How Long Did You Last?

[Ramen666]

I am yet to reveal to my parents that I am an athesit. However last night it almost happend. Last night my parents were talking about the end of the world and whatnot. My dads friend was talking about Hurricane Katrina being a sign of God. Blah Blah typical stuff. All I did was be silent I didn't speak about the issue or anything.

 

In my mind

 

1. Hurricanes always Happen

 

2. God was suppose to come back during that generation but didn't.

 

3. God is not loving

 

All the stuff was popping in my mind then my mom said the worst thing, all I did was put head down while they were talking. " Non believers are just in denial...." I felt vary angry inside but I kept my cool. But howl long did you last before you revealed it? I have been an athesist for almost a year now. I am in college but living at home. ( They're paying) So I am kind of stuck or one day I will reveal my true thoughts about it.

[Legion]

All the stuff was popping in my mind then my mom said the worst thing, all I did was put head down while they were talking. " Non believers are just in denial...."

Ramen I think that what your Mom said here is interesting. Here is what Wikipedia has to say about denial...

Denial is a defense mechanism in which a person is faced with a fact that is painful to accept rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence. The subject may deny the reality of the unpleasant fact altogether (simple denial), admit the fact but deny its seriousness (minimisation) or admit both the fact and seriousness but deny responsibility (transference).

I suppose that both sides of the theistic/atheistic debate feel that the other is in denial.

 

I never felt the need to announce my lack of belief in God. I can't help but wonder why you feel compelled to do so. Is it really necessary?

[Checkmate]

Ramen, yours is the very reason why I despise religion. It's a threat to individual freedom and free thought. My situation is different than yours, as I'm an adult and not under anyone's thumb, so I can do as I please. I told my family IMMEDIATELY and let the chips fall where they may. But my suggestion for you is to try and lead your parents down the road of rational thought and rational behavior.

 

Do this: Get them into a coversation about Muslim Fundamentalists and how THEY kill their own children for not adhering to Islam. Pull some stories from the internet or some Christian magazine (Voice of the Martyrs is a great source) that detail how Christian converts and even atheists are brutally killed by Muslims. Your parents will instinctively recoil and decry such horible and narrow-minded actions by these Muslims.

 

That is when you suggest that Christians are no better in how they treat THEIR children. Maybe they won't kill their kids, but they do REJECT them as social lepers and an embarrassment. When your parents become offended and deny that Christians would ever do such a thing, THAT is when you drop the bomb that YOU are an atheist! They'll be trapped by their own self-righteous braying and be forced to either accept you, or be called a liar.

 

 

OR, you could just keep quiet and suffer in silence until you can escape their dominion. You don't REALLY have to tell them, since it's none of their business. Just suck it up and wait it out.

[Thackerie]

Sadly, since you are still living with your parents and they're paying for your college education, you might just have to suck it up and remain silent until you're on your own (if you think it's likely that revealing your non-belief would disrupt current arrangements). Maybe if it's too hard to keep silent when the god-talk starts, you can just leave the room or change the subject, or mentally think "la-la-la-I-can't hear you" (like the christians do when confronted with anything rational ) Maybe when the family is getting ready for church, you can be elsewhere or tell them that you are otherwise occupied, like studying for an exam or writing that paper that's due first thing Monday morning. Good luck!

[R. S. Martin]

Almost half a century, I guess, when looking at it from one perspective. I never understood the basic tenets but trusted that I would when I "got older," as I was promised. I got older but still don't understand. I meant not to tell anyone but it came out by accident when I told my sister of an incident in my life. As I was telling it I got a vague jolt at the back of my brain that I shouldn't be telling it but we had this policy of sharing whatever we feel like sharing. So I told the whole story. Wish I hadn't. Seems she then told the rest of the family and grilled me on the regular "God" questions about how the world came into being if we don't accept the existence of God and how the entire Bible could fit together so neatly and be so deep if it weren't for God.

 

I answered her questions as best I could, which was not at all re how the world came into being. I don't know how it happened and it seems not to be important to my day-to-day living. As for the Bible being deep--I said it doesn't take a God to make deep writings. As for it hanging together, I answered with a question: How do we know those things ever happened? She just concluded that I don't want to believe. It's downright crazy when people put it that way. Believing or not is NOT a choice! The mind does not accept illogical things; it does not believe outright lies. Professing to know that the world was created as described in Genesis 1 is a lie. Nobody knows that.

 

She did confess that she has never given these things so much thought as I have. I consider it a huge offense for people who have not given much thought to Christian beliefs to judge people who have given it MUCH thought. I don't really care a lot what others believe so long as they don't hurt anybody and I am allowed freedom of thought without repercussions. In my family, things seem not to work that way. If you openly disagree with the family religion you don't belong in the full sense of the word. You get all kinds of special treatment, some of which is nicer than when I was a full member of the family. They now have to "love the sinner."

 

I like being loved but not as a sinner.

