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Goodbye Jesus

Would You Ever Date/marry A Christian?


MrMalone

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I guess it all depends on the person. I won't rule out every single Christian that walks the planet as a potential date just because of his or her Christianity... If the person disrespects my opions, tries to shove Jesus down my throat, etc., then the person is automatically crossed off my list.

 

 

This sums it up for me...and it goes for Christian and Atheist alike. Actually, it applies to politics or anything else. Respect weighs more heavily than any hot button topic.

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Oh, and as for "worldly women" having more baggage? No offense, sweetie, but that's bullshit. Like it or not, we've all got some sort of baggage.

 

Although it's created some interesting reactions, I officially retract that statement. :)

 

I should have used WAY different words to convey my thoughts.

 

Yeah, I guess I just hang around Christian girls still because all my friends, the ones I hang out with the most, are Christians. And then once in a while I'll go to a College and Career event or something. They are the ones that are still single and really needing a man.. and they're hot dammit. Grrrr.

 

For those curious about my actual deconversion, I've deconverted without the anger it seems many people here have. I have not been stung by the Church or God and my departure from Christianity is not emotional. It is in the sense that in a way it feels sad, but I love my life. I love the life I had when I was a Christian. I personally don't regret anything about my past Christian life because it was my own and I lived it how I decided, not how someone or some Church particularily led me to. I was guided and prayed for and nurtured by real people that had real convictions and really cared and loved for me in the way they could selflessly do so. It has made me who I am today and I like me.

 

My deconversion has been gradual, and I still have the capacity to see positive things in Christianity. Call me crazy, just don't accuse me of being a Christian. I am ex-Christian. :)

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I've deconverted without the anger it seems many people here have. I have not been stung by the Church or God and my departure from Christianity is not emotional. . :)

 

Tell ya what. I don't spend my days living in hostility about my past, but your statement makes me a bit angry. It seems pretty self-righteous to tell you the truth. I spent almost 25 years fearing hell. You think I don't have the right to be angry that those I put my trust in led me down a twisted road of self-loathing, fear-based beliefs?

 

I'll reiterate, I still think you are carrying around a lot of your old xtian emotional beliefs. Perhaps you should find a slut and work through your issues. It might do you some good.

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Mr Malone, I think you are a christian woman away from reconverting...lol. Just kidding...maybe.

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MrMalone,

 

Keep your eyes open. There are actually quite a few girls out there with good morals that are not christians. I've met plenty of people that aren't Christians but have good morals -- sometimes even better than that of a Christian.

 

Not all girls that aren't Christians are permiscuous...

 

Perhaps you might want to try and date an ex-christian.

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Having been in a situation where I was the Christian dating a non-Christian...

 

I don't think I could date one. I don't want to be with someone who is convinced I'm going to hell, no matter how good of a person he thinks I am. I definitely don't want to be with someone who I couldn't bitch to about my parents. I know I had a hard time listening to people bitch about things pertaining to, well... just about everything. It was nearly impossible without some judgemental thought coming into my mind. I don't want that from my partner.

 

Plus, I don't want to have to worry about my kids thinking I'm going to hell. I'll have enough to deal with when my fundie parents decide to try to convert 'em and save them from their "morally depraved" mother and the fires of hell. I want a husband who will actually support me in keeping my kids away from their grandparents when they get all preachy about the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit, and Paul.

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I've deconverted without the anger it seems many people here have. I have not been stung by the Church or God and my departure from Christianity is not emotional. . :)

 

Tell ya what. I don't spend my days living in hostility about my past, but your statement makes me a bit angry. It seems pretty self-righteous to tell you the truth. I spent almost 25 years fearing hell. You think I don't have the right to be angry that those I put my trust in led me down a twisted road of self-loathing, fear-based beliefs?

 

I'll reiterate, I still think you are carrying around a lot of your old xtian emotional beliefs. Perhaps you should find a slut and work through your issues. It might do you some good.

 

So you're angry that I identify that people here are angry with God. Sorry to hear that.

 

My experience is different, that's all I'm saying. I personally accuse people that need religion to do so for emotional reasons, ie. to solve the unknown with myth, to find meaning where there is none, to deny death.. etc. I feared hell as well, and even though that motivated much of my personal perspectives on things, I have to be objective and realize that my fear may not have been as great as others. I can make no call on your personal perspective against Christianity. I just see the same pattern of emotionally based decisions for accepting OR rejecting Christianity. Most of them seem to be based on misunderstandings or the efforts of certain influential people.

