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How Do I Deal With Christians In Family


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Hello,

First of all I'm so thankful to have found this site. I am new to being an ex christian, but soooooo glad I am. I am finally free. Its funny because I'm so excited to be finding myself again, I lost myselft in somewhere in Christianity. Having the time of my life now.

 

I was a protestant for over 10 years, but then some things just didn't make sense to me anymore. I found out that one of my stepdaughters (16) was gay (she's a christian) and that kind of started it all for me. I have seen the struggles she has gone through, thinking how awful of a person she is, trying so hard to feel "normal", blaming herself, blaming God, blaming anybody. Well, that was my first questioning stage, couldn't understand why she just couldn't be herself.

 

My pastor at the time totally put down catholics or anybody for that matter, that wasnt a "bible teaching" church. I got tired of always hearing him put others down, so my husband and I left that church and went to a "friendly" one. My daughter stayed at the other church because all her friends went there and she of course believed all the crap they taught. Anyway, I decided to start researching religion and catholocism. Was going to become a catholic after reading the history about Luther and the early church. My husband freaked out, because he believed all the stuff my x pastor taught about catholics. Anyway, several months later my husband started questioning protestantism and stopped going to church but still believing.

 

I started attending a catholic church and also started researching ALL religions. Funny, cause it seemed some of my prayers were answered as a protestant and some as a catholic, so I'm like wait a minute here, I bet muslim prayers are answered, jewish prayers, whatever god you pray to, so I started in the beginning. Well, to make a long story short (too late, sorry) I came to the conclusion that all religion is man made and christianity just borrowed from paganism, resembling other religions as well.

 

So, I'm not a believer anymore. Yahoo for that. But, I haven't told my husband or my stepdaughter. She is VERY sensitive and I don't want to hurt anyone, but I get so tired of hearing about Jesus all the time. I told my husband, that we just shouldn't talk about religion with each other anymore, and that is working out just fine, but I just feel like I'm a teen hiding something from my parents. My husband still isn't going to church, and I told him that I won't even if he does, I told him I'm just done with religion, but didn't tell him I don't believe. I guess I'm just wondering how you all have coped, do I just let it takes it's course, do I tell them? I just honestly can't take anymore christian music, bible verses, and I'm so tired of hearing how so and so isn't saved. I don't pretend to read my bible (threw it away), but I do pretend to pray at meals. It's not that this keeps me up at night or anthing like that, I just wanted to hear someone elses opinion. Someone who knows that it's not just "because I've fallen away". Thank you so much.

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First of all welcome to the site.

 

I'd say if you're deconverting isn't really causing you any problems then just leave it alone. When I deconverted I talked it out over time with my wife and I thought we were on the same page. I went to church at xmas and stuff with my family (parents and brothers family) and didn't care one way or the other about it.

 

My wife went totally fundy on me awhile back and called my entire past into question. Accusing me of never being a "real" xian and things like that. It was brutal and nasty on every level. Even though I can run circles around her logically and theologically it doesn't matter (she just badly quotes apologetics at me...it's kind of sad). It's been a real drain on my marriage. Needless to say to I've gone from being indifferent about xianty to hating its existance. I won't go into a church unless someone dies or maybe a marriage (neither has come up yet but it will take all my strength to maintain my composure).

 

So, I'm not saying this will happen to you but if you unless you have to "come out" then I say your arrangement sounds fine. If one day your husband seems open to a dialogue maybe ask a few questions to see where he stands and let him "come out" to you if that's where he's at? (Can you tell I'm at that "once bitten twice shy" type of place right now?)

 

Hopefully someone else will post a happier story so the response to your first post won't scare you off. :)

 

mwc

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Kit, good to have you here. I hope everything works out, and that you one day can tell your hubby and kids. I'm still going through some of the process. My wife knows since 2 years back, and she's a deist now. My oldest kids know, but really not my youngest, because they don't really understand the differences. I had little chat with my youngest daughter, she asked me what I was, and I said "atheist", and she crawled up and said she was scared. I tried to ask her why, but she didn't answer. She was okay though, nothing serious, but she didn't want to talk about it. We'll do it some day, when she's ready.

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