My Ex-christian Testimony

[Scarlett]

I have been asked if I hate Christianity. And the answer is yes, yes I do because I see it as such a waste of life. I regret ever having been a Christian and I am ashamed of my hateful beliefs that I held as a direct result of believing. I was one of those Christians that took the bible literally, including the all Old Testament laws. (Which I posted, complete with the penalties for breaking them, on door posts.)

 

I didn’t begin life as a died-in-the-wool raving lunatic Christian. I actually was quite an irreverent little child, refusing to bow my head and pray in kindergarten. I became a Christian out of love, not for Jesus, but for my Mother. I always felt like I was going to loose her and I loved her so much that I never wanted that to happen. Loosing her was the thing I feared the most in all the world; it was such an impending dread for me when I was little. Now when I was young my family would always come over and preach (or should I say brow beat?) to my mom about religion everyday. Not believing exactly what they were preaching she started her search for “the Truth”. Unfortunately this search was for the correct version of Christianity, and she spent countless hours seeking it, it consumed her. I didn’t want to be left out. I took an interest in it because she was interested in it. I had no burning desire to know Jesus, just a desire to be a part of my family. That’s how it started anyways…

 

Eventually though, I became more fanatically and fundamentalist than anyone in my family. I became so wrapped up it in and convinced of it’s truth, that I lost my mind. Literally, I “heard” voices in my head and became convinced that I was possessed, I spent many hours pacing back and forth, I washed my hands until they bleed because I thought they were unclean, I slept with all my clothes on, and many more more bizare things that would have most likely fit in well with the Dark Ages. In fact, I call those years my own “Dark Ages”; and they were dark. I spent my teenage years locked inside the house (by my own will, no one locked me inside.) studying the bible day and night. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that I spent most of my waking hours studying the bible preparing for an afterlife. You could say that I had a death wish. I neglected my own health because I saw this life as “just a shadow of things to come”; I saw this life as a rehearsal for the play so to speak. I was so convinced that the most important thing was to study God’s word that I neglected everything else, including studying most other subjects. I neglected making any new friends because I saw such things as temporal anyways, my real life would begin when I was in heaven…I could make all the friends I wanted there. As for dating, I never did. I told people it was because I saw it as evil, and for the most part I believed it…but there was another reason (keep reading.)

 

I never missed an opportunity to try and spread the word; in fact it had become my sole mission in life. Unlike most Christians nowadays, I didn’t pick and choose what parts of the bible I was going to follow. I truly took all those hateful verses in the bible to heart and applied them to my life. I thought nothing of saying to people that they should be executed for their sins, and if it was legal I probably would have become an executioner…that’s how warped my mind was. And I was filled with hate for others as well as myself.

 

Now, I don’t blame my mom for my radical views I once held because she didn’t set down and teach them to me, I learned all my bigoted views from reading the bible itself. But I do blame people in general that push the bible as a beacon of moral virtue when they themselves have never read the damn thing. I don’t think they realize how damaging it is to the mind, particularly that of a young child. (My Mom told me that she deeply regretted having gotten us wrapped up in Christianity, and she herself de-converted a few years back before she died.)

 

I do have a very personal reason why I hate Christianity, it wasted years of my life that I can never get back; my childhood and teenage years were stolen from me and most of all, all the time I could have spent with my Mom. And it isn’t just all the wasted time, it is also the way it made me feel about myself and how I viewed others. I truly hated myself and I longed for death to come. I could never be myself in Christianity, because to be who I was would be against God’s laws. For one thing, the god of the bible hates homosexuality, and I am not straight.