 

Question for you.. are you angry at God or the people then?

 

You also seem to be angry at me.. why would you post a solution to your evaluation of my problem in the way that you did?

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And then once in a while I'll go to a College and Career event or something. They are the ones that are still single and really needing a man.. and they're hot dammit. Grrrr.

 

Gee how wonderful. :Hmm:

 

So nice that you find shooting fish in a barrel so fulfilling.

 

Come on!

How is anything that fucking "easy" supposed to be sexy?

 

These women need a man? Ugh! Think you need to watch the first 20 minutes of Coming To America buddy. Or at least find a transcript of the dialogue with the arranged bride.

 

Needy women are doormats, and while you might enjoy them for a while, they really aren't as amazing in the long-term.

 

Not nearly as amazing and incredible as a woman who is with you because she wants and chooses to be with you. One who doesn't make you the crutch of their entire life. And YES that self-sufficient quality means a real woman could leave you! That is what makes their willingness to stay around so much more worthwhile and amazing! A financially or emotionally dependant woman is easy to keep. She's going NOWHERE. You don't have to expend effort on the relationship because YOU have the keys to her cell. And....you will eventually be bored to tears.

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I dated a Christian woman once and was quite in love with her, but it just didn't work because of her beliefs.

 

Some people say they can manage having a relationship despite having different religious beliefs.

 

I'm not one of them.

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MrMalone,

 

Keep your eyes open. There are actually quite a few girls out there with good morals that are not christians. I've met plenty of people that aren't Christians but have good morals -- sometimes even better than that of a Christian.

 

Not all girls that aren't Christians are permiscuous...

 

Perhaps you might want to try and date an ex-christian.

 

Yeah, thank you Madie. I never actually meant to suggest that they all are. I just should have used different words in my post. I'm paying for it now.

 

I would probably be immediately attracted to an ex-Christian for the simple fact that this rather unique experience is hard to explain, let alone talk about to most people. Having someone that completely understands or at least has the background to understand where I'm coming from is of huge importance for me.

 

Until I found this site, I honestly felt like I was the only one, and I haven't learned of any in my area even. That's the hardest part of my deconversion I'd say.. no one to relate to. That's why I appreciate this site.

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And then once in a while I'll go to a College and Career event or something. They are the ones that are still single and really needing a man.. and they're hot dammit. Grrrr.

 

Gee how wonderful. :Hmm:

 

So nice that you find shooting fish in a barrel so fulfilling.

 

Come on!

How is anything that fucking "easy" supposed to be sexy?

 

These women need a man? Ugh! Think you need to watch the first 20 minutes of Coming To America buddy. Or at least find a transcript of the dialogue with the arranged bride.

 

Wow, it's hard to joke on these forums..

 

No, I don't prey on these women, (although I love questioning their faith), no I'm not despirate, yes I'm hoping to find a woman who can think for herself and not need me to guide her around or whatever.. I acutally hope I can find someone who's rich! ;) (can I joke about that still or is everyone going to attack me and assume I'm lazy and need a sugar mama..) Doesn't matter, you people are alright.

 

Mr Malone, I think you are a christian woman away from reconverting...lol. Just kidding...maybe.

 

You could be right.. hehe ;) . I've contemplated faking it for the sake of being with someone, but then I decided not to.. it's just not right. If they can't like me for me.. sucks to be them. Too bad we pretty much have everything in common (but faith) and she's super into me, and she's good looking, and... gah.. nevermind. :(

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What kind of woman do you want?

 

It seems that you want some 18 y/o who has been sheltered her entire life, so she has no past. Someone who is clarvoiyant so she can read your mind, so you don't have to tell her what you need, and makes you the end all be all of her existance.

 

Do you want a woman or do you want a girl? If you want a woman, you are going to have to give up your ideal, because they don't exist. If you want to settle for a girl, than what is going to happen when she grows up into a woman? She will outgrow you and move on.

 

I'm not sure you can handle a woman, who would smell your bullshit a mile away, call you on it, then tell you that you are full of shit to your face. If that would bother you than keep seeking your ideal little girl.

