Do People Ask You About Your Ex-christianity?

[Crunk Bishop]

I've noticed that this happens to me alot and was wondering if y'all see it too...

 

Religion and religious discussions follow me everywhere, especially to public place... well, because "what do you do for a living?" is usually the second question a stranger will ask you... and since the answer to that question is "I study religion and history" they always ask next "Well what religion are you?"

 

So I start explaining that I used to be a Christian and now I'm not, and usually a friend of theirs interjects with "oh, so and so is just at a questioning stage in their life" or "tell so and so to mind their own business and stop bothering you." they try to redirect the discussion away from religion.

 

In short, I get cockblocked when I try to tell people why I'm not a Christian.

 

Do any of you get the same treatment?

[pandora]

Yes. Everytime it comes up, the conversation turns to "stages in life" and "growing up" as if I will be returning to Christianity just as soon as I get through whatever stage it is they think I am in. To a certain extent, they have a point... early to mid 20s is a time of personal exploration and identity creation, but it doesn't mean that our issues with organized religion aren't valid.

[-Demona-]

Yes. Everytime it comes up, the conversation turns to "stages in life" and "growing up" as if I will be returning to Christianity just as soon as I get through whatever stage it is they think I am in. To a certain extent, they have a point... early to mid 20s is a time of personal exploration and identity creation, but it doesn't mean that our issues with organized religion aren't valid.

Amen to that, Pandora! (Pun not really intended.)

 

Seriously though, I hate that too. Everybody who's known me here for some time know I'm tight with my mom, and that she's a liberal Christian. But she has this habit of referring to "stages" in life and saying that I'm "exploring" and yadda, yadda, yadda...

 

I don't think it's intentional on her part. I think it's really just a combination of the Christ-cult brainwashing and the fact that after she explored Wicca at my age, she went back to Christianity a few years later. I have no idea how deep into Wicca she got, but my guess it was only a surface interest... although she is still into some whitelighter new-agey stuff and is a big fan of John Edward and Sylvia Brown (which is a rant for another time).

 

Methinks, however, it wouldn't exactly be a good idea to mention to her that book titles such as "The Book Of Black Magic", "Blood Magick", "Out of the Shadows: An Exploration of Dark Paganism and Magick" and, of course, "The Satanic Bible" are all currently on my Amazon.com wishlist.

 

Although I do want to drive home the fact that being her daughter and having quite a few personality traits in common does not automatically doom me to reliving her life, I really don't think that's the way to do it. She might be liberal, but she does believe the Devil is real.

 

Finding out my new subject of interest would only scare the bejesus out of her and possibly result in her trying to intervene obstensibly "on my behalf", and that's the last thing I want. Also, it could likely communicate to her that I'm "rebelling" rather than having an actual burgeoning interest in the Dark Arts.

[Crunk Bishop]

yeah, my mom used to always say "you'll come back when you get older" yadda yadda

 

she is "independent Methodist."

 

also, "once saved always saved." so i'm a christian in her mind regardless of what I think.

[Beowulf]

yeah, my mom used to always say "you'll come back when you get older" yadda yadda

 

she is "independent Methodist."

 

also, "once saved always saved." so i'm a christian in her mind regardless of what I think.

 

Yep, and I'm sure Proverbs 22:6 got thrown at you, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." I've heard many Christian parents use that bit for solace when their children "strayed from the path."

 

That "once saved" concept always amuses me, especially to see some of the Fundies around here try to explain when people leave the church. Must not have been saved after all, yada, yada, yada.

[Lizard]

Yes..I get that often. However, not the "growing or going through a stage" part. Afterall, I'm in my 40's..I did the xtian thing starting in my 20's. At 20, actually.

 

I have somewhat returned to my roots. My parents were areligious. I think they had a somewhat belief, but rarely, if ever, shared it.

