Anyone Else Go Through An Anger Phase Deconverting?!

[sithprincess]

Anger? Oh hell yeah!

 

I became so angry after my deconversion that anger at the church or the Bible, etc. wasn't enough. I hated everyone for a while. It has come back lately, like some ugly flashback in a post-trauma nightmare. I call it 'residual fundy anger'. It's like some kind of evil slime that you crawl out of, but it still sticks to your skin, and has been in your eyes and ears and inside your mouth on your very tounge, and even a long time after, you still aren't rid of the 'demons' of Christianity, and there are so many 'Pastors' that would tell you that it is still with you because the Spirit of God won't leave you, but you know it's because you were brainwashed until you only saw one reality, and all others, including sunlight and goodness seem foreign to you.

So then after years of 'seeing' your own flesh and blood in your minds' eye sinking deeper into an eternal Hell because they didn't 'believe' that a carpenter from Galilee died for them two thousand years ago, and after years and years of believing to your very core that you are different and 'blessed' because you believe, you come to realize that any God that would do that to your sister or mom, or little brother, must be some kind of cruel God, and even if he is real, you don't want anything to do with him. So then all of the hours you have put in reading or listening to 'the man of God' justify why God would do such a thing and still be Holy and Righteous, and damn kind to you, you sinner! it all just stops making sense.

And after soul searching and praying (yes praying) and study, and despite your memories of sermons preached and admonishments given, you just don't believe any longer. You know that there are names (reprobate!) and certain fates (Anathema!) for you now, but they no longer have the right to impart fear to you. What were once dead books, that became 'living scripture', are now just dead books again. Like anyone that can suspend their disbelief and be drawn in to a good book, you were drawn into this one with much help from many of the books fans.

 

Religion in general, and Christianity in particular, has messed with my brain and soul. You may not be able to tell from this post, but anger after?

 

Oh hell yeah.

 

Yeah. Yeah....I think a lot of it in my case is anger toward these Christians who are so judgemental, and so pleased that they're "special" and telling everyone else they'll "see when they go to hell!". And I think I'm actually kind of angry for Jesus possibly not existing, and the god i've prayed to to end up being so ... well... evil. The Gospel story is such a beautiful one in that a god would send his son to take aways the sins of the world, and then to actually see the flip side of that and see the reality of this god's nature. And I'm angry at myself for not realizing the nature of this god sooner. How could I have missed all this!

[duderonomy]

Well, sithprincess, you can see that you aren't alone.

 

There are people here who know as much (and sometimes much much) more about the Bible and church and etc. than you or I do and most of 'the Church'...and they were fooled by it at one time too. Don't be angry at yourself for not 'seeing it'.

 

It was on this site that I saw for the first time the silliness of an all-powerful and all-knowing God having to send Himself to die to save us from Himself, and in the process He forsook Himself. And the whole game was His idea?

 

 

 

It may not be easy, but you'll get through it.

 

Duder

[LosingMyReligion]

Yeah, I still have some residual anger. However, I'm realizing that I am not so much angry at the religion as I am the people in it...But I'm addressing that.

Anger is a natural part of the process and you have to have it to heal.

[duderonomy]

LMR,

 

See, that's what I'm just learning. You shouldn't be angry at the people still in this religion or your church or whatever, if you were once 'one of them'. They are fooled too, like you once were.

And you certainly don't want to leave them and then be just like them!

 

But then, once you realize that there isn't any 'saviour' at all (and saved from what?) you have no one else to be pissed at than those who led us to that place. So then who to take it out on? In the Old School (me) it would be the parents. If you walked into it on your own, then you have no-one to pin this on but yourself. Or maybe it's a shared blame? You, me, them, that? Who invited you in?

 

Man, what a murky and foggy place to go into. At least, none of us here have to go in there alone.

 

LMR, I don't mean to pick on your post. I just needed to vent again, thanks, and no offence meant.

 

 

 

Duder

[LosingMyReligion]

Well, after months of therapy, I am finally losing my anger at the people in my religion.

 

Losing your religion is like going through the five stages of death. Each one has to be completed before you can move on...I feel myself moving out of the anger stage now...

 

No offense Taken, Dude.