 

Men want women; it's boys who seek girls.

 

Taph

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Wow, it's hard to joke on these forums.

 

The emoticons do help.

 

Sorry....been attempting to reason with someone elsewhere who thinks his wife is a blow up doll who, if she has any needs, best speak up because he "shouldn't have to ask her anything". :ugh:

 

And while I understand you are joking.....why is mocking a sad societal throwback to the 50's notion of gender roles funny? Such girls are worthy of pity really.

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Hahahaha,

 

Yeah, white_raven, I guess emoticons would have made things better.. I guess I'll just be a punching bag for everyone who's got a gripe with my comments. Sorry about your other friends. I honestly have never experienced the "dark side" of Christianity as many people here seem to have. I'm rather naieve (sp?) to the brutality of the fundamentalists it seems. Everyone seems so uptight on these forums.. its just a general sense I get from reading most posts. No, I'm not pointing fingers or attacking anyone.. it's true.. it's general.

 

On the Christian forums, they just give eachother free blessings that they can trade in for the armor of God and other neat upgrades to their profile. Maybe we can spread around truth tokens or freedom flags or something to cheer everybody up! haha.

 

Everyone here is SO serious, and SO angry... god.

 

Taphophilia, just tell me how you really feel.. lol. It's ok. Let it all out. I'll pray for you! LOL j/k

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On the Christian forums, they just give eachother free blessings that they can trade in for the armor of God and other neat upgrades to their profile. Maybe we can spread around truth tokens or freedom flags or something to cheer everybody up! haha.

 

Everyone here is SO serious, and SO angry... god.

 

Taphophilia, just tell me how you really feel.. lol. It's ok. Let it all out. I'll pray for you! LOL j/k

 

Yeah, and CF will ban anyone who doesn't agree with them.

 

This is a support forum, not a feel good warm fuzzy feelings, tell you what you want to hear, kind of a place. Real support is telling you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.

 

I didn't leave Christianity for emotional reasons either. After my deconversion, I began to see the harm it inflicts on people. It is a cult and like all cults it is abusive. If you did not experience or at least were aware of the abuse, than you were either very lucky, not in the religion very deep (i.e. a liberal denomination), or you were a member of the "Top Wrung" at your church who was blind to the abuse and did much of the inflicting.

 

We have members here whose family and friends have disowned them, threatened them, used emotional blackmail, and cult tactics because of their deconverstions. We are all going through a process of grief, leaving behind our religion, and one of the stages of grief is anger.

 

Taph

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Thanks Taph,

 

I know.. CF is funny. Actually, that forum does give me a glimps into the ignorance many other denomonations seem to have. Could be that different areas have different trends even in same/similar denomonations, because growing up as a Baptist, through high school in Pentacostal, leadership in Baptist, Alliance and Menonite churches, none of the above were very oppresive or super strict. Some silly "no dancing" rules but that was all that stands out.

 

I also have been rather blessed that my family is not super harsh on my deconversion. You can tell it's troubling for them, but by no means have they disowned me. I sincerely feel very bad for people that are going through that. I can't imagine. Well, I won't disown you for your decisions. I applaud them and would encourage you futher to walk away from Christianity, only perhaps just add that it's not all bad... there is good in it too, and there are honest, sincere good Christians out there, that really want to do what's right and really seek to understand their faith despite denomonational doctrines and such. I'd like to think that at one point I was one of the good ones. I brought many kids to Christ and I truly felt like I was helping them deal with the emptiness they may have felt in their lives. Whether it's real or not, Christianity does offer hope to people that need what it presents that it can offer.

 

Honestly, I'm not as ignorant as my OP sounds. I just kind of blurted out my first thoughts without considering how people here may take them. I'm still just excited that there are people out there like me that once were found, but now we're lost! :)

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You sound sincere. What was the last straw that made you deconvert? I deconverted because I can't believe tha everyone's going to hell. It just blows.

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People are people, some good, some bad, and most in between. It doesn't matter what religion they adhere to, it's who they are and how they relate to others that makes the group accepting or condecending.

 

What bothered me about your opening post is the surface generalities. Christian women are no different than anyone else. They can be just as promiscuous, it's just that the culture they adhere to dictates purity, so the ones who are fake it.

