Jump to content

Jehovah's Witnesses - Coming To Save My Pour Soul


Open_Minded
 Share

Recommended Posts

Well this morning it happened again - The doorbell rang when I was in the middle of something else. No one ever rings our door bell. We live in a small community - our friends and neighbors knock and then open the door and yell in. So - the doorbell meant it wasn't anyone I knew.

 

Sure enough when I get to the door there are two Jehovah's Witnesses smiling at me. One was in her 30s - the other was a very elderly woman (in her 80s probably). She was quite small - I'd be amazed if she weighed 100 lbs. The temperatures outsided today are mid 90s - or higher (and that's not counting the humidity). The elderly woman hands me a pamphlet that says: "Deliverance at Hand".

 

Now I can't take on a small frail elderly woman standing in my doorway on a day where the heat index is topping the mid 90s.

 

Why do the Jehovah's do this. Every time they ring my door bell there is an adult - between 25-55. Then they always come with a child or some poor elderly adult - that they know most considerate adults in our country wouldn't challenge about the theology. And ALWAYS - every single time - the child or the elderly person is the one handing out the literature.

 

How low are you when you put vulnerable people in front of you on a witnessing excursion? :vent:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's the same mentality that has small kids asking you if you wanna buy cookies or candy right in the damn entrance of the grocery store.

 

It is blatant emotional blackmail. It's not even subtle! I have no problem looking these little cherubs in the eye and saying (nicely) "No thank you", then going into the store and buying my own damn cookies that are cheaper and better tasting.

 

Having kids or elderly persons whoring themselves for cookies, or a moment of your time to listen to their spiel.....calculated emotional blackmail. About as intriguing as a 2 dollar hooker.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Please! I can and DO close the door, and quite rudely and abruptly in the face of ANYONE who comes unwanted to my door. I don't give two-shits WHO it is, or what age they are. (You think I chose "Mr. Grinch" on some whim? :wicked: )

 

Just two weeks ago a middle-aged couple, male and female, came a'calling. I peeked outside and saw they were strangers, so I was more than ready to give them the bum's rush. I opened the door just a crack (I have a 110 lb German Shepherd eagerly pushing his muzzle and TEETH between my legs trying to see who it is he needs to bite) and I quickly spied the Bible™ the man was holding. In a split second, and without allowing them to utter even a breath, I told them, "NO, go away!", and then I slammed the door in their stunned faces. They went away. Mission: Accomplished.

 

Is that rude of me? Well, no more rude than THEIR behavior of intruding upon my sanctum sanctorum to push their retarded beliefs in my face. If I want religion, I know where to find it. They can blow me.

 

As can anyone else trying to SELL me shit I didn't ask for. While I'm not nearly as abrubt with Girl Scouts and such, they still don't fare any better. I offer the Girl Scouts a quick smile (a Grinchy grin), and tell them quickly and politely, "No thanks, kids. Maybe some other time." And then before they can turn on any ploys they've been taught, they're suddenly facing a closed door. (Most people appreciate MY closed door. Particularly since it keeps my dog's teeth out of their ass cheeks. :HaHa: )

 

Ah, life. Ya gotta take your entertainment where you can!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Is that rude of me? Well, no more rude than THEIR behavior of intruding upon my sanctum sanctorum to push their retarded beliefs in my face. If I want religion, I know where to find it. They can blow me.....

Ah, life. Ya gotta take your entertainment where you can!

 

Ahh Mr. Grinch :grin:

 

Sorry, but I don't have it in me to do as you suggested. I just feel sorry for the little old ladies and children they drag along with them. ;)

 

One time though, my husband and I were over at the neighbor's house (across the street from ours). All four of us (my neighbor and her husband - and my husband and myself) could see two neatly dressed - in their suits and ties - young Mormon males ringing the door bell at our house.

 

We were all having a good chuckle because it appeared as though people were at home - nice summer day, garage door open, toys all over the yard, etc... but no-one was answering.