[Ramen666]

Ya sucking it up best advice. Who really cares, it's not like they are that fundie's anyway It's just gets to me sometimes. Sometimes my dad just gets in "god" mode but we haven't been to church in 2 years. So need big deal thanks for the advice.

 

SIDE QUESTION

 

Also while I was in college my proffessor was talking of the enlightment in France when people starting to use reason and basically athesim sort was starting. There was a book he told us by a Philosphe named Bayle I think and it is called " The Dictonary" Bascially explains contradictions and wht the Bible is false. Does anyone know about that book? If it exsists as PDF anywhere.

[R. S. Martin]

Ya sucking it up best advice. Who really cares, it's not like they are that fundie's anyway It's just gets to me sometimes. Sometimes my dad just gets in "god" mode but we haven't been to church in 2 years. So need big deal thanks for the advice.

 

SIDE QUESTION

 

Also while I was in college my proffessor was talking of the enlightment in France when people starting to use reason and basically athesim sort was starting. There was a book he told us by a Philosphe named Bayle I think and it is called " The Dictonary" Bascially explains contradictions and wht the Bible is false. Does anyone know about that book? If it exsists as PDF anywhere.

 

I don't know the answer to your "side question," but I want to comment on what you said about sucking it up. I don't think any of us is telling you what you should do in your specific situation. Your question was how long we kept it a secret so that is what we responded to. All of our cases are different. My life got to the stage where I had to be open about some of my beliefs. And these beliefs differed radically from what I was "supposed" to believe.

 

It was an extremely difficult and unpleasant ordeal, as I had known it would be. However, it was worse than I had anticipated. Even so, I got through it better than a lot of other crap I've taken in my life. For the first time in my life I was being real about who I am in a way that could not longer be denied. So long as I did not openly confess to beliefs that contradicted traditional Christian tenets, they deluded themselves into thinking I held to the old beliefs.

 

I had some very open dialogue with some of my sisters about ten or twelve years ago that should have alerted them. But somehow, it didn't. I went to church and upheld the lifestyle the community requested. I liked the lifestyle and culture and language so why wouldn't I? The only problem I had was that the sermons were boring, as also was the women's conversation when people got together for socials. Segregatio of men and women is strongly up-held. In fact the whole of life as the community considered fit for me was boring and meaningless.

 

It was when I addressed that problem that people finally woke up to the fact that I wasn't exactly what they had believed I was. I have at this very moment a letter for my family about my beliefs that I plan to print off the first chance I get. I don't have a printer and they don't have computers. I think they have a wrong picture about who I am and what I believe. I am not suddenly a cold-hearted alien just because I don't believe in the blood of Jesus for my salvation. I am still me. And my beliefs are not so black and white as they seem to think.

 

It seems they have two options from which to choose:

 

1. Pious Christian who goes to church every Sunday and does everything else a specific religious requires of its members.

 

2. Cold-blooded atheist who can't stand the sight or sound of the name Christian.

 

I'm a lot closer to the second than the first but I'm not cold-blooded. "Christian agnostic" is probably the best term for me at the moment. Because I was raised to do so, I use the Bible stories and the Jesus story to make sense of my life. So it's not that I have rejected the Bible and all that is in it. That would be kinda stupid. It is, after all, the recorded thoughts of people who lived a long time ago in whose tradtion we were born and raised. We can understand our own selves better if we know our heritage.

 

As to how and when to inform them of your unbelief, this has to be your own decision for your own situation. Also, can you deal with whatever their response is going to be? That is what kept me "in line" for decades. I was not strong enough to withstand the opposition and persecution. Part of the situation might be how far you are willing to go as to being hypocritical. I think it was on this site that I read about a person who said he something mumbles a prayer when that is required to maintain peace. He openly confessed that this is hypocritical but in his opinion it was the best choice of two evils.

 

Sticking around and reading how other people handled various situations might help you figure out exactly how to handle your own life. All the best, Ramen.

[Lizard]

My family is not really religious..so there was nothing to tell. We just don't talk about it much..

[Megara]

It really didn't take all that long for me. I think it was all of about six or seven months.

[Ramen666]

For me religion is just one of those things that are "their" in my house. My parents are Christians but NOT FUNDIES. So religion just sometimes pops up sometimes but not always. So religion has never really been a MAJOR thing. Maybe when I was a little kid but it's disapeared almost from my family.

Other people in my family are fundies ( that's annoying) but I hardly see them so I usually just forget about it.

[Lola Getz]

Seems she then told the rest of the family and grilled me on the regular "God" questions about how the world came into being if we don't accept the existence of God and how the entire Bible could fit together so neatly and be so deep if it weren't for God.

Ruby, that one has always bothered me for the simple reason that the Bible doesn't "fit together so neatly" at all - it's the most contradictory and inconsistent book I've ever seen. Plus, when you think about the various books that were discarded from the final version of the Bible, it makes me wonder how well it would have "fit" if they'd been left in. The Bible was put together by men, and as such they could make it hang together however they liked (and even so did a piss-poor job of it).