 

 

The more I studied the more I realized that if it all were true I couldn’t in good conscious be on God’s side, I would have to be on Satan’s. That most of the things advocated in the bible were morally wrong. Try as I might, I could never make science, history, and common sense fit with Christianity. I came up with elaborate ideas to try to piece it all together, but it was just impossible. Add to that, I started reading other books besides the bible and actually having debates with people who had different views, and of course all this got me to thinking. And thinking is the enemy of faith. I began to question my world view and what I believed in. I could no longer force myself to try to believe something that went against the very fiber of my being and to go on calling myself a Christian would be dishonest. I never saw any evidence, physical or personal, of the existence of the Christian god, so I just stopped believing and I didn’t tell anyone at first. Some time passed and people started asking me why I was so happy and why I looked so good. I told them I didn’t believe in god anymore. The only one who seemed to stop and give it any thought was my mom, who later de-converted as well. Unfortunately for her it was too late, the years of being more concerned with the spiritual health of her soul and not the physical health of her body left her very ill and I believe lend to her eventual death this year.

 

So while I have regained my health, my dignity, and my mind from the clutches of Christianity, I can never get back the precious time and life that was spent on it.

[Lorena Rodriguez]

Wow! That's quite the story, Scarlet. I am glad you found your way out of christianity.

 

Did the obsesive compulsive tendencies ceased when you left christianity, or did you have to work on that after your deconversion? Just curious.

[garrisonjj]

Wow! That's quite the story, Scarlet. I am glad you found your way out of christianity.

 

Did the obsesive compulsive tendencies ceased when you left christianity, or did you have to work on that after your deconversion? Just curious.

 

 

She should be congratulated for breaking free! It took me a fifetime to do and my ocd traits stopped immediately when I gave up the perverted mind control of religion. When I have to attend and participate out of social obligation I just say "fuck it all" to myself. What a powerful step of self affirmation for me. Good luck Scarlet!

[Unknowing1]

Congratulations Scarlet and welcome!

 

I am glad that you were able to break free and hopefully you have found piece of mind.

 

I am so sorry about your mom. It is difficult to lose someone you love but time will ease that pain. I lost my mother about 5 years ago and my father 11 years ago. I still miss them at times and think that I forever will.

 

Good luck to you.

[Scarlett]

Wow! That's quite the story, Scarlet. I am glad you found your way out of christianity.

 

Did the obsesive compulsive tendencies ceased when you left christianity, or did you have to work on that after your deconversion? Just curious.

 

 

Yes, after I left Christianity my obsessive compulsive tendencies did stop for the most part; not all at once, I did have to work on it some but they pretty much faded away.

 

Thank you all for the warm welcome.

[I Broke Free]

Thank you very much for sharing your story Scarlet. Strangely, obsessive compulsive tendencies during our worst fundy periods have been a reoccurring theme on this forum for years. I also suffered from it during my two-year stint with the Mormons. My obsessions were with light switches and door knobs. The obsessions disappeared completely when I gain my sanity and told the church elders to fu*k off.

 

I have often wondered if anyone has done in research of this phenomenon.

 

EDIT

 

Wow! I found it is quite common. Check it out.

 

http://www.geonius.com/ocd/religion.html

[SusieQ]

Scarlett

Your testimony has touched me deeply--I totally get it about hating yourself when you are seeped in The Word!!! I am Bi-sexual and was ashamed of my feelings for woman and did anything I could to hide it. It ate me alive! I stopped worrying about my appearance and started looking old fast!!

 

Now that I have stepped out of xtianity and the self-hatrid I now look young again and take care of my appearance and am ok with being attractive and ok with who I am!!

 

I also went through that fear as a child-- worrying constantly if my mother would be dead when I got home from school, etc. My fears were so intense! I also found out in 2002 that I am Bi-Polar II which also made me feel bad about myself. This year I have given up being a xtian and have decided I like who I am and my whole world (like you) has become so much happier!!!

Thanks--it's so great to be able to talk to people who understand.

[Guest Palebluedot]

I have always considered myself a "nominal" Christian, in the sense that I never really experienced faith, although I plodded along to church at Christmas and Easter, took communion etc, just like my wife (we were married in church, as it looked good etc.). Although believing in the sentiments that Christ is said to have espoused (if you "believe it"!), I suppose for most of my life I've felt a bit of a hypocrit really.