 

When the two young men got tired of waiting at an empty door they headed over to the house we were in. Our two husbands saw them coming and went out back on the deck to finish a job they were working on. That left us two wives alone in the house. The main front door was open - there was a screen door and open windows all over the place. The door to the deck was also open.

 

When the two young Mormons rang the door bell, my neighbor (the wife) yelled out in a very sweet voice, "we're out back on the deck".

 

Of course the two young Mormons started out towards the back deck, while the two husbands came high tailing it into the house. We wives had already headed towards the back bedrooms and were laughing so hard - it was difficult to keep from bursting out. The two husbands were moving faster than I've seen either one of them move in years. :grin:

 

Nah... I've not been able to be truly "Grinchy" to these types. It occurred to me today, that I should print off a bunch of my interfaith literature and having it sitting close by the door. That way when these folks stop by I can sweetly accept what they have to offer on the condition that they take one of my publicity posters about an interfaith event we've held in the past. That would probably get me off their list. :grin:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest sinistral

A relative of mine is a JW. Every time I would ask her how she was she would reply without fail"great would you like to come to a meeting with me?" :ugh: Who would think asking how she is would be an invitation to witnessing?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Some of those mormon lads are really horny though......they can talk to me any day :wicked:

 

Oh yeah. For some odd reason, the Mormons in my area are all hot. I'm talking young model caliber types, both the men and women alike.

 

I only seem to get JW's though. I haven't seen a Mormon in a long time. The JW's always seem to catch me at bad times. Like the first time when I was breeding snakes they came to my door while I was cleaning their cages and answered the door with 5 squirming babys and the four foot mamma snake wrapped around my neck. They never did tell me what they wanted.

 

Then the second time they woke me up while I was on perscription sleeping pills. I'm still not sure what the hell happened, I just remember stumbling to answer the door in a nightshirt that said "The Monkeys Steal My Underwear When I'm Asleep" and my hair and makeup running all over the place. Oh, and holding a Watchtower three millimeters from my face because I couldn't figure out what it was.

 

Shortest JW visits I've ever had. I wonder why they ran away.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've told everyone about the bad infestation of Mormons I had last year. Mr. Grinch is right, you cannot be nice to them. I finally had to slam the door in their face. "I'm busy!" slam!

 

I had a JW come to my work and drop off some pamphlets. At first I thought she was a sales person who'd come into my work because she was well dressed carrying a briefcase, until she took out the damn watchtower crap. I was right, she was a sales person.

 

Taph

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Please! I can and DO close the door, and quite rudely and abruptly in the face of ANYONE who comes unwanted to my door. I don't give two-shits WHO it is, or what age they are. (You think I chose "Mr. Grinch" on some whim? :wicked: )

I always thought you might be the type to try and shred their beliefs to little itty bitty bits. :shrug:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest HomoCyclist

A relative of mine is a JW. Every time I would ask her how she was she would reply without fail"great would you like to come to a meeting with me?" :ugh: Who would think asking how she is would be an invitation to witnessing?

 

 

I know, those Jehova's Wits can be pretty annoying. I know some that are alcoholics too. :lmao:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Back when I was a little upstart Bible College student out to prove all beliefs that weren't ours were wrong, I had a copy of a book that listed the 3 thousand plus errors in the original 1830 edition of the book of Mormon, which latter editions quietly corrected. Two Mormons knocked on my door, and I invited them in for tea. As they were sharing the Golden Tablets Gospel with me, I pulled this honking book out and put it on the coffee table before them and asked them how there could be so many errors if the magic stones did the translations? They were both so dumbstruck all they could say was "we'll need to go ask our elder about that," and promptly left.

