Guest helpwithfear Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 Hi, I've come to the conclusion that I'm no longer a proclaimed Christian and it's very hard to even admit, and actually, this is the first time I have ever admitted outwardly but inwardly I was always left confused, dark, lonely, angry, depressed, and never new why. Until I started doing more of a spiritual search like practicing meditation, exploring new ideas, and as a result, the expansion of my awareness progressed to the realization that religion had a negative impact on my subconscious mind! I always pretended to believe what the bible denotes, but I was actually lying to myself! I went to a Catholic school for 8 years and have NEVER grasped the concept of WHY Jesus had to die for our sins, don't you think that a loving God would already forgive us if we repented. It doesn't even make sense!!!! And of course, the violence and the threat of hell elicited so much fear that I never wanted to convert away from Christianity but again, I was lying to myself. After praying and praying hard for God to lead me to the right path resulted in absolute denial of Christianity. I believe that the man made bible was filled with scare tactics to persuade people to conform out of power and prestige( constantine.) Look how much violence is in the world today, I think religion has a negative impact on everyone's subconsious mind, but not enough of people's conscious mind. I feel very down and sad about what people actually believe , sometimes I question if there is a God. IT's very sad, this may be continued. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirac Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 helpwithfear, thank you for posting that. Thank you for being honest with us. There's nothing wrong with being fearful of leaving Christianity, or even being afraid once you've left. I'm 24 now, and I was an avid Christian for the first 21 years of my life, and went to church for the first 22. One more year saw me drift from church and begin to 'wake up' for want of a better phrase. When I left church I could recount from memory vast tracts of the New Testament, as could many here. I've come to the conclusion that I'm no longer a proclaimed Christian and it's very hard to even admit, and actually, this is the first time I have ever admitted outwardly but inwardly I was always left confused, dark, lonely, angry, depressed, and never new why... After praying and praying hard for God to lead me to the right path resulted in absolute denial of Christianity... sometimes I question if there is a God. It's very sad, this may be continued. I identify strongly with this. Even when I was at church I would never feel good enough, spend inordinate amounts of time repenting, trying to think of every last thing. I felt judged, as though I was always under watch. A horrible feeling that I could never understand. The moment I first outwardly admitting that I was no longer a believer I shall never forget. I was staring out the window of my student house, and said to myself under my breath, "I'm not a Christian anymore, I don't believe in him." It wasn't a pleasant feeling, as for the first time it dawned on me emotionally just what rejecting Christianity involved, though I knew it in my head obviously. No more afterlife, no more paradise where I would spend eternity with my friends. Where did my morals now come from now? Was there such a thing as morality? What if I never really was a Christian, and now because I wasn't going to church anymore I would go to hell for sure? What if I'd got it wrong? And no more Him, that person I'd loved and worshipped for so many years. I don't want to overplay it, but it's pretty unsettling. For the first time, everything on which I had based my life, my reason for being, had gone. It left a mineshaft in the middle of my life that's taken time to fill with other things. I'm still filling, well over a year later. You'll see I joined this site last year, at the time I was really struggling. The only advice I can give is to keep visiting here to mix with others like you, that can really help the fear aspect. You're not alone. With time you'll even begin to mock Christianity - not something in itself that is particularly great, but an important stepping stone to recovery. Stick around, join in our rantings and debates. You're most welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piprus Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 Welcome to ex-christian.net, help-with-fear. Now that you're here, be assured there is nothing at all to fear, at least from contrived religious dogmas. You're thinking for yourself, and that means you're on the road to freedom and self-realization. Hang around here...you'll find lots of support from a diverse community. We're atheists, agnostics, deists, pantheists, pagans, etc....just not christians, and you'll find a lot of ideas shared, and a lot of acceptance and support. Enjoy. "Every sensible man, every honest man, must hold the Christian sect in horror." (Voltaire) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted August 14, 2006 Share Posted August 14, 2006 Welcome HelpWithFear, to this site, And also welcome to a new world of possibilities and free thought. You're life is now an adventure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosa Mystica Posted August 14, 2006 Share Posted August 14, 2006 Hello, HelpWithFear, and welcome to ex-C. Deconversion can be very tough, and bring a nasty shock with it. I know- I used to be the poster child for devout Catholicism. If there's anything we can do to help you get through this ordeal, don't hesitant to let us know. And many *hugs* to you! I hope you enjoy your stay here. Rosa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest helpwithfear Posted August 14, 2006 Share Posted August 14, 2006 Thanks Dirac and everyone, I appreciate it. Do you athiests ever read spirituality books? They are a lot more comforting. Deepac Chopra is good, and so is Dr. Wayne Dyer. Believe it or not, I got into Sylvia Browne's books even though it's prohibited in the bible to give in to psychics, she has a pretty good philosophy going. My favorite is "Life on the Other Side" and "If You Could See What I See." She calls herself a Gnostic Christian and Gnostic is considered (truth seeking) I guess that's what I would consider myself for now. Thanks again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All Gods Fail Posted August 14, 2006 Share Posted August 14, 2006 Thanks Dirac and everyone, I appreciate it. Do you athiests ever read spirituality books? No! We're too busy promoting communism and selling drugs to schoolkids! Mu-hahaha! Sorry, helpwithfear - I couldn't resist! Seriously, no - I don't because it seems as if atheism has given me a sort of 'spirituality' I'd never considered before. Basically, it's made me realize how precious life is. I have pretty serious doubts about the afterlife. Obviously no one knows, but the fantastic claims of of most religions seem pretty ridiculous to me. So if all we have is this life and then eternal sleep, it seems to me we ought to make the most out of this one. Anyway, now that you've opened your eyes, you can start to make real decisions, instead of letting the church make them for you. Welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirac Posted August 14, 2006 Share Posted August 14, 2006 Do you athiests ever read spirituality books? They are a lot more comforting. Personally I do not, but as I said, this is only personal! If you like reading spiritual books, you go for it. As you will see, many here leave Christianity and find other faiths. The thing which binds us is our rejection of Christ. I think I even saw a Satanist on here, which was pretty ruling. I can only speak for myself, but my rejection of Christianity was a corollary of rejection of god. By extension it also automatically wipes out the majority of major religions. Personally, I feel no need to try out Islam or Judaism, since their truth is dependent on a god, any notion of which I have rejceted. If you only rejected Christianity but not the notion of god, then you go for whatever you think is right. In a sense, there's no wrong answers once you're thinking for yourself. I suppose I could look into Buddhism or something, but I'm much happier filling my 'spiritual' side with philosophy, mostly of the Western variety. It's what makes sense to me, as far as I'm concerned that's good enough! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizard Posted August 15, 2006 Share Posted August 15, 2006 Not everyone is Atheist..I'm somewhere in between Atheist and Agnostic. I believe there is a sort of "divine", not in the sense of "god" who is in control, but more like..well, its hard to explain. I guess that we are all god..co-creators of what is.. As to reading books..I read all the time.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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