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How Long 'til You Just Don't Care Anymore?


HoustonHorn
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For those that have gone through the process of deconversion from Christianity, how long did it take until you didn't feel the need to prove it wrong (to yourself or others) or those lingering thoughts "what if I'm wrong"?

 

In my mind I'm convinced that Christianity is false. But something keeps drawing me back here and to my blog to post about problems I have with Christianity. It seems like if I was 100% convinced I wouldn't be drawn to that sort of activity - I'd just walk away and go to the beach or something.

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For those that have gone through the process of deconversion from Christianity, how long did it take until you didn't feel the need to prove it wrong (to yourself or others) or those lingering thoughts "what if I'm wrong"?

 

In my mind I'm convinced that Christianity is false. But something keeps drawing me back here and to my blog to post about problems I have with Christianity. It seems like if I was 100% convinced I wouldn't be drawn to that sort of activity - I'd just walk away and go to the beach or something.

 

Actually, I don't feel like I need to prove anything to anyone anymore. It has taken me a year. I continue to write about it on my blog because the christian experience was so awful that I think I owe to the world to expose the religion. If I can stop one person from torturing themselves with the lies of christianity, then my existence will be worth it.

 

The chains of christianity are heavy and horrible. Let's help others free themselves. But I do not believe in debate or confrontation. I figure that if people are searching, then they can find my blog or yours or this website.

 

I have to say, however, that reminding myself of how awful it was helps me to not go back. There are days when I am feeling loving, forgiving, tolerant, easy going, and I think, "Why can't I go to church with my husband and accept all those well-meaning christians just the way they are?" Then I go to my blog and read my past posts and realize why it is that I should not go back.

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For those that have gone through the process of deconversion from Christianity, how long did it take until you didn't feel the need to prove it wrong (to yourself or others) or those lingering thoughts "what if I'm wrong"?

 

In my mind I'm convinced that Christianity is false. But something keeps drawing me back here and to my blog to post about problems I have with Christianity. It seems like if I was 100% convinced I wouldn't be drawn to that sort of activity - I'd just walk away and go to the beach or something.

Even if I'm wrong there's not much I can do. I can't change my beliefs using willpower alone.

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I really wish that I had been paying strict attention to my own "deconversion process", because I have indeed arrived at the "I don't give a fuck" stage. And I've been in this "zone" for the past few months now.

 

When I first joined this forum last year I was eager to post and argue against religion and Christianity. I created several blogs and ranted and raved quite a bit on the subject. But after a few months of this catharsis I soon felt spent. Little by little I no longer felt the need to say anything at all. It was as if I had finally gotten it all off of my chest and I was done beating this dead horse. So I've stopped posting as much and I deleted my blogs, because quite frankly I don't have anything left to say, and I don't feel like being bothered with religion any longer.

 

I don't feel the anger, or the need to debate or argue with Christians any longer. I just don't give a fuck. I suppose I hang around these boards simply out of habit, and one day I'll probably fade away along with many of the other "old timers", since I've lost the desire to discuss religion.

 

In answer to the question of "how long?", I'd have to say "It depends". It all depends on each person. There is no definitive time. How much baggage are you carrying? How much crap do you have to unburden? How effectively are you dealing with your "demons"? Etc, etc.

 

All that I know is that it feels great to finally be indifferent to religion/Christianity. Any discussion of it rolls off of me like water off a duck's back. I view it like the pathetic myth/fairy tale that it is. Of no consequence except to those enamoured of it. And that ain't me.

 

I don't care, and I feel fine! :woohoo:

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you will stop being concerned exactly 1 year 3 months 12 days 12 hours and 33 minutes from the time you deconverted......

 

Actually I just pulled that number out of my ass...incase you hadn't figured that out by now.

 

I don't personally think it happens all at once...sometimes I couldn't care less, other times something gets said by someone that just plain pisses me off.

 

Hell, I think its good to not just stop carring all together, our natural empathy with others should make us want to spare others from time in that bat shit crazy religion called evangelical christianity.

