A Modest Hypothosis

[Nihil]

Maybe you've interacted with a "nice xian". Maybe online, or in the flesh-world. And maybe, sometimes, these xians turn out to be not-so-nice. The person who was once so mild and understanding of your (non)beliefs has turned into a righteous prick. Now, it could simply be that the person in question is simply a jerk, and always has been. But, why, then, the initial kind facade?

 

I am begginning to believe that all xian friendship with non-xians is conditional. Under normal circumstances, a xian would rather not associate with non-xians any more than needed. Their own bible tells them to be apart from the world, and believing that you're completely right and everyone else is utterly wrong makes one ill-prepared to handle differences of opinion. So, the xian's day goes by a lot smoother if he keeps his friendships among his own kind.

 

But at the same time, there is the so-called "Great commission" to gain converts. So the xian may feel obligated to associate with those he normally wouldn't, in the hopes of converting them. Like any salesman, the xian will put his best face forward, presenting the image of the kind, at-peace, jesus-filled believer, the better to win the trust and confidence of the "friend", and go further with the religious sales pitch. And thus many xians are initially friendly and understanding.

 

However, if much time passes, and the friend hasn't bought the pitch, this may change. The reason for starting the association in the first place isn't there. If the xian becomes convinced that the non-xian will not be converted by the friendly approach, he may drop it, as its purpose is made null. Some will simply let the relationship fade, or sever it quickly. Others will turn righteous and condemning, still wanting to win a soul, but no longer wanting to be nice about it. The xian stops being nice and starts being the person he was all along, perhaps frustrated and resentful of the non-xian for rejecting (what he sees as) his kindly presented "Good News".

 

And thus in many initially friendly xians, we see the inevitable progression:

 

Obligation/guilt

friendliness

prosetylizing

rejection

resentment

 

 

Thank you for your time. Let the posts telling me I'm wrong commence.

[LosingMyReligion]

I agree with this, because I went through the whole friendship facade with Christians.

They approach you in a friendly manner, basically ingratiating themselves to you. You loosen up and think you might be making a cool new friend.

Then they hit you with something like, "Have you heard the good news?"

 

That automatically triggers my, "Oh shit, where do I run" mechanism...So I just smile and say, "What good news?"

 

Then they start talking about Jesus Christ and etc...And then they ask, "Are you saved?" To which I reply, "saved from what?"

 

A friendship with a charismatic fundie is impossible...Because they NEVER accept you for you. It is totally lopsided and conditional. They spend the duration of "The friendship" trying to convert you to their beliefs.

 

I don't think I could ever be a friend to a christian person. A person who just has a general belief in God, yes...A born again, hell no.

[Knightley]

I agree. Its conditional, like when all my xian friends decided to fade away because I could no longer believe, especially two girl friends of mine who I was close to. I could not believe the complete 180 those friendships took just because I quit xianity.

 

Now I just tell people I'm an atheist, why waste our time? I just don't care enough to debate with them either, to me its a waste of time, and I no longer pick xian friends. Its hard being friends with fundies. I just can't, if someone is not way into it then yeah but if they're total fundies then forget it.

[OnceConvinced]

I think with anyone you meet a genuine person for the first time (especially on the Internet) you normally only see the good side of them. It isn't till you get to know them better than you find things you don't like. And it's also then that they start to allow you to see what they are really like. So I don't think you can single out Christians as beein unique in that respect.

 

I'm not saying the other points you all raise aren't valid and in many cases they are true. But I've known a lot of christians over the years who have plenty of non-christian friends and who aren't trying to bible bash them all the time. As a born again Christian (all though at the moment reassessing my beliefs) For example, I have kept in touch with my old non-christian high school buddies and consider them valuable friends. Apart from inviting them to a few christian functions over the years I have never tried to bible bash them and accept them for who they are. I think you are painting all Christians with the same brush, saying they are all unaccepting of non believers. But that is not the case.

[Kurari]

Then they start talking about Jesus Christ and etc...And then they ask, "Are you saved?" To which I reply, "saved from what?"

 

What response do you ususally get after you say "Saved from what?"

 

Maybe I'm doing it wrong, but I've learned never to use that question to answer a fundy. They don't get the sarcasm. They see it as an invitation to keep talking and usually respond with some variation "Eternal damnation of course!"

 

Even if I get the "Are you saved?" question and I just say "Yes" They. Keep. Talking. Then it's usually, "Wonderful! Isn't joy in the Lard wonderful? When did you come to Jesus?"

 

I have to wonder if that's some sort of verification tactic to see if I'm lying or not.

[Thurisaz]

To be fair, once again I have to point out that there are those "happy heretics" out there too, those for whom christianity is nothing more than "be kind to one another and every so often drop in at church". You know, those nominal christians who actually behave just like your standard atheist/freethinker 99 % of the time.

 

With those wannabe literalists et al, however, I sadly have to agree to the OP.

[godlessgrrl]

I don't disagree with the OP either, though I think this tends to happen with a certain type of Xian, not with all of them.

 

I think it's the legalistic, evangelical fundies that tend to pull this kind of thing on people, more than the laid-back liberal "all roads lead to the doghouse" types. The latter kind of Xian assumes that everybody will figure stuff out for themselves; the former has a God-given mandate to go out and convert the poor unwashed heathens, and they'll use any tactic at their disposal to do it - including faking friendship.

 

Do a Google search on "love-bombing". A lot of culty-type religions do it, on either a group or individual basis. It's a form of highly deceptive manipulation where you find someone in an emotionally vulnerable position and smother them with fake love & affection. Get them to feel special, wanted, loved, wonderful, and they'll believe whatever you tell them. After they're hooked the gloves can come off. I think a lot of churches use this tactic freely and without conscience, in the interest of winning souls.

 

BibleBoy used this tactic on me. I am ashamed to this day that I didn't see it for what it was (despite having never really encountered it before). Instead I thought he was deeply in love with me, when all he was doing was love-bombing a vulnerable woman. It really doesn't surprise me now that he got so hostile when I didn't prove as tractable as he wanted me to be.

 

I will never trust an evangelical again because of BB. But I suppose that's probably for the best, really, because so many of them are slimeballs anyway. I'd rather not waste my time on some despicable lying scumbag who's only out to add another notch in their conversion belt at my expense. Fuck 'em.

[Vigile]

In most cases you may be right. I will say that I think I was the exception to this rule. I always had friends that did not believe, and though I was guilty of preaching to them, I really just loved them as friends. I always got along with unbelievers better than with believers and their acceptance of what I had to say was not a condition of my friendship. Fortunately I had a very tolerant group of friends who just considered my belief system one of my lovable quirks.

[chefranden]

All my meat world friends are Christians. They seem to be ok to me, but then I don't mind thier occasional attempts to save me. I can always turn what ever they have to say around on them. One buddy has got to the point where he says, "I already know what you are going to say, but what about X?" Then he can point out why X is cockeyed, but ends by saying, "I just have to believe." An old Vietnam squad mate of mine gets truely sad that I won't be in heaven with him. I can't get mad at him for trying once in awhile.