 

I remember my aunt sending my mother some of those tracts.. (you know the type "Where will you go when you die?" etc.) My mother never read them, said they were depressing and tossed them out. Of course, she daily read her horoscope and followed it too.

 

In discussing my current lack of belief, well meaning xtian friends will try to defend me to rabid fundamentalists with platitudes of "she'll be back, its just a dark time for her" sort of thing. I usually just smile and let it go. They will believe what they choose, and if it makes them happy to believe that, its fine with me. I'm talking about dear friends who are still in the throws of the mindcult not the rabid fundies.

 

I think part of why we are blocked that way is fear..that old verse of "but by the grace of gawd, there go I" comes into play..

[BlueGiant]

Ususally in religious discussions, it ends up more of a god-pile (yes, that's a pun on dog-pile, flame me later) than a christ-block. Always interesting to hold your own, though in a group with five others bombarding you.

[godlessgrrl]

In my family we just don't talk about it at all. It never comes up.

 

Most of my friends are heathens of one kind or another, so it isn't an issue there either, but for different reasons.

 

I'm kind of lucky that way, in that I rarely get patronized or ass-reamed for my lack of religion.

 

Although interestingly enough my best friend, who is a Wiccan priestess, is convinced I'm still pagan, even though I don't think of myself that way. Weird to get that from a pagan, but I guess it could come from any religion, really.

[The Sage Nabooru]

Well, it never really comes up. I view it as kind of a personal matter, and besides, I'm scared shitless of talking to other people, which makes some bad loneliness on my part. Anyway, when it comes up in my family, it's usually just dropped immediately. I think my mother and grandparents may harbor some deep, tiny hope that I may eventually return. My dad's side of the family are pretty rabid (think Ann Coulter and Pat Robertson lovers.....) and I really don't want to bring it up around them anyway. Although it might not hurt to alienate them.......

[Knightley]

EternalDarkness, your mom sort of reminds me of my mom. My mom says that she's a xian, but she doesn't practice, doesn't go to church, to her being a xian means believing in "the trinity" and sometimes watching religious programs on tv. She's really starting to get into new age. Its gotten weird enough that she's going to this new age "school" and taking classes. Oh and when we went to counseling for 1 session, it wasn't to a certified Ph.D. psychologist, nopers, it was to that new age guy who runs that school. Let's just say that its gotten sorta weird around here.

[-Demona-]

EternalDarkness, your mom sort of reminds me of my mom. My mom says that she's a xian, but she doesn't practice, doesn't go to church, to her being a xian means believing in "the trinity" and sometimes watching religious programs on tv. She's really starting to get into new age.

My mom is very active in the church. She goes to morning services (as song leader) and afternoon services (as member of the choir). She also goes to the monthly "hymn sing", which is for multiple churches. She participates in many of the festivals and dinners and... well, you get the point. She's highly active in the church and is studying to be a music minister.

 

To her, music is a gift from God and immersing herself in it (be it holy or secular) gives Him all the glory. She also has major regrets that she let her family talk her out of seeking her fame and fortune on the worldwide stage with the girl-group she was part of in her teens. She was also a flower child in the 60s. Hence some of the fluffy weirdness.

 

Mom's recently been pondering taking classes at the Edger Cayce founded school Atlantic University. But it's based in Virginia Beach, and umm... it's 400 miles away from us and we're both too broke to pay for her schooling. For now, at least. So there goes that little balloon. *pop!*

[white_raven23]

yeah, my mom used to always say "you'll come back when you get older" yadda yadda

 

Yeah.....I get the same kind of thing about kids.

 

"Do you have kids?"

 

"No"

 

"Do you want kids?"

 

"Not really."

 

"Oh, you're young yet....(not that they've checked my ID) you will change your mind."

 

Right. Yeah. Like THEY somehow know me better than I know myself...or my own MOTHER even (she is perfectly proud of her grand-kitties, and has NEVER talked to me about when I'm going to give her actual grandchildren....gee, think she knows me?). And frankly....I'm nearly 30. I'm pretty sure I'm in full control of my own mental faculties by now thankyouohsomuch. My being in possession of a pair of breasts does not mean biology owns me, and will force me to mate and breed regardless of my own will before I'm 35 or something.