 

It thus didn't take much to "free myself" from the little faith I had - one run through of all 13 inspirational and uplifting episodes of NASA/JPL scientist Carl Sagan's Cosmos, and the audio book Pale Blue Dot, were more than enough. It's central revelation of our one-ness with the cosmos, has probably had more profound affect on me than anything I ever read in five years at university (sociology), or listened to in sermons. This is not the place to state another tribute to this guy, he's a kinda soul mate (if you pardon the quasi-religious term) of mine, I've done plenty of that in other places (on his 10 year memorial blog-a-thon etc.) and at:

 

http://carlsagantribute.blogspot.com/

 

It is suffice to say here that when he died in 1996, mankind lost someone who we could most ill-afford to lose.

 

Those of you who have seen Cosmos or read Pale Blue Dot will understand, and those who haven't should view and read them, available from Cosmos Studios at

 

http://carlsagan.com

 

I suppose I am best calling myself an agnostic. I don't believe or disbelieve. We have rigorously tested scientific evidence that the Physical Laws of Nature hold true throughout the cosmos, not just here on earth BUT EVERYWHERE. Thus the earth is not a special frame of reference and is not at the centre of the solar system, Milky Way or the cosmos. The scientists of the renaissance such as Copernicus, Galileo and Keppler were cruelly persecuted as heretics by the Roman Catholic church in their search for "the truth", and for discovering that the same laws apply in the rest of the cosmos.

 

Religion, superstition, bigotry, racism etc., thrive in situations where there is no knowledge. Science, our "candle in the dark" is filling in the holes in our knowledge where we search for the truth, and religions feel under threat (and the vested interests behind them). Like anything under threat, religion is fighting back, with extremism in some cases (9/11) etc.

 

However, in the words of Carl Sagan:

 

"Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence"

 

Of God, we have none. However there is plenty of evidence of the damage religion and unfettered bigotry and racial hatred can do to mankind - the destruction of the Great Library of Alexandria, the Crusades, the Inquisition, the Taliban, Iraq, Iran, the Lebanon, the Holocaust... 2000 lost years when mankind turned its back on science with initially, the loss of the Ionian Civilisation. Just think where we would be now if free-thinkers had not been burned at the stake - probably travelling at light speed to the stars.

 

If we are to survive as a species and avoid self-destruction, we must allow our passions to co-exist with our technology. I don't hate religion, I hate what it has become. It and its followers have regressed to wishing us all to re-enter a new Dark Age, with nuclear missiles, and weapons of mass destruction. Our search for "the truth" lies in rigorously verified scientific evidence, not blind faith. Our mission must be to ensure that this "scientific enterprise" remains the prevailing paradigm, for all our futures. For it is only through rational thought and respect for the views of others that we will survive, and avoid a ghastly wrong decision on some lazy summer afternoon when our arrogant beliefs justify wiping out five billion years of evolution at the press of a button.

 

I'll finish with this one quote to sum up, and it couldn't come from anyone more highly respected:

 

"A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death."

 

~ Albert Einstein

 

I'm glad I found these forums!

[Gnosis of Disbelief]

Welcome Scarlett!

 

Congratulations on making your way out of the Jebus death cult.

I, too, regret my years in Xtian captivity, but then at least I got

out, as did you. For that, we can be grateful - a lot of folks who

get sucked into the Xtian dungeon never make it out. Here's

to being free at last!

 

 

[PaulQ]

Scarlett, what an interesting story. I wanted to tell you that you should never regret how you spent your time as a believer, because it is that experience that has helped to shape you into the person you are today. I used my experiences as a god-fearing Christian today as fuel for my internal fire that motivates and drives me today.

[SusieQ]

Scarlett, what an interesting story. I wanted to tell you that you should never regret how you spent your time as a believer, because it is that experience that has helped to shape you into the person you are today. I used my experiences as a god-fearing Christian today as fuel for my internal fire that motivates and drives me today.

