dwellers by eager developers is far from the truth. There's plenty of freaks, nuts, criminals, jerks, and idiots polluting the landscape; people out here are just too ignorant to talk about it.

[Lycorth]

Oh, I do hear you, Sagie. I've spent lots and lots of time in rural parts, around fundy fuckjobs and self-righteous jerks who think they are the greatest thing because they have the latest trendy addition to their homes or the prize-winning lawn. I don't disagree that there are plenty of assholes in the rural parts, too.

 

My point is that at least it's not physically dangerous to live in the country. I'd take it over the city any day. Better than worrying if my elderly parents will have to deal with a home invasion or if some city pig is going to cut me off and get me into an accident because he has to drive his little tricked out Honda as fast as he can to impress his crack-whore girlfriend. And we may not have quite the Meth problem, but we make up for it in crack.

 

And the country is far safer than the city. Much better environment to grow up in. The statistics don't lie. Of course, nowhere is perfect, and there'll be bad shit most anywhere you go - it all depends on the kind of shit in question.

 

I'm not shitting on your complaints, of course; all I'm saying is I would trade places with you in a heartbeat. Seriously. I'd rather deal with a carload of Xian fundies packing Babbles™ than a carload of bangers packing heat.

[The Sage Nabooru]

Personally, after living out here my whole life, I think the reason the statistics make our crime rate out so low is because of our rather, ah, ineffectual police force.

 

One time when my parents were seperated my father came to our house and attempted to abduct me. Of course I called the police right away. They came over and yadda yadda yadda, basically told me there was nothing they could do. A few weeks later my mother wants the police report to use as a kind of evidence in her divorce case against my dad. Whoops, no police report. They'd never even bothered to write one.

 

I see cops all the time around here, speeding, running red lights, driving on the shoulder, patronizing less-than-kosher strip joints. If you ask me a cop's uniform serves no purpose around here but to protect the wearer from the punishment that would have otherwise been accorded them by the law.

 

There are rapes and murders around here, they just go practically unnoticed, as do the hookers. People have more convenient excuses around here, I've noticed - you wouldn't expect people to go out deer or turkey hunting in the city, but if you're out in the woods and you shoot your wife's lover in the back of the head, who are you to know he wasn't that huge buck you mistook him for? If you rape your girlfriend and she calls the cops, it's your word against hers, at which point the cops usually just throw their hands up in the air and tell you to work out your own problems. I do think that a lot of the problems with rural cops is that they're just not very well trained. It's like having a police force consist entirely of security guards. In cases where there is a murder or a rape and someone says one thing and someone else says another, they just don't know what to do. So it just goes unrecorded while the confused cops just hope the problem goes away by itself.

 

There are some seriously great people on the police force, but a lot of the others are corrupt, befuddled individuals who haven't a clue or the willpower to tackle crime. Oh, and if you're gay, non-white, or an obvious non-Protestant Christian, don't be surprised if you call the cops on someone else and they arrest YOU. Even the local populace often comes to the conclusion that in such cases it is, in fact, the cop's right to take you back to the station to beat the shit out of you.

 

I'm not saying that the city is a paradise. It's not. Far from it. But I get a bit peeved when people perceive the countryside as this safe, well-adjusted haven from the woes of city life. The truth is there's a lot of sickening poverty out here, and it's a lot like being in a South American country at times.

[BlueGiant]

I'm familiar with the cops in that area, and I have to echo your sentiment of the fucktards. The ones a little further east are not so much abusive as just plain stupid, though.

 

I'd also like to see those statistics that say where someone's raised has a strong influence (I'm pretty sure once you adjust for socieoeconomic factors, the whole thing tables out).

 

I'm pretty sure that no matter where you live you can find something quite wrong with it without looking too hard.

[AgnosticBob AtheistPants]

Gee, I dunno Varokhar. I just spent about ten years in the middle of nowhere Alabama, and I have to agree with Sage. Even though the town I lived in was only about a population of 5000 and everyone leaves the doors to their homes unlocked at night (some even while they are at work during the day, like my ex), we had our share of crime. I've only been in Los Angeles for a year and a half now, but I've lived in big cities before too. I've been mugged when living in San Diego because of the way I was brought up in small town America. I was too trusting. Now, I trust no one, and I actually kind of like it that way. There are still whacko nut job fundies in the city, but at least they are the minority and most everyone agrees that they ARE whacko nut jobs. I would take the city and its risks over life in rural fundamentalist HELL any day. I LOVE life in the big city!

[Guest Loghann]

I can sympathize, Sage, I'm from Lee's Summit, just a ways outside of KC, MO. From your description, I'm thinking it's a tad more liberal here, but not much. We've got whacko fundies, racist bigots, and homophobic assholes. My girlfriend and I get stuff shouted at us, as if the idiots think that we would take being called "Dykes!" as an insult. I've got several atheist/agnostic friends and we would get approached by fundies in school trying to "save" us. We've got people writing in to the KC Star about reparative therapy and how great the war is and how liberals are betraying the soldiers. I feel your pain.

 

The good news is that the gf and I are moving to NY in the next month, so things are looking up. I'd agree with what you said: Keep saving money and hoping to get out of there. You will if you really want to. Good luck!

[Lycorth]

I'm pretty sure that no matter where you live you can find something quite wrong with it without looking too hard.

 

Heh - it all boils down to that, in the end.

 

Everyone has a right to their opinions. Mine happens to be that if people actually think Xian fundies are anything more than a nigh-on-harmless pest and it's better contending with muggers and street gangs, then either they're on the wrong planet, or I am

[LosingMyReligion]

I attended a year of college in a small town(the university was the only source of commerce in the place), and I left after the second semester.

 

It was a nightmare. Granted, I liked the school. I liked my friends. But the town itself was like being transported back into 1920.

 

I was, literally, scared to leave my dorm to get food on the weekends. The racism, homophobia, and out and out stupidity is intensified in a small spit on town. That is why I love city life. It may be loud and traffic might be a bitch, but I honestly feel safer in the city.

 

In a small town no one can hear you scream.

 

p.s.

 

this is not a crit on all small towns. Some are quite lovely...Except in Texas.

[Amethyst]

I'd take the city over a small town anyday. I currently live in a large metro area. Not that there can't be judgmental people in the city (I have met many), but there seem to be a lot more in smaller towns. In the upper Midwest, small towns tend to be overwhelmingly Christian fundy. Especially if there are farming communities nearby like in northern MN.

[Ex-COG]

Maybe what we all want is not to live in a small town/big city, but just desire living somewhere that has what we think are the positive aspects of both. Peace, quiet, openness, diversity--whatever you are comfortable with and identify as a desirable community. If you could find such a place, would it really matter whether it was urban, rural, or suburban?