Family and Friends' Reactions

[Caretaker]

Rerun of an old poll.. I am sure there are new posters here since it was last posted, and I am sure some of the responses may be different.

 

If you responded with a Mix or Other, please reply.

[BlueGiant]

Haven't said anything directly, but people in my family are smart enough to know that something is very up (considering that I haven't set foot in a church for 2 years, save for a funeral and my sister's confirmation).

 

What I don't think they've figured out is what my beliefs are, most think that I am probably atheist (heh, if only they knew how right and wrong at the same time they are).

[Light_of_Reason]

I voted for mix/other because the reaction really depends on which family member we are speaking of.

 

My father doesn't know, but then being not spiritual, he really couldn't care.

 

My mother knows and accepts my decision even if she doesn't agree with it. The same with my siblings.

 

My grandfather does not know, and considering his extreme turnaround to almost fundie, I think it best to keep it that way.

 

My maternal grandmother knows and accepts despite her disagreement. I don't think she worries to much about those things.

 

My paternal grandmother is a completely different story. She knows and either grills or flames me about it most of the time. Then again, she thinks she knows everything and is the matriachal ruler of the family. I just assert myself and do my own thing anyway.

 

Good poll by the way.

[Kalidasa]

I've come to the conclusion that for me, it's more of a combination of the following:

 

Silence - they won't talk about it with me

Anger - they attack or ridicule me for my non-belief

Civil - they respect my choice, but aren't happy with it

 

Most of the time they try firing questions at me that they know will piss me off.

[Hellbound Alleee]

Well, I found out my father was an atheist all along, and I keep finding out how anti-Christian my mom is, but it's taking years. I have changed her mind quite a bit. We just talk about religion. Just the other day she realized that she was the one that had more to do with my deconversion than anyone, and she still holds on to her Jesus fanship. Yet she is the most anti-christian of all. I told her in our convo: "You were the one who taught me not to trust christians." She said, "Oh, absolutely!" My dad hid it for years because he didn't want to influence us.

[Skankboy]

My Dad, was never particularly religious, and indeed, has since "converted" to Buddhism. In truth, he feels it was what he was thinking all along, and just never had a word for it. Now he's got a friend in Sid and couldn't be happier.

 

My Mom was the one that used to drag me into church every Sunday. We became fairly estranged after my parents divorced and so wasn't really around for my "deconversion". And since my parent's divorced (she was cheating on my dad), she hasn't been particularly religious. At least as overtly as she used to be. If she care about my current state of apostacy, I think she holds back because of her own failings as a christian...

 

Everyone else? FUCK 'EM!

[Clearview]

I think my parents believe that I am in a state of rebellion and will come back around. I refuse to discuss my non-belief with my mother because I know I have the stronger case and I don't want to hurt her. My father doesn't mention it, which I appreciate. It wasn't my intention to tell them, but I can be honest to a fault.

 

My loony sister is a potential problem. She thinks she has something to say to me about Jesus, as does my mother's best friend. As if there is something I haven't already heard... I bite my tongue and tell them that the topic isn't open for discussion.

 

I don't think any of my family knows that there's no chance of me believing again. But they'll think as they wish no matter what I say.

[SilentLoner]

i havent told my parents about my pagan beliefs, they think im an athiest. they are in complete denial, they just think im rebelling against them and its a phase. they enjoy making jokes about it to other people when we go out for dinner. my mom made it a point to say "oh, she's an athiest" during xmas last year, as if it were funny, to her friends, who proceeded to give me lectures.

on the other hand, my mom would freak out if she knew I was into paganism, she's afraid of anything remotely along those lines. my dad on the other hand considers it to be joke.

so I think I'll just let them think im an athiest.

[Wade]

my Father is a raging Fundie.....we dont live in the same town and he works mainly out if state so I usually don't see or talk to him much anyway...but I have purposely not spoke to him in a year and a half...we are not very close...some of of it has to do with personal issues I have with him and ALOT of it is because of his "religion"....the time has come to make contact again and talk with him....I havn't spoke to him since my de-conversion...I know that no matter what we talk about....it wil come up and he will start talking about religion ....its his life ...he is deep into it...speaking in holy babble....laying hands on people...casting out demons the whole bit....

 

 

so I could :

 

A. not tell him...(not likely)

 

 

B. tell him

 

 

 

He was the one who originally introduced me to the "Fundie Word"...so I have very mixed feelings about the whole thing....

[Lizard]

I don't really have any family who cares..a SIL who is very "religious"..sorta. My kids are not.

Friends in real life couldn't care less. They are happy with me whatever I do.

Friends on the internet..that's another matter. Only a few really know. Those who suspect, say things like "its just a dark time", "you're not really lost, he never lets go" (fun thought, that one!) or.."its not about doctrine anyway."

