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leftofpunk
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So I'm thinking about writing and producing a short film about atheism. I've actually been throwing movie ideas (non-atheist) back and forth for a while now and it dawned on me that an atheist flick might be a good idea.

 

I kind of want to trace the deconversion from christian to atheist and the journey that the character takes and the advice from people along the way for both sides. I don't want it to be a big christian bash fest.

 

What I'm looking for is stories about your deconversion process. I want this to be as real and truthfull as possible, but also bigger than life at the same time. Did someone present information to you? What sparked your first dissention? Was it a gradual or an instant transfer to atheism? Did you continue to go to church while you were confused? Did you go to a different religion before atheism? Did your friends or family members react especially bad? Did you continue to walk the paces for a friend or significant other?

 

These are the types of stories I'm looking for, but since my character will be about 22 obviously he won't have a wife or kids to deal with (sorry married folk) but possibly a girlfriend (conflict and all).

 

please help me out. I posted this in the creative section but i don't think that section gets much traffic.

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My husband (Bobo) might be able to tell you his story. I think it's what you're looking for (we're married, but no children... and we encountered issues of faith and belief when we were dating ages 19-23).

 

I think he'd be willing to express the deep emotional anguish he felt prior to, during, and after his deconversion. I'll let him know about this thread. :)

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Well...my story is not your typical "I grew up in the church" deconversion story...

 

I'm in my 20's and was converted in my teens. I think I was easy prey because as a teen, a lot of the decisions you make are based on your emotions and you always want to be just like your friends. A few good friends of mine were Christians. I basically wanted what they had --- Christianity.

 

Well, as the story goes on...I got "saved", went to church, got plugged in and began my road to living a life of fear, confusion, and hypocricy.

 

I spent nearly 10 years being brainwashed into thinking I had to entrust everything to a god that's not real...that no matter what I did I was still a "filthy rag". I spent 10 years putting on a show of hypocricy and all the while growing apart from my family (they're not christians).

 

I guessed I always had a feeling deep down inside that all the "doctrine" I was being fed was not quite real--I had the hardest time believeing that a "loving god" so easily condemns "his people" to hell. I've also always had doubts. Nevertheless, I was taught to have faith and to believe--to question is to doubt and to doubt is to lack in faith. So "sheepishly" I believed. I always wanted to question and to doubt, however, I was always warned through preaching that there are "false teachers" who basically gobble up the sheep. I didn't want to be one of them and so I kept my mouth shut and continued on my path to self destruction. I was also warned that there are my cults out there and that what I was being taught was the real thing. Then I began to wonder--"am I in a cult". And so the doubts began to snowball...

 

It pretty much took countless disappointments in seeing many prayers not answered to give me the courage to really research my doubts. I was began to get discouraged and disappointed that my god couldn't provide for me and started to think to myself--we only live so long--why the fuck am i waiting around for nothing. why am i giving away my money, my time, and my energy for nothing. Part of me did began to wonder--I need to be patient...to wait on God. But then thought to myself--if God were real--he wouldn't have me waste my life waiting. Fuck that. And so when the word "Fuck" started coming frequently into my mind--I really knew that I didn't have the "spirit" dwelling in me. I nver did. Fuck that.

 

And so I still continued to go to church--but with "open eyes". Everything, instead of being confusing, actaully finally started to make sense. I really was able to see why certain things were done the way they were and why people acted the way they do. I understood why there is so many different denominations and the such--it's because people take the "book" literally and when they really study it -- it starts to get so confusing that they start making up their own interpretation for everything. And to make-up for the all the interpretations -- the followers are bound by all these restrictions and legalism.

 

I think if there were a god and we were all in heaven one day--he would condemn all the religions--especailly christianity--for messing everything up for everyone and for leading them astray.

 

But now, i don't know that there is a god--all i know is that i need to depend on myself. i see people for who they are and not what they are. i love people. i love the world. i love life. i can stand on my own to feet and make decisions for myself. there is nothing that restricts me from thinking for myself. I'm finally free because I now "see the light".

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