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Depends on how badly you feel you were burned by xtianity, from what I've seen. It can take a while, I'd suggest that finding a good place to vent and let it out will help. Also, the less you have to hide it the better, from what I've seen.

 

Your milage may varry, offer void where prohibited by law and all that.

 

Now as for arguing about it (but not really caring about the outcome), well, I like to argue...

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For those that have gone through the process of deconversion from Christianity, how long did it take until you didn't feel the need to prove it wrong (to yourself or others) or those lingering thoughts "what if I'm wrong"?

 

In my mind I'm convinced that Christianity is false. But something keeps drawing me back here and to my blog to post about problems I have with Christianity. It seems like if I was 100% convinced I wouldn't be drawn to that sort of activity - I'd just walk away and go to the beach or something.

 

Years. To be honest, I can't give you a firm number. I know, for sure, I was dealing with some lingering issues 5-6 years after leaving. Of course, I was enveloped in a deeply religious culture at the time which kept it on my mind more often than it may be on yours. Of course, I knew when I left that I was not really going back but occasionally I felt that anxiety. When it finally stopped, it's hard to say. I've had several experiences since which made me realize that I'm over it. I permitted myself to be dragged to a church and the preacher was a very good speaker... kept even me involved in his words. At the end he gave the very moving altar call, complete with urgency (don't leave here and risk dying before you get home), and his hook never even brushed me. I saw it happen... saw him bait the hook and send it out with all that garbage but it wasn't able to move me at all. I knew that if I died or not, what he was offering me wasn't going to change that.

 

I spent a very long time investigating Christianity before and after leaving. I've even amazed my cousin who is about to graduate with a theology degree of some sort with the amount of investigation I have done over the years. And for a while I needed that. I needed to prove to myself that I had explored every crevice and that I gave it a fair chance. Now I can say that the majority of the issues are gone. Sometimes I taunt Christians who try and convert me in person... which is probably a lingering issue... but that's the extent of it.

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I think it depends on what kind of environment you are in. If you are around alot of Christians then your deconversion will progress slower...I know that is true for me.

Even though I don't believe in it, I hold nothing but contempt for Christianity and I always have an attitude towards it. I think, like Mr. Grinch, I am going to blog and rant and rave about it until I get it out of my system.

I still haven't fully deconverted...

I think each person is different. I'm still in the bitterness stage, and I hate when people try and preach to me and tell me I am just angry at god...

No, I am angry because my former religion rejects me AND it is completely false. I feel like I've been lied too.

 

So you're definitely not alone.

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For those that have gone through the process of deconversion from Christianity, how long did it take until you didn't feel the need to prove it wrong (to yourself or others) or those lingering thoughts "what if I'm wrong"?

 

In my mind I'm convinced that Christianity is false. But something keeps drawing me back here and to my blog to post about problems I have with Christianity. It seems like if I was 100% convinced I wouldn't be drawn to that sort of activity - I'd just walk away and go to the beach or something.

 

So where's the harm, Houston? I've been ex-c for forty years, and I still like to read and blog on the topic. I love sites like askwhy.co.uk, positiveatheism.org, etc. etc. Not because I would ever consider going back, I'm far beyond that...it just makes for interesting reading to me.

 

I say, if you're broadening your perspectives by continuing to read, search, and blog, that doesn't mean your not fully convinced. It just means you're still in a topic that interests you. Enjoy the journey, and don't worry about it.

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If you could rely on someone-else to write you a new program...then, you could just ask them how long it will be until the program is ready... Then, you uninstall the old one...install the new one...and you're up and running, with no memory of your former loops and events...etc...

But, you are the writer...and have had many years of programming your beliefs...and a magic wand doesn't erase and replace... As you, I have to continually revisit all my blogs... I question them, and rehash them...to see if I've missed something, or simply took a wrong turn in logic.

I don't think that you, or many, who've turned-out of Christianity...("Ex-Christians")...would have made the move without some terribly compelling evidence (or, lack thereof).

