Xian Programming

[Knightley]

Even though I deconverted at the end of 2004, I still have moments of doubt and what if I'm wrong days. Sometimes xian programming and its tapes still run through my head. I haven't had those in months, but today all I kept thinking about is that. I don't know why it just hit me today. I also kept doubting a lot about making a meaningful life for myself as an atheist now. What if I can't do it?

 

I just want the xian programming and tapes to be over, to be gone, I don't want to be reminded of my xian days. I don't want to be one of those people that reconverts then deconverts, the latter really worries me. I really hate what xianity did to me and I just hate that I worry about it once in a while.

 

How do you deal with this?

[chefranden]

1. Patience

 

2. More study.

 

3. Listen to James Dobson Rant about Harry Potter.

[Checkmate]

Ditto what Chef said. Once you get stronger and secure in your unbelief you won't waver an inch. (I recommend George H. Smith's Atheism: The Case Against God. He does an excellent job of logically tearing apart god-belief.)

 

Plus, recognizing just who your opponents are and what they stand for also helps.

 

Christians (and other religionists) fall into TWO basic camps. The majority are the nominal nitwits, who don't know much about their religion, but are going through the motions. THEY aren't taking their religion seriously, so why should you? And in the second camp are the minority. The Trouble Makers. The movers and shakers who are basically Evil Assholes who are obviously in it for the power and money. Again, would you take THEM seriously? (Think Fred Phelps and Pat Robertson and you'll see my point.)

 

Nobody REALLY believes any of this nonsense, no matter what they may profess with their lips. If they did they'd behave differently. Knowing THIS about religion was always enough to stifle any lingering doubts I may have had.

 

Religion is bullshit. Don't give it another thought.

[BlueGiant]

Only so much to do. It gets less and less frequent over time, and they get easier over time, but time is the operative word here. Me, I promised myself that I would never be cowed into belief by fear ever again. Considering that most conservative Christian belief is actually founded on fear as opposed to love (like many claim, but is a crock of bullshit), well, it is easier to resist.

 

Before I get pegged for borad-brushing Christians, sure there are those that seem to have beliefs based on love. I only see that in the most liberal (and, well, open-minded) of sects. Most Christians I know are using thwir faith as "fire insurance," though.

 

Wish I had better advice on how to deal with the bad days. If nothing else, posting here about it seems to be a good thing.

[garrisonjj]

Even though I deconverted at the end of 2004, I still have moments of doubt and what if I'm wrong days. Sometimes xian programming and its tapes still run through my head. I haven't had those in months, but today all I kept thinking about is that. I don't know why it just hit me today. I also kept doubting a lot about making a meaningful life for myself as an atheist now. What if I can't do it?

 

I just want the xian programming and tapes to be over, to be gone, I don't want to be reminded of my xian days. I don't want to be one of those people that reconverts then deconverts, the latter really worries me. I really hate what xianity did to me and I just hate that I worry about it once in a while.

 

How do you deal with this?

 

 

I often have the same doubts. I feel that I would be a doubting xtian at best. Since I deconverted I've discovered how much I really could not stand the fuckin church my whole life and it just feels refreshing to say "fuck religion."

It may not seem logical, but thats what works for me. Take care.

[AgnosticBob AtheistPants]

Even though I deconverted at the end of 2004, I still have moments of doubt and what if I'm wrong days. Sometimes xian programming and its tapes still run through my head. I haven't had those in months, but today all I kept thinking about is that. I don't know why it just hit me today. I also kept doubting a lot about making a meaningful life for myself as an atheist now. What if I can't do it?

 

I just want the xian programming and tapes to be over, to be gone, I don't want to be reminded of my xian days. I don't want to be one of those people that reconverts then deconverts, the latter really worries me. I really hate what xianity did to me and I just hate that I worry about it once in a while.

 

How do you deal with this?

 

I understand exactly what you're dealing with, Knightley. Been there, done that. I originally deconverted when I was 18. Unfortunately, it was more an act of rebellion at that time than one of sound and rational thought. I remained away from the church for about six or seven years, returning when I met my now ex-wife. I had suffered a serious blow to my self-esteem just prior to both reconverting and meeting my ex. Otherwise, I doubt I would have come back.