 

I agree with you Digi! Our experiences good and bad shape us, teach us and make us better people for it!!!!

[Jella]

I enjoyed your story Scalett and can totally relate to much of it, especially about not taking care of one self. I think for a long time I was too chicken to actually hurt myself, so I just let myself go. Just last night I had friends over for New Years, and they said wow, your looking great. I guess I have a new found glow about me.

 

Looking forward to reading more from you.

 

Chris

[Lycorth]

Ugh - I sympathize, Scarlett. Xianity is detestable because it is a waste of life, a cult that commands the complete devotion of the believer.

 

Part of the reason I was Xian for so long was out of loyalty to my family. It made Xianity harder to leave, and difficult to overcome.

[sparkyone]

Ugh - I sympathize, Scarlett. Xianity is detestable because it is a waste of life, a cult that commands the complete devotion of the believer.

 

Part of the reason I was Xian for so long was out of loyalty to my family. It made Xianity harder to leave, and difficult to overcome.

Yes, in fact, at church yesterday someone was saying that our resolution should be to get closer to God in the new year. I just don't understand what that means anymore. Closer in what way? More like the O.T.? or what? I'm chicken to ask someone at the church exactly what that means. It probably means reading more, praying more, wasting more time at the church working or worshipping, etc. Just a thought.

 

Sparkyone

[sparkyone]

Scarlett,

 

You've already been here awhile, but I have been away, so welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story.

 

Strangely, obsessive compulsive tendencies during our worst fundy periods have been a reoccurring theme on this forum for years.

 

I agree. Mine were all mental stuff. Usually they would drive me to anxiety episodes. I would worry that I was going to hell, or that I had unwittingly committed the unpardonable sin in my thoughts and I would start mentally asking for forgiveness and salvation. But once wasn't enough, I would go an hour with the tortured thoughts running through my head. I also would do something similar if my husband and I left our child and later children with a sitter. I could not enjoy the dinner or the movie or whatever fully because in my head I was thinking, "Please god keep my child safe" as thought I was worried he would punish me through my child for enjoying life. I still have times in my life where I want to go through repetitive mental exercises, but not so much as when I was a christian. Old habits die hard.

 

I think the reaosn for the OCD stuff might have to do with the christian tendency to live in a world filled with superstitions.

I also had trouble with depression and anxiety, recurring thoughts, and so on. It wasn't stuff like washing repeatedly or checking in the classic OCD sense, but I was so guilt-ridden for not trying to reach more people for Christ and give out tracts everywhere, especially the grocery store. I wanted to die because I was so messed up. I didn't like hearing Veggie Tales when my boys watched it because it reminded me of the produce dept. at the grocery store. (go ahead and laugh; I can laugh now, but it was deadly serious then) I would steel myself and just endure the trips when I had to shop. I hated going to church and hearing sermons about witnessing or hell, because it made the anxiety worse and worse. I would get an awful hot feeling during the altar call if I was thinking about certain things I felt guilty about. I even tried doing enough, but finally realized I would never stop that vicious cycle by doing and doing more. Maybe some xtians feel that way, but decide it's worth the constant struggle. After all, Paul described his struggle with the flesh and the spirit.

 

Sparkyone

[Guest WinglesS]

I have been asked if I hate Christianity. And the answer is yes, yes I do because I see it as such a waste of life. I regret ever having been a Christian and I am ashamed of my hateful beliefs that I held as a direct result of believing. I was one of those Christians that took the bible literally, including the all Old Testament laws. (Which I posted, complete with the penalties for breaking them, on door posts.)