It usually only takes me a couple of minutes revisiting my blogs to settle down.

I think that as long as you don't have a "new program" ready for installation, you'll continue to face these neural firings...but each time, they bring you to a more solid grasp on your conviction.

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I'm finally to the point where I don't care anymore and don't even feel the need to debate people on the subject. I do still rant occassionally in my journal, but I've been journaling since high school. It's my main method of stress relief.

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I don't think I've ever cared that much about trying to convince Xians that they're wrong. I guess I figure if relying on a fantasy helps someone get through life, big deal, more power to 'em. I might prefer reality, but whatever. Different strokes for different folks.

 

Anxiety about "what if I'm wrong??" went away fairly quickly too, because I realized that even if I was wrong, and Yahweh is it, and I'm going to hell after I die, well - Yahweh is one sick fuck, y'know? And frankly if the Bible really is the answer and Yahweh is the one and only true god, I'd rather spend eternity in hell with people I care about than in heaven grovelling at the feet of such a sick and twisted deity.

 

Worrying about whether I was wrong or not went away when I stopped fearing hell.

 

I don't care much, either, what Xians think of me personally. It just doesn't make any sense to me to waste time fretting about someone's opinion, when that opinion is based on dust and ashes.

 

I do care about what Xians think, however, inasmuch as it's related to how they act, and who they are as individuals. I care, for instance, whether or not the fundamentalist streak the current administration is on is going to lead to a thinly-veiled, religiously-justified all-out holy war. I care whether or not the religious idiocy of certain school district officers is going to lead to the dumbing down of science education. I care whether or not the religious stance of pro-lifers will persuade enough people to vote/legislate my reproductive choices away. And so on.

 

Some battles don't really matter. Others do.

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My label says it: apatheist. I agree with all the others in this thread, I do not want to make a fight. :HaHa: It does have an advantage:

  • Time!

It does have two disadvantages:

  • How can I ever write a book that also handles this subject? (Something like a Sci-Fi book where an alien deconverts from its home religion.)
  • Where is that feeling of mystery? I would like to have something that gives me the feeling that we are not done yet with discovering the universe. That feeling is not absent, but it is currently (now I'm less busy with existential matters) more on the background. Do you guys ponder as many questions as before about whatever belief system challenging subject?

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I don't feel the anger, or the need to debate or argue with Christians any longer. I just don't give a fuck. I suppose I hang around these boards simply out of habit, and one day I'll probably fade away along with many of the other "old timers", since I've lost the desire to discuss religion.

 

 

 

Grinch, I for one would sure miss your razor-sharp intellect and wit!

 

I haven't been posting as much either, although in the beginning it was mainly fascination with this site rather than the need to work through my deconversion, since I'd been out for years. I still like this site for some of the debates and for some of the things people discuss about serious matters in life. I like the atmosphere of honesty.

 

I still care about truth or falsity about religious claims, but mostly because those claims have big political influences. I think promotion of stupidity has to be resisted. For example, when will Kansas' state Board of Ed once more be dominated by creationists and TOE once more gets shafted in the schools?

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For those that have gone through the process of deconversion from Christianity, how long did it take until you didn't feel the need to prove it wrong (to yourself or others) or those lingering thoughts "what if I'm wrong"?

 

In my mind I'm convinced that Christianity is false. But something keeps drawing me back here and to my blog to post about problems I have with Christianity. It seems like if I was 100% convinced I wouldn't be drawn to that sort of activity - I'd just walk away and go to the beach or something.

 

I think sometimes it takes your emotions awhile to catch up to your intellect. Sometimes when you discover a new way to live your life or a new set of beliefs/ideas/whatever it takes awhile for these new things to totally "take" Think of this repetition as "re-brainwashing" or if that sounds negative "de-brainwashing."

 

I think La Femme is right. For me it went away fairly quickly. I no longer believe in hell, heaven, demons/angels, or an afterlife. I really don't have to know everything, but I like discovering things through science, and there's nothing wrong with coming back here and venting and talking about things, even now I still need to get some things out of my system. Just don't make exc your life and you'll be fine.