[R. S. Martin]

Right now my anger is directed at a woman who has befriended me and who promised unconditional love with no strings attached. I've felt so angry recently because of all the loved ones who are pulling away from me and somehow I found myself directing my anger at her. She's sort of an adopted mother. What really triggered it was her refusal to believe that the loss of my family could possibly be permanent. I HATE being disbelieved. And I could not hide my hurt and anger. She's not responding to my emails anymore. She and her husband are traveling at the moment so maybe she just hasn't had a chance. But I think it's more than that. She probably figures she'll let me cool off and then she will probably change topic, believing that will bring the relationship back on an even keel. Well, that trick is not going to work. She has flat-out treated me like a liar and I deserve an opology from her. I don't expect it to be forthcoming.

 

Oh yeah, I attacked her religion alright. I told her why I did not trust her "unconditional" love. She's the kind of Christian who believes it is her responsibility to convert people. I trust Christians who do NOT feel it is their responsibility to convert others but her? Nope! I told her I"ll believe the no-strings-attached love when I see it. Well, I'm not seeing it. I'm seeing nothing. No emails from her. I suspect she "loves" me in the hope that one day I will "see the light" and convert. I told her that.

 

I've been feeling all the hurt and anger that has built up over the years and I know it's not fair but nobody has ever treated me fair when it came to religion. There's just so much anger inside of me I have to stop thinking about it or I'd explode. Well, it seems I can think about it bit by bit now that I'm on this site. Being with others who have been through the same thing helps so much.

 

And, well, I hope no one will tell me that it's wrong to treat her this way. I think it's time Christians are requested to live up to their promises and she promised unconditional love. It's easy to love unconditionally when there is no condition that makes love difficult. We'll see on what condition this unconditonal love depends.

[Mongo]

Ex-christians are angry because we are grieving.

 

It is a process but not like grieving over the loss through death.

 

When loved ones have died, I have always known that I will be the same person tomorrow, next month and next year that I was yesterday. I miss my loved ones but their being here does not diminish the depths of who I am but rather diminishes the world around me.

 

When you walk away from god, you are walking away from the many and varied fantacies we have held.

 

I voluntarily spent 10 years pursuing a godly christian life. My fantacy was that I was spending my time well and becoming a better person by following god. My grief over wasting 10 years of my life is grief over giving up the fantacy.

 

I grieved over the money I gave to a obscene organization. My fantacy was that it was given for a good purpose. (some of it did feed hungry children - too little though)

 

I grieved over having to give up the fantacy that I was too smart to fall for something as silly as fundamentalism.

 

The problem is that when I walked away from religion, I didn't know that I would be the same person tomorrow, next month and next year than I was yesterday.

 

It is a frightful thought when you are walking away from it all, alone without anyone else's hand to hold.

 

Fundies have no idea that it takes real courage to walk away from that and when you do, if it held real meaning to you, you will surely grieve.

 

Grief usually leads to anger.

 

Embrace your anger for a while but don't let it consume you. Read a book on grief; you have suffered a great loss. Your anger is justified but remember, it WILL pass and there will be sunny skies. You are free! I am free!!! This is wonderful!!!

 

To quote from Burnedout:

I have had the balls lately to confront and talk to some Fundies in person and refute them, and it feels really good. If you ever get the chance, face them down in person and get in their face and don't let up. It is funny to watch their eyes get big and they get really really nervous when everyone of their arguements is refuted before their eyes and their precious apologetics fails them. It feels so empowering to turn and go at your former tormentors.

 

This helps. I emailed my fundy family members for over a year and argued the bible with them. They got a good part of my scorn.

 

I have learned though... that I will never be able to help them get past their foolish beliefs if I don't get over my anger and be very focused on helping them see their religion for the sham that it is.

 

The first time I came to this site, I was sooooo relieved that I sent a Thank-you to the webmaster.

 

To be around so many friends is like coming home. Welcome! Share a load and shed a load!

 

I have peace that passeth all religion. Who knew?!!!

[R. S. Martin]

Mongo, welcome and thank you for sharing your insights. It makes a great deal of sense. I too feel like I've come home. I keep wondering how many people I'll alienate in my rage. I am telling myself I am only purifying my environment. I hope I'm right.

 

I want to respond in more depth to your reference of Phil. 4:7 so I'm starting a new thread for it.