 

I also think there is a big difference between an athiest who just indifferent and rebelious as opposed to an athiest who has done the mental and intellectual work to come to that conclusion for themself. I certainly wouldn't want to have a relationship with the former who are immature (no matter what their age) as opposed to someone I can relate to.

 

Taph

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I can think of another reason why I'd never date another Xian again, apart from just the sheer inability to trust any Xian to that degree of intimacy ever again...

 

I'm a woman. I've already been with three moderately to severely devout Xian guys, both when I was Xian and when I wasn't. One was a guy I dated for 3 years in the early 90's, another was my now-ex husband, and the last was, of course, BibleBoy.

 

At some point in each relationship, every one of them ended up invoking the various scriptures on male privilege, and using them to gain the upper hand in the relationship. I don't remember what spurred it with the first, but he was an evangelical Catholic (which was weird enough on its own), and pulled the "man is the head of the woman" line to justify bossing me around... my ex-spouse used similar verses when I left him, claiming that I couldn't leave him because the Babble said so, and that we were actually still married in the eyes of the Lard regardless of what the state said... BibleBoy's antics are, of course, all over this forum.

 

I could never trust a Xian man not to pull the same shit again, and not to justify it with his holy book. It's simply too easy for a Xian man to do that, and I think that churches the world over will support men being in control of relationships. And I can't stand for that, because - again - it's just too easy to say "I'm in charge because Gawd says so" and then do whatever the fuck you want to the woman in your life - because you've got divine male privilege backed by divine masculine power. And what Xian man could really resist that?

 

Invoking male privilege reduces the woman in a relationship to being a piece of property, not another fully-fledged adult human being with needs and wants, much less any human value. Sure, it's great for a misogynist man, but it sucks ass for his woman; and I refuse to put up with it.

 

Consequently, the first guy, I dumped him and started going out with his best friend; my ex, I divorced him anyway and gave him the finger; and while I wish with BibleBoy that I'd recognized his bullshit sooner and had dumped him instead of him dumping *me*, I was given the blessed opportunity to rip him several new assholes - and since he was so full of shit, I took the chance with glee.

 

Xianity isn't good for women, period. It's good for men, and good for the kind of men who want to be in control of everything, including women. It's good for the kind of men who are scared of women like me - because I won't be controlled anymore.

 

That, I think, is the main reason why BibleBoy condemned me as being "ungodly" and a whore: I wouldn't knuckle under to his demands that I convert. I wouldn't be tractable and easily led. I wouldn't be controlled - and he didn't like that.

 

He was really a fucking piece of work, I tellya.

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Guest Shiva H. Vishnu

Knowing how I respond to everyone around me who is christian, I just don't think I could muster the respect for a christian required to sign on to their roster for life. In fact, that's one of my most serious deal breakers. I have to be able to talk to you about the world, about life, and if when I do I hear all the shit that makes me hate this world then I can't imagine I'd ever pop the question to you, unless you were rich and physically perfect. Then I might marry you knowing full well you'd be intolerable company in no more than a months time (and that's with pharmeceutical aides).

 

What free thinker could every marry a christian unless they had a confident and fool proof plan to convert them to agnosticism on their honeymoon? Who wants to hear the voice of the enemy reverberating through their bedsheets?

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So you're angry that I identify that people here are angry with God. Sorry to hear that.

 

Kind of hard to be angry with an imaginary being.

 

You also seem to be angry at me.. why would you post a solution to your evaluation of my problem in the way that you did?

 

Yeah, your response pisses me off a bit. Self-righteousness just doesn't go down well with my pallet.

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Mr. Malone,

I was just curious, so PLEASE don't take this personally. I was just on your homepage, where you had pictures and were describing your recent vacation to the Playboy Mansion. It just kinda shocked me because on this thread you were talking about how you want a girl that has some morals and doesn't "let it all hand out". Would you approve of any girl you dated visiting the playGIRL mansion (or a male strip club, whatever). Or would that fall outside of your parameter?

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Upon further thought I don't think I could ever date or have a longterm romantic relationship with a Christian. I get put off when I hear anyone talking about Jesus...So I could not imagine myself living with that...

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You sound sincere. What was the last straw that made you deconvert? I deconverted because I can't believe tha everyone's going to hell. It just blows.