 

I didn’t begin life as a died-in-the-wool raving lunatic Christian. I actually was quite an irreverent little child, refusing to bow my head and pray in kindergarten. I became a Christian out of love, not for Jesus, but for my Mother. I always felt like I was going to loose her and I loved her so much that I never wanted that to happen. Loosing her was the thing I feared the most in all the world; it was such an impending dread for me when I was little. Now when I was young my family would always come over and preach (or should I say brow beat?) to my mom about religion everyday. Not believing exactly what they were preaching she started her search for “the Truth”. Unfortunately this search was for the correct version of Christianity, and she spent countless hours seeking it, it consumed her. I didn’t want to be left out. I took an interest in it because she was interested in it. I had no burning desire to know Jesus, just a desire to be a part of my family. That’s how it started anyways…

 

Eventually though, I became more fanatically and fundamentalist than anyone in my family. I became so wrapped up it in and convinced of it’s truth, that I lost my mind. Literally, I “heard” voices in my head and became convinced that I was possessed, I spent many hours pacing back and forth, I washed my hands until they bleed because I thought they were unclean, I slept with all my clothes on, and many more more bizare things that would have most likely fit in well with the Dark Ages. In fact, I call those years my own “Dark Ages”; and they were dark. I spent my teenage years locked inside the house (by my own will, no one locked me inside.) studying the bible day and night. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that I spent most of my waking hours studying the bible preparing for an afterlife. You could say that I had a death wish. I neglected my own health because I saw this life as “just a shadow of things to come”; I saw this life as a rehearsal for the play so to speak. I was so convinced that the most important thing was to study God’s word that I neglected everything else, including studying most other subjects. I neglected making any new friends because I saw such things as temporal anyways, my real life would begin when I was in heaven…I could make all the friends I wanted there. As for dating, I never did. I told people it was because I saw it as evil, and for the most part I believed it…but there was another reason (keep reading.)

 

Sad to read your testimony about Christianity, Scarlet. Your testimony isn't the first I've read in which a Christian falls from the faith because of his or her obsession with the law. There's a difference between Christianity's attitude toward law and that of other religions, because it is not by the law that a Christian is justified. It is by grace.

 

"During a British conference on comparative religions, experts from around the world debated what. if any, belief was unique to the Christian faith. They began eliminating possibilities. Incarnation? Other religions had different versions of gods appearing in human form. Resurrection? Again, other religions had accounts of return from death. The debate went on for some time until C. S. Lewis wandered into the room. "What's the rumpus about?" he asked, and heard in reply that his colleagues were discussing Christianity's unique contribution among world religions. Lewis responded, "Oh, that's easy. It's grace."

 

After some discussion, the conferees had to agree. The notion of God's love coming to us free of charge, no strings attached, seems to go against every instinct of humanity. The Buddhist eight-fold path, the Hindu doctrine of karma, the Jewish covernant, and the Muslim code of law - each of these offers a way to earn approval. Only Christianity dares to make God's love unconditional." - What's So Amazing About Grace, Philip Yancey

 

I don't know what your perception about the way of salvation was at that time, but Christianity isn't there to tell you that you have to be a perfect person or you'll go to hell. It's called the "good news" because it's the news that God paid the penalty for the breaking of the law - and the offer of God's grace is to anyone who believes and will accept Jesus's sacrifice for our sins. There is no need for me to "wash my hands until they are clean", because a Christian is already clean in God's sight. In Jesus' day the Pharisees added alot of restrictions that God himself didn't approve of. (picture no dating, dancing, and pretty much tell everyone to live a boring life or be damned) A life of a true Christian isn't that which you have described - that is the life of a Pharisee. If you want to be a fanatical, fundamentalist, extremist and radical Christian, this is the way: To live a life of love and grace to your death. For it is by love that the law is fulfilled, and it is by grace that a Christian is justified.

 

On love:

"Owe no one anything, except to love one another; for he who loves another has fulfilled the Law." - Romans 13:8

 

Grace is a concept that's not well understood by many. However for the moment I'll define it as forgiveness. If you want to live as a radical fundamentalist Christian it necessary to possess this quality. Jesus is a Christian's ultimate role model and these are one of his last words before he died.