I went through this once before. Made the big testimonial on another board..and either got blasted into hell for it, totally ignored..or complete confusion.

The anger surprised me most, I think. This time around..(yes, I went back and out again, what can I say but )I just don't say alot.

I still speak to them all. I even debate and discuss their flawed doctrine. Its funny in some ways. They are so steeped in it..yet they can't see how wrong they are when its pointed out in their own textbook! Makes for interesting days anyway.

 

So..there's not been a reaction this time.

[Panther]

Well, my family consists of my mom, who couldn't care less either way.

 

My friends were never christian to begin with. So....besides the "christian" friends that I had made, no one really cares. Which is great to me!!!!

 

The christian friends that I had...most gave me a very hard time and actually labled me as a wolf in sheep's clothing, blah, blah and that I had a demon in me.

 

Another couple of them left after I did....

 

I feel great!! That's all I know....life is GOOD!

[Panther]

I don't really have any family who cares..a SIL who is very "religious"..sorta.  My kids are not. 

Friends in real life couldn't care less.  They are happy with me whatever I do. 

Friends on the internet..that's another matter.  Only a few really know.  Those who suspect, say things like "its just a dark time", "you're not really lost, he never lets go" (fun thought, that one!) or.."its not about doctrine anyway."

I went through this once before.  Made the big testimonial on another board..and either got blasted into hell for it, totally ignored..or complete confusion.

The anger surprised me most, I think.  This time around..(yes, I went back and out again, what can I say but  )I just don't say alot.

I still speak to them all.  I even debate and discuss their flawed doctrine.  Its funny in some ways.  They are so steeped in it..yet they can't see how wrong they are when its pointed out in their own textbook!  Makes for interesting days anyway.

 

So..there's not been a reaction this time.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

We've been through it all, huh? LOL!

Christian friends, and now ex-christian friends!

That is what true friendship is all about.....support of each other no matter where the other one was at!

[liquid ash]

Everyone is in the dark at this point. Not one single person have I told.

 

I'm very isolated in this and I think it's best to stay that way for now.

[Loren]

Welcome, liquid ash.

In extremely sensitive (or volatile) family situations, if one doesn't already have a strong sense that it's safe to be open, then patient prudence is often the wisest course. An attitude of watching and waiting can save you from having (and causing) much unnecessary pain.

 

I'd like to encourage you to introduce yourself by telling us your story in your own thread. Don't be shy. We usually only bite rabid Christians.

[-Demona-]

• Mom's civil. Doesn't like it, but isn't offended and tries to be supportive. I live with her right now, so that's a very good thing.
  
• My aunt was shocked and a little frightened for me. She tends to make sarcastic comments about my de-conversion from Christianity into Gnosticism/Paganism. Because she has such a strong personality, I haven't confronted her. She acts like I'm an atheist and has no freakin' clue what I believe.
  
• My uncle doesn't seem to care about my apostasy, and also seems to be mildly amused by my aunt's reaction.
  
• My brother and sister-in-law don't know because we haven't spoken in several years.
  
• My Aunt Viola (uncle's mom) doesn't know either. And I'd like to keep it that way.
  
• My crush and longtime friend Mike knows. Occasionally pokes fun at me for it (but he's an apostate too, so it's not grating).
  
• My ex-boyfriend Garth, a Christian only in name, knows. Whether he actually respects my beliefs or has an issue with them is another matter entirely.
  
• My other friend Christine (a liberal Christian) knows and finds my beliefs interesting. That tolerance will certainly come in handy when we move in together.
  
• Some online friends know as well, and are interested in my explanations. And they're smart enough not to try and convert me.
  
• The public at large, my old church friends, my extended family and fellow college students don't know. It isn't any of their business, anyway.
  

[Christopher Carrion]

Atheist, whole family and all friends perfectly aware, and for the most part couldn;t care less one way or the other.

 

Welcome to England.

[liquid ash]

Welcome, liquid ash.

In extremely sensitive (or volatile) family situations, if one doesn't already have a strong sense that it's safe to be open, then patient prudence is often the wisest course. An attitude of watching and waiting can save you from having (and causing) much unnecessary pain.

 

I'd like to encourage you to introduce yourself by telling us your story in your own thread. Don't be shy. We usually only bite rabid Christians. 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

Thanks Loren. I was thinking about doing that this morning. It might take me a while though. I don't like to write.

[chefranden]

I thought that I was the only religious wacko in my family, but I've just heard that my cousin Bradly had taken the plung and disowned Aunt Marm for being a mere Methodist, and cousin Brian for being nothing.

