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Warrior_of_god
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Ok, my girlfriend smokes pot. I have a problem with this, she knows it. A guy she hangs around with (at school and such) gives it to her sometimes, this guy is...tollerable at best. I think he is a jackass but she likes him. So im not sure what I should do. If he gives her pot again...I could do nothing or I could appease my Italian side and go mafia on him... I cant think of any other option. If I didnt know my girlfriend this wouldnt be a problem (obviously) however I do and shes the only person I just cant look the other way from. I care about her more than 99.9% of other people I know... If I had another option id love to excersice that...but i cant see one... *sigh* Im not a mean or violent person usually but I really have a problem when someone fucks with someone I care about...

 

Any Ideas would be helpful...

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Yeah, here's an idea. Loosen up. Do you care if she drinks beer? Pot is safer than beer. Why is it your business if your GF likes to smoke. You sound like you have some control issues.

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Ok, my girlfriend smokes pot. I have a problem with this, she knows it. A guy she hangs around with (at school and such) gives it to her sometimes, this guy is...tollerable at best. I think he is a jackass but she likes him. So im not sure what I should do. If he gives her pot again...I could do nothing or I could appease my Italian side and go mafia on him... I cant think of any other option. If I didnt know my girlfriend this wouldnt be a problem (obviously) however I do and shes the only person I just cant look the other way from. I care about her more than 99.9% of other people I know... If I had another option id love to excersice that...but i cant see one... *sigh* Im not a mean or violent person usually but I really have a problem when someone fucks with someone I care about...

 

Any Ideas would be helpful...

 

List your reasons for having a problem with smoking pot. (Aside from the part that our government has no problem allowing people to become addicted to alcohol, but they want to pitch a shit fit about marijuana)

 

BTW, because of my job, I do not smoke or do any other type of drugs other than alcohol. If it weren't for the possibility of losing my job, I'd much prefer to smoke pot than get drunk.

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Isn't it that you have a problem with a behavior of hers - hanging with some other guy and smoking pot - rather than something he's doing ?

 

She's encouraging him by her actions. If she just stopped hanging with him and smoking pot with him, you wouldn't have a problem with him and he'd be off looking for some other girl to hang with.

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Honey, there are worse things in life than your girlfriend smoking pot. Like the prescription drug addicted fucks running this country. If they smoked pot, WWIII wouldn't be on the horizon. Chill out; she'll stop when she's good and ready.

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I do not use drugs, other than caffeine (which I've been trying to kick for years but it's so prevalent in this society that it's hard to kick) and I suppose sugar (I do love my tea, but without sugar it's just not the same). I do not consider red meat in that category although I know some do.

 

However, I do have friends who I know have used marijuana in the past and they came out okay. There is a difference between use and abuse. Some of my friends were perfectly capable of only having a joint once a week or once a month or whatever but relatively seldom.

 

If her use is relatively infrequent and it doesn't impact her ability to live life, then I wouldn't get too upset. If it impacts her grades/ work or seems to put her in a stipor that she prefers to the rollercoaster of life, then there is a problem called addiction. The friends I reference above were able to keep their regular job while using. One guy I can think of does call center work for a computer company and has to shuffle a lot of technical facts in his brain. His usage is generally on a Friday night and I suspect helps him "slow down" to enjoy the weekend more. He is a good father and never lets his daughter know what he is doing. I hope that illustrates the point.

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If they're just friends then what's the prob? Maybe you should research pot and you'll find that its not the great big evil people say it is. Never smoked it, never had a chance to ;) but would if the opportunity arises. I've read up on it, you should do that.

 

I couldn't date a guy who had a problem with me having guy friends. Do you have a problem with your gf having close guy friends? Friends come in two sexes, men and women, and you can have good friendships with both, but if she loves you then she will stay loyal to you. If however you have a problem with her smoking pot and having guy friends, then you should look to someone else for a gf.

