Damn Insects

[Ro-bear]

I should respect life. I know insects are an integral part of our ecosystem. We need them. "Do not ask for whom the bell tolls..." yadayadayada.

 

Yellow jackets are not my favorite insect. I was just mowing my lawn, 15 minutes ago, when I suddenly felt an iron poker inserted just behind the knee. Alarmed, I stood dumbly trying to determine the source of the pain, which was a pain that truly commands attention unless you're Chuck Norris or something.

 

I should have been running. I should have bolted instantly, but the necessary connections weren't being made. I found myself enveloped in a cloud of buzzing fury. I immediately went into spazz mode; the bastards bounced off me like bullets off Superman, and I ran to the house, making a sound I can best render as "NNYAHHHHH..YAHHH!"

 

Only one sting, believe it or not.

 

Last time, 30 years ago, it was more like 20 stings. Back then, I was in the woods, and I didn't have a can of Hot Shot with me. Today, I did have one such can, and I opened it on those bastards before they had even settled down. Two bursts, each followed by a rapid strategic retreat. Only casualties had wings, heh heh.

 

My leg hurts, but they are dead and their home is a toxic wasteland.

 

Don't fuck with Ro-bear.

 

I suppose it is petty and irrational of me to feel enmity toward an organism merely acting on instinct. I guess I have instinct, too!

 

I guess it's safe to fire the mower back up. If I'm not back later, it's probably anaphylactic shock.

[Lizard]

I can handle spiders, snakes, lizards, frogs..almost anything, except those damn bees/wasps/hornets.

 

Of course, I'm also allergic, so I have an inherant fear of them. And is it just me, or are they worse this year??

 

Way to go, Ro-bear..score one for us!

[I Broke Free]

KILL THEM ALL I SAY, AND GET THOSE DAMNED MOSQUITOES TOO!!

[Ms. K]

We've been fighting the ants lately.

 

It's cooled off from 115-120 degree days to daytime highs between 80 and 90 (this is Farenheit, for those of you about to freak because you think I'm measuring in Celsius).

 

Well, the humidity levels have also dropped, and the ants are thirsty. So, they think they can just come into MY house, and hang out in MY kitchen, because THEY'RE thirsty.

 

I don't fucking think so.

 

Mr. K has been spraying them down with Hot Shot. I hate the smell of Hot Shot.

 

But, I hate ants more.

[paloriam]

We've been fighting the ants lately.

 

It's cooled off from 115-120 degree days to daytime highs between 80 and 90 (this is Farenheit, for those of you about to freak because you think I'm measuring in Celsius).

 

Well, the humidity levels have also dropped, and the ants are thirsty. So, they think they can just come into MY house, and hang out in MY kitchen, because THEY'RE thirsty.

 

I don't fucking think so.

 

Mr. K has been spraying them down with Hot Shot. I hate the smell of Hot Shot.

 

But, I hate ants more.

 

I couldn't agree more. Every summer ants think they need to invade our bedroom. After setting up base they start moving to the rest of the house. If you look at our bedroom window you can see them all over it. Hundreds of the bastards. It flips my wife out. Could be worse though. Could be roaches. Then I'd have to move. Ick.

[Fweethawt]

If I'm not back later, it's probably anaphylactic shock.

Well, it has been almost nine and a half hours.

 

 

I know what you mean, Ro. Somewhere around ten years ago, I was outside doing my lawn. As always, I fired up the weed-eater first. At the time, we lived on a rental property that was surrounded by a chain link fence. So, whenever I ran the weed-eater, I had to run it under the whole length of the fence and around each of the posts.

 

Before going outside to get started, it never occured to me that running a weed-eater while wearing shorts and tennis shoes without socks would be much of a bother. And it really wasn't at first. Sure, every now and then the weed-eater would sling something toward my ankles and sting me a bit, but it wasn't that bad to where I felt stongly enough to go inside and put on a pair of socks.