 

Today, many years later I just simply tell them I have my own beliefs and they leave me alone. It's all in the downward inflection of the voice that tells them, "no room for discussion here". :grin:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Please! I can and DO close the door, and quite rudely and abruptly in the face of ANYONE who comes unwanted to my door. I don't give two-shits WHO it is, or what age they are. (You think I chose "Mr. Grinch" on some whim? :wicked: )

I always thought you might be the type to try and shred their beliefs to little itty bitty bits. :shrug:

I've toyed with the idea of inviting them inside to debate/heckle them, but three things typically stop me...

 

1) I may be doing something else and I don't appreciate being interupted.

 

2) I don't like talking to people anyway, and I especially hate strangers.

 

and 3) I'd probably beat them to death with their own Bible WHEN they failed to listen to reason. Then I'd have to grind them up, feed them to the dog and try to cover up the evidence before CSI showed up. Much better for all concerned if I just slam the door in their faces. Don't you think? :wicked:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

and 3) I'd probably beat them to death with their own Bible WHEN they failed to listen to reason. Then I'd have to grind them up, feed them to the dog and try to cover up the evidence before CSI showed up. Much better for all concerned if I just slam the door in their faces. Don't you think? :wicked:

:mellow: I don't know how fast can your dog eat?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Me, I don't get religious solicitors at my place (gotta love a good doorman). Still, someone comes and I will be hospitable (given the situation you mentioned, I'd probably offer a drink, whatever their age). May as well be kind, no reason to spread around nastiness in my corner, ya 'know.

 

At the same time, if anyone comes with other intentions...that is another matter.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The only time the JWs ever came to my door, I was about 17, and I had just deconverted. They asked me if my parents were home, and I said no. Then they asked me if I wanted to hear about Jesus, and I replied, "No, I've already met Jesus, and he doesn't like me very much." They looked confused and said "Thank you" and left in a hurry.

 

One time I was at my boyfriend's house when the repairmen his parents had hired came to the door. His little brother (about age 11) answered the door, took one look at the men in their suits, slammed the door in their face, and yelled, "Mom! The Mormons are here!"

 

Lol....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How do they do it?

 

How is it they always manage to come to the door when folks inside are busy?

 

I lived on one street for 18 years, never saw a mormon or a JW in all that time. Until we were moving out.

 

Here we are three people struggling to get a piano one of our neighbors was interested in taking off our hands up to the door way so we could carry it out, doorbell rings.

 

Mormons on the other side.

 

The irony was just hilarious! Especially as they volunteered to help with the piano! An offer we readily accepted.

 

We even cheerfully accepted a copy of the book and asked them if they could come back next week for a good sit down and chat. They left smiling.

 

I guess it really didn't matter that we weren't even going to be living in that house by the next week. A detail that was inexplicably omitted. :shrug:

 

:wicked:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We had just finished a moresome.. Lots of sweaty tired bodies in various states of undress and positions.

 

Damn door gets knocked on, everyone we were expecting was in the house already, kinda late if joining in the festivities was planned.

 

Look out front window, our infamous little old JW lady, the one who seems to tame the ebbile.rotties.from.fatmans.hell and her young consorts are at the door.

 

Oh well.. House reeking of sex and sweat, looking in would give she and the young adults one hellova thrill (hoped so anyway!), open door nekkid..

 

Ole gal just took the show of skin in stride, whilst the *kids* eyes bugged out and crotches tented up.. ;)

 

Asked if she cared to come in and join in the discussions, but she and entourage would have to disrobe. She declined politely, taint been back since.. :)

 

kL

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We had just finished a moresome.. Lots of sweaty tired bodies in various states of undress and positions.

 

Damn door gets knocked on, everyone we were expecting was in the house already, kinda late if joining in the festivities was planned.

 

Look out front window, our infamous little old JW lady, the one who seems to tame the ebbile.rotties.from.fatmans.hell and her young consorts are at the door.

 

Oh well.. House reeking of sex and sweat, looking in would give she and the young adults one hellova thrill (hoped so anyway!), open door nekkid..