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Is this guy holding a gun to her head, forcing her to smoke? No? Then leave him the hell alone. Your girlfriend has made the decision to smoke. She knows you don't like it, and she's doing it anyway, because she wants to. The only option you have here is to decide whether you want to be with her. If you decide you can't live with her smoking, then leave. You're not her father, and it's not up to you to decide whether she's allowed to smoke or not.

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Um... your GF's pot usage isn't up to you. Assuming she's an adult, it's up to her to figure out if she wants to use or not, and to what degree. You don't have to like it, but I think it'd be more useful in the long run if you sat down and figured out what bothers you about what she's doing, rather than getting on her case about it.

 

I would say, though, that if the guy she gets her stuff from is actually a dealer (as opposed to, say, a friend who happens to be a connection), then you might have reason to worry about her safety, at least to some degree. Pot may be relatively innocuous as far as drugs go, but reality is that it's still illegal, and people can get fiercely competitive about dealing illegal substances. (There's a reason why it's dangerous to come across stands of pakalolo when hiking in Hawaiian jungles, for instance... and it ain't because the weed will shoot you.) I'd worry about the people dealing more than I'd worry about the weed itself.

 

Otherwise the only thing that's up to you is whether or not you can tolerate her drug use, and why or why not. If you can't, then you need to decide what to do about it. Which will either entail shutting your mouth and letting your GF figure it out on her own, or breaking up with her.

 

If you can't tolerate it, you just can't. It's just one of those things - some folks just have a zero-tolerance policy as far as drug use goes. Trying to force her to quit isn't the solution though. Figuring yourself out is.

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Warrior,

 

Firstly, I think you need to determine if the problem is really two things; (1) The pot use and (2) The guy friend.

 

Jealousy is not productive to a relationship and you need to deal with that if it is an issue.

 

The following is my opinion only. I am personally in favor of legalizing drugs, as prohibition only breeds violence and creates criminals for victimless crimes. That being said, marajuana is illegal. Depending on what you do or want to do in life, you have to consider that stark reality. I am a veteran and I now carry a badge as an emergency responder. I cannot use illegal drugs or abuse legal ones (including alcohol) or risk losing my very career. That being the case, I do not hang around people that are using or abusing drugs as per above. Unfortunately, I could get implicated, if for instance a friend left a joint in my truck, etc. Unfortunately a history of minor drug offenses can potentially impact a young person's future career choices and that is something a great many people do not think about.

 

I will assume you are young. If I were you, I would simply and honestly discuss the situation with your girl friend. If she wants to do illegal drugs, ask her to just not do them or possess them around you. If she cares for you, she should consider your feelings in this matter.

 

Bruce

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I don't know what your problem is with your girlfriend smoking pot (maybe you can elaborate), but I can tell you that from my perspective, it's no big deal. I've been smoking it for the past 20 years or more, usually every day -- at the end of the day when my work is done and I just feel like relaxing, the same as someone who might cap off the day with a glass of good wine. This has not prevented me from completing graduate school, having a professional career, earning a very good income, and being a productive, well-informed (and otherwise law-abiding) citizen.

 

My spousal equivalent (of nearly 20 years) is well aware of my "hobby." He doesn't smoke pot, never has. But, the fact that I enjoy it and he doesn't has never been a source of friction. In fact, it's never even been a topic of discussion between us. Know why? Because it's no big deal!

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Obviously you care about her and you don't want her smoking pot. I can see where you are coming from. She may only be smoking it BECAUSE her friend at school does and she wants to be "cool". My girlfriend hung out with a few people that I couldnt stand and that were no good for her when we first met. I didn't try to tell her not to hang out with them, but I did tell her how I felt about them. Luckilly, she grew up and started making the right decisions, and now we are both doing well and her friends are still complete losers...actually much worse now than before. One of them (used to be her best friend) cares more about smoking pot than taking care of her baby. She would rather buy pot than buy groceries. :loser: While i do know a few people that are successful and smoke pot, most arent.

