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That's It, Then


Kurari
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I loathe Corperate America. If there is any really good example that god doesn't exist, Corp. A is it.

 

I've been trying to find steady work for almost a year now. I've worked on and off as a temp at this one company for a year which gives me really good money and is nice to work at, and also as freelance artist/writer. Both of which are drying up now. I've sent out so many goddamned resumes and applications to dipshit Corperate America, I've lost count. I'm fed up having to call up every morning and hope and beg for work like a dog. I haven't had any income in three weeks and trying to save my dog's life earlier this month devestated my savings. I'm trying my damndest in job hunting and scrounging up work, but I'm just not getting any kind of a break. What really hacks me off is the company I have temped for for almost a whole year now interviewed me almost two fucking months ago, liked what they saw, and THEY NEVER BOTHERED TO GET AROUND TO REVIEWING OR HIRING ANYBODY. WTF? They still claim to need workers desperately but they aren't doing jack about it.

 

Last night out of desperation I prayed.

 

This morning I called in and they said, "Yeah, we've got nothing going on this week either. Sorry."

 

I spent the day picking up apps for seasonal retail which I'm not even sure I can do due to health problems and now it seems, hearing problems. I'm getting pitch loss that is a congenital condition in my family and it's coming early for me. Being out in the stores today and talking to people was incomprehensible and there is nothing I can do about getting it tested and fixed.

 

Spare my health or spare my rent? There's a devil's gamble for you.

 

Lately I've been slowly progressing from theist, to deist, to pantheist, now I think I'm almost to atheist. I think being told once again that there was nothing for me and doing my best isn't good enough was another nail in god's coffin. Which isn't helping my depression at all right now. At least when I believed I had something to give me hope and patience and comfort. Now I'm wondering what all that WAS, and can I get that feeling of "god" back even if it's not god? Does that make any sense?

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Looking for a job sucks. I know because I'm in that boat and have been for just over a month. I got laid off from my last good job at the end of July, then worked a few weeks at a company where the CEO, who it was my job to support, turned out to be an overgrown bully. Needless to say, I quit that one, and I've never quit before. I don't list that job on my resume. I have noticed that every few weeks as I'm going through the local job listings, the description for that job is posted once again. It seems that they can't keep anyone longer than that.

 

I do contract work. Have for most of my career. I almost got hired permanently at a company just over a year ago, but they laid off a whole dept. and their policy was to hire internally. The irony was that they had made the job permanent so I could apply for it, and still I ended up training in my replacement.

 

I am hoping that I will get lucky this time around, but I'm not counting on it. I'm signed up with about 6 staffing agencies, hoping to find a job that pays somewhat decently.

 

I wish you the best of luck in your search and hope you find something soon.

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You're in a frustrating situation, Kurari

 

"Corporate America" is an ugly and smelly place where "competition" is the imperative, and "bottom line" can make the difference between survival, "merger" or bankruptcy for "the corporate entity". "Competitiveness" therefore means cutting costs and boosting profits, and the labor force (human beings) is something to be depersonalized and reduced to simply numbers on a budget sheet, regardless of their needs. That is simply the way it is. That is why there are such things as "outsourcing" of corporate functions offshore, to lands where people are willing to work for low pay and no benefits.

 

What's the solution? Well, if you persist you may find a place of employment for your skills. If not, there's the possible solution of trying to sell yourself as an independent contractor/consultant, where you provide a service to a "corporate entity", but are responsible only to yourself for your pay and benefits. The "independent contractor/consultant" concept is one that has emerged, and is growing, because your clients have no responsibility other than paying you a contract amount.

 

I know of these things, because I've waded in the swamp for 26 years managing to avoid being eaten by the crocodiles, but never knowing whether I'll make it to the other side without being eaten, "outsourced", or my job abolished in a corporate "restructuring".

 

And as you've undoubtedly found out by now, gods have nothing to do with it, and prayer is futile. It's simply a matter of globalization, corporatization, and the conversion to that "service economy" our politicians told us would be such a great thing. What liars they were, as their stock holdings increased in value.

 

But that's a whole new rant...

 

Good luck and best wishes, Kurari.

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I can only say that Piprus' advice seems reasonable, even if it is of little emotional assistance at this point. That's one thing I've never done as a primary source of income, is freelance or consultant work (yeah right, me a consultant).

 

But, if God does exist, prayer is like talking to yourself. God can't interfere (if He exists at all) without screwing things up. Strangely, I do understand your desire to get that feeling of "god" back even if it's not god, but I'm afraid friends (that would include us I hope) and family are the only consoling forces available.

 

I hope something comes up soon.

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I agree with the consulting thing, I just wish I had skills in something that brought more steady work. Along with my temp job I am a freelance writer and artist, doing everything from book illustrations to copywriting. But that's been pretty dry for several weeks now as well. Which is the way it goes. I've just been really lucky before in that if one dried up, I always had the other.

 

Losing god is losing a part of myself and I'm trying to figure out how to create that connection again. Even if it wasn't god, it was definately a peace of mind that I needed to get through life.

 

Thanks for the support, the comments help in knowing I'm not alone.

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You definitely aren't alone in this. A few years back I got laid off from a job, and I searched for an entire year before I finally had to move back home with my mom.

Since then I've gone back to college, and now I'm almost afraid of getting back out there. It seems like there is absolutely nothing substantial, let alone something that won't have you amongst the working poor.

When I do move out again I am scared I'll have to live in some ghetto just to make ends meet, and I definitely do not want that.

 

Back when I went through my job struggles I prayed and prayed AND prayed and NOTHING. I could always fall back on that, "God has a plan for me jazz," but that just made me more depressed, coincidentally.

I'm still trying to get over losing my religion...This has been a hellishly awkward year for me to say the least.

 

I can't really give you any job tips because I haven't been able to find a job worth jack shit in ages.

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