[twincats]

What makes me angry is how xtians are so remorselessly intolerant and hateful while thinking they're just the opposite. They can't see it (or won't.)

 

I'm not angry that I used to be that way, myself; just glad I'm not anymore. I have to shake my head in disbelief when I think of how I used to think of non-xtians, which is how I know that the love they profess to have for non-believers is a load of bunk!

[BTDT]

I have anger at what christianity did to my self esteem and self worth, and how my parents turned their parenting over to 'god' instead of involving themselves in my life and equipping me with any useful skills, that I am now having to work out on my own as an adult.

[duderonomy]

I have anger at what christianity did to my self esteem and self worth, and how my parents turned their parenting over to 'god' instead of involving themselves in my life and equipping me with any useful skills, that I am now having to work out on my own as an adult.

 

BTDT,

 

Man what a great post and a great insight.

 

Thank you.

[Deva]

Sure, there is anger for a while when one realizes it has just been one way for your parents to keep you under control (if you were raised by Christian Parents), and a big exploitation game, but after a while you see that you were responsible for having bought into it and the anger goes.Then you know you have to get free of it yourself.

[Mythra]

I remember Jubilant's rant about a year and a half ago. Now THAT was anger. World-freakin class anger. Whatever you do, don't piss that lady off.

 

 

I'm angry too. Mad as hell.

 

Like Mongo, I dumped a gawdamn mountain of money into this B.S. and I WANT IT BACK!

 

Pretty bad when Walmart backs their shit better than God does.

[Everglaze]

I was and still am kind of angry at the fact that several Christians that I know just can't let it go. They try to convince me that "God" is the one up in the sky that created earth when I'm trying to converse rationally. "God" is a freakin' concept. I can't believe these people can actually make up stupid excuses about how the Bible came into being when they themselves don't hold any substantial evidence. I mean, what are they going to say? That Moses was the one who wrote about Adam and Eve? How much of that story can be reliable anyway? It's got a talking snake involved and who knows if the guy that wrote about them was just delusional? Christians will believe this shit no matter what. That's not all though. The way they just pour this onto me is beyond absurdity. It seems I can't even talk about normal things in life without them having to raise the topic of Christianity. I'm an atheist, get over it. I don't believe in that whole "once saved, always saved" crap either. I don't need another lethal dose of Bible venom. I should just wear a freakin' anti-Christian t-shirt to just stick it in their faces. It's extremely annoying.

[R. S. Martin]

I was and still am kind of angry at the fact that several Christians that I know just can't let it go. They try to convince me that "God" is the one up in the sky that created earth when I'm trying to converse rationally. "God" is a freakin' concept. I can't believe these people can actually make up stupid excuses about how the Bible came into being when they themselves don't hold any substantial evidence. I mean, what are they going to say? That Moses was the one who wrote about Adam and Eve? How much of that story can be reliable anyway? It's got a talking snake involved and who knows if the guy that wrote about them was just delusional? Christians will believe this shit no matter what. That's not all though. The way they just pour this onto me is beyond absurdity. It seems I can't even talk about normal things in life without them having to raise the topic of Christianity. I'm an atheist, get over it. I don't believe in that whole "once saved, always saved" crap either. I don't need another lethal dose of Bible venom. I should just wear a freakin' anti-Christian t-shirt to just stick it in their faces. It's extremely annoying.

 

The funniest part of all is when Moses talks about his own death and burial at the very end of the Deuteronomy.

 

That's not all though. The way they just pour this onto me is beyond absurdity. It seems I can't even talk about normal things in life without them having to raise the topic of Christianity. I'm an atheist, get over it. I don't believe in that whole "once saved, always saved" crap either. I don't need another lethal dose of Bible venom. I should just wear a freakin' anti-Christian t-shirt to just stick it in their faces. It's extremely annoying.

 

This is where things always get confusing for me. Yes, we don't accept their beliefs. Yes, we want them to just back off and allow us to live. But the way they see it is that there is only one right way of seeing life, God, death, the universe. The only way we fit into their world is as a person to be treated like a sinner who needs being saved. How do you ever get it into their heads not to be so stuck-up arrogant about the only right way thing? It's simply outside their frame of reference and simply does not exist. That is what we're up against but what can we do about it? The only solution I know is to steer clear of such people. And I realize this is not an option for many people.