 

Anyway, instead of trying to pick a fight with this guy, have a talk with your girlfriend. This guy at school isnt making her smoke pot. I'm not going to be as harsh as some and say that you shouldnt be dating her, because you obviously care for her. No, you arent her father...but what the fuck does that matter? You are her boyfriend and you care about her...has nothing to do with "control". The best advice I can give is to not ask advise from those who smoke pot because all they will do is try to defend pot-smoking instead of seeing it from your point of view.

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The best advice I can give is to not ask advise from those who smoke pot because all they will do is try to defend pot-smoking instead of seeing it from your point of view.

 

That's quite a generalization. For the record, I don't smoke pot. Never have, never will, I have no interest in it. Whether or not I personally smoke has no bearing on the fact that the OP sounds very controlling and doesn't have the right to demand that his girlfriend not smoke. He can ask her to stop, but the decision is hers, not his.

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The best advice I can give is to not ask advise from those who smoke pot because all they will do is try to defend pot-smoking instead of seeing it from your point of view.

Not true. Ive seen people who smoked and have seen the value in stopping.

 

That's quite a generalization. For the record, I don't smoke pot. Never have, never will, I have no interest in it. Whether or not I personally smoke has no bearing on the fact that the OP sounds very controlling and doesn't have the right to demand that his girlfriend not smoke. He can ask her to stop, but the decision is hers, not his.

Speaking of not knowing someone very well and passing judgement on them...

 

For the record im not controlling, never have been, never will be its just wrong. It is her decision. I'd much rather she didnt, actually she hasent in a while. The thing is that she wants to have a career and as a teacher and a bunch of other stuff and I dont see how she can do any of this if she smokes... Im prejudiced against smoking anything cause i grew up with that ingrained in me. Both my parents always said that smoking was bad so I have a negative slant towards it. I always will, especially pot. I have no problem with her hanging around with other guys, she does it all the time

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I might add that like Bruce, my hubby's work situation strictly forbids drug use or the abuse of legal drugs. Fortunately they do not currently test for caffeine because with 9 hour days and 4 hour commutes, it's how he survives. He's they type that turns pale if the bread at a restaurant has poppyseeds in it because that could conceivably show up on a pee test. And I assure you that most of the beer in this house goes directly into slug traps. (He imbibes maybe twice a month, and only on Friday or Saturday, and only one)

 

Gods, I'm beginning to sound like an Adam Ant song here.

 

The point is that some places get really unhappy about any hint of drug use. While I too personally think most of that is bogus and I do support ending the drug war via legalization (it seems to work in the Netherlands...) there are consequences, at least for now, for doing a joint. I also think that there are some people who are much more likely to fall prey to addiction than others. My dad was alcoholic, as was most of his family. I don't know why but I am so sensitive to the stuff that it gives me massive pain. As I got a little older I recognized that maybe that was a good thing, if the geneticists are right.

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For the record im not controlling, never have been, never will be its just wrong. It is her decision. I'd much rather she didnt, actually she hasent in a while. The thing is that she wants to have a career and as a teacher and a bunch of other stuff and I dont see how she can do any of this if she smokes... Im prejudiced against smoking anything cause i grew up with that ingrained in me. Both my parents always said that smoking was bad so I have a negative slant towards it. I always will, especially pot. I have no problem with her hanging around with other guys, she does it all the time

 

Okay, so you admit your negative bias, but you refuse to deal with it and better and/or educate yourself? That's immature and lazy.

 

I smoke pot about twice a month. I have a bachelor's degree, and I am in school to be a pharmacist as well. I am going to have a career and marijuana won't stop me unless I get stupid and get caught with the law, but I'm not stupid, and I won't get caught. A lot of intelligent, successful people smoke weed... get over it. Lessee.... some pharmacists I have worked for smoke it, lots of my professors do, most of my college friends do, and none of these people are in jail, in danger of being fired or jobless, or anything else bad. I understand that you may have had some bad exposure to it in your childhood, and I understand that... but please, logically consider your position the same way that you considered Christianity... there are similar principles involved here.