"And Jesus said, Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do. And parting His clothing, they cast lots." - Luke 23:34

[Guest mizlee]

Grace is a concept that's not well understood by many. However for the moment I'll define it as forgiveness. If you want to live as a radical fundamentalist Christian it necessary to possess this quality. Jesus is a Christian's ultimate role model and these are one of his last words before he died.

 

Oh, right. The magic sky fairy plunks his magic twanger, and your sins (whatever than means) are automatically forgiven. Exactly what does than mean, anyow? If I have done injury to another and apologize to that person, and accepts my apology, that I understand. It's called taking responsibility for one's own actions. According to the magic twanger hypothesis, no personal responsibility is required. Can you delusional folks never understand that things like "grace" look impossibly silly to those of us who have no use for your pathetic deities?

[Scarlett]

Sad to read your testimony about Christianity, Scarlet. Your testimony isn't the first I've read in which a Christian falls from the faith because of his or her obsession with the law.

 

No, that was only a small part of my reason for leaving. There is no way a short testimony could cover all the reasons. One of the main reasons is that I just don't believe your god exists. There is no evidence, no proof for the existence of god. Another reason is even if he did exist I still wouldn't worship him because I don't think he's fit for worship, he is evil. That was the ultimate conclusion I reached after years of studying.

 

 

I don't know what your perception about the way of salvation was at that time, but Christianity isn't there to tell you that you have to be a perfect person or you'll go to hell. It's called the "good news" because it's the news that God paid the penalty for the breaking of the law - and the offer of God's grace is to anyone who believes and will accept Jesus's sacrifice for our sins.

Yeap, and there's another reason I don't like Christianity...the whole idea of human sacrifice. Yes I know that Christians don't like to call it that, but that's basically what the whole Jesus dying for someone's sins is. If your god was so great why not just 'forgive' people of their sins in the first place? Why the need for a human sacrifice? Such a bloodthirsty god.

 

 

A life of a true Christian isn't that which you have described - that is the life of a Pharisee. If you want to be a fanatical, fundamentalist, extremist and radical Christian, this is the way: To live a life of love and grace to your death. For it is by love that the law is fulfilled, and it is by grace that a Christian is justified.

 

So basically you are telling me I wasn't a "true Christian". You guys always try to tell people what they are or aren't (or in this case was), it really isn't your place. I don't care to be a Christian anymore, that was the point of my original post. Being a Christian made me nothing but miserable in life. And with all the Christians talk of love, it is still one of the most hateful religions out there and has the track record to prove it.

 

If you want to live as a radical fundamentalist Christian it necessary to possess this quality.

Again, I do not want to be a Christian. I'm a much happier and kinder person being an Atheist then I ever was as a Christian.

 

 

"And Jesus said, Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do. And parting His clothing, they cast lots." - Luke 23:34

 

And I don't want any forgiveness for anything I've done either. I'd rather take responsibility for my own actions.

[Zetetic]

Scarlett,

 

I'm new to this forum but I just wanted to say that your story sounds an awful lot like mine so I understand how you can be extremely resentful towards Christianity. To put it succinctly: Me too! (Though I'm gradually learning to temper my anger a bit).

 

I was once a "Born Again" Christian, and a big part of the slap in the face that woke me up, was also my sexual orientation. I just didn't want to hate myself any more for something that I did NOT "choose".

 

I also echo everything you said about Christianity being evil and your frustration towards people like WinglesS. Not only did he violate the rules of this forum, he also spouted one of the more absurd Christian mythologies. Yeah, right! Like their god really has unconditional love. Ha! Obviously nonsense since he's the one that condemns you to an eternity of torture (or the destruction of your soul) if you don't believe in him or commit your life to him (become a slave?) or whatever your particular interpretation of Christianity is. Hasn't he ever heard about people being thrown into the Lake of Fire? That sounds pretty damned conditional to me!

 

Anyway, I didn't really want to perpetuate an argument in this forum; I just wanted to let you know that there are others out here who share your sentiments.