 

Ole gal just took the show of skin in stride, whilst the *kids* eyes bugged out and crotches tented up.. ;)

 

Asked if she cared to come in and join in the discussions, but she and entourage would have to disrobe. She declined politely, taint been back since.. :)

 

kL

 

You're a nut Kev :HaHa:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The most memorable run in I've had with JW or Mormons was during the wake of my little brother's funeral (suicide). Emotions were on edge and someone would have got hurt if someone hadn't told them to get lost. Violence wasn't justified but I was pretty close to snapping.

 

Years later we had a JW come to the door with a kid and I simply told her I was an atheist. She said "atheist" out load with a sort of stunned look, turned away and left. The funny thing is that if my wife would have given

her full dose of Fundy Christian nonsense. Yes, we are unequally yoked.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had a new one the other day - JW's, but both were children.

 

Thing is, I have no problem saying, "Not interested," and shutting the door on anyone either. Old, young, hot, cold...I don't think you have to scream or yell at them, but they're uninvited. The fact that I even opened the door is an extra step of kindness in my mind.

 

Once, I had a Kirby sales man stick his fat head inside my door AFTER I'd said "no", but couldn't get my door closed fast enough. I got rid of his ugly mug once the door shut. A closed door always makes them leave. It's not that hard to do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Today, many years later I just simply tell them I have my own beliefs and they leave me alone. It's all in the downward inflection of the voice that tells them, "no room for discussion here".

 

I knew a Hindu who merely got rid of the Christian Evangelicals coming to his door by smiling broadly and being the height of politeness, and offering to teach them about his religion in return for their teaching him about theirs. They would never return. This was when the guy was in college and so had a lot of them come to his door. I guess they just didn't want to hear any heathen talk, and were possibly very afraid of it making more sense than their own.

 

Once, I had a Kirby sales man stick his fat head inside my door AFTER I'd said "no", but couldn't get my door closed fast enough. I got rid of his ugly mug once the door shut. A closed door always makes them leave. It's not that hard to do.

 

Forgive my naivete, what's a Kirby?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Forgive my naivete, what's a Kirby?

 

Kirby is the name of a vacuum cleaner sales company. OLD vacuum cleaners too! Like heavy shit from the 70's! (at least that's what they still try to sell where I live).

 

I don't know how these mooks stay in business. Vacuum cleaner technology has oustripped these guys 10 times over.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Forgive my naivete, what's a Kirby?

 

Kirby is the name of a vacuum cleaner sales company. OLD vacuum cleaners too! Like heavy shit from the 70's! (at least that's what they still try to sell where I live).

 

I don't know how these mooks stay in business. Vacuum cleaner technology has oustripped these guys 10 times over.

 

I had no idea they still went door-to-door. The only folks we get ringing our door bell are the Mormons, the JWs, and the kids doing fundraising. (I don't so much mind the kids - it doesn't bother me to give a few bucks to build a skate board park. And the girl scout cookies are pretty good).

 

For some reason - though - when the fundies come-a-calling my blood preasure goes through the roof. I'm trying to find a humorous way to deal with it all. The response of my neighbor's wife (for sending them to the back deck to talk to our husbands) really hit my funny bone. I wish I could think that fast on my feet. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

One time people showed up at the door. I had just set up for celebrating a Moon and was about to get showered and dressed when a couple of evangelicals showed up. I really wish they had shown up later so we could have been in full robes. That might have made them run!

 

Another time I told them, "Look, I'm Pagan, and I probably will be for the rest of my life. I'm unsaved by your definition, but I consider myself saved by the grace of the Goddess 9not quite true, but they wouldn't understand). If I'm wrong and your Hell is right, I'll accept that. (I personally do not believe in Hell)" At the mention that I was not afraid of Hell, they turned blanch white and left quickly.

 

I like the idea of the reciprocal pamphlet... I can think of several. Thanks for the idea.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.