 

 

 

 

Er....sorry about that. I have to go visit the extended relatives that DO do this to me late next month. Must spew the vexation NOW, so I can just shrug my shoulders about it later.

[The Sage Nabooru]

Gaaah, white raven, you just hit on something that I can't fucking stand. Why is it that people MUST be child-bearing to be okay and acceptable? Are we dangerous or something?

 

It's not a Christian thing. It's an everything thing. In that people of all races, colors, creeds, and ages have said that to me. I'M NOT HAVING KIDS, IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM, GET THE FUCK OVER IT. What, is my not having kids insulting them or something?

 

I've even had it suggested to me to seek professional counseling. Riiiight, because not having kids or wanting them is a mental illness.

 

Personally I'm starting to think that people with children just seriously regret it and want to drag us into their hole.

[white_raven23]

I've even had it suggested to me to seek professional counseling. Riiiight, because not having kids or wanting them is a mental illness.

 

 

Well you know of course for women like us to not want kids, clearly we must be psychopaths who wants to kill everyone else's kids.

 

I mean.....obviously.

 

 

Grrrr.......

[Kurari]

I hear you about the cockblocking thing. Not just with religion but as others pointed out, with anything that deviates from the "norm." Not being Christian, not wanting to get married, not wanting children...

 

It doesn't happen to me often though. I've learned when people ask intrusive questions I just change the subject or tell them it's personal.

 

"What religion are you?" "Are you going to have kids?" "How come you don't have a boyfriend yet?"

 

*shrug* "That's personal. How about that local sports team?"

[Crunk Bishop]

yeah, i hear ya'll on the kid thing. people assume that wanting to have kids is "natural."

 

on the other hand though, "liberals" are having fewer kids than "conservatives" in America now (birth rates in red states vs. blue states) according to a recent study by a conservative group.

[white_raven23]

yeah, i hear ya'll on the kid thing. people assume that wanting to have kids is "natural."

 

on the other hand though, "liberals" are having fewer kids than "conservatives" in America now (birth rates in red states vs. blue states) according to a recent study by a conservative group.

 

Ah but all that red breeding just means there will always be plenty of "black sheep" in those families. My dad was the black sheep of his. Mom wasn't a full out black sheep, but she was definitely less racist and more open minded than the rest of her family.

[Warrior_of_god]

Ive never really talked about religion at all. I dont mind on the rare chance it is brought up but that barely happens. On the off chance it does happen though I always tell them exactly what I am. If they dont like it, oh well. Although anything that deviates from the precieved "norm" is seen as negative. In my opinion norms are the problem. Anyway thats another rant entirely.

[Everglaze]

I hear you about the cockblocking thing. Not just with religion but as others pointed out, with anything that deviates from the "norm." Not being Christian, not wanting to get married, not wanting children...

 

It doesn't happen to me often though. I've learned when people ask intrusive questions I just change the subject or tell them it's personal.

 

"What religion are you?" "Are you going to have kids?" "How come you don't have a boyfriend yet?"

 

*shrug* "That's personal. How about that local sports team?"

 

 

OMG! That's so true. I swear, people look at me funny whenever I reply to them about the whole "marrying" thing. I have valid reasons as to why I'm not interested in such a life "CHOICE" and yet they can't accept it, because it doesn't fall into the societal standards of what's "normal." That's bull to me.

 

There's more to life than such weak narrow-mindedness as asking such typical and repetitive questions with forceful statements to follow from the other party. Persuasive speech especially and this goes for both religion and those "types" of questions.