 

Drugs don't ruin people's lives, they ruin their own lives by abuse and choosing to use at inappropriate times. I won't get into all the things that I think are useful in marijuana, but let me just say that some of my friends who were as prejudiced as you were decided to try weed after I told them what it did for me, and what the marijuana culture is like for fully integrated members of society (as opposed to ghetto hoodrats and burnouts, and I convinced them to try it without pressure from me or me providing the it) and get this; they like it!! A couple have even become regular users. The key is RESPONSIBLE use, and it sounds like she is fairly responsible with when and how she chooses to use it.

 

I think if you got past your prejudice, you would find that you have a bigger problem with her spending time with this guy than you do with the marijuana.

 

I do not use drugs, other than caffeine (which I've been trying to kick for years but it's so prevalent in this society that it's hard to kick) and I suppose sugar (I do love my tea, but without sugar it's just not the same). I do not consider red meat in that category although I know some do.

 

 

 

 

WTF?!?! Red meat is a psychoactive drug, or even a drug???

 

What in the world are you talking about?

 

(Same for sugar.)

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Pandora, you bring up a good point. How do you make sure to NOT get caught? I always wondered about that.

 

This is why I believe in moral relativism, pot is right for some, not right for others like you wog. Guess you're going to have to decide what you can and can't live with. If it bothers you this much, maybe you should rethink your relationship and what you want out of future ones. Best of luck to ya.

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Dump her. You'd be wrong to try to stop her if she keeps it up, but you absolutely aren't wrong if you don't like it, for whatever reason. If you've made it known that you don't like her doing it, and she will not quit, just dump her.

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Dude, like, pot? C'mon it's and herb, man... like tea... you know, like I just don't understand why people don't like pot cause like... uhm... nobody ever died from smoking pot and like NORML rules and your girlfriend, like... is she hot? okay cause like my gf doesn't like pot either so I uhm, like whatever I forget... hey, COOL! I got OREOS!

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Pandora, you bring up a good point. How do you make sure to NOT get caught? I always wondered about that.

 

This is why I believe in moral relativism, pot is right for some, not right for others like you wog. Guess you're going to have to decide what you can and can't live with. If it bothers you this much, maybe you should rethink your relationship and what you want out of future ones. Best of luck to ya.

 

 

Well, for one, cops don't go after white smokers. Sad, but true. And as long as you don't sell the stuff, they care even less about you. Not that you can go around smoking a joint on the streets, but as long as you keep your own stuff to yourself, no one is going to come looking for it. Keep it in a concealed container, don't smoke out in the open, don't smoke while driving (I had a friend that would smoke a blunt on the highway...), don't do stupid typical pot-head type of things. :grin::Doh: Really, stupid is as stupid does, and stupid potheads get caught, and smart ones don't. It's that simple. There are a few "martyr" type instances related to medical marijuana, but I won't get into that.

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My brother got seriously fucked up on pot and it was a nightmare living with him during those years when he was toking heavily. I absolutely loathe the stuff and I don't hang out with people who do it. The smell is repulsive.

 

But the others are right, the most you can do is express your displeasure with your girlfriend or leave her. She's not going to stop unless she wants to.

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Geezzz WOG, because of your avatar, I thought you were a chick!

 

 

I think you are entitled to have your opinion about pot. Personally, I don't even have an opinion.

But you are not entitled to impose your opinion on anyone, and even if you were entitled, I doubt that you would ever succedd at changing ANYONE.

 

Trying to change people is a waste of time, because they only change when they want to. Talk to your girlfriend about your feelings. Tell her that you are NOT willing to share your life with a pot user. If she won't change, then move on.

 

If you truly, truly love her, then you are going to have to accept her just the way she is.

 

I always tell my single friends that marrying someone (not suggesting you want to marry) hoping to change them is a losing battle, because people only look worse with time, never better. Given your strict upbringing (similar to mine), I wouldn't be surprised if there were other differences between you two that you are overseeing in the name of love.

 

Could it be that you two are too different for a successful long-term relationship?

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Warrior, my advice is to trust your instincts... and don't forget to communicate. Clearly you don't like the situation. Can you tell her that? Can you pinpoint exactly WHY you don't like the situation? You have to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with her.

 

I lie to girls.

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