[Darkenmoon]

My mom has been very supportive of my no matter where I am. I have lost friends over my deconversion. A friend who I believed to be my very close friend no longer has time for me and has pretty much written my off. My closest friend is pretty fundy but he's stuck by me. He doesn't agree with my choice because he worries about me... but he accepts it and doesn't try to convert me. My other family I haven't told because they would try hard to bring me back into the fold and wouldn't respect me or my beliefs at all. =\

[☆ TexasFreethinker ☆]

I still get almost total silence on the subject. Attempts to start a discussion are usually ignored.

[pandora]

Rerun of an old poll.. I am sure there are new posters here since it was last posted, and I am sure some of the responses may be different.

 

If you responded with a Mix or Other, please reply.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

My mom doesn't care, and in fact she likes discussing spirituality with me a lot more now that I am more openminded.

 

My mother in law tells us we are going to hell. Repeatedly, like every time we go over to their house she brings it up in one backhanded way or another. She actually told my husband that he ruined her life. She blames me for the whole ordeal. I think she believes that we will come back to our senses one day, she probably would kill herself if she didn't trust it would happen... she's a very unstable woman. I can't get a read on my father in law-- he seems to be very liberal, but he won't ever admit it to anyone because she might flip out even more. He goes to church so he can play his bass guitar. LOL

 

I lost my best friend from HS for it. I was suppsed to be her maid of honor at a wedding, but she thought I couldnt be a good little Christian and give Christian advice so she fired me and made her new Christian friend of only 3 months her maid of honor. I don't know what she thought I was going to do-- sleep with her husband or what... it was stupid.

[Vigile]

Rerun of an old poll.. I am sure there are new posters here since it was last posted, and I am sure some of the responses may be different.

 

If you responded with a Mix or Other, please reply.

 

My response was that my family fails to engage the issue.

 

In the mind of my mother and father, they think I had a bad experience with church and have left for that reason. My mother once went so far as to apologize for their earlier "legalism," which she thinks turned me off. Actually, I'm not that shallow. Bad experiences and too many rules would not push me into non belief if in fact the original premise of belief were actually true. No, what pushed me into non belief was a study of the facts, the claims, the history, and the lack thereof, revealing the utter nonsense of the beliefs I was raised with. It is true though that they fail to engage the subject with me. They are of the mind that only prayer can reach me and they probably know from experience that I can be a pain in the ass to debate so they don't even try (not to say that I am a master orator, but rather this is an acknowledgment of the fact that I can be pig-headed and opinionated).

 

Mom once sent me the Strobel (spelling?) book in the mail thinking that would convince me of the error in my thought processes. To humour her I started to go through the first few chapters, writing down the types of logical errors in the margins; ad hoc reasoning, red herring, etc. My hand soon grew weary of the exercise though and I gave up after not finding one well-thought out argument worth my time.

 

I really feel sorry for Mom and Dad. They are getting older and they are really good people. My own Christianity stayed in tact as long as it did just because they really have lived lives that represent the ideals of the faith. They are not brash in their beliefs, but are kind, caring individuals. It pains me that they have to endure the belief that their eldest son is going to hell and there is nothing they can do about it. I would that I could deconvert them just so they don't have to endure this mental torture. But alas, my mother would not really understand my thesis and dad would shut me down before I had a chance to begin (he always changes the subject on any debate since he hates to engage). Moreover, religion is their crutch and after more than 60 years their legs have probably atrophied making this crutch in some way necessary. If they and the church could just get over this stupid hell issue at least some of what they believe might be tolerable. But I digress. Sigh...

[imageownershipproblem]

Just got off the phone with my other half.

 

He accepts it. No lectures. No shit. No trying to drag me back. He just accepts it.

 

I dropped the bombshell via snail mail months ago so it was hardly news to him, but this was the first time we actually talked about it.

 

My relationship isn't dead. He didn't leave me. I wasn't stupid to think it wasn't over.

 

He just flat out accepts it.

 

[Ouroboros]

Just got off the phone with my other half.

 

He accepts it. No lectures. No shit. No trying to drag me back. He just accepts it.

 

I dropped the bombshell via snail mail months ago so it was hardly news to him, but this was the first time we actually talked about it.

 

My relationship isn't dead. He didn't leave me. I wasn't stupid to think it wasn't over.

 

He just flat out accepts it.

 

   

 

Well, Congrats then, I'm happy for you, and may things just get better from now on.

[Raul]

Well,I should say that my parents always had a great respect for my personal freedom. That's great and I really love them,because of that. Guess they were a bit troubled for some time,since it wasn't even a traditional form of xtianity (MJ), but mostly didn't care.My father used to joke about "unclean animals" and stuff.

"Indiferent".