 

Zetetic.

[D Laurier]

WinglesS,

Thankyou for the baffalgab.

 

Grace is beauty of movement. PERIOD.

 

C S Lewis was a weak appologst who wrote piss poor reams of drivel.

 

And yes, the christian cult requires that its adherants appease the 3 main gods of christianity.

By believing in them, and submitting to them, and debassing themselves for them.

The christian gods only bestow blessing onthe first 144,000 self castrating men who aggree to denounce themselves as worthless garbage.

[shotsy]

And yes, the christian cult requires that its adherants appease the 3 main gods of christianity.

By believing in them, and submitting to them, and debassing themselves for them.

 

And thus, Christianity is a religion of law, just like most others. If salvation was a "free gift" as Paul said it was, you wouldn't even have to believe. But as it is, you must give your life to Yahweh in order to receive it.

 

Who was it who said something like, "nearly everything a christian says amounts to a cliché"?

[shotsy]

Who was it who said something like, "nearly everything a christian says amounts to a cliché"?

 

Oh, just remembered: Tom Robbins in Skinny Legs and All.

[oladotun]

I have been asked if I hate Christianity. And the answer is yes, yes I do because I see it as such a waste of life. I regret ever having been a Christian and I am ashamed of my hateful beliefs that I held as a direct result of believing. I was one of those Christians that took the bible literally, including the all Old Testament laws. (Which I posted, complete with the penalties for breaking them, on door posts.)

 

Thank you for your posting. I am a Christian, but I am becoming very dissilusioned because of what it has done to me. I have tired desperately to keep these Biblical laws, but it has done nothing for my sanity and sense of self. And while I do believe in Jesus, I think that the church has perverted his message of love with legalism and hatred.

 

But I would rather listen to an honest response to you because you genuinely tried to live by the Bible and it did not help you, in the meantime, many professed Christians cherry -pick those aspects of the Bible that they want to keep, and do not take it in its full context, if they did, we would have to execute so many people it would not be funny..

 

I am grateful for this website, because it has shown me that my struggles to be a "good Christian" that have almost driven me to the brink of suicide are not unique. Many people have gone through the same thing. This is a journey for me, now I don't take the Bible literally anymore, and don't hate others as much as I used to....

[Piprus]

I am grateful for this website, because it has shown me that my struggles to be a "good Christian" that have almost driven me to the brink of suicide are not unique. Many people have gone through the same thing. This is a journey for me, now I don't take the Bible literally anymore, and don't hate others as much as I used to....

 

It's good to see you growing, olatotun.

 

Abandoning that ugly, harsh version of xianity that you've done is a step forward to a life of serenity and inner peace. It does not have to become an atheist approach, just a view that whatever life involves has to be a thing of beauty and overall goodness. If your view is a theist approach of whatever stripe, I hope it is one that encompasses the grandeur of reality and existence, instead of the horror of fundie xianity.

 

I like reading your posts.

[oladotun]

It's good to see you growing, olatotun.

 

Abandoning that ugly, harsh version of xianity that you've done is a step forward to a life of serenity and inner peace. It does not have to become an atheist approach, just a view that whatever life involves has to be a thing of beauty and overall goodness. If your view is a theist approach of whatever stripe, I hope it is one that encompasses the grandeur of reality and existence, instead of the horror of fundie xianity.

 

I like reading your posts.

 

Thanks. I know the damage that the legalistic brand of Christianity can do. It almost drove me crazy, writing down Bible verses, trying to memoraize them, trying to live by them, and yet finding no real peace. I would act like all is well in church, singing those praise and worship songs when I know in my heart it was nothing but a front...Now, I know better.

 

What would you say to a person who tries to argue with you that America was founded to be a Christain nation, when history really shows that many of the founding fathers were really deists and skeptics and wanted us to have a nation that respected everyone beliefs (or non-beliefs). My theory is that faith that must be mandated is not really faith at all, but something done out of fear and compulsion