 

People always ask me if I'm a Christian, because I tend to know about the Bible. When I say that I'm no longer a Christian, they try to warn me with several Bible verses and recommend me to preachers, but I could care less about those boring sermons which mean nothing to me. They also try to persuade me by saying that "true Christians don't abandon their faith in Jesus." Whatever. A Christian is a Christian, someone that follows Christ and even the Bible says that. I don't know where these people get their interpretations. Anyway, the fact that these people just ask questions in hopes of convincing me into believing is all the more reason why I just don't reply any further than "No, I'm not a Christian" or "No, I'm not a Christian and I have my personal reasons."

[The Sage Nabooru]

EternalDarkness, your mom sort of reminds me of my mom. My mom says that she's a xian, but she doesn't practice, doesn't go to church, to her being a xian means believing in "the trinity" and sometimes watching religious programs on tv. She's really starting to get into new age. Its gotten weird enough that she's going to this new age "school" and taking classes. Oh and when we went to counseling for 1 session, it wasn't to a certified Ph.D. psychologist, nopers, it was to that new age guy who runs that school. Let's just say that its gotten sorta weird around here.

 

That kind of reminds me of my mother, except she is a very strict, stern, austere (and rather depressing) Lutheran regarding such New Age ideas or - gasp! - liberalness. She just considers herself deeply religious, always reads the Bible and does devotions every night, every dinner prays, etc.

 

But it's also kind of funny, because she's also very shallow about it. She refuses to go to church because 1) any kind of getting her fat ass out of the house is generally regarded as deeply sadistic torture by her lazy butt, and 2) she doesn't want to go to church, pray, sing hymns, praise God, and otherwise celebrate her spirituality, because she's fat and she doesn't want people to look at her and think she's fat. Because what's more important: God, or having people see you fat.

[Knightley]

Gaaah, white raven, you just hit on something that I can't fucking stand. Why is it that people MUST be child-bearing to be okay and acceptable? Are we dangerous or something?

 

It's not a Christian thing. It's an everything thing. In that people of all races, colors, creeds, and ages have said that to me. I'M NOT HAVING KIDS, IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM, GET THE FUCK OVER IT. What, is my not having kids insulting them or something?

 

I've even had it suggested to me to seek professional counseling. Riiiight, because not having kids or wanting them is a mental illness.

 

Personally I'm starting to think that people with children just seriously regret it and want to drag us into their hole.

 

I hate that too, its our life, our bodies, not theirs. I wish people could remember that. I mean people act as if they want to live our lives for us. Ugh. I just don't get why people want to make everyone the same as themselves.

[jjacksonRIAB]

I've chosen my camp, and only a lobotomy could stray me from the course. I imagine 3/4 of the people here will have had declared this "a stage" and will be back to the same old nonsense in a few years, if not sooner. As far as I'm concerned, be prepared to receive a foot up the ass for clouding the issues with your silly moon phases, alternative superstitions and other foibles.

 

Most people don't really leave; they just swap one belief for another. It can be counted on just as there are two tides a day. One to sweep you out and the other to bring you back - a little worse for the wear perhaps, but nevertheless immersed in the same sea of ignorance.

[Lola Getz]

It's not a Christian thing. It's an everything thing. In that people of all races, colors, creeds, and ages have said that to me. I'M NOT HAVING KIDS, IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM, GET THE FUCK OVER IT. What, is my not having kids insulting them or something?

Sometimes even having them doesn't get people off your back. After I had my first child, I lost count of the number of times that people (particularly my stepmother) would ask "when are you going to have another one?" My reply was always "not any time soon", and then I'd get the third degree about "why not". Sometimes it was even suggested that I didn't love my baby because I didn't want to get pregnant again right away!

 

Personally I'm starting to think that people with children just seriously regret it and want to drag us into their hole.

I'm definitely not one of those. I adore my own kids, but I'm not one of those people who is crazy about children generally and certainly understand it when people prefer to remain child-free. There's a saying in Britain: "horses for courses", which means that something that works for one person doesn't necessarily work for somebody else.