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Feelings, Possibly Irrational


Acolyte
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To start with, I'll give you a short background. I was raised by hardcore fundamentalist parents, was a hardcore fundamentalist until this last winter. I started my questioning by becoming a Biblical Unitarian (very abruptly, just by reading an article). Eventually, I became more and more liberal until I eventually admitted that I didn't believe any of it. Then it started seeming repulsive.

 

I declared myself an agnostic over the summer. I had made plans that winter to attend a Christian university after graduating, and the change from fundamentalist to agnostic was entirely too abrupt, and so I stuck with my plans, thinking that maybe it was 'just a phase'.

 

However...I'm here now, I have read alot more about Christianity, learned alot more about myself, and cannot make myself believe it. The problem? I am having an incredibly hard time trusting the people here enough to make that many friends. No one has really shown me any intolerance (though it doesn't help that most of the people I've met are shallow, clique-ish, and all the same), but I am the only non-Christian I know here, and I know how the students view unbelievers. I have struggled with [mild] paranoia my entire life, and now that it is somewhat grounded, it has become almost unmanagable.

 

Any advice would be appreciated. For the record, the school is Church of God.

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Acolyte. Ask them if they believe you have free will. Christians say you are FREE to choose. Say you have used your god given freedom and your own mind.

 

If they say you will go to hell, just point out that god doesn,t believe in free will then, since you are under threat if you do choose. Freedom of choice can only truly mean anything if you are not under threat; if you are then its not free will.

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Acolyte,

 

If as you say, you've had a problem with paranoid thinking, then it is, by definition, irrational, for paranoia is irrational or exaggerated fear. Truly, is there really something that you should be fearful of from your fellow students, or is it more realistic that you, being at the least a questioner, and at the top an agnostic, just feel uncomfortable and "out of your place" with them?

 

What do you want to happen? Would you like to just withdraw from that school because it's just no longer the right place for you, do you want to finish the semester, then transfer? There are certainly options, but it's plain to see you're just not happy in a fundie-oriented christian school.

 

And if you can't be satisfied with what you're doing, what's the point?

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Piprus summed up my feelings exactly.

 

It's really common as a new deconvert to feel paranoid that "Everybody is gonna know and ostracize me if I just talk to them" and get the woogies that you're different from everybody else. On top of that, it's something that fills your mind and being stuck in the middle of a very Christian enviroment, it's aggravating to your newly forming attitudes towards god and spirituality.

 

As Piprus asked, if you can't be satisfied with what you're doing, what's the point? Change schools. If you are afraid of what your family will think, then think of it this way: You're spending thousands of dollars on some of the most critical education that will shape your entire life. Don't waste it worrying about anybody else's opinion.

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I actually will be transferring, I'm just not sure when.

 

I don't know if it's so much a 'fear', like I've had in the past. It's more like I just don't feel a connection with the people.

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I actually will be transferring, I'm just not sure when.

 

I don't know if it's so much a 'fear', like I've had in the past. It's more like I just don't feel a connection with the people.

 

Best wishes, Acolyte.

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I actually will be transferring, I'm just not sure when.

 

I don't know if it's so much a 'fear', like I've had in the past. It's more like I just don't feel a connection with the people.

 

Acolyte,

 

Glad to hear you are transfering. Good move.

 

Listen... you do not have any obligation to be honest with the kids on campus on your enlightenment. None. I know that it only takes one friggin' zelot to make life hell by making you his project or even his target of scorn. If lying about your views makes the next several months more pleasant, then this is perfectly legitemate. You are not dealing with people who will offer you ready acceptance. Fundies hate people who are not like them.

 

If you can find people who don't actually ask many questions about your views to hang out with that would be great but if you seek a deeper friendship with people, I think I would look off campus.

 

I suggest, it may sound dumb, I know I'm older... I would suggest finding a rock hounding club to meet people. The odds of finding a fundie there are pretty friggin' slim.

 

I also suggest you do some volunteer work. Chances of finding a fundie there is not so great either because their higher calling is to the church. You will find liberal christians there but they are very accepting.

 

As to paranoia... the finest person I know, and my only true friend, is the first to assume that people don't like him. I don't get it cause he is a nicer person than me by a long shot.

 

I think a change in atmosphere will do you some good. Keep us informed. If you don't want to post, send me a PM sometimes and let me know how it works out. You're among friends here.

 

Mongo

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Chances of finding a fundie there is not so great either because their higher calling is to the church.

 

LoL.

 

I live in Cleveland, Tennessee. This whole city is a church.

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Chances of finding a fundie there is not so great either because their higher calling is to the church.

 

LoL.

 

I live in Cleveland, Tennessee. This whole city is a church.

 

Hmmm... time for a little fatherly advice... you are being "unreasonably" negative.

 

I'm going to assume that you are quite shy and this is the main reason why you find this challenging.

 

There *are* infidels in Cleveland, you just don't know where to find them... yet.

 

Even if you don't need the money, you could find a part time job where you might meet people outside your campus.

 

Volunteering is noble and you will meet nice people there and maybe learn a new skill.

 

As a loner, spending time alone is pretty cool too. I used to hike a lot and I friggin' envy you for having so many beautiful mountains in the area.

 

People seem to be using the internet to meet other like minded folk. Can you afford a dating site. In your description state your beliefs clearly and that you don't want to meet religious folk.

 

You can do this and others can help with suggestions but you have to be ready to try something new.

 

You are free now. Use your imagination. Go celebrate!

 

Mongo

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