 

So I continued.

 

I was about two-thirds of the way finished with my trimming around the fence and posts when I hit a nest of yellow-jackets who built their home in the ground underneath the concrete that was holding one of the posts.

 

The first couple of stings weren't enough to get my attention since at first, I just thought that it was something flying off of the trimmer. Then all of a sudden, I was like, WTF?!?!?

 

I looked down and those damn yellow-jackets were all over my legs. Them little bastards weren't satisfied with just stinging me. They were biting me, too, with the aggresivness of enraged dogs. They were even shaking their heads from side to side when biting me!

 

But anyway, like you, I screamed like a little girl, too. I dropped the trimmer and ran. By the time it was all over with, I had been stung somewhere around 16 or 18 times. Once I calmed down, I went back outside to check out the nest and they were still swarming around the entrance and crawling all over the weed-eater.

 

Then I though, now is a good time to go get some spray. I went to the store and bought two cans of the stuff and I waited until the next day before I sprayed. I got up early in the morning while it was still somewhat dark (they won't fly in the dark) and saturated the nest. From that point on, I never saw a single yellow-jacket come out of that hole.

 

 

 

Just last weekend I decided to clean out the gutters on my house. While I was doing that, a yellow-jacket came out of freakin' nowhere and nailed my pinky! That's all he did, too! He zapped me, and flew away. Little chicken shit anyway!!

[All Gods Fail]

I had a wasp fly up my shirt sleeve once when I was driving with my window down and my arm resting on the door. Stung me about 6 or 7 times while I was trying not to drive into a tree.

 

I pulled into a nearby parking lot and tore my shirt off, wadding it up and stamping on it while swearing at the top of my lungs.

 

Of course, the lot was full of people all staring at the lunatic who came barreling in, jumped out, tore off his shirt and started fighting with it.

[Fweethawt]

I had a wasp fly up my shirt sleeve once when I was driving with my window down and my arm resting on the door. Stung me about 6 or 7 times while I was trying not to drive into a tree.

Something similar happened to me once. My arm wasn't hanging out the window, but that little bastard did bounce off of the side mirror and into the car!

 

A buddy of mine was in the car with me when it happened. We were going about 45 miles per hour, I hit my brakes while swerving into someones driveway. The car stopped right after it drove over the driveway. Right before the freakin' drop-off on the other side!

 

 

My buddy screamed, "What the fuck are you doing?!?! You almost killed us, asshole!"

 

[Thurisaz]

I had "fun" with a Green Beret wasp years ago (at least it must've been as tough as one of those).

 

I was driving back to the barracks in the early morning, it was some few degrees (°C) above zero in November, when the bugger stung me right on the back of my left hand. However it had come into my car beats me.

Didn't hurt much (the beastie was almost dead already?), but where the fuck did it come from in that time of year?!

 

Something similar happened to me once. My arm wasn't hanging out the window, but that little bastard did bounce off of the side mirror and into the car!

 

Eh, that's nothing.

You haven't really been alive until the side mirror of a fucking truck comes screaming in through the window to hit you square in the chest!

 

That was also during my time in the Federal forces... I was sitting in an army truck, corporal did the driving, we had the windows lowered as it was early summer, when a bus driver decided he'd just ignore us and pull out of the bus stop the moment we passed his machine. The collision only hit the side mirror (on my side) mounted on the largest metal framework, bent it toward the back violently, and one of the other mirrors was just snapped off by that and catapulted right in my direction.

The dumb look on my face must have been priceless. I didn't get hurt seriously though.

 

(The irony was - we were on our way to the military medical center in town, so at least we wouldn't have had to change course... )

[HuaiDan]

What would happen if you just left the running lawn mower over the nest? wouldn't it chop them up like hamburger?

[Fweethawt]

What would happen if you just left the running lawn mower over the nest? wouldn't it chop them up like hamburger?

That might work. I doubt that it would get all of them though.