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it took me about two years to fully stop having those sorts of doubts about being wrong in leaving Christianity and i was conditioned to thinking in such a fundy way. It's just everywhere and there is alot of social pressure. i flirted with "liberal" christianity for awhile, but eventually dropped the whole thing as a historical sham.

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it took me about two years to fully stop having those sorts of doubts about being wrong in leaving Christianity and i was conditioned to thinking in such a fundy way. It's just everywhere and there is alot of social pressure. i flirted with "liberal" christianity for awhile, but eventually dropped the whole thing as a historical sham.

 

What gives?...you just wrote you are a 'jew'... :eek:

remember

so what if I'm Jewish? Even T.S. Eliot said that a few Jews of the right kind were good for society...

 

"orthodox" is not "fundamentalist" because the only belief orthodox Jews have to hold is monotheism... all the rest of the religion is about doing the correctly prescribed practices (and half of that is gone because there hasn't been a Temple for 2000 yrs.) and the Hebrew language. Orthodox Jews are nothing like the fundamentalists some of us used to be... biblical literalists, eschatological, missionary,

 

have you even met an Israeli?

 

click here

 

 

:scratch:

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For those that have gone through the process of deconversion from Christianity, how long did it take until you didn't feel the need to prove it wrong (to yourself or others)....

 

Hi HHorn,

 

Btw, love your handle. It's cool.

 

Just my 2cents, but I think it's totally individual. Some folks just move on with a "I'm SOOOOO over this" attitude and don't want to discuss or think about it one second more. Others need to rinse out of their blood, rant and rave, project onto others their doubts, etc. This site is just full of all this. That's why I love it.

 

But for me...

I get nostalgic for old friends, old music, the good times at Summer Camp, the intense friendships I made with other christians from all over the world. Maybe it's just feeling like I got scammed out of my youth by a cult - and then I get angry again about the emotional toll it's caused me. All of the "you're gonna be cured of being a queer" and "Let Jesus be your lover" sort of crap that has left me bitter.

 

The intellectual part of deconversion has been a piece of cake for me: it's just too ludicrous for words. As Bruce (one of the Mods on this site) says, "My imaginary friend is better than your imaginary friend." hehehehe.

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Thank y'all for the replies. I wasn't expecting an exact answer, so I appreciate everybody chiming in with their stories.

 

I think my problem lies in the fact that my wife's side of the family is at a minimum borderline fundamentalist and not of the "accepting other worldview" types. If it was just me I would probably would have just walked away one day and not looked back. But I figure at some point I'm going to be called upon to defend my position and want to be able to say more than "it just doesn't make sense." To me that's no different than "you just gotta have faith."

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Thank y'all for the replies. I wasn't expecting an exact answer, so I appreciate everybody chiming in with their stories.

 

I think my problem lies in the fact that my wife's side of the family is at a minimum borderline fundamentalist and not of the "accepting other worldview" types. If it was just me I would probably would have just walked away one day and not looked back. But I figure at some point I'm going to be called upon to defend my position and want to be able to say more than "it just doesn't make sense." To me that's no different than "you just gotta have faith."

 

I think there's a world of difference, HH. Like Mark Twain put it, "Faith is believin' in somethin' ya know ain't so." However, if something doesn't make sense on the face of it, the default position to a reasoning mind should be one of skepticism.

 

I rarely get into debating with christians. I don't feel the need to defend anything, I simply state the case that I believe the christian dogma is our cultural mythology, and that's that. There is no evidence JC ever existed, but plenty that his NT character was patterned after other mythological godmen prevalent in most cultural traditions of the ancient eastern and middle eastern world.

 

 

"Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable" (H.L. Mencken)

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I still have those fears. It's impossible not to when you are alone in a room full of believers. No matter how much the irrational fear comes back, I stay anti-. Clearly, I'd be willing to bet my "soul" that I'm living the way I should; because on a whole, I feel much more comfortable believing in myself than what I've been told.

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