chefranden Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Science is Dead! By Jon Swift Recently there was some controversy when the Bush Administration accidentally left off evolution from a list of subjects eligible for government grants--whoops! But Mark Noonan at Blogs for Bush has an even better suggestion: That we just leave off science altogether. The debate between Evolution and Intelligent Design, he says, "got me thinking, and today ii [sic] occured [sic] to me: science is dead. We have reached the end of the Age of Science." I must say I haven't been so happy since we reached the End of History. What is especially great about Noonan's theory that science is dead is that he doesn't have to conduct any experiments or present any evidence to prove science is dead because science would actually have to be alive to do that. Noonan is very skeptical about the whole idea of scientific "truth" anyway. He believes that what killed science was that "its strongest advocates stopped telling the truth." He cites such hoaxes as the Piltdown Man and Haeckel's Embryo's (which he misspells but only a pedantic scientific type would worry about trivial inaccuracies like that) as evidence that some scientists are always trying to pull the wool over people's eyes while the rest are too gullible to realize it. Of course, these two hoaxes would not have existed if scientists hadn't been fooled by the biggest hoax of them all, Darwinism, which according to a new documentary is responsible for the Holocaust. And we've just discovered that scientists have been lying to us for years about Pluto being a planet. Not only are scientists responsible for bad things like the Holocaust, they are always trying to scare us about bad things that don't exist like global warming. Frankly, it's a wonder scientists have any credibility at all considering how they are always trying to terrify us with alerts of threats that don't pan out and lying about things that turn out not to exist. Only a scientific dead-ender could think that anything scientists say should be believed. I'm glad the Bush Administration has done something about it, fighting the War on Science with the same fervor it has brought to the War on Terror and the War in Iraq and all of the other wars it has declared. Now that two of my least favorite subjects in school, science and history, are dead, I'm hoping that the Bush Administration will redouble its efforts to kill off two other subjects I didn't much care for, Math and Geography. While important strides have been made, I still think more can be done to send Math and Geography to the dustbin of History, which, course, has itself been sent to the dustbin of . . . something else, I guess. I'm not ready to declare victory until our schools are teaching only two subjects: Religion and Gym. Noonan points out, in fact, that taking religion out of the schools may have been what caused the demise of science. "Why did science stray from the path of truth?" he writes. "I think it is because we ceased educating the men of science with a knowledge of religion." He goes on to say that science died when it "became a narrowly forcused [sic] search for something immediately practical." This concern for practicality, he says, led to Marxism. Now I suppose a few namby-pamby intellectuals will try to point out that scientists are responsible for a lot of practical things we enjoy, like decaffeinated coffee, Velcro and spell-checkers. Like Al Gore, they will probably try to take credit for inventing the Internet, too. But we wouldn't have those things unless God wanted us to have them. They, are, in short, modern miracles. I think that even if God decides not to give us anymore "scientific" miracles, when you weigh all the bad that science has been responsible for (the Holocaust, Marxism, cable television) against the few modern conveniences we enjoy, I think you'll agree that the death of science is a good thing and we should all thank President Bush for helping to kill it off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KT45 Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 Gym is dead too. No more dodgeball. So I guess kiddies can only learn religion!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chefranden Posted August 26, 2006 Author Share Posted August 26, 2006 You would thing that Evangelicals would be all for Science, because without it they would still be beating infidels to death with sticks. Now they have labor saving devices such as cluster bombs. Now you can kill a thousand infidels and still make it home for supper and not even have to wash up first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lightbearer Posted August 27, 2006 Share Posted August 27, 2006 Public education is killing science too. I mean, come on, how many of your sciences teachers knew what they heck they were talking about? Look at the bright side -- at least the private research on evolution won't be skewed the someones political agenda. Cutting off the funding might be a blessing in disguise. Like the stem cells, because know scientists can extract the lines they need without even harming the embryo or the soul whichever you prefer. But you know, gym and religion would be the only subjects Evangelicals would be good at if you think about it. Both require mimimal thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onyx Posted August 27, 2006 Share Posted August 27, 2006 Creationism IS DEAD! So is all gods! Uhoh, I offended Muhammad, Jesus, Yahweh, Buddha, etc worshippers! Too bad for them, I have no obligation to go to their services cos their gods are DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAD! LALALA! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narcissist Posted August 27, 2006 Share Posted August 27, 2006 Plus, gym is the only subject where good christian boys can see the girls in their gym clothes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KT45 Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Plus, gym is the only subject where good christian boys can see the girls in their gym clothes. Yeah but they get to shower with all the other good christian boys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roman Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 I am glad that Science is dead, because it caused my divorce (she blinded me with Science). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 I think that science is just trying to catch it's breath. It's not really dead. It's about to begin to grapple with what should be biology's central question, "what is life?" The 21st century will be biology's windfall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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