 

I wouldn't say there was actually a last straw. I've studied a lot of ancient history and archaeology. There is just a lot of things that challenge the authenticity of the Scriptures which is really the only way we could get to know God in the first place so if there are things in there that are wrong about the things we can test, then it can certainly be wrong about hte spiritual things we can't test.

 

Mr. Malone,

I was just curious, so PLEASE don't take this personally. I was just on your homepage, where you had pictures and were describing your recent vacation to the Playboy Mansion. It just kinda shocked me because on this thread you were talking about how you want a girl that has some morals and doesn't "let it all hand out". Would you approve of any girl you dated visiting the playGIRL mansion (or a male strip club, whatever). Or would that fall outside of your parameter?

 

Haha, yeah that's kinda crazy. I won the all inclusive trip playing online poker. If you would have caught me about 6 years ago even, there would have been no way that I would go. I was still holding out to look attractive to the pious, Christian girl who wanted a man of purest integrity. I've been missing life just waiting so I'm just going to enjoy life because now I feel that's all there is. There is no reward waiting for me later.

 

Also, I HAD to take the trip because of the rarity of the opportunity. Even some of my Christian friends are jealous. They admit that they aren't sure if they actually would have went, but some say that they would have too.. just because. I hope that my attitude and behaviour while there will still work well in my favour. The whole point about the integrity thing is the trust. If I acted like the Playboy Mansion is the ultimate goal in life and I longed for the life it provides and caters to, then that's not what I would expect someone would be looking for in a man. Vice versa, I feel that if we can trust eachother, then it is what it is. If she was WITH me at the time, well, I don't know. If I was WITH her when I won the trip, well I'd see how she felt about and maybe either take her with me or decide together what works best for us.

 

P.S. Read the rest of my blog. It's mainly targetted at my Christian friends. I feel like an evangelist to Christians.

 

 

Can't you guys see that this is just another Christian troll?

 

Take a look at his language. No "deconverted Christian" talks like that. He was "blessed"? Please.

 

So I can't use any potentially Christian term?.. and if I do, it means I'm trolling here to... what.. reconvert people?? lol, bless your heart. Wanna pray about it? No man.. chill. I've had a good life, I'm just not a Christian anymore. It's true that I'm not really an angry non-Christian because I have not had a negative Christian experience, but what I had was deep and sincere. It was very hard to admit that I was wrong. Bless, pray, cross, reconcile, blood. It's all good.

 

Forgive me for the self righteous attitude? I didn't know that's what I was portraying. I just see a lot of anger.. to be honest it surprises me but I'm learning to understand where people are coming from.

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Sorry Malone, I know you keep saying that your statements aren't all inclusive, but it's hard to believe when you say things like:

 

I know there are plenty of nice, beautiful, single, available, non-Christian women, who are quite moral, open-minded, baggage free, and interesting................

 

Maybe you need to define "moral". Better yet, maybe you need to just drop the word altogether. Your morality and my morality and Varokhar's morality and Grinch's morality and Pandora's morality and every other human being on this planet's moralities are not going to be 100% identical. Morality is objective. I have grown to despise the term, especially when coming from the mouth of a christian...but then I rarely hear it from the mouths of anyone OTHER than christians. I like Pandora's Golden Rule. Treat people as they want to be treated and the world will be a great place.

 

As for your question about dating or marrying a christian, I currently have been of the mindset that I will not marry anyone, nevermind a christian, since my divorce. I have no desire to be linked to anyone by the goverment. I will decide who I am linked to and with what terms. Will I link myself to a christian? Hell no. Number one, it's a primary reason I am divorced. My ex is a fundy and I am an ex-fundy. When I knew I could no longer be a christian (I did go from fundy to liberal christian to ex) it made leaving my ex an inevitability instead of a possibility. Perhaps if she had been a liberal christian as well, we might have worked harder to stay together. Unfortunately, she was more in love with her god and her work for her god than she was with me or our family unit. She now has her perfect little family unit with a "godly man" and the only flaw in it for her is that I still show up to take "her children" from her from time to time to indoctrinate them in the "ways of the world." Freaking crazy...well, anyway. I say no. Don't get involved with a christian if you want your relationship to last.

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