 

If you openly disagree with the family religion you don't belong in the full sense of the word. You get all kinds of special treatment, some of which is nicer than when I was a full member of the family. They now have to "love the sinner."

 

I like being loved but not as a sinner.

It's like that in my family too. They never let me forget that I don't really belong because I'm not churchgoing and I'm not a Baptist. I'm treated like the "special" one, as if I'm not altogether compos mentis and, as in your case, it bugs me that I'm considered an outsider and not a "full" member of the family. So much for Christian love.

[Everglaze]

Well, one day during lunch at a Japanese restaurant, my parents started talking about God. Being the impatient person that I am when it comes to religion, now that I hate the delusion it has put me through, I announced my atheism. Of course, my parents (mostly my mom) started telling me how I deconverted into a bad one or something like that. Right there, I just named all of the Biblical figures and events that were very hard to believe for any modern person. I mean, a talking snake for crying out loud! I told them about myths, I told them about Santa and I told them about rational thinking. They didn't really know what to say. Obviously, they didn't do research like I did. The only thing they do now is the occasional "go to church" or "read the Bible" crap. I just ignore it. It seems that as long as Christians continue to attend church, I doubt they'll ever escape their clouded thoughts.

[fallenleaf]

For me it was seven or eight years until I first tried and then another two after that failed experience that I actually was out in the open. One year doesn't seem very long.

[smellincoffee]

All of my doubts came to a realization in September of 2004, so I have lasted two years. I'm trying to find a way to move out of my parents' house so I can tell them, since they're of the "go to our church or move out" persusian. I've already written letters to my friends and family in that church to let them know why I left. For some of them, I explained my issues with Christianity, but for the most part I didn't bother. I remember all too well the mindset needed to defend that faith, and I would be "casting my pearl before swine".

[Ro-bear]

I'm 47 and have been an atheist since 13 or so. My parents and I haven't discussed it. I'm quite sure they know, though. We just avoid the subject for the sake of harmony. My folks aren't terribly devout. I'm never put into an uncomfortable position of having to "fake it" or listen to bullshit without recourse. Were that not the case, we would have had "the talk" 30 years ago. I'm an atheist and I won't put up with any shit about that fact. I'm sure my folks, whom I love dearly, are aware of this at some level.

[Dark Helmet]

It was never instantaneous for me so I didn't announce it to everyone since I was still looking and learning. Three years later I still don't cry it on the roofs but I'll tell and discuss it (calmly) with whoever inquires. Most of the christians I know are friends and I don't think they would be if they weren't able to appreciate me for who I am. I'm not that different from when I was christian, just more liberal and with one god less in my life than them, and less arrogant too I hope.

[bluewizard]

I lasted for a few months in 2005. I became an atheist early in the year, February to be exact. But I kept it a secret untilone night my Dad went on my yahoo messenger and looked through my archives and put me through interrogation type questioning because he thought I was worshipping Satan since I was talking to LaVeyan Satanists online. I finally told him I didn't believe in God and I could tell he was very upset. He told me he never worried about me losing my faith and was shocked. He toldme a while back something about being saved because someone my age had just died but I didn't getonto the conversation. I'm not afraid of death anymore, if I die running up the road so be it, I've lived a good life but I'd rather live longer.

[godlessgrrl]

I was pagan for awhile after I stopped being Xian. I don't remember how long it was before I came out of the broom closet, maybe a year or two? It happened by accident though - someone else outed me in my parents' presence. When the spouse and I married was when it all really got explained and talked about, since it was a pagan wedding, no gettin' around it.

 

I've been an atheist since the beginning of this year. I haven't told them. It simply hasn't come up. I don't think it'd be a big disaster or anything, religion is just something the family doesn't talk about much. (We gossip about it behind each others' backs, but don't talk openly about it... go figure.)

 

I'll probably let them know if it comes up again. In the meantime I'm happy to have them think I'm pagan anyway, since I'm finding that I do still practice some pagan stuff - 8 holidays a year, that rocks! Woo!

 

I live in the godless Pac NW too, so I don't get relative strangers asking me what church I go to all the time. So I just don't have to deal with that.

 

Anyhoo. That's how it is for me.

[Amethyst]

My deconversion was very slow (over a period of years) but I finally realized I was Christian in name only and that I was holding onto the label to make my family happy. I am an adult and shouldn't have to live a lie, at least no around the family members who I'm the closest to. My parents know I'm agnostic. I told them last year.

 

They seem okay with it, although my stepmom keeps trying to get me to pray and go to church every so often, as if she's in denial. I think as time goes by she will realize that I'm not going to revert to the beliefs of my childhood. Thankfully I live alone, although I see my parents on a pretty frequent basis because we live in the same metropolitian area.