 

I'm somewhat glad that I did now that I look back on it. If I hadn't, I'd have always been in danger of reconverting at some point down the line because I left for the wrong reasons. Sure, I questioned the truth of it all, but I wasn't serious about delving deep into the dark recesses of Christianity to find the real truth. My coming back into the church in a full-fledged furor is what ultimately led to my final rejection of the faith and my subsequent awakening as an atheist.

 

I still have doubts, although they have dwindled over the past few years. Part of the problem is that having been immersed in the Christian faith, you're taught that atheists are evil people! Who wants to be associated with being evil? You're going to need to reprogram yourself. It gets easier. Like the other posters have said, keep studying. Read up on atheism. Learn everything you can about atheism and atheists. I'll have to look at the title again, but I'm reading a good little book that is a great introduction to atheism. I'll let you know the title. I just ran across it at Borders the other day in their pathetic single shelf dedicated to books on atheism and agnosticism. Just hang in their Knightley. Unfortunately Christianity isn't going anywhere any time soon, but you can ignore the hell out of it. Keep yourself occupied with things non-christian.

[NotBlinded]

Although I deconverted over 10 years ago, I still had those thoughts for about 9 of them. It wasn't until I really got into studying the history of the religion and the circumstances surrounding the bible was I fully convinced that it was/is not the word of God in any literal sense. Very funny, I think, that even after I rejected it, I had those doubts and then when I went back to take a closer look at it and read many websites and some books about what it really was, was I truly convinced of what it wasn't. If every Christian would study its roots and its setting and all the circumstances surrounding its writing, many more would be A-theists. Not necessarily Athesits in the traditional sense of not believing in some sort of god, but an A-theist in the meaning of rejecting theism. Then you will be able to put away the doubts about what is typically understood of the Christian religion and know that how it is taught is nonsense.

 

The more you dig into it, the better you will feel about the choice you made. It is the right one, IMO.

[Crunk Bishop]

i totally agree with the people on this thread who said that studying history is a good way to reassure yourself. that's what i did.

 

i guess i had the "what if I'm wrong about all this" doubts for my first four years out of Christianity or so, but eventually they abated.

 

you'll find that religion is a construction rather than a foundation.

 

also, seeing how Christianity compares with the other religions is good. Its exceptions are weird, but in many ways Christianity is not exceptional at all on the world historical scene. very much like the other religions.

 

alcohol is also a good fix.

[NobleSavage]

I still have moments of doubt and what if I'm wrong days.

What others said about studying history. Specifically, the history of Hell was an interesting discovery for me.

 

Did you know that the Fundies are right when they say, "Hell is real!"?

 

No kidding, it really is. You can visit it today provided you can afford the airfare (gives literal meaning to going to Hell and back).

 

It's called the "Valley of Gehinnom" or Gehenna as it is known in Greek. It was a garbage dump outside of Jerusalem. Those versed in mythological references will know that "Gehenna" is one of the words for Hell.

 

The ancient Jews didn't believe in Hell. They believed (and I think still do) in Sheol which means only "the grave". Any correct translation of the Bible will use the word Sheol instead of Hell. The Christians are the ones who came up with the idea.

 

Where did they get the idea? Getting back to the Valley of Gehinnom, the ancient Jews believed it was a place of great evil. An ancient cult of Baal was located here and allegedly they performed child sacrifices to their deity. Whether or not the Baalites really did or not isn't the point. The point is these Jews believed it was true and the valley gained a kind of haunted stigma.

 

Eventually, they used the place to burn garbage and any condemned criminals executed by the state had the final dishonor of having their corpses tossed in with the refuse instead of being buried.

 

Let's see... place of evil associated with a "devil" of sorts... burning refuse... wicked dead condemned to be tossed in... Anyone need a map?

 

Aren't Christian leaders aware of this? Yes. They don't deny it.