 

Not only that, but a lot of mowers produced in the past handful of years have that safety feature installed where, when you let go of the handle, the mower turns off.

[Casey]

Dude,

 

Old southern remedy that actually works... take some tobacco, cigarette, pipe, cigar, chewing or otherwise and put it on the fresh sting. It takes the swelling down and kills the pain. The nicotine is the trick. It is an antidote to the poison they use in their stinger...Really... if you cannot get tobacco, take some Benadryl.

 

Yep, it does. I used it once during an Army Reserve excercise after I'd tipped a paper wasp's nest with my rifle barrel. I might add, if you are hard up for insect repellant, soak ready-rubbed (rolling) tobacco in water then rub your exposed skin with it - mosquitoes don't like the nicotine. These are two reasons many a soldier carried tobacco, even if he wasn't a smoker. Speaking of which, I believe the US Armed Forces used to issue Zippo cigarette lighters. They beat the hell out of trying to light a fire with damp or wet matches. I have my doubts, however, as to the reason many American Southerners chewed tobacco - they apparently believed the practice prevented colds.

 

When I was an ARES mortarman, one Reg I did one exercise with used to add a capful of the methylated spirits we used to clean the plotting boards with to the contents of his water canteen, citing the same reason. I won't comment however, as to whether this was superstition or alcoholism.

Casey

[HuaiDan]

Not only that, but a lot of mowers produced in the past handful of years have that safety feature installed where, when you let go of the handle, the mower turns off.

 

Do what I used to do when I mowed lawns, and put a piece of electrical tape, twist tie, or wire around it. I think you're probably old enough to know not to run over your own feet.

[Fweethawt]

Not only that, but a lot of mowers produced in the past handful of years have that safety feature installed where, when you let go of the handle, the mower turns off.

Do what I used to do when I mowed lawns, and put a piece of electrical tape, twist tie, or wire around it. I think you're probably old enough to know not to run over your own feet.

I'm old enough to know the reason behind safety features, too.

[HuaiDan]

Safety features? I don't need no stinking saftey features. I'd rather have had a wasp-killing meat grinder at hand in case I ran into those buggers. But I don't mow lawns anymore, so the point is moot.

[Ro-bear]

Well, the sting is still a bit painful and is beginning to itch a bit. I'm pretty lucky to have been lanced only once, though.

 

The lawn mower couldn't chew these guys, HuaiDan; they were too close to the fence. Besides, my mower has the safety feature Fwee refersto, and I have no intention of bypassing it because of what happened a couple of years ago not ten feet from where I was stung yesterday.

 

Now that I think about it, I have way too many painful lawn-mowing stories. Let's see: bitten by the neighbor's insane German Shepherd, numerous painful encounters with low branches, nearly cutting my toes off because I stupidly bypassed the safety feature with a bungee cord, chopping the ass off a baby rabbit (never found the ass; that still troubles me), and now the yellow jackets.

 

Maybe I should hire some neighborhood kid.

[BlueGiant]

Had some spiders take over the porch at an apartment I was couch surfing at once, and I mean it was like a scene out of Aracnaphobia (sp?) or something.

 

A couple cans of Raid, one can of WD-40 and an Amon flame later, and the problem suddenly cleared up...

[Lizard]

 

 

Maybe I should hire some neighborhood kid.

That sounds like a really good idea!

[Curtdude]

....Maybe I should hire some neighborhood kid.

 

hehehe, sounds like you need to get back into the classroom ro-babe. You are NOT cut out for this garden maintenance thing!

 

Will we see you on a Home & Garden TV episode entitled, "What I did during summer vacation."

 

hahahahahah

[Colin Benson]

I fear no insect. This weekend, my Dad and I went to his hunting lodge for a few hours. There were quite a few wasps buzzing around. As we were leaving, my Dad suggested we try out his wasp trap bottle. We'll see how many we caught when he goes back.