Pat Robertson on Hell

 

Now, what is Hell like? Jesus said it's like Gehenna. Gehenna was the city dump outside of Jerusalem. He said the fire is never quenched and the worm does not die. It was eternal burning, a place of refuse and burning and He used that to describe Hell.

 

So anytime you hear a fundie claim "Hell is real", you can agree and tell him/her it's a garbage dump outside Jerusalem.

 

Personally, I'm putting it in my will that I want my ashes sent to Gehinnom. That way, people can say I died and went to Hell. I probably deserve it.

[AgnosticBob AtheistPants]

That little book is from Oxford University Press' "A Very Short Introduction" series and is titled simply "Atheism: A Very Short Introduction". They seem to have these very short introductions on all types of topics. This one on atheism is really well done. I'm enjoying reading it. The author's name is Julian Baggini and he's an ex-Catholic. It was $9.95 at Borders.

 

[Knightley]

Thank you everyone, this helps out a lot. I really have nothing but disdain towards xianity, and as a female, I just hate the religion even more. The misogynist shit is what drove me out of xianity for the most part. I really wish that no one had ever told me anything about god/jesus/xianity, seriously, it just fucks you up. What a waste those years were.

[garrisonjj]

Thank you everyone, this helps out a lot. I really have nothing but disdain towards xianity, and as a female, I just hate the religion even more. The misogynist shit is what drove me out of xianity for the most part. I really wish that no one had ever told me anything about god/jesus/xianity, seriously, it just fucks you up. What a waste those years were.

 

 

I agree! What a fuckin waste of time energy and money! Worship and prayer to a probable fuckin imaginary being that instills guilt, feelings of sel worthlessness and submissiveness. Years of fucking talking to myself "prayer" as i watch saints die horrible deaths and the "sinners"prosper!

Guess what? I am a slow learner but now realize that being a "learned atheist" is the best thing that ever happened to me. Religion can suck my cock! Thanks

 

I still have moments of doubt and what if I'm wrong days.

What others said about studying history. Specifically, the history of Hell was an interesting discovery for me.

 

Did you know that the Fundies are right when they say, "Hell is real!"?

 

No kidding, it really is. You can visit it today provided you can afford the airfare (gives literal meaning to going to Hell and back).

 

It's called the "Valley of Gehinnom" or Gehenna as it is known in Greek. It was a garbage dump outside of Jerusalem. Those versed in mythological references will know that "Gehenna" is one of the words for Hell.

 

The ancient Jews didn't believe in Hell. They believed (and I think still do) in Sheol which means only "the grave". Any correct translation of the Bible will use the word Sheol instead of Hell. The Christians are the ones who came up with the idea.

 

Where did they get the idea? Getting back to the Valley of Gehinnom, the ancient Jews believed it was a place of great evil. An ancient cult of Baal was located here and allegedly they performed child sacrifices to their deity. Whether or not the Baalites really did or not isn't the point. The point is these Jews believed it was true and the valley gained a kind of haunted stigma.

 

Eventually, they used the place to burn garbage and any condemned criminals executed by the state had the final dishonor of having their corpses tossed in with the refuse instead of being buried.

 

Let's see... place of evil associated with a "devil" of sorts... burning refuse... wicked dead condemned to be tossed in... Anyone need a map?

 

Aren't Christian leaders aware of this? Yes. They don't deny it.

Pat Robertson on Hell

 

Now, what is Hell like? Jesus said it's like Gehenna. Gehenna was the city dump outside of Jerusalem. He said the fire is never quenched and the worm does not die. It was eternal burning, a place of refuse and burning and He used that to describe Hell.

 

So anytime you hear a fundie claim "Hell is real", you can agree and tell him/her it's a garbage dump outside Jerusalem.

 

Personally, I'm putting it in my will that I want my ashes sent to Gehinnom. That way, people can say I died and went to Hell. I probably deserve it.

 

 

Then we are all in parts of our personal FUCKIN hell everyday! What kind of creator knowingly creates a being that he knows will suffer in everlasting hell??? It's such a crock of fuckin bullshit!